


Reconstruction

by Mnemosyne_Elegy



Series: Demon of Redemption and Reconstruction [2]
Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Family, Gen, Learning self-acceptance and forgiveness, Redemption, mending broken relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-13
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2019-09-17 08:54:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 132,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16971597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mnemosyne_Elegy/pseuds/Mnemosyne_Elegy
Summary: Sequel to "Demon of Redemption". Zeref is gone, but things are still in shambles. Gray is stuck trying to rebuild his life and navigate a world that no longer wants him, and his friends have their hands full just trying to convince him that he still belongs. It will take everyone to reconstruct a broken life, but it's Gray who needs to decide who he is and learn how to live again.





	1. After-Acceptance (1)

**Author's Note:**

> This is the sequel to "Demon of Redemption". If you haven't read that, you're going to be very confused ;)
> 
> So, I originally intended this to be a halfhearted series of loosely connected one-shots. What actually happened is that I came up with an overarching main plot thread and a lot of minor plots, and it turned into a huge project and legitimate sequel. I'm dividing it into four main segments, each of which has a slightly different focus. For example, the first segment (which I expect to be the longest) covers a lot of the aftermath and up to the reconciliation with the guild, while Lyon becomes a major player in the second. Honestly, this just covers a lot, and it's going to be long.
> 
> You know how I said it was supposed to be a collection of one-shots? Well, it still kind of is. It's written in the format of one- and two-shots that link together. Some read a bit more like chapters in how they connect, while some are more like standalones but are still positioned along the timeline. Why did I do it that way, aside from being too lazy to write a full chaptered sequel? I get different POVs :D I'd guesstimate that half of these are in Gray's POV, and the others are divided up between other characters. It was interesting to see how different characters perceived things. In the end, this is kind of a hybrid between a multichapter and one-shot collection. I was a little wary of it at first, but it actually worked out surprisingly well.
> 
> And now we start with Natsu. He just wouldn't be Natsu if he didn't ruin the emotional moment XD

* * *

_**Start Segment 1** _

* * *

**After-Acceptance (1)**

* * *

Given everything that had happened over the past several days, Natsu was not surprised that Gray had a strong reaction upon seeing what had happened to his Book. Still, he hadn't expected his friend to start  _bawling_.

Okay, maybe 'bawling' was a strong word. It was really more like a couple tears and damp eyes, but that was still a lot more than Gray would usually show. And honestly, it made Natsu nervous after everything Gray had said and done lately. He'd already been a mess.

"Are you alright?" Natsu took a hesitant step forward to peer at his friend more closely. "Why are you crying?"

Then he yelped as Erza jammed her elbow into his side.

" _Natsu!_ " she hissed in his ear. "It's  _emotional_."

Natsu scowled at her as he rubbed his tender side, wincing at all the aches and pains it kicked up. "Well, I know  _that_. But–"

"I am not," Gray grumbled, a glower gracing his features as he attempted to scrub at his face as surreptitiously as possible.

"Uh, yeah, you are."

"Am not," Gray insisted. Well, at least their arguments hadn't become any less childish despite everything else that had changed. "Tears are silly human things. I have no need of them."

"You cried on Galuna."

"Did not."

"You did, actually," Lucy interrupted. "While Natsu was asleep."

"Did not."

"Wait, while I was asleep? I meant after Deliora fell…ah…never mind…" Natsu winced and trailed off. He'd always had a mouth big enough to stick both feet in at once, and he seemed to do it on a regular basis.

Gray leveled a flat look at him. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Natsu opened his mouth to retort, but then shut it again. No point digging himself into a deeper hole.

"Or after the Games," Erza said. "In the carriage."

A bitter grimace twisted Gray's lips before he half turned away, muttering something about 'damn annoying humans'. Apparently deciding to cut his losses, he returned his attention to the Book in his hands. His fingers traced over the covers and absently ran across the edges of the thick sheaf of papers bound between them.

Natsu was familiar with all that now, having held on to the Book the whole time he was panicking trying to save Gray and through the ensuing conversation. He could practically still feel the worn leather under his fingertips, pitted and scarred with age and abuse. It was unclear how much of the damage was natural, but some of it looked purposeful. Just thinking about it made Natsu wince in sympathy. He still remembered the intense pain when Zeref had damaged his own Book.

Then again, he wasn't sure if some of the damage to Gray's had been caused by Gray himself, after his binding had been severed. It still disturbed Natsu to think that his friend had been actively looking for ways to kill himself.

Gray's hands ghosted over the surface of the Book purposefully, crystalline frost shimmering in their wake as he sealed everything in a layer of ice.

"What are you doing?" Happy asked.

"Taking precautions," Gray grunted as he reached out to hook his fingers into the shadow flared out behind him, teasing it apart. The Book disappeared into the inky maw, and the shadow settled back down again, for all intents and purposes looking like any normal human shadow once more.

Natsu wasn't sure he'd ever get used to seeing Gray do stuff like that. Gray was supposed to use ice, not shadows. Although seeing him manipulate  _fire_ had been even more disconcerting.

"How did you do that?" Natsu asked curiously, eyeing the deceptively ordinary shadow at Gray's feet. "You pulled it out of there before, too."

"Mhm." Gray shrugged, his expression affecting boredom even though his dark eyes were still raging with unidentifiable emotion. "It's basically like Erza's requip storage space, except simpler and using curses rather than magic. Useful for storing objects I need to keep but don't want nosy humans seeing."

"Interesting," Erza murmured. "What else do you keep in there?"

"Just my Book, really. I don't have many important objects to keep around."

Natsu opened his mouth, but was quickly distracted by the whispering behind him. A handful of people—both from Fairy Tail and other guilds—had stumbled upon the gathering sometime between Gray's intended final stand and his recovery, but Natsu hadn't paid them much mind. He had been more preoccupied with desperately searching for a way to keep Gray alive and then get him to wake up again.

But now that things were settling down, he couldn't help but pick up on some of the fearful and discontented grumblings.

"Fairy Tail has really gone off the deep end this time. They're going to get us all killed."

"He's pretty scary…"

"What are we supposed to do with a  _demon_?"

"I don't know… Is this really a good idea? It seems kind of dangerous…"

"I mean, he's not rampaging around right now, but…"

"Should we find some anti-magic cuffs or something to be safe? Or see if we can find someone from the Council to sort this out?"

Gray's lips tightened and he dropped his gaze to the ground. It was unclear whether he was hurt by the words themselves or was unhappy that his worries about the other guilds turning on Fairy Tail were already proving correct, but either way, Natsu wasn't happy about it. After everything they had been through, everything Gray had been through, the last thing they needed was people making things worse. And although Natsu understood why people weren't entirely sure what to make of Gray,  _no one_ got to talk about his best friend like that.

Natsu rounded on the malcontents, eyes blazing and mouth opening as he prepared to chew them out. Erza, discerning his intentions, put a restraining hand on his arm and gave the objects of his ire a hard look of her own.

"Just because Zeref is dead doesn't mean that everything is over," she said coolly, her eyes gleaming with tightly-controlled anger as they swept over the small gathering of mages. "I believe that the Spriggans have been taken out by now, but there are still foot soldiers all over the place. Why don't you go make yourselves useful and clean up the remnants of the mess? Once you've done that, I'm sure there are plenty of injured mages who could use some help, and then maybe you can get a little rest before we have to get to work rebuilding the city."

It was impossible not to be intimidated by Erza when she started handing out cold, no-nonsense orders like that. Several people nodded or offered muttered agreement, before hurriedly backing up and disappearing into the maze of ruined streets. A few others, whose instincts of self-preservation were not quite as developed, hesitated a moment too long.

" _Go!_ " Erza growled, eyes flashing angrily.

The stragglers practically tripped over each other in their haste to get away. As they hurried off, Erza shook her head and turned back to the others, dropping her hand from Natsu's arm.

Gray had watched the proceedings with a face so expressionless that it would be easy to assume he hadn't even heard the murmurings. Except that Natsu knew he had. His face was a little  _too_ expressionless, everything tightly controlled. It wasn't  _entirely_ alien since Gray had mastered that flat, unreadable look a long time ago and employed it to great effect ever since when the situation called for it, but something about it reminded Natsu of how much his friend had suddenly changed.

Well, maybe it was even more disconcerting to not know whether or not it was a real change. Had Gray really been like this all along but hidden it? Or was it something he was affecting because he was still trying to distance himself from everyone else? Or, perhaps, he had spent the past days trying to merge the two sides of his personality together as best he could?

Natsu couldn't believe that everything from before had been a lie, but he also had the feeling that the changes in Gray were just as real. Some of those changes might have come about from all the drama and heartache of the past few days, but, having been Awakened and gaining a slightly different perspective because of it, Natsu suspected that Gray had a lot of conflicting impulses and worldviews to try fitting together into a single coherent personality. It might be a long time before he figured it out, and Natsu wasn't sure if he would ever really be the same. That was kind of sad because Natsu missed the old Gray, but he would still stand by his friend no matter how things ended up.

"Have you come up with your cover story yet?" Gray asked, turning to Mavis as the last of the stragglers disappeared from view.

"Cover story?" she asked with a frown. "What cover story?"

Gray rolled his eyes and backed up a step or two so that he could lean against the crumbling remnants of what had once been the wall of a building. He was still keeping up that cool, unreadable façade, but the way he carried himself screamed of exhaustion and pain.

"Your story for how I got out of prison and why I helped you instead of killing everyone. I told you to come up with one, remember?"

Mavis clicked her tongue impatiently and shook her head. "Yes, yes, I remember. But honestly, what's so bad about the truth? You killed Zeref and didn't hurt anyone else. It will be hard for everyone to overlook that."

"If you say so. But to be safe, decide what kind of deal you made with me to keep me from turning on you. It'll help appease the Council a little."

"Wait," Lyon interrupted, his eyes narrowing, "I thought there  _was_ a deal? You told me that you made a deal with Fairy Tail."

Natsu gave him a wary look. Lyon might have started coming around eventually to offer Gray something that he probably needed, but it was hard to forget that he carried a lot of hate and could become a threat. Natsu could sort of sympathize, but his priority was still Gray.

"Oh?" Gray tilted his head to study Lyon. "I guess I did, didn't I? I needed you to stop attacking me and get back to the real fight." He raised an eyebrow at Mavis and added, "See? Best create a bargain."

Mavis shook her head. "I think the truth will work well enough. Anyway, isn't it better for them to know that you did all this of your own free will and not because you were forced into it?"

"You'd think, but no," Gray disagreed. "It's a measure of extra security for everyone else, in the same way that letting them think their anti-magic cuffs and jails would contain me was a way for them to feel like they were in control. It's a false sense of security and illusory control, but it means that they don't fear me the same way they would if they knew the truth. They want reassurance that I  _can't_ turn around and kill them, which is where this bargain would come in. Otherwise, they're going to want to find a way to lock me up or put bindings on me to get that guarantee."

Natsu frowned, not having considered that before. It seemed more cut and dry to him—someone who had done so much to help them without getting anything out of it or being forced into it must be on their side and therefore a friend. Why need reassurance or guarantees when Gray had already proven himself to be an ally? If he'd gone all this time without killing anyone despite everything they'd done to him, had even nearly killed himself to help them, then obviously he wasn't going to turn around and randomly attack someone now.

"Wait," Lyon said, "what do you mean that anti-magic cuffs don't hold you?"

Everyone ignored him.

"But that would still be lying," Natsu reasoned. "Why not just tell them the truth and make them deal with it? You could've killed everyone any time you wanted to, but didn't. Why would you start now?"

"Because I'm a demon, and demons can't be trusted," Gray said dryly. "You might be silly enough to think otherwise, but most people are not. It doesn't matter what 'proof' you offer them. They want an absolute guarantee that I can't turn on them."

"People are dumb," Natsu muttered.

"I see your point," Mavis said with a thoughtful frown. "At the same time, it doesn't feel right to deliberately turn you into a villain or untrustworthy character when you've proven to be anything but. We don't need you to be our scapegoat. I still think it would be enough to capitalize on how you killed Zeref."

Gray huffed impatiently and shook his head. "I made sure my magical signature covered over everything in the jail, so it's really obvious that I broke out by myself and not so obvious that anyone else was ever down there. At the very least, don't tell anyone that my idiot team came after me. And if…" He trailed off and frowned at a point on the ground. "Actually… You know what, maybe you're right. If we tell mostly the truth… Hm, let me tell the story, though."

His eyes had taken on that coldly calculating cast again, and Natsu could practically see the plan forming in his mind. It was half reassuring and half worrisome. Gray had proven himself capable of formulating intricate and successful plans, but those plans hadn't always been to his benefit. Natsu hoped that this plan wasn't going to be one of those self-destructive ones.

"Oh?" Mavis asked. "And what–?"

"Let me think it through," Gray interrupted, drumming pale fingers against his leg. "I think I might know how to spin it to tell enough of the truth but not get myself thrown in prison for eternity. Just trust me to handle it, yeah?"

There were a few rather reluctant nods. Natsu just shrugged it off. He wasn't one for planning anyway, and Gray seemed to have a better idea of how to handle the situation than he did.

"Will it be a problem that there were bystanders for part of this?" Lucy asked. She threw a glance back over her shoulder, at where their unwanted company had disappeared shortly before.

"…Maybe."

Erza smiled grimly. "I can hunt them down and make sure they don't talk."

Natsu shivered. Some people were about to be very traumatized.

"Or if we found Mest-san, we could ask him to wipe any sensitive information from their memories," Wendy suggested in a small voice.

"That…is actually brilliant," Gray said. "As long as we remember who they are and can find them again."

"Don't worry," Erza said with that huntress's smile. "I can find them."

Poor suckers.

"Actually," Natsu said, "why don't we just wipe everyone's memories of the whole demon thing? Problem solved."

He thought it was a very convenient solution, but Gray gave him a withering look. "Really? Do you have any idea of the scope of what you're proposing? Aside from having to rewrite huge chunks of memory, it would be a pain to figure out what to fill all the gaps with and we'd have to come up with new explanations for  _everything_. And I'm pretty sure half the continent knows about the 'whole demon thing' by now. No, it would be a huge mess. The less we have to tamper with people's minds, the better.

"It would work best if we just made anyone who was here after Zeref's death conveniently forget they were here at all. It'll be alright if they saw the fight, but it would be best if they didn't know any potentially incriminating information that came to light after."

"Whatever," Natsu muttered.

"We'll take care of it," Wendy said.

Gray smiled tiredly. "Thanks."

"And now," Porlyusica interrupted, her voice dripping with venom, "go get some rest before you overexert yourself and I have to waste more time and resources tending to you while I should be helping other wounded mages."

Natsu thought Gray would protest since he hated being ordered around or directed to rest, but the ice mage just nodded his agreement. Come to think of it, it was actually pretty amazing that he was still standing at all. Even ignoring all the injuries from his earlier fights and from Natsu himself, Gray had taken serious damage while defeating Zeref. And given the horrible state his body had been in afterwards… Natsu shook his head to banish the memories of blood and death and mangled limbs.

His gaze was drawn to a point behind Gray almost of its own accord. He wasn't sure that Gray had actually noticed the shallow crater several yards away, marred with scorch marks and death and blackened ice. Zeref's body was still there. Natsu couldn't see it from here, but he well remembered the barely recognizable mess of charred skin and broken limbs and dribbling blood. Gray hadn't looked much better, but Wendy and Porlyusica were truly miracle workers.

Natsu tore his gaze away, not really wanting to think about Zeref. It was still hard to figure out what to make of the black mage. He had been evil and had done truly horrific things, but he had also apparently been family. Natsu wondered what it might have been like if things had been different.

"What about the guild?" Makarov was saying, and Natsu realized that he had been zoning out.

"I saw it not too long ago and it was still standing," Cana offered. "Well, there's definitely a lot of damage, but most of the basic structure is intact."

"Then maybe that will work, at least for now. It'll be good to keep the injured close to home instead of sending them out into the city while Alvarez's soldiers are still running around."

"And make sure the dragon slayer goes along and stays down too," Porlyusica grumbled.

Natsu's head snapped up. "But–"

"After all the work I put into fixing you up, you  _will_ rest instead of undoing it all," she snapped.

Natsu shrank back a little. She was still scary as hell. And yet…

"But there are still bad guys running around and–"

"And you will leave less injured mages to finish taking care of that."

Okay, so Natsu had taken a lot of damage from Acnologia and Gray, and Porlyusica had spent some time bandaging up all his wounds after she'd managed to get Gray to a mostly stable condition. And sure, Natsu was exhausted and his body ached all over. But sitting out of a fight? How was he supposed to sleep off injuries while everyone else was having fun beating up bad guys?

"We'll make sure they both get some rest," Erza said. "Lucy, Happy, and I will take them back to the guild."

"But–"

Erza grabbed Natsu's arm and pulled him around so that they weren't facing the others. Natsu squawked in surprise, but she just gave him a solemn look and leaned in, lowering her voice.

"You're injured," she said quietly. "More than that, Gray is even  _more_ injured. Lucy and I will need to help with the cleanup process, but Gray can't right now. He can barely stand, much less fight, and with how much magic he used, I doubt he could even defend himself properly. If someone stumbles on him, he has no way to keep himself safe. Even aside from the last of the Alvarez soldiers, anyone from the guilds who runs across him might be a threat. If you won't sit this out because of your own injuries, then do it for his. He shouldn't be alone right now."

Natsu had the feeling that Erza was playing this up to convince him to get some rest, but it was hard to deny that she was also right. Gray was in no shape to be fighting, and with how much hostility everyone had shown toward him…

"Fine," Natsu grumbled.

A faint smile ghosted over Erza's face. "Thank you."

She turned back, and Natsu followed her lead. Gray was sauntering toward them—well, as much as he  _could_ saunter, given that he also had a very pronounced limp—with an unreadable expression on his face. Erza stepped forward to carefully wrap an arm around him and help him along. Although Gray's eyes flashed with irritation, he just grimaced and reluctantly leaned against her for support. Well, that was a pretty clear sign that he was reaching his limits.

"Hey, has anyone seen the Book of E.N.D.?" Mavis asked suddenly.

Natsu frowned and spun in a slow circle as he searched the ground, swaying slightly as his injuries flared up again. He thought he might have noticed the Book while he had been grabbing Gray's, but at that point he had been so panicked and in so much of a rush that he hadn't been paying much attention to anything else. Whatever the case, it wasn't there now.

There was a chorus of negative responses as everyone looked around but failed to find the missing artifact. That was weird. Where could it have disappeared to?

"Have you seen it?" he asked Gray.

"I've been out of commission," the ice mage said with a shrug, before pointing over at a spot on the ground. "I tossed it somewhere over there."

"Well, it's not there now."

"I'd noticed."

"Will that be a problem?" Mavis asked. "I'd think it would be better not to have something like that go missing."

Gray shrugged again. "Natsu isn't bound to it anymore. For all intents and purposes, it's just an old book. I wouldn't worry about it too much."

Mavis didn't seem entirely satisfied, but had no choice but to let it go when several minutes of searching failed to turn up the missing Book. Erza eventually announced that she and the team were leaving, presumably because Gray looked like he might collapse at any second. Although Natsu was a little disconcerted by his Book going missing, he didn't protest. Gray could desperately use some rest. And so could Natsu himself, even though he'd rather die than admit it.

He was even exhausted enough that he only put up token protests when Lucy gave him much the same treatment Erza was giving Gray. He'd tolerate Lucy and Happy's fussing for now, if only because he was too tired to put up much of a fight.

The team moved slowly, since every step was a struggle for the boys. The devastation they passed through was not an encouraging sight. Some parts of the city were relatively less damaged than others, but some were just smoking ruins and rubble. Thankfully the legions of Alvarez soldiers seemed to have been reduced somewhat, and the team did its best to avoid the remnants of the army.

Natsu also didn't fail to notice how Erza had positioned Gray in such a way that he was to the inside of the group, and how she was careful to conceal him with her body as best she could if they stumbled across any other mages. Gray didn't comment, but Natsu thought it kind of sucked that they had to be so worried about someone turning on him at any moment.

"Get back!" Erza hissed, dragging Gray down behind some rubble and motioning for the others to do the same.

Natsu was all for joining in on the fight they had just stumbled upon, but Lucy yanked him down and gave him a disapproving look. He huffed in irritation, while Happy watched with no little amusement. Erza and Gray took advantage of the cover to crawl along the base of the ruined wall until they could slip around a corner and the group of warring mages and soldiers disappeared from view. Natsu reluctantly followed, if only because Lucy kept a tight grip on his arm. She was no fun.

"Not fair," he grumbled as they started down the next street over to avoid the fight. "There are still all these bad guys I could be fighting right now, but  _nooo_. How come everyone else gets to have all the fun?"

Erza shot him a hard look, Lucy sighed, and Happy snickered, but it was Gray who spoke.

"Calm yourself, flame brain," he said, eyes glittering with amusement and lips curved into a faint smirk. "I already did a number on you."

"Hey!" Natsu scowled at him. "I did worse to you, so there!"

He felt bad as soon as the words left his mouth. Suddenly all he could see were the bandages wrapped over half of his friend and the ugly burns stretched across his skin. Natsu hadn't done all of that damage—Gray had been in other fights before, not to mention his stunt with Zeref—but he had done quite a bit of it. The memories from his time Awake were a bit hazy, but he could still remember the feeling of bone crunching, the smell of singed skin, Gray's cries of pain and the hopeless grief in his eyes. That didn't really seem like anything to brag about.

But Gray just flashed him a sly grin. "I did even worse to myself, so I win either way."

Natsu winced. He didn't really think that was anything to brag about either. He might have said so, too, if Happy hadn't interrupted.

"Are you going back to normal, then?" the Exceed asked, giving Gray a hopeful look.

"Normal?"

"You know, how you sometimes get all weird, but now you're acting more like yourself again. Teasing Natsu and everything. So you'll go back to normal?"

The smile slid off Gray's face, and the humor in his eyes withdrew until it was something old and dark that looked back at them again. "Unlikely," he said expressionlessly, his lips tightening as he stumbled and had to lean on Erza more heavily. "I fear that is no longer practical, nor feasible. It is to be expected that such dramatic upheaval will necessitate assimilation and certain behavioral and psychological modifications."

"English?" Happy asked, his face scrunching up into a frown.

"Things change," Gray said flatly. "People change. I have just changed more than the rest of you."

The girls exchanged looks and Happy opened his mouth, but Natsu hurried to forestall them.

"And now you're back to talking like a dictionary," he said with a huff. "Awesome."

Gray eyed him for a moment, before a sly smile tugged at the corners of his lips again and the flatness in his eyes retreated a little. Although, given the fact that he also darted a quick glance at Happy, his sudden return to good cheer might have been mostly for the benefit of the others.

"You think  _I_ sound like a dictionary?" Gray asked, grinning. "You should have heard Invel." Throwing his arms out dramatically and almost dislodging Erza in the process, he adopted a mocking tone as he recited, "'Your paltry chill is naught before my winter.'"

He started snickering as he readjusted his position and limped along by Erza's side. Natsu blinked at him, trying to work through that.

"The hell is that even supposed to mean?" he asked finally.

"That he wasn't impressed with my molding. You should have seen his face when I broke out the devil slayer stuff. Priceless." Gray's overly smug expression faded and he sobered, a frown stealing over his face. "Speaking of him, someone should really go restrain him and the other Spriggans before they wander off and start making more trouble. He's just unconscious since I decided not to kill him at the last second, so he'll wake up eventually."

Lucy shot him a look. "What do you mean, you decided not to kill him at the last second?"

"I almost did," Gray said with a shrug, his eyes suddenly flat and cold again.

"Why?" Happy asked, eyes wide.

"Why not?" Gray asked coldly. It was moments like this when he looked the least human, when he could speak with so little emotion and his eyes glittered with that inhuman darkness.

"That's horrible," Lucy breathed. "You know better than that. You're better than that, Gray."

He met her eyes with a dead, unwavering stare. "Am I?"

"Didn't you say that you started losing control after Invel tried to bind you or something?" Erza asked, clearly unimpressed by Gray's sudden personality shift. Natsu decided that he was going to call them demon-y mood swings from now on. "That that's what started the Awakening process? That's why, right?"

"Mm." Gray fixed his eyes on the debris littering the ground, picking his way around it as the team peered around the corner to make sure they weren't about to walk into another fight. "Yes, well. I nearly killed him. And Juvia. And everyone else."

"But that's not really your fault," Erza said gently, letting her breath out in a soft sigh. "I know how hard you were fighting to keep yourself together. You can only do so much, Gray. You did what you could, and, in the end, you won."

Something unreadable flashed in Gray's eyes before he turned his face away. He didn't respond, just struggled on silently, his posture stiff and unyielding. Natsu sighed, realizing that he was shutting down on them again.

"Where even are we?" he asked, before anyone could start pestering Gray again. Natsu might not be that observant, but he knew when Gray was done talking. "Everything kind of looks the same when it's all equally wrecked."

Magnolia, once bright and full of life, looked more like a post-apocalyptic warzone than anything else. Here and there a building or two still stood, battered and bruised, but most hadn't survived the mages' war. Natsu was suddenly glad that they'd had time to evacuate the civilians even though Eileen had shown up earlier than expected. It would have been a bloodbath.

"We're getting there," Lucy grumbled, shaking her head. "If you actually paid attention, then you might be able to tell…"

Natsu opened his mouth to defend himself, but then Happy hissed out a warning and the team ducked into a nearby alley as heavy footsteps began approaching at a fast pace. The dragon slayer caught a glimpse of half a dozen men in Alvarez colors turning the corner and running down the street in their direction, but then the shadows of the alleyway flared up into a mass that swathed the entrance.

"Hey, wha–?"

Gray's hand shot out and clamped over Natsu's mouth.

"Hush," the ice mage growled in a low voice. "Just because they can't see us doesn't mean they can't hear us."

Natsu briefly considered biting his friend's hand, but Gray pulled it away as if he could hear the dragon slayer's thoughts. Natsu settled for giving him a glare, but waited in silence with the rest of the team until the footsteps retreated and Gray released the shadows again.

"How do you even have any magic left?" Happy asked.

"I don't," Gray rasped. "Probably not a great idea to be using my curses while I'm running on empty, either, but I don't really feel like getting drawn into a fight right now."

"Well, stop that," Erza said with a scowl. "You're supposed to be resting."

"Hard to rest when I'm being dragged all over the ci…ty…" Gray trailed off, his voice taking on a funny inflection, and pulled away from Erza to sway and lean against the wall of the alley. He hung his head and closed his eyes, drawing in a deep breath.

"Hey, are you okay?" Lucy asked, finally finding something other than Natsu's injuries to fuss over.

"Mm…yeah… Give me…a second," Gray mumbled, his words slurred slightly.

No matter what the others asked, he refused to respond to them for a full minute before he finally opened his eyes and pushed himself away from the wall. He swayed again and Erza quickly wrapped an arm around him, adding a quick apology when she brushed against one injury or another and he hissed in pain.

"Are you alright?" she asked.

"You gonna faint?" Natsu asked bluntly. "'Cause I, for one, don't feel like hauling you all the way back to the guild."

" _Natsu!_ " Lucy hissed, elbowing him painfully.

"Ow," he complained.

Gray sighed. "I'm fine, just lightheaded."

"Why?"

"From the exsanguination, I'd expect." Gray shrugged and took an unsteady step forward, Erza helping him along as she kept a watchful eye on him.

"Huh?" Natsu asked as the team slipped out of the alley and resumed their trek. "What is ex…sang…something-something?"

"Exsanguination." Gray looked over, amusement flickering in his eyes, and suddenly his demon-y mood swing seemed to have reverted back again. "Noun. The action or process of draining or losing blood. Severe blood loss."

Natsu pulled a face. "Geez, now you even sound like you're reciting dictionary definitions on top of using fancy words. What, do you read dictionaries for fun?"

"You'd be surprised," Gray said, the corners of his lips quirking upward. "I was very dedicated to learning your language. I suspect that I know it far better than you do, and I've only been speaking it for half as long."

Natsu's face scrunched up as he stared at his friend in bewilderment. Gray had always been something of an enigma, but he had become about a thousand times more incomprehensible over the past few days.

"You know," the dragon slayer said finally, "I think I actually preferred it back when you couldn't talk."

" _Natsu!_ " Erza and Lucy said in unison, giving him nearly identical looks of horrified outrage. Even Happy had the nerve to look affronted.

Natsu just scowled. Okay, so maybe he shouldn't make fun of Gray's mutilated speech when he'd first woken up. It had actually been pretty heart-stoppingly terrifying for a few minutes, if only because they hadn't known what was wrong with him. But still.

Then Natsu winced and darted a look at Gray, suddenly worried that he had managed to initiate another demon-y mood swing. Thankfully, Gray's eyes were still shining with amusement.

"But then who would put you in your place?" he asked, grinning.

Natsu rolled his eyes, but Erza shushed him as they snuck around another group of dueling mages. He was finally getting an idea of where they were. The buildings in this part of the city had weathered the war much better than in the sector they had just been walking through. They had certainly sustained damage, but many more of them were still standing. It would be a pain to repair them all, but it was better than nothing.

The team fell into an uneasy silence as they picked their way through the debris-strewn streets and kept an eye out for enemies or any other potential threats. Gray's good humor had melted away into what seemed to be a haze of exhaustion and pain. His face was set in hard lines and his eyes had a faraway look, giving the impression that he wasn't paying much attention anymore. Even Natsu found himself starting to zone out as his injuries and weariness began catching up with him in earnest.

Thankfully the rest of their journey was short and uneventful, and the next thing he knew, Lucy was pulling him into the guild hall. It was a little worse for wear, half the roof of the main room torn off and plenty of splintered wood to spare, but it was still standing. And honestly, considering how many times it had been destroyed before and how much damage it could take just from Natsu and Gray's fights, it wasn't even really that bad.

They made their way to the backroom, which turned out to be intact.

"You can stay here and get some sleep," Erza said, looking around in satisfaction.

"Although it doesn't look very comfortable…" Lucy said doubtfully.

Gray shrugged and pulled away from Erza to stagger a few paces and sink to the ground with his back pressed against the wall. "I've spent the last God knows how many days stuck in a cell, so this is practically five-star accommodations. And flame brain over there could fall asleep in five seconds flat no matter how uncomfortable the conditions were. I think we'll manage."

The others exchanged looks but nodded.

"We're going to help with the cleanup, but we'll be hanging around the guild," Erza said. "Shout if you need us. We won't go far. Happy will wait right outside to keep an eye out for anyone coming."

"And don't leave," Lucy added, giving Gray an anxious look. "We meant it that we'd figure things out."

"I can barely move," Gray grumbled, a scowl stealing over his face. "I couldn't run off even if I wanted to."

"Well… Just make sure to get some rest. You guys have been through a lot."

Happy and the girls finally left, although there were many backward glances on the way out. Natsu sighed and stretched out, even though the floor was hard and uncomfortable. He was tired enough that he'd undoubtedly fall asleep anyway.

Apparently Gray could too, given that he had spent a few moments looking for the position that would least aggravate his injuries and then settled down, half curled up in what looked like a rather awkward position to Natsu. Natsu watched him silently for all of two seconds before he couldn't contain himself anymore.

"Are you sure it's not a problem that my Book is missing?"

"Yes," Gray mumbled, not opening his eyes. "You aren't bound to it anymore."

"But you weren't bound to your Book when you started Awakening…"

That startled Gray's eyes open. He furrowed his brow, eyes going glassy as he thought it through. An edge of uncertainty hung about him for a few seconds, but then he seemed to shrug it off.

"It took something pretty drastic to initiate an Awakening in me," he said. "Invel's binding was incredibly strong. Ninety-nine percent of magics wouldn't be strong enough for that. And anyway, you're different. I'd think it would be even harder to catalyze an Awakening in you now that you're double-bound to your body again. I'm not sure it's even possible, honestly. I was pretty thorough about severing you from all the demonic stuff. You don't have the same disadvantages I do."

"But–"

"Don't worry about the Book, flame brain."

Natsu was silent for a long moment before saying, "I really hope you're right. It was really horrible, being out of control and two seconds away from killing anyone and everyone. I can't imagine having been Awake for as long as you."

Gray sighed, picking up on Natsu's sympathy. "When you were Awake, did it bother you that you were tearing Acnologia apart and might kill anyone who crossed your path?"

"Well, no…"

"Then why would it have bothered me?" Gray asked coldly, his eyes going flat again.

Natsu winced. It might not have bothered him  _while_ he was Awake, but it had definitely bothered him once he'd snapped out of it. He had a feeling that it would haunt him for a long time.

_Even if it didn't bother you then, it's so, so obvious that it bothers you now…_

"But–"

"Go to sleep," Gray interrupted, closing his eyes and tilting his head away.

Natsu gnawed on the inside of his cheek, knowing he should leave this alone but finding himself unable to. Usually he would have no problem ignoring mushy emotional things, but after getting a glimpse into the horror that was Gray's life, he found it impossible to pretend that it had never happened.

"It was really…scary," he said into the silence, even though the admission made some part of him wither and die in shame. "Knowing that I could have killed anyone."

Gray sighed wearily, apparently resigning himself to assuaging Natsu's fears before being able to get some much needed sleep. "On the bright side, the only one you actually killed was Acnologia. It could have been a lot worse."

That wasn't reassuring. It was true that Acnologia was a real threat and killing him might have been the only way to get rid of him for good, but… Yes, Natsu felt a vicious satisfaction at getting revenge on Igneel's murderer, but it was still disturbing to realize that he had killed someone simply because he  _had_  to. That wasn't something to be treated lightly.

"Yeah, but what if Lucy had run over?" he asked. "Or if I had killed  _you_? Or if you hadn't been able to stop me?"

"Natsu, you didn't have a choice, not really." Gray pillowed his head on his arm and let his gaze drift to the ceiling. "It would have been horrible, I'm not saying that it wouldn't be, but it wouldn't really be your fault, either. If you want to blame anyone, blame Zeref. He fucked up a lot of people's lives."

"I know." Natsu tried to bore a hole into Gray's skull with the intensity of his gaze. "So why do you still blame yourself for everything? Because I've experienced an Awakening, and I know that you had no choice. How can it be your fault if you had no say in the matter?"

Gray jerked in surprise, his gaze snapping to meet Natsu's. For a second there was something raw and vulnerable in his eyes, but then his face rearranged itself into hard, unyielding lines.

"Go the hell to sleep already," he growled, flipping over so that he wasn't facing Natsu anymore.

Natsu stared at his friend's back, absently noting that his attempts at comfort hadn't gone very well. Gray had always been a stubborn idiot.

"Gray…"

"For the love of– What  _now_?"

"Are you  _sure_ that I can't Awaken again? Because I really don't want to."

"Is this about the Book again? It's not an issue, flame brain. Relax."

"It's just… I don't want… I, uh…"

Despite himself, Gray rolled back over with a wince, apparently hearing something in Natsu's voice. Maybe that edge of fear or pain or uncertainty. Because even if this Awakening business had only lasted a few minutes for Natsu, it had entirely changed everything, flipped the world upside down. To have his free will taken away in the blink of an eye, lose his ability to reason and make decisions, have no choice or conscience about things he would normally never do… It had truly shaken him, and he couldn't believe how nonchalant Gray could act about the whole thing even though it obviously bothered him too.

Natsu felt a new kind of kinship with his friend now that they had shared such a horrible experience and gained an intimate understanding about it. And a new kind of respect, too, if only because Natsu had no idea how Gray was strong enough to keep his sanity intact. Or even because of how long the ice mage had staved off his own Awakening. Natsu had been able to fight his off for a few seconds when Gray had gotten through to him, but that had been almost impossibly difficult and he doubted he would have been able to hold on much longer. He had no idea how Gray had managed to hold out for so long.

"I'm sorry that it even happened in the first place," Gray said. "I was supposed to get your Book before Zeref had the chance to open it." Natsu opened his mouth to protest that it wasn't Gray's fault, but found that he couldn't form the words when he was caught in the ice mage's gaze. Gray's eyes were so fierce and determined, yet almost gentle at the same time. "Natsu, I will not let that happen again. You are safe now. From that, at least. While you are under my protection, I will do everything in my power to prevent it. You will not Awaken again."

Natsu swallowed hard. Maybe he shouldn't find that as reassuring as he did, if only because he wasn't entirely sure that Gray could really follow through on that promise. But it was comforting anyway, and made him feel…safe. Because he believed that Gray meant every word he said. Although Natsu would usually rail against the idea of being protected by his rival, this felt different. Warmer.

"But who will protect you?" he whispered before he thought better of it.

The genuine warmth on Gray's face disappeared as his expression closed off. "Go to sleep."

"We're still here if you need us, too. Me and the rest of the guild. We don't want anything to happen to you either. Because that's horrible and you don't deserve it and we'll fight for you too."

There was a long, heavy pause.

"…Go to sleep, squinty eyes."

One corner of Natsu's mouth twitched upward. The return of the nicknames was surely a good thing. Maybe Gray had gotten the message, even if he wouldn't acknowledge it. But there was one last thing…

"Gray?"

"If I could move, I would strangle you right now."

Natsu choked back a laugh at Gray's grumpiness, but quickly sobered again. "Thank you."

For a long moment, nothing moved and silence hung heavy over the room. Then Gray opened his eyes and studied Natsu. Natsu thought he'd probably just brush this off like he'd done earlier, but then he sighed.

"Yeah," he said quietly. "And thank you too, flame brain."

Natsu drew in a breath, but Gray scowled and flipped back over.

" _Go to sleep_."

Natsu smiled and stayed silent, listening until Gray's breathing evened out and he was sure his friend was asleep. Rolling onto his back, he wriggled about to look for a less uncomfortable position on the floor, and then settled down to stare up at the ceiling blankly until his drowsiness finally started overtaking him in earnest.

"You're welcome," he whispered around a yawn. "And goodness knows I wish you could see what we see when we look at you, you lovable idiot."


	2. After-Rejection (2)

**After-Rejection (2)**

* * *

Natsu woke with a gasp, the scent of burning skin lingering in his nostrils and the taste of blood in his mouth. He sat up abruptly and scanned the area, trying to figure out what had happened. Taking a deep breath, he blinked back the images of burning destruction and death—it had just been a nightmare, he hadn't actually killed anyone or been Awake—and forced himself to calm down.

This was…the backroom of the guild. Right, he remembered the girls bringing him and Gray back here to rest. His gaze automatically jumped to where Gray had been sleeping, and he breathed a sigh of relief when he realized that his friend was still there. Not that he was entirely expecting Gray to run off when he was so injured, but… Well, the ice mage had made it clear that he wasn't sure he wanted to stay here when his presence would cause so many problems.

Natsu crawled forward a few paces to get a better look at his friend, wincing as he pulled at his injuries. He just had to double-check… Well, Gray was breathing, his chest rising and falling slightly with each breath, so he was alive, at least. He looked a lot more peaceful, a lot less demon-y and a lot more Gray, when he was asleep and his face was relaxed instead of set in unyielding lines. At some point he had rolled onto his back—which, if you asked Natsu, would have been the most comfortable position to start with, given the broken ribs—so Natsu had a very clear view of all the damage.

The burns scattered over his chest and disappearing under the bandages were particularly horrifying, not only because Gray was an ice mage and should never be burned like that, but because those were things that Natsu had done. Most of the actual wounds were covered by the bandages, although large crimson splotches were bleeding through the gauze now, but Gray's chest and arms were a mess of pale skin and dried blood and grime. It was a reminder that he  _should_ be dead.

Natsu had the sudden urge to shake Gray awake, so strong that he had to sit on his hands to resist temptation. Because Gray was  _probably_ just sleeping, but Natsu needed to make sure. What Gray didn't seem to understand was that his miraculous resurrection hadn't been as simple as being rebound to his Book and then waking up a little disoriented a few minutes later.

No, it hadn't been that simple. Even aside from Natsu having no idea what he was doing and fighting for a one in a million shot that he had only a half-second to get right, the entire process had left them with a Gray half a step away from death's door anyway. Not even counting all his previous injuries, Gray had nearly torn himself apart killing Zeref, and Zeref had used more than a little of his own magic on Gray.

And once Gray was bound to his Book again, he was no longer immortal. Having sustained more than enough damage to kill any human, he had nearly succumbed just as soon as they had thought they'd saved him. That Wendy had shown up shortly before his final stand was what he owed his life to, at that point. She had used a massive amount of magic trying to undo the internal injuries he had garnered from his devil slayer magic and the damage from that final fight with Zeref. She had spent a long time panicking over him, but thankfully Porlyusica had shown up several minutes later to help tend some of the injuries Wendy didn't have enough magic to heal. And given that Gray had stopped breathing more than once before he woke up, it had been a stroke of luck that the healers were there to resuscitate and stabilize him.

Natsu didn't know how long they had waited, unsure if Gray would ever wake up or would stay in his coma-like, near-death state forever, but it had felt like an eternity.

So even though Gray was technically breathing now, that didn't mean he would actually wake up. He  _probably_ hadn't slipped back into a coma,  _probably_ wasn't hovering just between life and death,  _probably_ was just asleep, but Natsu had too many memories of a time when it had been different.

Sliding his hand out from under his leg, Natsu reached out hesitantly, his hand hovering just above Gray's shoulder. He could wake Gray up, and maybe everything would be okay and his friend would wake up normal like the old Gray instead of a demon.

But that was a fantasy, and Natsu knew better. Nothing was going to magically undo the past days, and they were just going to have to learn to accept that Gray was different. It would be a different pair of eyes that looked back at Natsu if he shook Gray awake now. And that was okay, but Natsu wanted to preserve the illusion a little longer.

But still, he really needed to make sure that Gray  _would_ wake up. Old Gray, new Gray, whichever. As long as it was  _Gray_.

At the same time, Gray really needed his sleep right now. He had clearly been exhausted and worn out and emotionally drained, and he was plenty injured. So was Natsu, and he almost wanted to curl up and go back to sleep too, but he needed to know what was going on now that he was awake. He had no idea how long he'd been asleep or what had happened during that time, and he suddenly realized that it might be important to figure that out as soon as possible, given that they might still technically be embroiled in a war. Maybe there were still bad guys to fight!

Pulling some of his focus away from Gray, he became aware of the soft murmuring of voices from the other room. Oh, maybe the guild had regrouped. That was good. Natsu gave his sleeping friend one last look and pulled himself to his feet unsteadily, hissing softly in pain as he started for the door.

One of the voices sharpened, rising angrily, and was followed by a chorus of other tense voices. Natsu's heart sank as he realized what must be going on. If the guild had regrouped, then they were probably discussing Gray. He darted another glance at the ice mage, but then took a deep breath and opened the door a crack, slipping into the main portion of the guild hall and shutting the door quietly behind him.

The guild seemed to be more or less intact, although no one had escaped the war unscathed. At least everyone seemed to have had their wounds treated, even though it looked like they'd gotten some pretty nasty ones. Everyone looked exhausted and in pain.

And angry.

"But he's still dangerous," Gajeel was saying, his voice practically a growl. He leaned against the far wall heavily, his arms crossed over his chest as he scowled at Levy.

"He's not trying to hurt anyone, though," Levy retorted. The exhaustion on her face was outshone only by her righteous indignation. Bracing her hands on her hips, she drew herself up to her full—if unimpressive—height to glower right back.

"He's still a threat."

"He's our  _friend_ ," Natsu interrupted, glaring daggers at Gajeel as he began limping over to where Lucy, Erza, and Happy were sitting at one of the tables that hadn't been splintered in the fighting.

The rest of the team looked worse for wear and furious to boot, but turned their attention to Natsu. Lucy jumped up to grab his arm and help him the last few steps to take a seat with them, and Happy immediately hopped over to settle by his side.

"How are you feeling?" the Exceed asked anxiously.

"I'm fine," Natsu said, keeping his gaze locked on Gajeel. "What did I miss?"

"You were out for a long time," Lucy replied. "Hours and hours. The Alvarez foot soldiers didn't put up much of a fight once they realized Zeref was dead, and the Knights finally showed up to put everyone in cuffs and find cells for them. All the surviving Spriggans have already been locked up, and the Knights are dealing with the rest of the soldiers."

"And here?" Natsu swept his gaze across the room to take in all the hostile faces.

"And here we've spent the past hour debating what to do about Gray," Erza growled. Her frustration and hostility bled through loud and clear in her voice. " _Some_ people are having a hard time accepting that he's still one of us and will be treated accordingly."

"That's because he  _isn't_ one of us anymore, is he?" Charle asked acerbically. "Not really."

"Of course he is," Natsu snapped, switching his glare to her. "He's been one of us for years. Longer than  _you_."

"Charle," Wendy added quietly, "Gray-san is still part of the guild."

"Oh, really? I seem to recall that the Council put an end to that."

"But he belongs with us," Happy mumbled. His ears flattened and he looked away from Charle's irritated glare.

"He still wears its mark on his heart," Mavis agreed. A frown stole over her face as she swung her legs back and forth idly. "I told him that he would always be part of the guild and that he'd have a place here if he chose to accept it."

"No offense, but is that really your place?" Nab asked, shifting uncomfortably from where he'd taken a seat near the currently defunct job board. "You might be the First, but Makarov-san is the leader of Fairy Tail right now."

Mavis grimaced, but it was Cana who spoke up scornfully, saying, "You're so indecisive that you haven't even been able to pick out a damn job for years. No offense, but does your opinion really count for much?"

"Cana!" Makarov gave her a hard look from where he was perched on the counter beside Mavis. "Every guild member's opinion counts. But," he added, turning to Nab, "the First deserves your respect. I have stood by her decision in this and made Gray much the same offer."

"And the Master's orders are to be respected and followed," Erza said coldly.

Natsu looked around at the sea of conflicted faces and quickly came to the conclusion that this wouldn't be solved as simply as Erza thought it should be. Several people still looked rather indecisive, but most seemed to have drawn clear lines in the sand already.

And it wasn't  _fair_ , because Gray had been one of them for so long and done so much for them. He didn't deserve this, and it made Natsu angry to see how quickly everyone had turned on him.

Makarov gave Erza a quelling look, gentle but firm. "Be that as it may, the guild still has the right to discuss the issue and disagree."

"But–"

"Erza."

Erza subsided and slumped back in her seat, but her eyes still burned with indignant rage.

"And yet," Natsu said darkly, "everyone seems to have forgotten everything the ice block has done for us over the past decade. He's fought our battles and saved our lives and been loyal to the bitter end. And you're going to turn on him now, after all that?"

Gajeel snorted. "You're his damn team. You're willing to follow along behind him blindly because you were so close that you can't see all the things we see. You might be too blindly loyal to doubt him, but some of us still see the problems."

Natsu opened his mouth, the words stoking his rage to new heights, but he was beaten to the punch.

"Except that we  _did_ doubt him," Erza said quietly, dropping her gaze to stare blankly at the tabletop.

Natsu deflated, the fire draining out of him. Beside him, Lucy flinched and averted her gaze as well, her hands bunching in her skirt. Even Happy shifted uncomfortably, suddenly subdued.

Natsu and the rest of the team had never given up on Gray completely and abandoned hope, but they  _had_ let the doubt creep in. Gray had put on a good show after his revelation, and it had been hard not to have doubts about not only his loyalty, but about who he was as a person. So although they had put up token resistance and fought against any more drastic measures, they had let Gray be put on trial and jailed and tortured. Even worse, they had set aside a decade's worth of friendship just like that, when they had always thought that they'd be loyal to each other to the very end.

But they had doubted and, although it might be understandable why they had done so, it had been unfair to Gray, who had still stayed loyal to them despite everything.

"It's not just blind faith," Erza continued, her voice low. "We had a hard time accepting this at first too. We doubted, and we stood back and watched him lose everything. But he still fought for us anyway, and that has to count for something."

"And anyway," Lucy mumbled, "he's still Gray. He might act a little different sometimes, but he's still the same person he's always been. It shines through if you look."

There was a long pause as everyone digested the team's reaction and sudden melancholy.

Then Gajeel sighed harshly. "Look, I'm not saying that he's a monster and we should lynch him. All I'm saying is that he does still pose a potential threat to the guild, and I'm not convinced that the risk is worth it."

"Of course it's not," Bisca said, leaning against Alzack and scowling. "Regardless of anything else, the problem is that he's a demon and he's dangerous."

"I'm apparently a demon too," Natsu snapped back. "Gonna kick me out of the guild too?"

Lucy stiffened and surreptitiously slid her hand over to rest on his arm, a silent warning. Natsu suspected that her sudden worry had to do with the fear that the rest of the guild actually  _might_ take his words to heart and turn on him too, but he was too angry to care.

Sure enough, everyone was exchanging looks again, indecision and uneasiness written all over their faces.

"But you're still pretty much the same," Wakaba said finally. "Gray…is not. You saw what he was like, afterward."

"Have you even seen him since the trial?" Erza demanded.

"Well, no, but has that changed anything? Is he suddenly back to normal?"

The team hesitated, exchanging helpless looks. The truth was that Gray  _wasn't_ back to normal, and might not ever be. Somehow, Natsu didn't think that Gray would go back to playing his old role so easily.

"And anyway," Macao added, "you aren't exactly a demon anymore, are you? I don't claim to understand all of what I've been hearing, but I was under the impression that your ties to your demonic side were broken and you are, for all intents and purposes, human. Besides, you didn't even know about all that. Gray knew all along what he was, and he hid it from us."

"Maybe he hid it because he was worried about this happening," Mira said, her eyes flashing. "Because he finally started feeling like he'd found a place to fit in and people to call friends, and he was afraid of losing it all. Demon or not, it's not a nice feeling for everyone to turn on you because you or your powers seem too 'dark'. I wouldn't wish it on anybody."

Natsu could barely wait for Mira to finish her speech before bursting out, "The only reason my tie to my Book was broken is because  _Gray_ broke it. Gray is the one who stopped me and brought me back when I lost myself." He lowered his voice and looked away. "He nearly killed himself making sure that I didn't end up like him."

There was a long pause as everyone picked up on Natsu's mood, and Lucy slipped her hand into one of his. He didn't complain.

"He also killed Zeref," Loke added, giving Natsu and Lucy a sidelong look. "It's hard to overlook that."

"He also admitted to killing thousands of people," Macao said, lips tightening. "It's hard to overlook that too."

Romeo scowled at his father. "Would you just listen to Natsu-nii?"

"It's also not really his fault," Natsu snarled. "I was Awake, so I know that he didn't have a choice. He couldn't  _not_ have killed those people."

"And you don't see how that might be concerning?" Bisca demanded. "I have a child to care for and worry about. Asuka is my priority, and I don't want to put her in the path of a potentially dangerous demon."

"But he doesn't  _want_ to hurt anyone, not really. He isn't going to target Asuka or any of us. He didn't have a  _choice_ before."

"Is that really reassuring, though?" Alzack asked quietly. He draped one arm around Bisca's shoulders and rubbed wearily at his face with his other hand. "I don't think that he would intentionally hurt us, but if something goes wrong? He's still a demon and, from what I understand, there's still the possibility of him losing control. Even without all this Awakening business, he snapped while fighting Eileen and almost killed her. If he has a bad day and snaps again, can you guarantee that he won't hurt anyone next time?"

Natsu opened his mouth but hesitated. As much as he wanted to, he couldn't give a one hundred percent guarantee on that. He wasn't bound to his Book anymore and probably couldn't Awaken again, but Gray was bound to his again and  _could_. The chances were low since Gray seemed to have put his Book under careful guard, but if something went wrong and it was somehow opened… Even aside from that, Natsu had gotten a taste of demonic instincts, and he knew that Gray was much more in tune with his. It would be more of a struggle for control with Gray.

"Just because he doesn't want to hurt someone doesn't mean that he won't," Elfman added solemnly, ignoring Mira and Lisanna's sharp looks. "Gray is a man, but it's easy to fall into a trap and lose control when you're playing with beasts. People could die that way." He gave Lisanna a sidelong look.

"Gray-sama will not hurt anyone!" Juvia cried, her hands balling into fists at her sides as she glared daggers at anyone who dared disagree with her.

"You sure you're not just saying that because you're in love with a demon?" Gajeel asked scornfully.

"Gajeel!" Levy hissed with a gasp, her eyes widening in indignation.

Juvia held her head high and squared her shoulders, even though her lips trembled and her eyes filled with tears. "Juvia will fight for Gray-sama, even if Gajeel-kun will not."

Natsu watched Juvia and Levy glaring at Gajeel, and Gajeel scowling right back. Then he let his gaze drift across the room, taking in all the other antagonistic groups: Wendy and Happy against Charle, Macao against Romeo, Mira and Lisanna against Elfman. Nearly everyone was glaring at someone else—friend against friend, lover against lover, dragon slayer against Exceed, father against son, brother against sister, family against family.

Natsu understood now, what Gray had been afraid of. He hadn't only feared the guild tearing itself apart, but all the strong relationships that were suddenly strained and cracking. And Natsu felt terrible, because this wasn't the guild he knew.

"Look, all I'm saying is that we might as well turn him in to the Council," Gajeel said. "They're going to want him, and they'll throw a fit if we resist."

"Ooh, still a Council's boy, are you?" Cana asked derisively, her eyes shining with unrestrained scorn and contempt. "Just 'cause you worked with them for a while. You already forget how useless they are? They've been against us from the start, and there's no point trying to please them. Run on back to the Council if that's how you feel."

Gajeel growled low in his throat, eyes narrowing. "Are you questioning my loyalty to the guild?"

"Are you questioning Gray's?"

"I don't think it's necessarily a bad idea to try avoiding the Council's wrath," Pantherlily interrupted, darting an uncertain glance at Gajeel. Uneasiness hung in the air about him, as if he wasn't entirely sure where he stood on the issue but was choosing to stick with Gajeel out of loyalty. "They can cause us a lot of trouble if we don't cooperate."

Mira snorted. "When is the Council ever  _not_ causing trouble? They'll give us grief no matter what we do, just like they always have."

"And anyway," Lisanna added, "don't you think that there are some things that are worth going up against the Council for?"

"Sure," Charle said, "but is this one of them? I don't see why we can't just give him to the Council and–"

"Because they tortured him!" Lucy yelled, jumping to her feet and slamming her fists into the table hard enough that Natsu started in surprise. "They tortured him, okay? You didn't see him, after. They were trying to kill him even though they couldn't. If he wasn't immortal, then they would have killed him a hundred times over. And what was worse was how he acted like it wasn't a big deal, like he  _deserved_ it, or at least like it didn't matter since they couldn't actually kill him. He acted like it was  _okay_ , and…  _Fuck_."

Natsu's eyes widened. Lucy had to be really upset, to talk like that. And sure enough, her fury had begun melting into something pained and sad, and her eyes were welling with tears. Natsu stood and pulled her into an awkward hug, before sitting back down and taking her with him. She didn't resist, just buried her face in his chest and fisted her hands in his shirt. He winced as he felt her tears against his skin.

No one spoke for a long time, expressions conflicted and ranging from horrified to sad to uncertain.

"We already said that the Council wasn't an option," Erza said quietly after a long moment. "This is nonnegotiable. I will not allow  _any_  member of this guild to be turned over to be tortured, Gray least of all. He has already been through enough. And now that his immortality is gone, the Council would execute him. By sending him to the Council, we would be condemning him to death."

There was another long silence, the conflicted expressions only deepening. Not everyone wanted Gray to be allowed back into the guild, but Natsu doubted that any of them truly wanted him dead.

"But he killed Zeref, so maybe that would give us some bargaining power?" Gajeel suggested finally. "If we could work out a deal with the Council to make sure they didn't–"

"You know that wouldn't work," Levy said, although she sounded more tired and sad than angry now. "The Council isn't all bad, but you and I have the experience to know that actually negotiating a deal and getting them to stick to it would be next to impossible, and a huge bureaucratic nightmare."

Jet and Droy offered their halfhearted agreement, Gajeel grimaced but nodded, and Natsu felt a surge of hope. Maybe everyone was finally coming around.

"Could he just leave, then?" Alzack asked. "If we can't give him to the Council but he can't stay either… I don't know, maybe it would be for the best. Magnolia might not be safe for him anymore. Word will spread, and not everyone will be happy about a loose demon running around."

"You can't just  _exile_ him," Natsu protested furiously.

"It would be for his safety, too."

"But if we just stood by him, then–"

"You think that would change people's minds?" Charle asked. "You can't even get the entire guild to agree to accept him back. The entire city? There's no way. We at least don't want him dead, because we knew him before this. Not everyone has that familiarity, and they'll look at him and think 'demon'. That's it. To the general population, demons are evil and dangerous and need to be contained or eliminated. People will be frightened if he's just running free."

"Maybe I could try finding some kind of binding or enchantment?" Levy suggested uncertainly, looking to Freed for help. "If we could find a spell that would somehow restrict him enough that people didn't find him as frightening…"

"Levy!" Lucy gasped, scandalized.

She pulled away from Natsu to give her friend a hurt look. Levy winced and shrugged apologetically, dropping her gaze.

"Sorry, Lu-chan. I'm just looking for a compromise."

Freed cleared his throat. "It might be possible to find a combination of runes that could help us, but I'd have to do some research into bindings and we'd need to decide what would work."

"Or we could just send him away and be done with it," Macao muttered.

"He hasn't done anything to specifically hurt the guild," Laxus said, finally speaking up as he surveyed the gathering with flat, unreadable eyes. "I did more to deserve exile than he did, and I was still welcomed back eventually. I might be on the fence about what to actually do with him, but in the end we are a guild and we follow our master's orders."

Freed nodded enthusiastically, while Evergreen and Bickslow exchanged uncertain glances and provided more lackluster gestures of agreement.

"And even aside from that, Gray-san very much gave up his life for this guild," Wendy said quietly. "It's a miracle that we brought him back."

"He intended to kill himself in order to take out Zeref," Erza agreed, her eyes narrowing as she stared down at the table sightlessly. "That was his plan."

"And even afterwards, we had to convince him that it was a good thing we saved him," Lucy mumbled. "He thought it would have been better to let him die, like that would have solved all our problems."

"Wouldn't it have?" Charle asked. Everyone stared at her in horror, but she just frowned and shrugged. Her spitefulness faded a little as she added, "Maybe you should have let him do things his way, because he sounded like he knew what he was talking about."

"Listen here, you mangy little rat–" Cana started indignantly.

"Gray's a good kid," Gildarts interrupted, putting a restraining hand on his daughter's arm. "Let's not be too hasty about turning on him."

"Easy for you to say!" Bisca hissed. "But I have a child to worry about and–"

"And I don't?" Gildarts demanded, eyes flashing dangerously.

Bisca hesitated, trying to figure out how to work herself out of the corner she had backed herself into without conceding the point.

"I'm not a child!" Cana complained.

Everyone ignored her.

Bisca's eyes hardened again. "He's a threat. And you know what, if we're already having so much dissension just over this, then how would we even still have a guild left if we let him back in?"

Everyone stared at her in stunned silence, and Natsu gaped like a fish. Sure, there was some fighting, but could the guild actually be destroyed over this one thing? He hadn't realized things were reaching that point.

"I guess it's a good thing that I'm not joining your guild again, then, isn't it?" a new voice said into the silence.

Natsu startled and whipped around, his eyes searching the hall. A thick clump of shadows on the other side of the room dissolved, melting back into more normal positions. Gray was sitting cross-legged on top of one of the unharmed tables in the corner, where the shadows were already naturally thicker and darker. Natsu had the feeling that this shadow concealment thing could quickly become an annoyance, seeing as Gray seemed to becoming adept at using it to sneak around.

"You're awake!" Natsu said stupidly.

Gray stared back with dark, fathomless eyes, so old yet expressionless and entirely unreadable. "So I am."

"How long have you been there?"

"A while." He shrugged carelessly. "You aren't nearly as quiet as you think you are. And in any case, it would be difficult to sleep with all the fuss going on out here."

Natsu flushed, realizing that he must've woken Gray up while leaving. "Sorry."

Glancing around, he noticed a whole host of guilty, uncertain faces. No one was glad to have been caught talking about Gray behind his back, and a few of the dissenters looked as nervous as if they expected him to turn on them now.

"How are you feeling?" Lucy asked anxiously.

"Fine," Gray said flatly.

Erza had bigger concerns. "What do you mean, you aren't coming back? We already had this conversation and–"

"Did I ever actually agree?" he interrupted in a monotone. "I don't think I did. I have business to take care of before that would even become a viable option. I'll be hanging around the guild until that's wrapped up since it's more convenient, but I'll stay out of your way."

Unfolding his legs, he slid off the table to stand on his feet. His lips tightened slightly in pain, but he started for the doors without giving anyone another glance, his limp pronounced. Erza stood up hurriedly and rushed to his side, but he waved her off.

"I'm fine."

"Sure you are," she said skeptically. "Don't think I've forgotten how injured you are."

Gray shrugged, his face set in a grimace. "It's not going to kill me."

Erza scowled. "That's not the point. You need to stop with that already."

"The fact is that–" Gray broke off, his already pale face going sheet-white as he swayed and staggered a half-step to the side.

Erza grabbed him as he sagged into her. "You aren't going to pass out, are you?" she asked anxiously.

He took a few deep breaths before mumbling, "No."

Straightening himself up again, he scowled at Erza's arm around him. Still, he didn't protest, just started limping for the door again with Erza following along beside him.

Natsu stood to follow after, racking his brain for the word he was looking for. "Exsanguination?" he asked slowly, the word unfamiliar on his tongue.

Gray glanced back and flashed him a grin, for a moment looking painfully like his old self. "Well, look at that. You  _can_ learn."

"Hey!"

"What business?" Erza asked, clearly eager to get back to the more important issue at hand.

Gray's face immediately closed off again, his eyes going flat and cold. "Don't you worry about that."

"But–"

"Child, I am well able to handle my own affairs."

Natsu winced, and he could practically feel Lucy and Happy flinch from beside him. Erza also grimaced, clearly aware of the demon-y mood swing taking place. Natsu wondered if Gray's coldness was so pronounced because of everything he had overheard.

"And when you've finished," Makarov said into the stillness, "the offer to rejoin the guild still stands."

"We will see," Gray said noncommittally, not even glancing over as he approached the doors to the street beyond.

"Gray-san!" Wendy jumped up and hurried over, fumbling in her pocket to pull out a small bag. "Porlyusica-san is still treating injured mages, but she left some supplies and poultices for you. Your wounds are serious, and you should treat them again soon. I can heal your ribs and your burns and some of the other injuries later, but I'm still out of magic for now."

Gray stared at her, dark eyes conflicted. Natsu thought he might just snap out something else cold and demon-y, but after a moment he nodded.

"Thanks," he said tonelessly.

Lucy took the bag from Wendy, and Gray didn't protest.

"Don't be too angry with them," Wendy said, lowering her voice and darting a glance back at Charle and the others. "They'll come around and we'll work things out."

Gray tilted his head and gave her an appraising look. "I am not angry." His gaze traveled across the room to rest on Levy, and he added, "But as much as I appreciate the attempts at compromise, there will be no more bindings. I would rather die."

The other guild members were exchanging looks again, but Gray just shrugged and slipped out the door, clearly done with the conversation. Natsu followed, sharing a helpless look with Lucy and Happy as they started down the darkening street. He didn't know what to make of the situation, and no one else seemed to either. Gray had overheard some pretty terrible things and, angry or not, he must have some kind of reaction to them. But his mood was completely unreadable, and Natsu didn't know what to do about it.

"You don't really mean that, do you?" Happy asked cautiously, fluttering along by Gray's side in the semi-darkness falling over the city. "Not that we're going to let them put any bindings on you, but…"

"I have had enough of bindings," Gray said coolly, keeping his gaze fixed on the ground as he hobbled along with Erza's help. "Too many things have laid claim on me. I cannot live without them, as evidenced by my Book, but I am as free of Zeref as I will ever be. I will not go back in any capacity. Sometimes to die free—or as free as it is possible to be—is preferable to living a slave."

Lucy tightened her grip on Natsu's arm. The dragon slayer grimaced. He had to admit that he almost partly understood, but still, he wasn't sure he could see how death would be preferable. Accepting death seemed too much like giving up. At least if Gray was still alive, they could look for a way to free him again. But yes, Natsu could understand why Gray didn't want anything else controlling him.

Clearing his throat, Natsu asked, "Where are we going?"

As much as he'd like to shake some sense into his friend, he felt it prudent not to push Gray too far when he was like this. Besides, he was a big fan of letting Gray work out his own issues. And as cold as that sounded, Gray seemed to be a big fan of it too.

"Well,  _I'm_ going to see if my apartment is still standing," Gray said, giving the others a sidelong look. "Damned if I know what  _you're_ doing."

"We're going to see if your apartment is still standing, obviously," Erza said.

Gray blinked at her, and then one corner of his mouth twitched upwards into the barest hint of a half-smile. "Snarky little brat," he said, although he sounded almost fond underneath all that demon-y flatness.

"That's rich, coming from you," she replied with a shrug.

"Hm."

"So, about this business of yours–"

"Erza."

Erza hesitated and then sighed heavily. "Look, we won't pressure you too much right now, but when you've finished with this mysterious business of yours, at least think about rejoining the guild. We can still find a way to work things out. Just think about it."

"I'll think about it."

"I know…" Erza sighed again. "I know that you feel like we've put bindings on you and you don't want any bindings, but… We're still here for you if you change your mind, okay?" She looked away. "We don't want you to leave."

Natsu had no idea what Erza was talking about, but Gray obviously knew. After a moment, the ice mage's eyes cleared and he paused, grasping Erza's chin gently and tipping her face upward.

"Erza," he said seriously, staring into her eyes unblinkingly, "those are bindings that I chose for myself. They are not the same."

Releasing her, he went back to scanning the streets as he started forward again. Erza stared at him wide-eyed, but followed his lead obediently.

"So then–"

"I reserve the right to terminate them at any time," Gray said coolly, his gaze travelling along the rows of buildings. "I will think about what you ask, but I make no promises at this time."

Erza winced, and Natsu didn't need to know all the details to know that wasn't a good sign. This clearly had something to do with Gray choosing to stay with the guild, and maybe with the team. But pushing him too much would only make him shut down again, and Natsu obviously wasn't the only one to have picked up on that pattern since no one else pressed the issue either.

"Okay," Erza said, subdued, and they all lapsed into silence.

They were still in a recognizable part of town, where the damage wasn't extensive enough to have leveled the entire area. There was plenty of damage to be seen—although the shadows of the coming night were starting to soften and cloak some of it—but it could be a lot worse. The other silver lining was that the place was no longer crawling with mages and enemies. Presumably because the mages were off reconvening with their guilds and recuperating, and because the enemies were locked up.

"Oh good," Gray said finally, although his voice still lacked any recognizable emotion. "Looks like it wasn't completely wrecked."

Then he immediately grimaced as he tried to limp up the front steps to his apartment. Natsu wasn't a huge fan of steps right now either, to be honest. His injuries didn't make it easy to go up them, and he leaned on Lucy more heavily.

"Looks like I'd better repair the damage to the roof, though," Gray muttered to himself as he let Erza help him up the steps and worked the door open. "What's-her-face upstairs is going to pitch a fit if her stuff gets wet next time it rains."

Natsu coughed to hide a laugh. Somehow it seemed funny to hear Gray talk about such mundane things after everything that had happened. Either Gray didn't hear Natsu's aborted laughter or didn't care to address it, because he just shrugged Erza off and limped for his bedroom. The rest of the team followed cautiously and hesitated in the doorway to watch him.

Digging through some drawers, Gray pulled out fresh clothes and then turned to raise an eyebrow at Lucy. "Wanna throw me whatever it is Wendy gave you? I'm going to clean up and redress wounds and all that. You guys can raid the kitchen if you're hungry."

Lucy hesitated but obediently tossed the bag to Gray, who caught it easily and then disappeared into the bathroom and shut the door without another word. The team stared at the closed door until the sound of running water started up, then looked at each other again.

"Well," Natsu said finally, "I don't know about you guys, but I'm starving."

"Really?" Lucy asked with a sigh, but she followed him into the kitchen and the others trailed behind forlornly.

Natsu began digging through the pantry in search of anything edible, while the others gathered around the table.

"Do you think he'll really leave?" Lucy asked quietly.

Natsu's hands stilled, but then he shook his head sharply and got back to work. "Of course not."

"I don't know," Erza said with a sigh. "I think he would rather stay with us, but if he thinks it would benefit us if he left…"

"And I'm not sure he knows how to interact with the guild anymore," Happy added solemnly, apparently more observant than Natsu and the others gave him credit for. "All his personality shifts… It's like he doesn't know who he's supposed to be, and I think he keeps going with that scary, cold side because it's easier. Or because it hurts less. I don't know."

Natsu let out a breath and started jamming whatever food he could find into his mouth so that he had an excuse not to offer an opinion on anything.

"Will the guild come around?" Lucy asked.

Erza shrugged. "I think that the Master's orders would be respected in the end, but that doesn't mean there wouldn't be a lot of dissatisfaction and infighting. I don't doubt that some people will lobby against this until the bitter end. But maybe we could work something out…come up with some sort of compromise."

"Although, Gray overheard them," Lucy cautioned. "He might say he's not mad, but how much will he tolerate? The more they reject him, the less likely he is to agree to come back."

"And there's still whatever 'business' he's talking about," Happy added.

"I have no idea what that might be," Erza said with a harsh sigh.

"And he's not going to tell us," Lucy mumbled. "He's never been that forthcoming with information, but he seems determined to keep most everything to himself now."

"I don't entirely blame him for that, but I do wish he wouldn't insist on going everything alone."

The water turned off, and everyone automatically looked toward the bathroom. They lapsed back into moody silence, not keen on being overheard once again. That was perfectly fine with Natsu, who didn't like serious discussions at the best of times. He wasn't in the mood to keep dwelling on this.

They waited in tense silence for a few minutes, until Natsu heard a sudden slew of muffled curses.

"Ice block?" he called before he thought better of it. "You alright?"

"Yeah, yeah," came the disgruntled reply.

Then something crashed in the bathroom, followed by another round of mumbled cursing that was loud enough for the others to hear this time.

Jumping up, Lucy hurried over to the bathroom door. "Are you sure you're okay? What happened?"

"Nothing," Gray grumbled.

"But–"

"Open the damn door if you don't believe me."

Lucy hesitated and then pushed the door open. Natsu and the others drifted over as well, peering into the room.

"Can you grab that for me?" Gray asked without looking at them, waving his hand in the direction of a roll of bandages that had fallen to the ground.

Natsu's automatic retort was for Gray to stop being lazy and do it himself, but then he remembered that he'd broken all of his friend's ribs. Oops. Lucy snatched up the bandages and handed them to Gray, who took them in the hand that wasn't pressing a towel to his chest.

"Thanks." He pulled the towel away and scowled down at the red blotches bleeding through the fabric. "Ruined another one."

Natsu bit down on the inside of his cheek to keep from commenting on the state of Gray's body. The grime and ash had all been removed, but the ice mage's wounds were raw and bleeding again, crimson streaks dribbling down his chest as he dabbed at them with the towel and worked at the roll of bandages with his other hand. It was really an impressive collection of wounds, in terms of both severity and number.

"Let me help you," Lucy said, reaching for the gauze.

"I can handle myself," Gray snapped. "I've been taking care of my own injuries for years."

Natsu wondered if that was a veiled reference to all the times Gray had tried to kill himself and been stuck cleaning up the injuries left by the attempts. That wasn't a very reassuring thought.

Lucy drew back, her gaze dropping to the ground and her eyes filling with tears. Gray paused, staring at her reflection in the mirror. Then, sighing harshly, he turned toward her.

"Although it's a pain to bandage things up and keep pressure on them at the same time," he grumbled, offering her the roll of bandages. "And it would be a pain to have to wrap my ribs."

Lucy blinked at him blankly for a second and then smiled hesitantly. He looked away, and she got to work.

"If anyone else wants to clean up, there are extra towels in the closet," Gray said tonelessly. "Don't worry about ruining them. I keep a ton since I go through them so quickly. And as much as I'd like to kick you out, night is falling and I'm sure you're exhausted. I'll set extra accommodations and you can stay here for tonight."

Natsu decided it must be good that Gray wasn't just kicking them out so that he could be alone. It had to be a good sign.

When Lucy had finished with Gray, Natsu took the next turn in the bathroom. He removed dirty bandages, scrubbed off grime and dirt, and then got Lucy to help him redress some of his injuries with the leftover supplies from Porlyusica.

When he relinquished the bathroom so that the girls could take their turns, Gray had already dragged out a spare mattress from the closet—or had convinced someone else to drag it out for him—and left it in the living room with a comfy nest of blankets.

"You and Happy can have the couch," Gray said, not looking up from whatever he was fiddling with on the desk.

Natsu scowled, thinking the mattress looked more comfortable. Then he decided that getting that low to the floor would be a pain with all his injuries. Who needed a lousy mattress, anyway?

"Fine," he grumbled.

Gray sighed and lifted his head to look out the window at the darkened street beyond. He stood still for a moment, then turned away and headed for the bedroom.

"Make sure you guys turn off the lights when you go to bed."

"Yeah… Goodnight, Gray."

"'Night."

Slipping into the bedroom, Gray closed the door halfway and turned out the light. Natsu stared after him, but he was too exhausted to really want to work on detangling the huge mess they'd found themselves in.

Everyone else was obviously fatigued from their long days of fighting as well, because it wasn't long before they'd turned the lights out and settled down to sleep. Happy was asleep almost instantly, a comforting warmth pressed against Natsu's side. The girls dropped off quickly too, leaving Natsu staring sightlessly into the darkness.

He was still exhausted, but he'd also spent hours sleeping. He had no doubt that he'd fall asleep soon enough, but not just yet.

A slight sound from the other room caught his attention, and he twisted about awkwardly, craning his neck as far as he could to get a glimpse through the half-closed door. A shadow slid silently across the gap. If he squinted, Natsu could just barely make out Gray's shadowy form glide over to the window on the other side of the bedroom. Although he was in a remarkably good position to see through the gap, it still took Natsu a second to realize that there must be some kind of window seat there.

Gray sat silently, stretching his body out lengthwise parallel to the window and drawing his knees up loosely to loop an arm around them. Natsu couldn't see his face since it was turned away toward the window, but the distant melancholy was palpable, a downhearted and withdrawn exile.

Natsu almost wanted to do something about it, but Gray was remote and unapproachable now, and would most certainly not respond well to company. And in any case, Natsu had no idea what to say or do.

Instead, he just watched silently until he finally fell asleep, wondering how long everyone could reject Gray before he rejected them too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to come up with real reasons for guild members to either accept or reject Gray, based on relationships/loyalty, personality, and/or past events. It was a little more challenging for some of the side characters, but somewhere I have a Word document that lists every single member of the guild along with their stance on the issue, how strongly they feel about it, and the reasons behind it lol I ended up not needing it as much as I thought I would, but it was good to have the background setup, I think.


	3. [Re] And the Shadows Reached

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And about this particular piece... Well, it's sort of an "abstract rewrite" (hence [Re]) of ch 7 of "DoR" from Lyon's POV, because at the time I was interested in his take since he didn't really say much and his silence spoke volumes. In the beginning, I intended to rewrite a couple scenes from different POVs and have a few short pieces from before "DoR" (e.g., Galuna, the river, possibly Avatar), but plans changed and I don't think I'll be doing that now. But this one little thing was already written, and I didn't have the heart to take it out even though it's gonna look weird on its own lol

* * *

**[Re] And the Shadows Reached**

* * *

_"You shouldn't have bothered. Don't expect me to thank you."_

Now  _there_ was a sentiment Lyon could get behind. His hands clenched into fists as he narrowed his eyes at Zeref. This was the man who had created the demon that had killed Ur and Gray. Lyon's gaze slid to the demon in question as he faced off against the black mage. His voice was unbearably bitter, and it annoyed Lyon.  _He_ was the one who had the right to wish that the demon had never been created. For a moment, he let himself imagine a world where the demon had never existed to ruin everything.

_"I am the beginning."_

In a way, he was Lyon's beginning too. Or  _a_ beginning. It had been an entirely different life before the demon, a life that had been taken and crushed to dust before Lyon's very eyes. It was a life that he missed sorely, where Ur and Gray had been alive and the three of them had been a dysfunctional little family. For all their problems, they had loved each other. And then  _he_ had come through and wrecked everything, and then dared to wear Gray's face and pretend to be him. The world had burned and then begun anew, and then had done the same again days before when the truth came to light. Lyon was tired of endings and new beginnings. They hurt, and every beginning was worse, more painful, than the last.

_"I've tried most everything, but I suspect you'll be unsurprised to hear that nothing worked."_

How was it fair that the being that had ended so many lives got paid back by getting to live forever? How was it fair that he could stand here when Ur and Gray and all the rest could not? How was it fair that Lyon couldn't even avenge them by killing the damn demon that had ruined everything? How was it fair that the demon got to live?

_"I eventually found something to live for… For now."_

How was it fair?

_"I am not human. I am a demon. I will always be a demon. But I am no longer_ your _demon."_

How could Lyon have ever been fooled? The eyes looking out from Gray's face were so old yet ageless, burning yet ice cold, shining with unreadable emotion yet dark enough to swallow the stars. They were not human eyes. It was a human face, Gray's face, but the monster lurking inside the skin was anything but human. Lyon wondered if it had always been that obvious and he'd somehow missed it, or if the demon was just no longer trying to hide his true nature. But Lyon  _should_ have realized, surely, that this was not his brother. Right? He was such a gullible fool, easily swayed by exterior appearances instead of seeing through to what was buried underneath. But Lyon saw now, what he had missed for all these years. He wasn't going to be fooled anymore, would remember that this creature was not his brother, was not human, was not to be trusted.

_"…I don't know. I don't know if I'm capable of love."_

What a laughable idea, a demon that loved. No, Lyon had seen Deliora in its full glory, and just because he looked human now didn't mean that he was. Lyon was  _not_ going to be fooled by the demon's pretty words and sad eyes. It was impossible for a demon to love. It was impossible for a creature made of death and darkness to even understand what love was.

_"But when they laugh, I laugh with them. When they cry, I want to dry their tears._

It was impossible for a demon to even understand what love was.

_"When I see their faces, I want to smile. When someone hurts them, I want to hunt down whoever is responsible and set things right."_

It was impossible for a demon to love.

_"When they are victorious, I celebrate with them. When they face tragedy and misfortune, my heart breaks for them. When they are threatened, I would do anything to protect them."_

It was impossible.

_"They are the ones I would live for, and the ones I would die for."_

Impossible.

_"What makes you think that it doesn't apply to you too?"_

Lyon hated the demon, he really, really did. He didn't understand how Fairy Tail could just accept everything so easily, could overlook everything the demon had done and everything he was. The demon-loving guild might be okay with loving and being loved by a demon, but Lyon was not.

_"What does it matter? Everything I've gained, you'll take away in the end."_

And it was just as well. Everything the demon had was  _stolen_. He had stolen Ur's life and Gray's body, and everything later had built off of that. Everything the demon had was built on a lie, built on something that had never— _never_ —belonged to him. And God, it would be satisfying to see it all torn away. Lyon so desperately wanted to see all those stolen smiles and unearned life and unwarranted friendship taken away, because the demon didn't deserve any of it.

_"I don't need your pity."_

And he'd get none. None from Lyon, at least. Nor any love or compassion or companionship or forgiveness.

_"Do you trust me?"_

No.  _No, no, no._ Lyon had, once, and he was never going back. He wasn't going to be stupid enough to trust a demon again, not even if Fairy Tail was.

_"I'm fine."_

He wasn't, and Lyon took vindictive satisfaction in that knowledge. It was good to see the demon brought to his knees, lifeblood seeping into the hard ground. Maybe he couldn't die, but it was satisfying to see him  _hurt_. Because he deserved to hurt, and it would still never be enough to make up for what he had done. And when Lyon had helped him earlier, had held him up until the coughs had stopped and the blood was only a pool on the ground and a dribble down his chin, it wasn't because of any sappy, sentimental reason. He still hated the demon, knew that he deserved this. And maybe he couldn't quite explain what made his heart clench up in a funny way when he watched the demon tear himself apart, but he knew that it didn't change anything.

_"I don't have a soul. You didn't create me with one."_

Creatures without souls were damned, weren't they? That was good. An inability to die wouldn't be enough to save a soulless demon from an eternity of damnation, right? It wasn't as good as death, but it would have to be enough. Thinking about this for anyone else might be sad, maybe even heart-wrenching, but not where this demon was concerned. It didn't make Lyon's heart hurt at all. Not at all.

_"But some things are worth breaking for."_

Lyon stared at the demon, stunned. He had…found a way to overcome the immortality and die, while killing Zeref to boot? It was actually a frighteningly brilliant solution, even if Lyon didn't quite understand it. But the demon might be able to  _die_ now. Lyon felt his heart flutter in hope, forcibly pulling it up from where it had so suddenly sunk into the pit of his stomach. This was good. Lyon wanted to see the demon die, wanted to see him  _break_. It was something he'd been robbed of when the whole immortality thing had come to light, and now it was being handed back to him on a silver platter. He wouldn't be satisfied until the demon was broken into a million pieces too small and jagged to be put back together.

_"I told you that you wouldn't like the plan."_

Actually, Lyon liked the plan a lot. He really did. He  _did_.

_"If it works, it will be the perfect solution."_

It would be, really. The hated demon would be dead, Zeref would be gone, and the danger would be past. It would be more satisfying if Lyon could kill the demon himself, but this would have to do. It wouldn't set everything right, wouldn't mend the stolen lives and Lyon's broken heart, but it was something.

_"Sometimes when a knot is too gnarled to untangle, it's easiest to just cut it out entirely."_

Lyon wished he could just cut his goddamn heart out of his chest so easily. He didn't understand the tangled knot of hate and love, pain and fear, grief and desperation. He wanted it to go away. The hate was all he needed, and maybe getting rid of the demon would help unsnarl this whole mess.

_"I'm tired of fighting myself. I'm really, really tired."_

Lyon wished he didn't understand that sentiment so well.

_"You can call it selfish, but the truth is that I don't have a place in your world anymore."_

Well, of course not. The demon had  _never_ had a place, not really. It had all been a lie. He didn't deserve his place in Fairy Tail. His place in the world was stolen from Gray and Ur—he had taken their place and he had no right to. He didn't have a place in Lyon's heart. And if he'd had one once, it was only because he'd pretended to be someone he wasn't, so it didn't count. It didn't count. He had  _no right_  to go meddling with Lyon's heart. No right at all. Lyon had carefully cut out any remaining feelings for the demon, and now his heart was closed. It really, really was.

_"No, I_ am _sorry. I'm sorry for a lot of things, I guess."_

The demon had  _no right_ to look at Lyon like that, to look at him with such sad, wistful eyes. No right to pretend that he was sorry for what he had done. Lyon didn't want him to be sorry. He knew he wasn't sorry. A demon couldn't be sorry. God, why did he have to keep meddling with Lyon's heart?

_"I'm a demon. Hearts and souls and choices and worth and all those other uniquely human things don't work the same way for me as they do for you."_

Good, he was admitting it. And if he didn't have any of those things, it meant that he wasn't human, wasn't sorry, wasn't capable of love, wasn't able to be saved, wasn't  _worthy_ of being saved. It meant that Lyon was right to hate him. It meant that Lyon owed him nothing, had no reason to harbor anything other than hate. There was no need for all those other messy emotions.

_"Ah, our time is up."_

Good. Lyon wanted this to be over with already. Time to tie up loose ends, cut out the tangled knot, get rid of all the confusing and messy emotions. Once the demon was dead, it would all be over. Lyon could move on and remember how to be happy again, put all of this out of his mind and try to forget that the demon had ever existed at all.

_"Goodbye."_

The demon was ignoring the pleas of his guild now, instead staring into the depths of the malevolent shadow hovering before him and twining about him. It was strange, because to Lyon it looked like he was repulsed, sad, scared. Good. He should be. And now Fairy Tail would see it too, what really lurked underneath the demon's humanlike exterior. They would see the truth.

_"As a demon, I belonged to you. As a human, I belonged to them. But in the end, I guess sometimes you just can't outrun yourself forever."_

The demon dropped the necklace to the ground, and Lyon's eyes followed its descent before snapping back up. The demon was reaching out to the shadow looming over him. For an instant, the fear and pain was clear to see in his eyes before he closed them and turned his head to the side, as if he couldn't bear to see what he was about to do. And he reached for the shadows and the shadows reached back, and this should be everything that Lyon had ever wanted.

_"If I could love, then I would love you."_

"Don't do it, you idiot," Lyon whispered, finally finding his voice.

But the demon reached for the shadows and the shadows reached back, and it was nothing that Lyon had ever wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I recall that I originally placed this here to provide some explanation for Lyon's behavior since we won't see his POV for a little while. Poor thing is one big mess of conflicting emotions.
> 
> The next piece involves Gray's mysterious business and clears up another mystery as well :3


	4. If at First You Don't Succeed... (1)

**If at First You Don't Succeed… (1)**

* * *

He was starting to tire of waiting. He had expected it to maybe take a few days or so—Zeref and his Spriggans had made quite a mess, and there was a lot of business to wrap up there—but it had been nearly two weeks now. It was making him antsy.

When He could, He found ways to keep himself busy: helping repair some of the damage to the guild, shadowing a friend to help out with their tasks, fixing the roof of his apartment building. Now that Wendy had healed all his major injuries, He was plenty able to participate in some of the physical labor required in rebuilding a city.

Of course, that was tempered by the fact that He was also trying to stay out of everyone's way at the same time. He was careful about venturing out into the city proper where He could run across anyone. Parts of several guilds had stuck around to help rebuild some of Magnolia's infrastructure, and many of those mages would know him on sight. Knights were crawling all over the place as well, and even though not all the grunts would recognize him, there were some who would. And someone who  _did_ recognize him might be all too willing to point him out. Since He didn't fancy getting an impromptu lynching, He had become adept at sticking to the shadows and using his curses to help cloak himself. He had learned to move like a ghost: silent and unseen.

He employed his new stealth skills at the guild too. There was still a lot of simmering tension and hostility there, and He tried to keep his head down and avoid the people who were especially scared of him or wanted him gone. The wary looks and snide comments would follow him wherever He went, but as long as He kept to himself and worked on projects that He didn't have to come into contact with anyone else to complete, they mostly left him alone. For now.

To be fair, there were also people who would go out of their way to try making him feel welcome, but it didn't always have the desired effect—especially when someone flinched away or threw him a nervous look before they could stop themselves. Mostly, He stuck with his old team. Or, more accurately, they stuck with him. It was hard to avoid them when He was at the guild, because it was like they were afraid to leave him alone.

If He could avoid the guild entirely, then He would, but for now He still had to hang around.

He spent a good deal of time lurking around his apartment too. Partly because the atmosphere at the guild sometimes got suffocating, and partly because the bravest citizens had already begun creeping back into the city to survey the damage to their homes and He knew that his time here might be limited. He very much doubted that people would be happy to know that there was a demon living downstairs, and fully expected to be asked to leave eventually. There were still other hurdles to overcome before that problem would ever be on his radar, but He'd organized and packed some of his things anyway.

And occasionally, when He was exhausted from working on repairs and finally tired of his old team's constant attempts to include him, He would hide away in a dark corner somewhere and pull out his Book. It was like He couldn't help himself. He should really just leave it alone, but it itched at him something fierce.

He'd dig through the other contents of his shadow until He found it, and then run his hands over the icy coating and frown down at the letters scrawled across the cover. He never melted the ice—that was a failsafe to keep the Book from opening, and He wasn't taking any chances—but sometimes He wanted to, so that He could trace over those letters.

_'Gray'_

Why? He didn't understand what it meant. But He wanted to. It wasn't his name, not really, but it had to mean  _something_. He wanted to believe that it was a sign of something, but He didn't know what that something might be and was too afraid to draw any conclusions from it.

But eventually looking at his one-time name would start up an aching in his chest for days long gone, and then He'd put the Book away and come back to reality. No point getting nostalgic or maudlin now. Best to keep himself busy and not think too hard about how things had changed.

When He wasn't doing any of that, He was mostly listening to his friends talk. And talk. And talk. They had always been big talkers, and sometimes it was nice to just sit back and listen, let them distract him.

They were talking about Natsu's amazing destructive abilities when the waiting game finally drew to a close.

"I don't know, I think that Natsu has still destroyed more buildings," Happy was saying.

"Than an entire army?" Lucy asked skeptically.

"You didn't grow up with him," Erza said, rolling her eyes. "He was destroying things for years before you ever met him."

"There's a reason the Council doesn't like him," Happy added.

Natsu just grinned, unconcerned. "Usually I'm not  _trying_ to destroy things. It just kind of happens."

He considered pointing out that He had destroyed far more than Natsu could ever dream of, but He doubted his friends would appreciate the reminder.

"Okay, sure," Lucy said, "but as much as the Spriggans and Acnologia and Zeref and–?"

The doors to the guild slammed open with a loud bang, and every pair of eyes in the room turned to look. A stream of Knights filed inside, spreading out along the wall around the doorway, and the one in charge stepped forward, his eyes searching the room. Oh good, He even recognized that one, with his gawky frame and sandy hair and venomous green eyes. The one who had been in charge of him last time He'd been imprisoned. Vicious to a fault, and responsible for many failed execution attempts and later, more successful, torture. Fantastic. He'd dubbed this man the Would-Be Executioner for a reason.

"What–?" Makarov started.

"I was starting to wonder what was taking you so long," He interrupted smoothly, standing up and abandoning the table his friends were gathered around in favor of sauntering toward the door. "I was expecting you days ago."

"Gray," Erza said, the bench scraping across the floor with a painful grating sound as she stood up hurriedly, "what are you–?"

"Oh, you  _are_ here," the Executioner said. His lip curled in distaste as his startlingly green eyes narrowed dangerously.

"Of course," He said with a shrug, weaving through the suddenly statue-like Fairy Tail mages and ignoring their piercing stares. "I had to stay somewhere you would find me, didn't I? You lot are so incompetent that I wouldn't trust you to find me anywhere else."

"Wait, what?" Natsu asked. "You aren't supposed to be going with the Council."

The Executioner's eyes narrowed even further. "Interesting. I would have expected you to run."

He chuckled dryly. "And be chased across half the continent? I think not. That would be such a drag."

"Well, since you  _are_ here… I have an arrest warrant for the demon Deliora, of the Books of Zeref."

"The one and only."

"Will you come willingly, or shall we do this the hard way?"

"I'm coming, aren't I?" He drawled, strolling along in no particular hurry. He knew that He'd be cuffed as soon as He got anywhere near the Knights, and He might still need his hands for one last thing, depending on how things went.

"No!" Lucy said, her voice rising. "You can't take him. The Council has no business here."

"Back down, Miss Heartfilia," the Executioner said coldly, and the Knights around the perimeter edged forward a little in anticipation, zeroing in on the resistance. "The demon is an escaped criminal under the Council's jurisdiction, and he is a threat."

"Oh, he's not a threat," Cana said with a sneer. "Let him be."

"Actually," Gajeel muttered, "why not let the Council take the problem off our hands?"

"Besides, he's the one who killed Zeref," Erza said, ignoring the dragon slayer. "You'd be dead if it wasn't for him."

The Executioner's lips tightened, but he appeared more furious than surprised. Interesting. Knowing how much information had spread and how far would be critical now, and it seemed that at least parts of his encounter with Zeref had already gotten around. That could be good or bad, depending on which parts those were.

"Harboring a demon and escaped criminal is not a good thing to admit to," the Executioner cautioned, giving the assembled mages a disgusted look.

"'Harboring' is a strong word," He said lightly. His smile was mocking as He finally came to a stop several feet away. "It's more like I insisted on sticking around until my business with you was taken care of. I didn't trust you to be able to find me anywhere else, remember?"

The Executioner eyed him warily across the gap, his body tense. "Hm. Are you quite sure it isn't just because they're a demon-loving guild who invited you back with open arms? Because going against the Council's direct orders and welcoming a criminal into the guild is grounds for an official reprimand."

He smiled humorlessly. "I am no longer a member of their guild."

"Oh?"

Shrugging, He pulled up his shirt to display the unmarked stretch of skin across his chest. "Do you really think they'd be foolish enough to happily invite a criminal demon back into the fold? They might still offer some support out of a surviving sentimental attachment, but they would not go that far. Surely they would realize that initiating me back into the guild after the Council explicitly exiled me would be grounds for not only an official reprimand, but for the possible revoking of the guild's legal charter."

Or, they  _should_ have realized that. He still couldn't quite believe that some of them seemed to think they could invite a convicted criminal back into the guild without repercussions. No, He couldn't even think about rejoining the guild until this mess was resolved. If it could be resolved.

Someone made a strangled choking sound behind him, but He ignored it.

"You won't find their mark anywhere on me," He said.

The Executioner almost looked disappointed, before shrugging and pulling a pair of anti-magic cuffs from his pocket. "You will need to be cuffed."

"No!" Erza said. "You can't–"

Half turning, He raised an eyebrow and gave her and the others a cool look. His voice still had that mocking lilt when He spoke, but there was a hard edge underneath.

"Surely they would realize that I'm perfectly able to manage my own affairs." Although his words were nominally addressed to the Knight, He directed a meaningful look at the Fairy Tail mages. "I'm sure they haven't already forgotten that I said I had an idea of how to handle the Council."

The Executioner snorted. "You won't be handling the Council. The Council will be handling  _you_."

Erza opened and closed her mouth a few times, eyes conflicted, and then directed a helpless look at Makarov and Mavis. Mavis studied the demon's face and let her gaze slide back to Erza and the rest of the team, shaking her head almost imperceptibly. Erza's hands clenched into fists by her sides, but she ground her teeth together and kept her mouth shut.

Oh good, maybe they were finally learning to trust him and his plans. He'd already produced several ingenious—if He did say so himself—plans lately, so it would be nice if everyone would just let him put these newest ones into action without making a fuss.

"They're welcome to try," He said, turning back to the Knights.

The ones on the outskirts were edging forward a little, weapons pointed at him. The Executioner looked no less apprehensive, although his burning hatred did a fair job of covering it up. Snapping the cuffs open, he stepped forward.

"And while we're here," he said, "we've also received a tip that the demon E.N.D. is involved with Fairy Tail."

Behind him all movement ceased instantly, the hall going completely silent and still. Smiling slyly, He rocked back a half-step instead of submitting to the cuffs.

"Yes, that would be me," He said.

The Executioner paused, a most interesting expression flashing across his face—some odd mixture of shock and disbelief. And He could practically feel all the flabbergasted expressions behind him with their stunned, confused eyes boring into his back.

" _What?_ " Natsu demanded. "But I–"

"Under most circumstances," He said smoothly, throwing a sharp look over his shoulder, "it would be unwise to trust a demon. But maybe it would be in the guild's best interests to figure out when that might actually be to its benefit."

Natsu's expression scrunched up into something pained and altogether unreadable. But He didn't have time to worry about the guild right now, so He hoped they'd get the message and keep their big mouths shut. He needed his full focus on the Council's henchman now, because He needed to play this just right.

"You can't be," the Executioner protested. "You already admitted to being the demon Deliora."

"Yes," He agreed with a sharp-toothed smile. "Both. E.N.D. is just an old name. E.N.D., Deliora, Gray…" He shrugged. "I shed names and identities like a snake sheds its skin."

"But–"

"How much do you  _actually_  know about E.N.D.?" He asked, his tone patronizing even though his gaze was sharp. Most people didn't know much aside from a vague legend if they knew anything at all, and that was what He was counting on.

"It's a fire demon," the Executioner replied, although uncertainty was creeping into his voice. "And it's supposed to be the strongest of the demons, the one that would be strong enough to kill Zeref."

"Indeed. And if you ask around, I'm sure you'd be able to find someone who witnessed my fight against Zeref and saw me use fire." Glancing back, He arched an eyebrow at his white-faced ex-team. "Isn't that right?"

"Well, yes," Natsu said, "but–"

"And I killed Zeref," He continued, turning back. A mocking lilt crept back into his voice as He added, "I seem to match both of your criteria, don't I?"

The Executioner's mouth opened, closed, opened again. He looked rather like a fish. "But– You can't possibly– That's impossible…"

"Still not convinced?"

Reaching out, He pulled his shadow up and reached inside, his hand disappearing into the inky mass. His fingers slid across his ice-bound Book, briefly tangled in a metal chain, and then finally brushed against worn leather. Ah, there it was. Fingers wrapping around the spine, He pulled the Book out and tossed it at the Knight, who reflexively snatched it out of the air.

Letting his shadow settle back, He slouched a little and watched with barely-concealed amusement as the Executioner gaped at the Book's cover.

"Kind of hard to deny that, isn't it?" He asked dryly. "Does that satisfy you? I assume you'll want to keep it as evidence, but I'll want it back afterward."

After all, although Natsu's Book was somewhat obsolete at this point and He doubted anyone could do much with it, it didn't hurt to be cautious. He wouldn't hand it over at all, except that the best 'proof' He could produce as to his newly-assumed identity was the Book with both 'E.N.D.' and 'Deliora' scrawled across the front. Since the Knights and Council knew next to nothing about bindings, they'd have no alternate interpretation.

" _Shit_ , Gray," Natsu breathed, fear creeping into his voice. "What the hell are you doing?"

"You said that you didn't know where that was!" Happy added accusingly.

"No, I didn't," He drawled, not looking back.

Not his fault that they were so bad at detecting half-truths and misleading statements. But those were things He had become exceedingly good at, and He hadn't been lying when He'd said that He could probably spin things around to tell the Council most of the truth. He was just going to use bits and pieces of the truth to weave a total bullshit story.

Half-truths were just easier to use than lies, because they were easier to keep straight and were closer to reality. In a way, He was—or had been—E.N.D. Or He had been bound to E.N.D.'s Book, in any case, which amounted to much the same thing in a vaguely symbolic way. And if claiming that would keep Natsu out of the crossfire, then so be it.

"You had it this whole time?" Lucy asked in disbelief.

Of course He had. It hadn't been much of a challenge to conceal the Book in shadow and then pick it up while everyone was distracted. He wouldn't have needed to bother with the subterfuge at all, if his friends wouldn't have insisted on putting up a fight about all this.

"You told the Council that you didn't have your Book," the Executioner said, finally finding his voice again. His stunned disbelief faded just enough that he could give the demon a reproving look. "Lying to the Council is a serious offense."

"I  _didn't_ have this then," He said truthfully. "I got this from Zeref."

Okay, so maybe He had lied to the Council about his Book, but He hadn't lied to them about  _this_ Book. Not his fault that the Executioner didn't realize He was answering the wrong questions.

The Executioner's eyes hardened, and he handed the Book to one of his subordinates. "Turn around," he said coldly, knuckles white as he gripped the anti-magic cuffs.

He shrugged and obeyed, obediently putting his hands behind his back. He no longer had any reason to resist.

"Gray-sama!" Juvia wailed, trying to rush forward before she was stopped by Gajeel's iron grip. "Gray-sama, no!"

The cuffs snapped shut and his magic was cut off instantly, leaving a void inside him that resonated with the echoes of a power now lost. The Executioner gripped the demon's arm tightly enough to leave bruises and twisted it at an awkward angle, deliberately meant to be painful.

Leaning forward so that his breath tickled the demon's ear, he growled, "You seem to be a lot more talkative now, so maybe you'll give me some nice screams this time. Did you think last time was bad? I am going to make your life a living hell. By the time I'm through with you, you'll wish that you could die."

"Yeah, I missed you too, sunshine," He said with a breathy chuckle, fighting back an instinctive wince as the Knight's grip tightened even further.

Since He was stuck facing the rest of the guild now, He saw the exact moment the realization hit Natsu. The dragon slayer's eyes widened almost comically, and his expression twisted in horror.

"But now you  _can–_ "

Erza moved like lightning, slamming a hand over Natsu's mouth. What an idiot. The Council knowing about his new mortality could work in either direction, but for now it was probably best to keep it on the down-low. He didn't doubt that an execution order would be handed down the second the Council realized He could die. On the other hand, they would likely attempt to kill him anyway, and they could actually manage that now. But in general, He firmly believed that knowledge was power and so preferred to keep his cards hidden until He chose to reveal them.

"What was that?" the Executioner demanded.

"I've seen more frightening butterflies," He said mockingly, instantly distracting his captor again. "I have endured far worse than you and your toys, human child. You will have to try harder."

The Knights' torture chamber didn't hold a candle to what He'd already put himself through while looking for a way to die, much less to what He had suffered at the hands of his devil slayer magic and Natsu and Zeref. Compared to that, the Knights were laughable.

The Executioner yanked the demon roughly, sending him stumbling back a half-step. Grunting as his arm was nearly dislocated, He quickly smoothed out his wince into a more neutral expression again.

"Don't encourage him," Erza warned nervously, but He just smiled.

"No more torture!" Lucy burst out, some of her fear melting into anger. "You can't–"

"Don't you worry," He interrupted. "You might recall that it's tricky to keep me caged, so presumably if things got too bad…" The others exchanged glances, but didn't look much happier. Still, the reminder that He could easily slip out of the cuffs and make his escape through the shadows should be enough to convince them to let him go. "And anyway," He added with a sly grin, "sunshine over here would have to seriously step up his game if he wanted to make a real impression."

The Executioner made a low growling sound in the back of his throat. When he spoke, his voice was equal parts hate and fury, every word dripping with venom. "I think you'll change your tune soon enough. You'll be singing for me by the end. You will never go free—I will have you for a very, very long time. I am going to break you, demon. I am going to make you beg and scream, and I will still show you no mercy."

A low chuckle rumbled through said demon's chest. "Ooh, someone's awfully violent. Anyone would think that you had a personal vendetta against demons." A thought hit him out of the blue, and his heart sank. Narrowing glassy eyes at the floor, He said, "Or against me in particular. Which of your loved ones did I kill, then?"

There was a long pause, and then the Executioner spun him about roughly. The man's eyes were blazing with pain and anger as he glared at the demon.

"My mother," he spat out. "And my brother. In Brago."

"Ah…" He said, his voice a sigh. "Brago."

The cities He'd rampaged through had all blended together in his mind since there were so many and He'd been Awake and therefore had no real brain capacity to note, but Brago stood out from the others. It had been his end and his beginning, and He still had Gray's very vivid memories of it.

Later, once He'd finally become more sympathetic to humans, He had gone back and done some research. He had gone through records and tracked his own path of destruction, found the names of the cities He'd destroyed, even skimmed over lists of the missing and dead. None of it had the same emotional impact as Gray's hometown or Brago, but it did serve as a reminder of the scope and magnitude of his sin.

"Do you remember them?" the Knight asked through gritted teeth. "Do you remember killing them?"

Studying the human silently, He took in the expression and body language. After a moment more of hesitation, He made his choice.

"Of course not," He said dismissively, giving the Executioner a sharp-toothed smile. "Why would I? I've destroyed dozens of cities, murdered thousands of people, and left thousands more alive and heartbroken. You are not so special."

Fury and pain flared in the Executioner's eyes. "You're a monster and–"

Letting his eyes drift to the stirring shadows, He reluctantly let them in, with their whispers of  _'kill, destroy'_.

"What's one or two less filthy humans?" He interrupted, eyes cold and smile cruel.

Someone inhaled sharply behind him, but then the Knight's fist connected with his nose, sending him staggering back a half-step. The blinding pain and blood dribbling down let him know that his nose was probably broken, but He kept the inhuman smile firmly in place as He stared down the furious human.

"I see you haven't learned to hit any harder, since last we met," He taunted with a wry chuckle. "Let me explain something to you, human. I couldn't care less about you or your family. You are insects to me. In the grand scheme of things, you and your silly family are entirely worthless."

"Gray!" Erza said, horrified. "Stop. He might be a jerk, but–"

The Executioner lunged forward, crashing into the demon and slamming him into the wall behind him, the other Knights hurriedly dodging out of the way. Clamping his mouth shut to stop any small sound of pain that might escape, He turned his face away and rode out the attack, the blows raining down on him.

After several long moments his assailant was pulled away, and He looked back over to see a couple of other Knights restraining their superior and trying to calm him down. The entire hall was awash with an indistinct roar of noise, Knights and mages on their feet and shouting, but He had to shake his head to clear it and wait for the ringing in his ears to recede before He could make any of it out.

The Executioner was still spitting out curses, struggling against his men. Poor bastard had walked right into a nightmare. The guild itself seemed to be of two minds, partly condemning the demon for his cruelty and partly yelling for the Executioner to stop attacking.

"Leave Gray-sama alone!"

"What the fuck is wrong with him? That's really fucking messed up."

"Stay the hell away from him!"

"This is exactly why we shouldn't keep him around. He's a demon and he thinks like one."

"You can't just attack someone who can't fight back!"

"He totally deserved that. Just give him to the Council."

"But we can't–"

"Why is he–?"

"He needs–"

"He can't just–"

"God, you're loud," He muttered, wishing He could rub at his temples now that He could feel a headache forming. Sadly, his hands were still bound behind his back, making that impossible.

The Executioner twisted out of his Knights' grasp, and they backed up a few paces, eyeing him uncertainly.

"As much as he deserves that," one said, "it's our job to bring him in. It's a breach of code to physically abuse someone in custody if they aren't actively resisting arrest or posing a serious threat to our safety."

"Wait until we get him back to headquarters," the other advised. "We have freer rein there, and our jurisdiction extends further."

The Executioner growled in displeasure, panting heavily as he glared at the demon, but didn't move to attack again. "I will find a way to kill you, if it's the last thing I do," he snarled, every word heavy with promise.

"I quiver in anticipation," He quipped sardonically, pushing himself away from the wall awkwardly so that He could stand upright again. He swayed slightly for a second, before the dizziness passed and He pushed aside all the aches and pains pervading his body.

"Gray, stop," Lucy said, her eyes wide with horror and fear. "I don't know what you think you're doing, but you're only making things worse for yourself. Don't antagonize him."

"The more you act like this, the harder it will be to get you pardoned," Mavis added, giving him a warning look.

Yes, He knew that. Under other circumstances, He wouldn't have taken things so far. But He had killed this man's family and so owed him something. As much as He didn't honestly like the Executioner as a person, He was willing to play along and hamper his own chances in the process. He didn't particularly care about the Executioner himself, but He would pay his dues. No more, no less.

"You think he will be pardoned?" the Executioner asked with a harsh laugh, a sneer twisting his features. "He will never be pardoned. He will rot in prison until we find a way to kill him."

Lucy turned to appeal to Makarov and Mavis, saying, "We can't let them take him now. That one has a grudge, and they're going to torture and kill– _try_ to kill him."

The two guild leaders exchanged a look, and the rest of the guild broke into mutterings both for and against the proposal.

"Aiding and abetting a criminal is a serious offense," the Executioner snarled. "Interfering with official business of the Knights and the Council is another, and freeing a convicted criminal is a third. I'd suggest you rethink that. I brought plenty of backup to take the demon into custody, and you will not find it so easy to get away with interfering."

Erza scowled. "But if we let you take him, then–"

"Relax," He interrupted lightly. "I'm assuming there's going to be another trial, and the Knights' hands will be tied until then. Technically there are codes limiting how much harm they can do to someone awaiting trial, even if they've been previously convicted of something or other. They might normally overlook those protocols when it comes to something like me, but knowing how vocal you are and how much of a fuss you kick up about everything, they wouldn't dare. The serious torture is for after the trial. And in any case, if things get  _that_ bad, then I think you know that I have backup measures to rely on. I will go with the Knights and submit to the Council's shenanigans, as per usual."

"But–" Natsu started.

"I already told you that I had business to take care of. The Council has to be dealt with, whether you like it or not."

"He's right," Makarov said, waving off the team's protests. "We can't ignore the Council or start an all-out war with them…at least not as anything but a last resort. We'll ensure that he gets a fair trial, and we have plenty of good evidence to offer as to why he should be released. We can work with that. For now, that's all we can do. If it doesn't work, then we can discuss what to do next."

"It'll be fine," He said, sounding more confident than He was.

He had thought out everything in great detail up to this point, but the trial itself was a nebulous blank in his mind. It was unlikely to go well, and it would be a real juggling act to get anything even remotely resembling a favorable outcome. For now, He was ignoring that. If things really got  _that_ bad, then He could stage a jailbreak. It might be a little trickier this time if the Knights were taking him back to headquarters and a higher security prison, but He didn't doubt that He could find a way to escape if He really wanted to.

Of course, then He'd probably have to stay off the grid and leave the guild behind, which would suck for both him and the people who still cared about him. But the other option was for Fairy Tail to start a war with the Council, which was not an acceptable alternative.

"Nothing will be fine for  _you_ ," the Executioner growled, snorting derisively as he grabbed the demon's arm and began manhandling him out the door. "But you and I will have lots of fun together."

Chuckling humorlessly, He said, "I am not afraid of you, human. But underneath all that hate, I can taste  _your_ fear."

"I'm not scared of you!"

"Oh, you very much are. It's smart of you, honestly. It would be more foolish not to fear me."

He earned only a rough twist of the arm for his troubles, which pulled another sardonic smile out of him. The Executioner, apparently having reached his limit and no longer willing to verbally engage, shoved the demon outside. Before the doors closed, He heard a couple people shouting encouragement after him, promising that they'd find a way to fix this. Well, good for them if they could manage it. Then again, this would probably just cause another rift in the guild. It looked like He was going to tear it apart no matter what He did.

He was thrust into the back of a magicked transport carriage, with half a dozen wary Knights for company. The Executioner went to a different vehicle, which was just as well. They could probably both use a break from each other.

The rest of the Knights were more easily cowed, nervous and jittery as they stole fearful glances at their charge. He could only imagine how terrified they'd be if they realized that He could easily take them down without even taking the anti-magic cuffs off, or how easy it would be for him to slip the cuffs entirely and regain access to his magic as well. No, they were right to fear him.

But they at least left him alone, stiff and silent as they guarded over him. As the carriage started up and began jostling over the cobblestones, He sighed and crossed his legs underneath him, leaning his head back against the wall and letting his eyes drift shut. Aside from the vague awareness of several sets of wary eyes watching him and the constant reminders of his newly-acquired bruises that were only exacerbated by the bouncing carriage, He let his mind go blank.

He was exhausted, and tired of putting on a show and strategizing. He had picked up something like meditation over the years, back when He'd been struggling to contain all his demonic wrath and fury, and it still came in handy whenever He needed to calm down or get a break from the outside world. It might not be much, but it at least helped him pass the time and not stress over what was coming.

Because He had been lost in his own head, He wasn't entirely sure how long the carriage ride lasted. He had the impression that it had been fairly long. Or, at least, He was calmer and more ready to handle the Knights by the time the carriage finally stopped and He was shoved outside and marched into a sprawling complex to be locked in a cell. This was obviously a more highly-funded and secure facility, with state-of-the-art equipment and magic. Which, perhaps, wasn't really a surprise, given that it was the high security prison attached to the Council's headquarters.

It almost made him nostalgic for the small, dingy cell He'd had before. At least that had been dark and cozy, in an uncomfortable way. This was painfully bright, with every corner of his cell on display for the Knights guarding it and patrolling the area. He felt more exposed, and He didn't much like it.

Retreating to one of the far corners, He settled himself down awkwardly and worked on clearing his mind again. There was nothing better to do anyway, and He could use some equanimity right now.

It was quite some time later when the Executioner came back and let himself into the cell, locking the door again behind him.

"Well," he said, a cruel smile playing on his lips, "are you ready to get started?"

Opening his eyes, He studied the human dispassionately. "What were their names?" He asked evenly.

"What?" The Executioner's smile faltered, his brows drawing together in confusion. "Whose names?"

"Your family."

Fury and pain flashed over the Knight's face. "Why the hell would I tell you that?"

"You wanted me to remember, didn't you?" He asked with a shrug. "You want to throw it in my face, because you want them to mean something."

The Executioner stared, face scrunched up into a pained, unreadable expression. "Clara," He said finally, his voice tight. "And Nikolas."

"Hm." He filed the names away, keeping his flat, unwavering gaze on the human in front of him the whole time.

There was a long pause before the Executioner shook his head sharply. "You really are much more talkative than last time."

"I wouldn't count on that lasting," He said with a wry smile. He had spoken exactly zero words to this man before the incident at the guild, and now that He no longer had anything else to say, He doubted He would speak any more.

"Oh, I hope it does, although I'm less interested in your words and more interested in hearing you scream. Although I'll take begging too."

But when the Executioner advanced, He just kept a thin smile on his face and his lips clamped firmly shut, a silent and inhuman demon once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I had to take care of the E.N.D. problem without getting Natsu caught up in the same drama as Gray, so why not? lol And although I spent a while debating back and forth about how Gray would think of himself after the ending of "DoR", I have a hard time seeing him accept the name thing until he starts coming to terms with stuff.


	5. …Try, Try Again (2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get it? Because he's going on trial and they're trying him again? I know, it's a truly terrible piece of wordplay XD This was supposed to be short and mostly glossed-over bullshit, but that obviously didn't happen. It's mostly Two's fault. She threw a wrench in everything.

* * *

**…Try, Try Again (2)**

* * *

The highlight of his stay with the Knights came just before the trial, when they decided to give him a new shirt to hide all the new bruises and cuts He had collected over the past days. They were making him presentable to ward off any complaints the guild might lodge, and that was fine with him.

But He  _did_ manage to draw some amusement from it. Partly He was amused by the Knights' transparent attempts to cover up their misdeeds, but mostly it was the process itself that was entertaining. They had managed to sloppily wrap his wounds without too much trouble, but when the time came to actually put the shirt on, they immediately ran into problems. Namely, his hands were still bound behind his back, and no one wanted to take the cuffs off.

If it wouldn't have made his bruised ribs ache, He might have laughed at the Knights' attempts to somehow wrestle him into a shirt while his hands were bound together. As it was, his smirk only seemed to frustrate them more. The cuffs would have to come off, which was something He could have told them from the beginning. Unless they were going to somehow magic the shirt onto him, they were going to have to unbind his hands.

It was both gratifying and tiresome to see how absolutely terrified his captors were of this prospect. They had over a dozen weapons pointed at him before they removed the cuffs, even allowing that they thought the cell itself would be nullifying his powers.

But He kept his peace, just watching in amusement as they wrestled him into the shirt and tugged the long sleeves all the way down. If nothing else, He at least got the chance to stretch his arms a little before the cuffs went back on about five seconds later. They had been chafing at his wrists, and kept his arms stretched in an uncomfortable position. He missed the days when his jailers had cuffed his hands in front of him; at least He'd had more mobility that way.

"Stop grinning already," the Executioner snarled.

The smirk widened further, resulting in an elbow to the ribs. The smile didn't falter, and the instinctive wince was quickly suppressed.

"That's really creepy," one of the other Knights muttered to someone beside him.

He glanced over, and the man flinched. Honestly, there was no right way. The Knights were disconcerted if He stayed aloof and withdrawn, watching them expressionlessly. They were creeped out or aggravated if He showed disdain or put on a mocking smile. Those were about the only two options He was willing to give them, so it looked like they were out of luck. Then again, maybe it was the silence that unnerved them the most. They didn't seem able to understand how He could just watch them silently when they taunted him or ripped through his skin. He wasn't planning on changing that for them.

And, to be honest, unnerving them was rather entertaining, and the only enjoyment He got out of this whole experience. After everything they'd put him through, He didn't feel that bad about scaring them a little.

The Executioner made a sound of irritated frustration in the back of his throat and gave up trying to control the demon's expression, although he did take great pains to jostle his prisoner as much as humanly possible.

"Don't you worry," he said with a cold smile, shoving the demon forward roughly, "this is just a formality. You'll be back with us soon enough, and that's when the  _real_ fun will start."

Oh, He didn't doubt it. The Knights had been showing great restraint so far, presumably because they didn't want Fairy Tail to kick up too much of a fuss. Once He had been convicted again and his sentence was passed down, the real torture would begin. Or, it would begin if He didn't slip his cuffs and escape.

He'd had plenty of time to think about how the trial would go and what He would say, but He still didn't foresee a positive outcome. It would take a real miracle to overcome the Council's desire to keep him locked up for life or executed.

The Knights dragged him through the corridors of the prison and out to a nearby building. He was honestly getting tired of this whole charade, but there was nothing for it now. Limping along the hallway toward the judicial chamber, He eyed his surroundings with the interest of the eternally bored. If nothing else, it was more impressive than the previous makeshift courtroom. Everything seemed so official and pretentious.

Two of the Knights hurried ahead to open the heavy double doors, and the Executioner pushed the demon inside. Ah, and there was the Council in its natural habitat: imperious, haughty, and totally devoid of common sense and good judgment. They were arranged in a shallow semi-circle at the far end of the room, sitting in high-backed chairs behind the imposing desk. The leader was positioned in the arbiter's position in the very middle, looking down his nose at everyone and everything. What had He called him, again? Incompetent Council Member Number One? No, no, 'useless'. Useless Council Member Number One.

He was much more interested in the spectators. As He was led down the aisle, He let his gaze roam over the assembled faces. Most all of Fairy Tail was present, even if it was divided into different camps depending on what they wanted to do with him. A good portion of Sabertooth was here as well, along with a few scattered members of other guilds. Even Lyon was sitting with a handful of Lamia Scale mages, and He didn't know what to make of that. Lyon was a wildcard, but He supposed it would make sense that he'd want to see how the proceedings went.

"Gray, are you okay?" Erza demanded, jumping to her feet and trampling over Natsu and Lucy to lean over the railing at the end of the row and peer at the demon anxiously.

"Did they hurt you?" Lucy added, shooting a nasty look at the Executioner.

Sort of half shrugging and half nodding, He offered them a wan smile. And was promptly prodded in the back with far more force than necessary. His lips tightened in exasperation, but then He smoothed out his annoyance and glanced back to give the Executioner a toothy grin. In return He received another jab, which was not entirely unexpected.

"Stop that," Lucy snapped. Her glower deepened. "He's still walking, even. It's not like he's being uncooperative."

The Executioner gave her a disgusted look and muttered something uncomplimentary about demon-lovers, jabbing his charge in the back again for good measure. Rolling his eyes, He threw his friends a lopsided smile and turned away, tuning out the chatter of Fairy Tail and the other guilds.

As they reached the front of the room, the Executioner shoved the demon down into a solitary, hard-backed wooden chair sitting in the middle of the floor directly in front of One's steely gaze. Although He supposed this was meant to make him feel small and alone, exposed to the Council without his allies about him, He just settled down and leaned back, making himself as comfortable as possible while his hands were jammed uncomfortably between his back and the chair. No point getting thrown off by mind games before they'd even started.

"And here we are again," said One sourly, looking thoroughly disgruntled even though they'd barely started. Dragging his eyes away from the demon to look at the Executioner as he retreated several paces, he asked, "Has he been cooperative?"

"Yes," the Knight admitted reluctantly. "Although he stopped talking again. He hasn't spoken a word since just after we brought him in."

"Well, he wasn't talking before, either," One said shortly. "He still started up again for his trial." Switching his gaze back to the demon, he asked, "Are you going to cooperate?"

A low, faintly amused chuckle rumbled through his chest, and He cleared his throat, wincing at the painful dryness. "Why wouldn't I cooperate with the Council?" He rasped, his voice scratchy from lack of use. "I live to cater to the every whim of our wise and aged benefactors."

He wished He could get some water, if only because there had been a distinct dearth of it in prison. Given that the Knights thought He couldn't die, any kind of sustenance had been in short supply.

The Councilman's weathered face hardened. "And here I'd almost forgotten what a sarcastic miscreant you were."

"I wish I could also say that I'd forgotten what an incompetent killjoy you were, but that would be a lie and I wouldn't dare lie to our wise and aged benefactors."

Closing his eyes, One pinched the bridge of his nose and took a couple deep breaths. It was very satisfying.

"You know how he is," said the brown-haired Councilwoman sitting beside One. "It's better to just ignore the barbs."

She threw the demon a wary, calculating look, and He grinned back. Finally, someone with some common sense on the Council.

"Except for you, dear," He said lightly. "You're a bit less aged. I guess you missed the memo, since you seem to be a couple decades shy of the desired age bracket."

The woman actually coughed out a surprised laugh, although she quickly smothered it behind her hand and darted a look at One. And here He had thought the Council was totally devoid of anyone with a sense of humor. He decided to dub her Slightly Less Useless Council Member Number Two.

"Ha ha," One said dryly, dropping his hand. "You're a real charmer."

He gave an exaggerated gasp. "Did you just use sarcasm? Uh-oh, looks like I might be rubbing off on you."

A pained look flitted across the Councilman's face, and he pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes. There was honestly no one easier to annoy than him, aside from possibly the Executioner.

"Maybe we should get started," Two said in a conciliatory tone.

"Right." One took another breath and dropped his hands again. "Demon, do you–?"

"Did the Knights hurt him?" Lucy demanded.

"Miss Heartfilia, I'd thank you not to interrupt court proceedings."

"But–"

"If you'd just check that there was no wrongful torture, we wouldn't need to interrupt the court proceedings," Makarov said mildly, and He could practically feel the Master giving Lucy and the other guild members a hard look. He bet they'd gotten a lecture about interrupting before they'd even shown up today.

Sighing harshly, One turned back to the demon. "How has your stay in jail gone?"

"I'd give it a solid three stars," He said brightly. "I might have even considered giving it a fourth, but the room service was subpar and the staff could have been friendlier."

There was a long pause.

"What did I ever do to deserve this?" One mumbled finally, looking longingly towards the exit.

When he didn't continue, Two gave him a look and turned back to the demon with a shrug. "Fairy Tail has lodged a formal complaint in regards to unlawful torture that you might have endured," she said evenly. "Given that you were under an order of execution before, it is difficult to substantiate 'unlawful' torture. However, eyewitness accounts and the formal report of your arrest state that you were compliant, and the Knights have just testified that you've been cooperative during your stay here.

"In that case, torture before the trial would be unwarranted, especially seeing as there have also been accusations of your last trial being unfair. In light of a mistrial, your previous sentence is now void. If you were subjected to any unnecessary corporal punishment, then you're welcome to file a complaint."

His face crinkled into a puzzled frown. "Wait, mistrial?"

"Indeed. Fairy Tail has been very vocal in its opinion that your first trial was 'rigged' because the Council never had any intention of giving you a fair hearing. Their lobbying eventually led to a formal ruling of a mistrial, so your previous conviction and sentence have been overturned."

Good grief, his friends must have been busy making nuisances of themselves while He was locked up. He was amazed that the Council had actually decided to go along with this, given that they rarely had any qualms about bending the rules to suit their own purposes. Although, given that a fair number of Council members were shooting Fairy Tail nasty looks, He had the feeling that not everyone had been on board with this.

"Huh," He said, straight-faced, "I wonder why they'd think that."

"They made fair points," Two agreed placidly. She was much better than One at handling snarky brats. "And raised concerns about extenuating circumstances regarding a lack of free will in connection to the murders you admitted to. But I'm sure we can talk about that when we get there. First, we are obliged to ask if you feel that you have been mistreated by the Knights."

He shrugged. "They treated me about as well as I deserve, I guess. I've no reason to complain."

"Right. The other order of business on this issue is that Fairy Tail has filed a motion to have you removed from the custody of the Knights currently in charge of you, on the grounds that the commanding officer has a personal grudge and has already shown excessive violence toward you."

"But–" the Executioner protested.

"Ah, don't worry," He interrupted with a chuckle. "He's been a perfect ray of sunshine."

The Executioner spit out a curse. "You're the most infuriating monster I've ever–"

"Whoa, whoa, I prefer 'raging beast'. Or even 'the most powerful and witty and amazing of raging beasts', if you prefer."

"I'm going to–"

"Officer," Two interrupted, "you are not helping your case. Nor have you been asked to speak. You are interrupting a formal court proceeding. Please restrain yourself."

There was a strained pause, before a scuffing sound announced that the Executioner was reluctantly retreating a few paces from where he'd advanced.

"I think I've been growing on him lately," He said optimistically. "Like a particularly nasty fungus."

Two gave him a funny look, but it was One who finally found his voice again. "What in the world is  _that_ supposed to mean?" he asked in exasperation.

"You don't like that one? Pity. It means that we've been getting along just  _swimmingly_. Like a shark and a particularly tasty guppy."

"…In what way would you be a guppy? Is this an indirect way of claiming that you were tortured?"

"Well, no." He arched an eyebrow. "I would be the shark, actually."

One stared back. "…What is  _that_ supposed to mean?"

"It's a truly terrible piece of wordplay. I wouldn't read too much into it."

"But then why would you  _say_ it?"

"Because it annoys you, and your expression is priceless."

There was another long pause, before One propped his elbows on the desk and buried his face in his hands. Poor fool was clearly not up to this task.

Two cleared her throat and gave the wilted Councilman a sidelong look. "For the sake of erring on the side of caution and getting Fairy Tail off our case, we will arrange a new guard. Do you have any questions before we begin the trial?"

"I do, actually."

"Yes?"

"Why aren't  _you_ in charge of the Council? You're so much better at it than he is."

She blinked at him in bafflement, confusion and amusement warring with the underlying tenseness and wariness. "You're a very interesting demon."

"Why, thank you. I aim to please our wise and aged benefactors, even the less aged of them."

One cleared his throat pointedly, straightening up to direct a glower at the demon and an unamused look at Two. "Seeing as I  _am_ in charge, let's get started."

"Finally," He said, leaning back in the chair and trying to work his arms into a more comfortable position. "You've been particularly slow today."

Wisely deciding to refrain from commenting, One took a deep breath and forged on. "Right. Let's start with the old charges. You admit to being the demon Deliora of the Books of Zeref?"

"Yes."

"And you still admit to killing thousands of people including one Gray Fullbuster, whose body you stole?"

"'Stole' is a strong word. More like 'unwillingly took possession of'."

One gave him a flat look. "So stole, then."

"Sure," He said, shrugging. "Close enough."

"Unless this goes back to the free will claim that Fairy Tail is making?" Two suggested. One shot her a nasty look.

He shrugged again, weariness settling over him. "Does it matter? Yes, I killed a fair number of humans and took possession of one's body. No one's denying that."

"But did you have a choice?"

"Child," He said with a sigh, "'choice' has no meaning for demons. There is no such thing. It is not so much that I did not have a choice, but that there was no choice to be made."

"Isn't that the same thing?" One asked.

"No, it is not. Saying I had no choice implies that there was another option that I was incapable of choosing. There was not. I was created for a purpose, bound to a master, and unleashed on the world with a programmed need to destroy and not a mind of my own to make me capable of  _choice_. So no, I didn't have a choice. But yes, I did all those things."

He could tell that his eyes must have gone distant and 'demon-y' again, because One flinched and Two shifted uncomfortably. Some other Council members were leaning in to whisper to each other, but He ignored them. As far as He could tell, they were really just here to be an extra audience.

"So…that's an extenuating circumstance, isn't it?" Two asked uncertainly. "Sentences are generally lighter in cases where people are forced to do things against their will."

"But he killed–!" the Executioner started.

"Officer, you are interrupting again. If you continue to do so, you will be asked to leave."

"See, but now you're implying that I had a will," He said tiredly. "I wasn't capable of anything that advanced. You're trying to apply human logic to me. You'd be better off conceptualizing me as an animal, minus the instinct of self-preservation and half the brain."

"To give you a fair hearing and sentencing, we'd really need to understand–"

"It doesn't matter," One interrupted, jotting down a note on the pad in front of him. "Nuances aside, he's claiming he had no choice. Extenuating circumstances, but offset by the fact that he  _mass murdered_ thousands of people. Let's move on to the current charges."

A displeased frown spread across Two's face, but she kept her mouth shut. He wasn't sure why she seemed to care so much about getting to the bottom of things. Maybe she was just inherently curious or especially dedicated to making sure justice was done. Or maybe she wanted to make sure things were done right this time around so that Fairy Tail would get off the Council's case.

"Oh, goody," He said. "About time."

This was where things would get tricky, and cobbling together a plausible story would be a challenge.

"There's still the matter of your jailbreak. Do you admit to breaking out of prison?"

"Would be kind of hard not to, wouldn't it? I mean, I'm clearly not there anymore…"

One took a deep, fortifying breath. "And did you have help?"

"You mean, did Fairy Tail break me out? No. I did that all on my own, thanks."

"But–"

"I'm sure you had Knights crawling all over that place, trying to figure out how I did it. So, did they sense any magical signature other than mine?"

"Well, no, but–"

"If Fairy Tail had broken me out, then they would have needed magic, no? So if there's no magical signature…"

"Fine," One grumbled in disappointment, noting something else on the page. Aw, he so badly wanted to implicate Fairy Tail. "Well, how did you get out, then?"

"It's not like that was a very high-security prison."

"But you were in anti-magic cuffs."

"Indeed."

"…So how did you get out of them?"

"I had a lot of time on my hands after the Knights up and left."

One sighed in frustration. "Yes, but  _how_?"

He shrugged. "They didn't contain me the way they should have."

"In other words, you don't know how you did it," One grumbled. "Possibly an equipment malfunction." He looked down and tried to hide his sly smile. Malfunction indeed. "Escaping from jail while a convicted criminal is also a serious charge."

One pulled out a sheaf of papers. "But for now, let's talk about what happened after your escape. I've received a number of depositions and eyewitness accounts. They're somewhat fragmented and frustratingly vague about some of the details, but they're a good place to start."

Oh hell, He should have thought of this. The Council was hardly going to trust him to tell the truth, so they'd want testimony from witnesses. And Fairy Tail would have pushed for it even if the Council didn't, as it was the best way for them to corroborate his story. Except that He really hoped they were going to corroborate the story He was going to tell.

One scowled as he flipped through the papers. "Although no one seems to know what you were doing when you first got out."

Good, the team had at least been smart enough not to place themselves at the jail. Maybe there was still some hope.

"Of course not," He drawled. "No one broke me out, remember? Why would they know what I was doing?"

He'd found that the easiest trick in the book for lying through omission and half-truths was to rephrase statements and questions into ones that could be answered truthfully.

"We have no paper trail until you ran into your old team. In their infinite wisdom, they decided that you would actually help them and not kill anyone, so they did not attempt to restrain you. Instead, Miss Marvel healed your wounds and you parted ways."

"Sounds about right," He said, giving One a skeptical look.

He knew the Council was incompetent, but this was taking it to a whole new level. What, they were just going to read him the statements and ask if He agreed? That would make things much easier, since He wouldn't have to worry about contradicting what everyone else had said.

…But really?

"So…?"

"So what?"

One sighed impatiently. "So what were you doing between the time you broke out of jail and when you ran into your former guildmates?"

The Councilman put the slightest emphasis on 'former', and He resisted the urge to scowl. No need to rub it in.

"Not much, really. There honestly wasn't much time between those events…" And they were in the wrong order, but One hadn't asked that, had he? "I was still deciding what to do."

One's gaze sharpened with interest. "As in, deciding whether to kill everyone?"

"As in, deciding whether to stick around or slip away while you were distracted."

"…Of course," One muttered, sounding disappointed. "Well, according to Mr. Bastia's deposition, your next appearance was when you showed up to interrupt his fight with…" His eyebrows rose fractionally as he skimmed over the page. "'A nasty piece of magic wearing the face of Ur'. He also claims to have stabbed you, before you 'sauntered away like a damn fool'. Mr. Bastia's statement is very…colorful."

He half turned his head and darted a puzzled look at Lyon, who was sitting impassively with his arms crossed over his chest. Lyon had written a statement too? Wildcard indeed. That would be the most dangerous one, given that He had no idea what he might have said.

"Demon?" One asked impatiently. "Is this ringing a bell?"

"Hm? Sure. I'm very good at sauntering. It's all in the attitude, you know."

One closed his eyes and took another deep breath.

"Well, you've certainly got the attitude down," Two muttered, shaking her head in some odd mixture of amusement and wary annoyance. He gave her a wide grin, and she eyed him guardedly.

"Moving on," One grumbled, shuffling through the massive stack of papers again. "You did another disappearing act, so would you like to tell us what you were doing during that time?"

He shrugged. "Generally making a nuisance of myself, I guess. I stayed out of everyone's way and took out some of the Alvarez grunts."

"And spoke to Miss Alberona?"

"Yes."

"Miss Alberona says that you were looking for Mr. Dragneel."

"…Yes." He narrowed his eyes, mind already searching for an explanation to the question He knew was coming. It wasn't like He could say that He'd been looking for Natsu because he was E.N.D.

"Why?"

"He's part of my old team," He said carefully. "I expected to find the rest of them with him, and they were the ones who knew I was free. It made sense to meet up with them again."

It was a flimsy argument that would be easy to poke holes into, but One just sighed and jotted down another note. It was lucky that it wasn't someone else—someone more  _competent_ —conducting this interrogation.

"After a conversation that no one bothered to divulge the details of, a Spriggan going by the name Invel is reported to have attacked. Miss Heartfilia, Mr. Dragneel, and…Mr. Happy–"

One broke off as He started snickering.

"Mr. Happy," He repeated, smirking.

"Miss Heartfilia, Mr. Dragneel, and  _Mr. Happy_  report being…carried off by a…giant."

"Brandish," Lucy supplied helpfully. "She's one of the Spriggans and–"

"Miss Heartfilia, you're interrupting."

"Are you sure you don't want to ask  _Mr. Happy's_ opinion?" He asked cheerfully.

"Stop making fun of me!" Happy complained.

"I dunno, it's pretty funny," Natsu said.

"Nat _su_ …"

A fearsome glower adorned One's face as he snapped, "If Fairy Tail cannot hold their tongues, they will be asked to leave."

Silence immediately fell over the gathered mages, although He kept his sly grin in place, not cowed in the slightest.

"Right," One grumbled. "Miss Lockser's deposition outlines being…'bound to Gray-sama by Invel's magic and forced to fight to the death, except that Juvia couldn't bear to kill Gray-sama and–' Good grief, do any of you talk like normal people? These are the most ridiculous depositions I've read in my entire life."

He coughed out a laugh. "It's a very unique guild."

"And not in a good way. Miss Lockser seems to be confused about how exactly you escaped this binding, but reports that you broke it and 'went all strange and frightening, more like a demon than like the Gray-sama Juvia knows and lov–' Oh God. It keeps getting worse. This reads like a horrible romance."

"Sounds like Miss Lockser, alright," He said with a solemn nod, dark eyes glittering with amusement.

"Miss Lockser's questionable taste in love interests aside, she states that you attacked Mr. Invel. When pressed, she admitted that she thought you would kill him. Mr. Invel was… _persuaded_ …to give a statement from his cell, and although it mostly consisted of incoherent rambling, he seems to concur with Miss Lockser's testimony. He maintains that it was impossible for you to break his spell, yet you somehow did so. The main point of  _five pages_ of rambling seems to be that you frightened him half to death and nearly killed him. His descriptions seem to boil down to something along the lines of you being 'a fearsome beast with eyes like crimson coals and teeth as sharp as knives, murderous intent shrouding him like a fog, a frightful Mephistopheles, demon of–' Bloody hell, it goes on for pages and I'd need a dictionary to decipher it all."

"And that sounds like Invel," He agreed with a chuckle.

"Well, the point is that you nearly killed Miss Lockser and Mr. Invel. But…you didn't?"

"Seeing as you're reading Miss Lockser and Mr. Invel's  _colorful_  depositions, I suppose that I didn't."

One gave him another nasty look. "Care to explain how you broke the spell?"

Sighing, He leaned back in the chair. "My binding to Zeref is– _was_ stronger than the one Invel placed on me. Invel's was interfering with Zeref's, and upset the balance. It managed to catalyze the Awakening process and… Well, an Awakening is–"

"Miss Scarlet thought it fitting to provide us with a detailed  _essay_ of everything she knows about Awakenings," One said sourly, shooting Erza a dark look. "You needn't repeat it."

"Just as well. I allowed the Awakening to proceed so that Zeref's binding would override Invel's. It was the only way to not kill Juvia, but…yes, I lost control for a few seconds."

"Why didn't you kill them, then?"

"Because I…remembered."

"Remembered what?"

"Why I didn't really want to do that."

"And that would be because…?"

His laugh sounded something like a sigh. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"Demon, answer the question."

"No thanks."

One opened his mouth again, but it was Two who leaned forward with a piercing look and asked, "Why?"

He studied her and then sighed. "I am not the same demon I once was. I have a mind, and can determine who I wish to be and who I wish to protect. I stopped with wanton destruction and murder years ago, because I  _wanted_ to stop. Believe me or not, but I don't spend all my time dreaming up new and interesting ways to kill humans."

Her gaze somehow sharpened even further. "And who is it that you wish to protect?" He gave her a flat look, and she said, "Your guild."

"My old guild. And, marginally, anyone who is not in direct opposition to them. You will have noticed that I was with them for over a decade without killing any of them. In any case, the Awakening was incomplete and I pulled myself back."

"Wait, how come you'll answer when  _she_ asks?" One demanded.

"Because I respect her more than I respect you," He said with a shrug.

"Maybe we should continue on?" Two asked lightly, glancing between him and One.

One scowled but complied. "Miss Lockser asserts that you took her to Mr. Bastia, which he corroborates, and said you were going after Zeref, before running off  _again_. Your activities are next noted by Miss Scarlet and a number of other witnesses, who say that you took out a large battalion of Alvarez soldiers. Miss Scarlet then gives a description of coming with you to find Zeref, there's some vague mention of Mr. Dragneel somehow defeating Acnologia, and–"

"You mean  _Mr_. Acnologia?" He interrupted.

The scowl He got in return was totally worth it.

"And then we have several different accounts of your fight with Zeref, including chunks of speech and other detail that make you out to be a sympathetic hero."

He frowned. "Of speech?"

"'Me dying isn't a problem. It's the perfect solution.' 'I'm sorry for a lot of things, but this is best for everyone.' 'The guild has always been my heart and I love you.'"

" _What?_ " He demanded, finally losing his composure as his eyes bugged out of his head. "They said  _that_?"

"They said that you said that."

"Seriously?" He turned and glowered at his sheepish teammates. "Why the hell would you say that?"

Erza sat up straight and gave him a hard look. "Because you did say those things."

"That I  _loved_ you? No, I didn't say that."

"Oh, Gray," Erza said, her eyes softening, "you most certainly did."

He growled deep in the back of his throat. "I don't see why you felt it fitting to recount sanitized versions of our conversation to the  _Council_ ," He said through gritted teeth.

"Look," Lucy said, holding her hands up in a conciliatory gesture, "I know that was kind of private, but they need to know that you aren't as bad as they think you are."

"But you seriously–?"

" _Ahem_ ," One said pointedly. "The accused and the audience should not be conversing."

He turned back around with a scowl. He wasn't  _sulking_ , just… Okay, He was kind of sulking.

"Are you saying that these claims are false?" One asked.

His grimace deepened. "They aren't  _false_ , just overly positive approximations of what I actually said."

"So false," One said, suddenly cheering up.

"Mr. Bastia recounted some similar statements," Two said mildly. "And given that he has little reason to provide an overly rosy picture of the defendant, his claims give good support for the ones made by Fairy Tail."

"Even  _Lyon_  got in on this?" He demanded, eyes widening again. "What the fuck is going on with you people?"

"Language," One snarled, his mood souring as Two shot him down.

"I'll say whatever I damn well please, thanks."

Two gave him a look. "This is still a courtroom, and we would appreciate it if you would use appropriate language."

He stared at her, then sighed and deflated. "Fine, fine, sorry."

One's eyes widened in outrage. "Seriously? Why do you listen to  _her_?"

"She's less incompetent than you. And she's also more polite. Goodness knows there's a shortage of  _that_  around here."

Two was giving him one of those unreadable, ambivalent looks again, but asked, "Shall we proceed?"

One took a moment to rein in his temper, although his voice was still tight with anger when he spoke again. "We want to know why you went to Zeref."

"Because I had no choice," He grumbled.

"Why not?"

"Because he was my master. He owned me, and I obeyed because I was created to obey. A demon is created with a  _purpose_. Instincts drive us to that purpose; we are drawn to it like magnets. Destruction is only a secondary purpose. My primary purpose is to kill Zeref, so I went and killed Zeref like a good little demon. He had a gravitational pull of his own, that one. It would be impossible for a demon to resist."

One's eyes narrowed. "And why would Zeref create demons to kill him?"

Sighing heavily, He leaned back and closed his eyes. "Child, when you are cursed to live forever, you are always looking for a way to die."

There was a long pause before One said, "Miss Scarlet mentioned that you wanted her to come with you to 'stop him from losing himself, and to remind him not to kill Zeref'. So, were you looking to kill Zeref or not?"

There was the first major slipup, and He was surprised it was Erza who had made it.

"I needed to kill him," He said carefully, "but I couldn't kill him right away. The closer I got to Zeref, the more overwhelming my instincts became. Which, if you recall, means that I'd lose my ability to think rationally. It would be silly to go up against the most powerful mage in existence without a brain, wouldn't it?"

"There are many reports that you  _did_ kill Zeref," One grumbled, clearly displeased at not having caught him in a contradiction. "And apparently these go along with this E.N.D. nonsense." Shifting the stack of papers aside, he pulled out Natsu's Book and tapped his finger on the cover. "You claim that you are E.N.D.?"

"That's what I'm claiming," He agreed.

"And yet you are still Deliora?"

"Correct."

"So…both?"

"Now this is just getting redundant."

One shot him a dark look. "The arrest report details your claim, but I still find it ludicrous."

"Although there are several depositions confirming that he was seen using fire magic," Two remarked neutrally. "And not all of them were from Fairy Tail."

"Many of them weren't on scene and only saw events from a distance. That opens them up to error."

"Perhaps, but there are many of them. And the claim that he killed Zeref is firmly substantiated. It's a strange turn of events, certainly, but it would be improper to ignore what evidence we have."

"Fine," One growled, turning back to the demon, "but then explain why you only killed Zeref now, if you were driven to kill him before and were powerful enough to do so. Why didn't you kill him a long time ago?"

He remained silent, marshalling his thoughts.

"Because I am defective," He said finally, his voice flat. "I am powerful, but I did not have the cognitive ability or drive to use that power. Upon realizing this, Zeref used me as a template to make the later demons. They were not as powerful, and they failed. He eventually gave up and set me loose on the world instead. It was not until I got trapped in a human body and began developing a mind of my own that I became capable of unlocking my power."

"So why were you never seen using fire up until that point?"

"I locked away most of my power while pretending to be human, remember?"

One grunted in displeasure. "And how did you defeat Zeref? No one seems to know. The only thing everyone agrees on is that you were supposed to die along with him, despite the fact that you're immortal. There are also claims that you were somehow saved by Mr. Dragneel, but not even Mr. Dragneel himself seems to understand how."

"Through a complete accident," He grumbled. "He shouldn't have been able to do it. As for Zeref, the power of E.N.D. was meant to kill him, remember?"

"But you're immortal, as we would know since the Knights spent a good deal of time attempting to execute you. Why would you need saving at all if you couldn't die?"

He shrugged. "I was bound to Zeref. At that point, I was immortal with the caveat that I'd die if Zeref died, because his death would bleed through the binding and affect me. Anything that killed him would have to be powerful enough to kill an immortal."

"Hm. And how did Mr. Dragneel save you, then?"

"He bound me," He said, narrowing his eyes at the ground. "He bound me to himself, and to the guild."

"A magic binding?"

"There was a magic binding," He agreed. It wasn't what He was referencing, but He figured that the binding to his Book should count.

"And what does this binding do?"

He was silent for a long moment, his eyes glassy and unfocused.

"A demon cannot live without a binding and a purpose," He said finally, bleakly. "It's what we are created for. My binding to Zeref was broken, my purpose fulfilled and voided. But I am bound to the guild. Zeref was my master, but now it is the guild that owns me." He sighed, the truth of his words searing him. "They own me. My purpose is to protect and serve them."

This was nothing new, to be fair. He had given himself a new purpose long ago, to replace the ones He had been created with. But now that his binding to Zeref was gone and his original purpose nullified, his bond to the guild and his need to protect it were all that remained.

"So… You obey them?"

He half shrugged, still staring fixedly at the floor. "I play by their rules. I cannot intentionally kill humans, because I am bound to the guild and they do not wish me to. I cannot even intentionally harm humans except under certain conditions, such as self-defense or during sanctioned fights. Even then, it's a minimum-force policy." He laughed hollowly. "You should congratulate them on managing to domesticate a demon."

Like He had told Erza, not all bindings were made of magic. The guild had placed bindings on him long ago, and He played by their rules because He had bound himself to them. That was a binding of its own, although a different type than what the Council was thinking.

"So… You're saying that there's now a magic binding on you that prevents you from killing or harming humans?"

"There is a binding that prevents me from killing or harming humans," He agreed, conveniently leaving out the part about magic.

One was silent for a long moment before continuing. "Fairy Tail's argument is that you should be released because your other trial was unfair, because you show no intent to harm anyone, and because you killed Zeref. They contend that killing Zeref in some way makes up for your previous murders. However, even with that, it would be impossible to set a demon loose."

"Mhm." This was nothing that He hadn't expected from the get-go.

"But he saved you!" Lucy burst out. "Killing Zeref saved a lot of lives."

"He doesn't deserve this kind of treatment when he didn't do anything wrong," Mira said. Her voice was cold and hard. "Stop looking at him like a demon and treat him like a person. No one deserves to be dehumanized like that. He has done nothing but try to protect us, all of us, this whole time."

"And he can't kill anyone because of the binding, so he's not a threat if you release him," Natsu added, apparently deciding to milk this binding claim for all it was worth.

"It's just not safe," One snapped. "And unless this binding can be verified… Right now, we're taking a demon's word on all of this."

"The guild would take responsibility for him," Makarov said. "We'll monitor him to make sure he doesn't go rogue and assume responsibility for his actions."

"It's not enough. You're too close to him to make good guardians. You already trust him too much."

"I will vouch for him as well," Lyon said.

He started in surprise and twisted around. Lyon had stood up, and was grasping the railing separating the spectators from the courtroom floor so tightly that his knuckles were white. His face was hard and unreadable, and He could do nothing but stare in disbelief.

"He killed my master and my brother," Lyon continued, his eyes narrowing. "I have no love for demons. If I thought he could do that again, I would fight tooth and nail to keep him behind bars." Closing his eyes, he said, "I don't believe he will hurt anyone else, and I'm confident enough of that to voluntarily take responsibility for his actions."

He gaped at Lyon, mind reeling and heart doing funny flips in his chest. Whatever He had been expecting from Lyon's presence here today, it had not been this.

Opening his eyes, Lyon noticed the demon's scrutiny and scowled. "I still hate you."

"I'd be more worried if you didn't," He said slowly.

"Wow," Natsu said in the loudest possible whisper. "Sure wasn't expecting that."

The saddest thing was that he obviously thought he was being quiet. Idiot.

One cleared his throat and looked back down at the papers in his hands. "Your recommendation has been noted, Mr. Bastia. But as it stands, releasing the demon still poses a significant threat to the well-being of the general population."

"But the binding–" Erza started.

"Is something that we only have the demon's word for."

"Actually, we might have a solution," said Sting.

He frowned, having no idea what involvement Sabertooth had in any of this. Unless maybe Fairy Tail had a hand in it? Glancing over at his own guild, He noticed Mavis hiding a smile.

"What is it?" One asked reluctantly, and He doubted Sting would have been given the time of day if he wasn't a guild master.

"We have a memory mage," Sting said, giving the demon a cool, unfriendly look. "Rufus could look through the demon's memories and see if he's telling the truth about this binding. We have no connection to Fairy Tail, nor are we particularly dedicated to setting a demon loose on the streets. This would be an entirely impartial gesture. If he is telling the truth, then he is telling the truth. If he is not, then we will know."

Just what did Mavis think she was doing? Staring at Sting warily, He took in the cold eyes and knew that this would, in fact, be an impartial gesture. Sabertooth wasn't necessarily an ally, but Fairy Tail must have somehow convinced them to give him a shot. If what they found in his mind was unsatisfactory, they would throw him back to the Council without another thought.

And given that He had spent the entire trial weaving an intricate story of carefully worded half-truths, Sabertooth would just as easily send his entire explanation crashing down.

"I don't think–" One started.

Two murmured something in his ear, and he turned toward the rest of the Council with a scowl. A few other Councilmen had something to add in low voices, and then One spun back to face the courtroom again.

"Right," he grumbled. "The Council believes Sabertooth's claim of impartiality. Mr. Lore's magic is also well-verified. You may perform your test."

Rufus stood up from where he was seated amongst his guildmates and began picking his way down to the front of the room. This was bad.

"Wait," He said, "don't–"

"It's hard to trust a demon on blind faith," Rufus said mildly, although his gaze was sharp.

This must be a ploy to get Sabertooth's backing. Darting a glance at his guildmates, He saw Mavis nod slightly. She must have told Sabertooth at least some of the truth so that they wouldn't be surprised at what they found in his head and give it away to the Council.

But still, He couldn't think of anything worse than to have someone dig through his mind and examine his memories.

"No," He said in a voice smaller than He wanted it to be, eyeing Rufus like he was a venomous snake.

"No?" One smiled, and it wasn't pleasant. "Don't want him seeing through your lies?"

"Would  _you_ want someone digging through your memories?"

"Gray," Erza said, "just let him. There's no other way."

He shook his head. "I'd rather–"

He gasped, eyes widening as He felt something prodding at his mind. Behind his mask, Rufus's eyes narrowed in concentration. What, He didn't even get a choice?

…When had He ever?

"Don't…" He trailed off, eyes going out of focus.

It was odd to feel Rufus examining his memories of the trial. And his mind was dragged along for the ride, the memories overlaid on top of reality as if He was reliving them again.

He was giving his half-truths, figuring out how not to incriminate the guild, playing along with a battle He didn't expect to win.

Rufus kept going: working backward, darting from memory to memory, sometimes lingering longer on certain ones.

"Stop…"

The Knights were playing their games, He was surrendering himself to them, He was assuming E.N.D.'s identity to protect Natsu. He was waiting for the Knights, listening to the guild argue about his future, furtively slipping the Book of E.N.D. into his shadow. He was staring at the cover of his Book in shock, trying to explain to the guild why they needed to let him go, waking up disoriented and lost in an alien world.

And then Rufus moved on to before He had killed Zeref, and suddenly the memories were not only disorienting but so real that He could feel them, the courtroom wavering and nearly disappearing under the onslaught.

He had to Awaken, He  _had_ to, because sometimes you needed to become a monster to kill a monster. Couldn't they see that this was the only way? Did He love them? He wanted to love them.

The binding, the binding, He had to fix Natsu and bind himself to the Book. And  _oh_ , it hurt, the fire searing through his veins and the ice shredding his insides and the shadows eating away at his mind and his entire body aching and bleeding. But He had to–had to–

He had to save Natsu, reverse his Awakening. His ribs splintered and He cried out in pain, but it hurt worse knowing that He had failed, that He hadn't gotten Natsu's Book in time and now He was going to lose his friend.

He had to go—Zeref was calling him so strongly. God, why was there so much blood?

Kill the humans and go to Zeref. But no, not that, He wasn't Awake. Not yet.

He needed to find Natsu to make sure he didn't Awaken, needed to help Lyon against this thing that wasn't Ur, needed to finally tell Natsu the truth about E.N.D.

He would let the Knights try to kill him, tolerate the pain until it was time to fight. He would submit to the Council instead of escaping.

It hurt explaining the truth, realizing that his friends—former friends?—would finally see him for what He was. And He needed to play demon for them, push them away so that they didn't get caught up in the fallout. He was going to kill the bitch, rip her heart out for daring to challenge him and attack his guild. The shadows were everywhere and his seal was snapping, but…

But Gray knew that if he let the seal snap, nothing would ever be the same. He would lose everything…but was that really worse than watching his friends die? It seemed so hopeless, and Gray could feel the shadows breaking down the barrier he had constructed to hold them back so long ago. The seal was already weak because–

Gray couldn't do this, he couldn't stand playing along with Avatar's games and dabbling in the things he had worked so hard to escape. But he could have, Before. If he let the seal weaken a little–

The guild was gone, and what was left now? Gray had no one else. The guild had disbanded and Natsu had left because while they were fighting Tartaros–

It shouldn't be possible for Gray's father to be here. He had Gray's memories of killing the man. And now, with Silver claiming to be  _Deliora_  and  _him_ pretending to be his long-dead son, he had never felt less like Gray.

Oh God, it was Ultear. What had she  _done_? She couldn't know. So instead of stopping the carriage, he pressed himself against the window and tried to convince himself that he wasn't crying.

The dragonlings were everywhere and it  _hurt_ …

…how could they have just lost seven years?...Zeref was  _here_?...Shit, he had thought Ultear was dead…It would be a lot of fun with Loke, and maybe Gray could edge out Natsu this year…

…figures, there was a whole damn world full of flying cats…

…he would get Erza out of this damn Tower if it was the last thing he did…

...no, they wouldn't just hand Lucy over. Gray would fight for her…

…it was so stupid of him to listen to Natsu now, but Gray so badly wanted to accept that offer of friendship…Maybe iced shell would be the closest he could get to death…Oh God, that was  _Lyon_.  _Gray's_ Lyon. And this could ruin everything…Someone was going to realize…

…huh, a team with Erza, Natsu, Happy, and Lucy. Who would've thought it?...

…Gray was going to kill that fire-breathing idiot…

…beheading was a bust. Gray didn't know why he still bothered trying…

…ow, did Erza really have to get so violent? He and Natsu were just messing around…

…he absolutely should not care about some little human girl crying by the river, but…

…he could just kill them all, but maybe it would be useful to take advantage of their contacts and resources…One day he'd find a way to undo that damn spell…

…stupid humans. He was going to rip their heads off in three seconds if they didn't back off. He had no patience for such insignificant creatures…

…this wasn't possible, wasn't possible, what was this? He didn't understand, didn't understand…

…and Ur was going to die, sacrifice herself to seal the same demon that had killed his parents, and it was Gray's fault because he was the one who had–

With a sudden jolt, He half jerked out of the overwhelming stream of memories, writhing in the chair and tossing his head fitfully.

"St-stop…"

Those weren't his memories—they were Gray's. And if Rufus was at Gray's memories and still going backward, then next would be–

Deliora's roar sliced through the air, and the humans screeched and ran like insects. The world would burn. It was all blood and ash and screaming. Kill, destroy, kill, dest–

Something snapped and He slumped over like a puppet with its strings cut, his eyes wide and glassy. Rufus was reeling away and falling to his knees, people were shouting, but there was still a whole burning world overlaid on top of the courtroom. He could taste the ash, hear the screaming, feel the heat of the fire, smell the tang of blood heavy in the air.

"What did you do?" the Executioner demanded, grabbing the demon and shaking him violently.

He flopped over lifelessly, staring at the carnage that wasn't really there. He couldn't breathe. The Knight's rough shaking knocked the air out of his lungs, and his broken nose threatened to suffocate him until He pulled in a deep breath through his mouth and gasped.

"Stop!" Rufus snapped, pulling himself back to his feet unsteadily and hurrying over. "He didn't do anything." Shoving the Executioner away, he bent over to look the demon in the eyes. "Hey, are you okay?"

Slowly, ever so slowly, He tore his eyes away from the ghostly destruction and forced them to focus on the human. When He opened his mouth, only a strange, garbled sound emerged, his words getting mixed up and falling over each other.

He snapped his mouth shut. He didn't want to be making strange noises like that in front of the Council.

"Is he alright?" Two asked, leaning forward. "What's wrong with him?"

"What the hell did you do to him?" Erza demanded.

"He's in shock," Rufus said. "It's my fault. You have to understand that I dragged him through his memories and he was reliving them. Usually I'd guide him back to the present in a gradual transition, but I panicked and pulled out abruptly. He's going to be extremely disoriented." Sighing, he pressed his hands to his eyes. "I left him in a really bad place, and we'll be lucky if mangled speech is the worst of the damage."

Oh, He knew what Rufus meant by that. Luckily for them, He wasn't quite so far gone as to go all crazy psycho demon on them.

"Can you fix it?" Lucy asked worriedly.

"Sometimes it helps if I go back into their minds and try to unstick them from the memory I left them in. If I can get him and walk him back out–"

His head snapped up and He shook it sharply, unconsciously shrinking back into the chair. No way did He want anyone going into his mind again.

Rufus broke off and stared at him. "Well, it looks like he at least understands us. That's good. I was worried he wouldn't."

"Why wouldn't he?" One asked with a frown.

"Not understanding…messed-up talking…" Anger flared to life in Natsu's voice as he said, "You took him back to when he was Awake? What the hell made you think he wanted to relive  _that_?"

"I didn't realize…" Rufus trailed off and shook his head. Turning back to the demon, he asked, "Are you alright? You can shake your head or nod if you can't talk."

He scowled. No way was He going to resort to gestures like He was a child who didn't know how to speak.

"I'm…fine…" He said slowly, his tongue feeling thick and heavy in his mouth.

Stringing the words together and getting them out was a struggle, but it wasn't as bad as after He'd been Awakened again. If He could just calm down, figure out how to breathe again and tamp down the toxic cocktail of emotion, then maybe He could fix this. If only everything wasn't so confusing, with memory bleeding into reality.

"Oh good. Aside from being disoriented, are you thinking rationally?"

"Think…fine…" He mumbled, drawing the words out and selecting them carefully in the hopes of not making a total fool of himself. "Just need…sort…um, sort…um, I need…" Groaning in exasperation, He closed his eyes and let his head fall back. "Go away."

"Sorry, sorry, I know it's frustrating." When He didn't respond, the sound of Rufus's footsteps started up as he retreated. "He'll be fine," he told everyone else. "Just give him some time to sort things out and bring himself back to the present. He seems lucid enough to understand what we're saying."

God, why was it so hard to breathe? It was suffocating in here. He took a series of deep breaths through his mouth, trying to calm his racing heart and pull himself back to reality. Reality where there were no ghostly bodies staring at him with their dead eyes, no high-pitched screams cut off abruptly, no blood and ash coating his mouth and nostrils.

"Right," One said unsympathetically. "So what–?"

"He appears to be bleeding," Two interrupted. "Was he already injured when he was arrested?"

Warm liquid was trickling down his side, escaping from the messy bandages and seeping through his shirt. He must have aggravated some of his injuries while thrashing around.

"No," Rufus said, his voice suddenly cold, "that would be from the Knights."

His eyes flew open, and He directed a nasty look at the memory mage.

"He said that the Knights didn't torture him," Two said uncertainly, looking between Rufus and the demon.

"No, that's not what he said. He said that the Knights treated him as well as he deserved."

He scowled, his glare turning even more venomous. Someone was being awfully nosy.

"Oh, Gray," Erza said with a sigh, "don't do this to yourself."

"That's entirely unacceptable," Lucy added angrily. "You said he wouldn't be tortured. How  _dare_ you sit there and say he's too dangerous to be released when you've been torturing him this whole time?"

"Does it really matter?" One asked impatiently.

"Does it…? I'm going to–"

"Miss Heartfilia, please restrain yourself," Two interrupted. She gave Lucy a sympathetic but firm look, before turning to the Executioner and asking, "And what do you have to say about this?"

"He's a demon," the Knight said, the sneer evident in his voice. "What does it matter what we do to him?"

Natsu let out a sound that sounded almost like a growl. "You're going to regret that–"

"Mr. Dragneel," Two said. "Please." Then, to the Executioner, she added, "You were given specific instructions on how to handle the defendant's confinement, given the complaints we received from Fairy Tail. Your blatant disregard of normal guidelines would be bad enough if you hadn't also received extra warnings. This behavior isn't acceptable. An official inquiry may be made into this."

God, they were so loud. He wished they'd stop stalling and cut to the chase already. He wasn't in the mood to play along with the Council's games anymore, and it was too hard to focus on all their bickering right now.

"Why should normal guidelines apply to him at all?" the Executioner asked sourly. "He's not even human."

"Be that as it may–"

"Can we move on?" One interrupted. "This is such a minor issue that it doesn't deserve our attention."

"But–"

"Mr. Lore, would you mind giving us your assessment of the question you were  _actually_ asked to answer?"

There was a tense moment of silence but then Two backed down, her lips pursed and eyes smoldering. The guild also reluctantly held its silence, and there were a few seconds of blessed quiet as Rufus studied the demon with slightly narrowed eyes.

"He's telling the truth," Rufus said finally, and He could only stare in disbelief. "There's a very strong bond between him and Fairy Tail. He can't kill anyone like this. And even if that bond didn't exist, I still find it highly unlikely that he would intentionally harm an innocent. And he was also right about not being in control while he was…Awake. He's no more of a threat than you make him out to be."

What in the world would possess Rufus to lie to the Council in order to support a demon he had no connection to? That was a ridiculous risk to take.

Rufus looked to the spectators and nodded slightly. Sting and Rogue exchanged looks, and then Sting sighed.

"In that case, Sabertooth will also vouch for the demon and offer support for his release."

They were all insane, they had to be.

An uproar greeted Sting's pronouncement, and He closed his eyes and let his head fall back. Some of the memory-induced panic was starting to fade, but it was leaving a bone-numbing weariness and melancholy in its place. The ghosts were suffocating him, and He didn't have the energy to take an interest in the heated debate. He had enough on his plate just trying to breathe and organize his mind so that He could speak up again if He needed to.

It was hard to miss the ugly divisiveness, though. Fairy Tail was mostly supporting him aside from a few holdouts brave enough to speak out, while Sabertooth seemed divided down the middle. Most other guilds and the Council were quite clearly arguing against his release, with Two trying to stand as the lone voice of reason in a vain attempt to mediate the conflict.

Every time He tuned back into the conversation for a moment or two, they seemed to be yelling back and forth about something new. He should be released because He'd killed Zeref…but He should stay imprisoned because He'd admitted to murdering thousands. The binding meant it was safe to let him go…but there was always the risk that He could find a way out of it. The general population could suck it up and deal with it since He wasn't going to hurt them…but they'd be frightened and it wasn't fair to put them in danger. He hadn't had a choice Before…but He'd done it anyway. He wasn't the same demon He'd been…but He was still a demon.

Listening to the discussion was exhausting, and He felt himself slipping further and further into his own mind to sort through the pain and grief and guilt that had begun eating away at him again He'd rather forget. He just wanted everyone to settle on a solution already, and honestly cared less about what that solution actually was.

"There's also the matter of his unfair treatment at the hands of the Council and Knights," Two was saying evenly.

Sighing, He went back to trying to ignore everyone. He was so tired of going around in circles.

"You know," One said sharply, "you've been awfully sympathetic to the demon this whole time. I don't know why you came into this wanting to set him free, but you might reconsider whether it's really wise to be a demon-lover."

He snapped back to the present, not because of anything One said, but because the sudden shift in the atmosphere was palpable. He opened his eyes just in time to see Two's calm façade crack, fury and pain sweeping over her face.

"He killed my daughter!" she yelled back, and silence instantly fell over the room. And his heart sank. "We didn't even live in Isvan, but we went up to visit my husband's family and she–she–

"Do you think this is easy for me?" She laughed bitterly. "I am no demon-lover. I did not come in wanting to set him free. But I want to understand what happened to my baby and why. Maybe you don't care whether he had a choice or why he acts the way he does, but I want to  _understand_. I want to understand why my child is dead.

"And you know what? He was right, before, when he said that we the Council are failing in our duties. And Fairy Tail is right that there is nothing fair going on here. In his first trial I sat back and did nothing, because I wanted him to pay. And that was wrong, because my personal feelings shouldn't interfere with my work. Things will be done right this time around. I don't necessarily want him set free, I don't honestly know  _what_ I want done with him, but that decision will be a fair one, made by looking at all the evidence.

"I read through all the depositions, I had a hand in interviewing both his supporters and detractors, and I have listened to everything he has said today. I am looking for the demon who killed my daughter, and I am finding something else entirely. You can't ignore everything that doesn't corroborate your own opinions. If I thought my personal feelings would interfere with my ability to pass fair judgment again, I would have removed myself from this case.

"My child is dead. What is  _your_ excuse for not doing your job?"

The room was frozen. One's mouth opened, but nothing came out. Two continued to glower at him, her body trembling slightly as anger and pain warred in her eyes.

"What was her name?" He asked finally, his raspy voice slicing through the silence.

Two turned but He stayed resolutely still, his own gaze unwavering. She stared at him, the ambivalence He'd noted earlier now even more pronounced as she waged an internal war with herself.

"Emilia," she said after a long moment, her voice wavering.

"Pretty name."

"She was a pretty girl."

"I'm sure."

He almost asked for her name too, but He didn't have the courage for it. A name had meaning, it was important, and it forged a more intimate closeness than He was sure He wanted to have. He would keep the names of the fallen as penance, but He was wary of forging such a bond with the living. That was more potential heartache than He had the heart to take on.

"And just what are you doing with all these names?" the Executioner demanded, stepping up and grabbing the demon's arm tightly, fingers digging painfully into the wound he had to know was there.

He stared back expressionlessly. "Wouldn't you like to know? Let go."

The Knight's grip only tightened.

"Officer," Two snapped, "you are interfering again. I sympathize with your situation, but your behavior is unacceptable. Release him and step back."

The Executioner hesitated, torn between following orders and taking some small measure of revenge. His nails pulled at the edges of the wound, and a large blotch of red began spreading down the shirt's sleeve.

"Let me explain something to you," He said tonelessly. "I found the weak point in those anti-magic cuffs long before you ran off. While you were ripping through my skin, I could have very easily ripped your head off. You were at my mercy, and I chose not to kill you."

"I don't believe you," the Executioner snarled.

"I don't particularly care whether you do or not," He said, his voice perfectly flat as He bored into the man with dead eyes. "The point stands. I have been very tolerant of you, human. I have played by your rules, but my patience is wearing thin. I am no longer in the mood to play your games. This is no longer about you. You have no right to interfere in a game that is not your own. I suggest you let go."

The Executioner flinched back at whatever he saw in the demon's eyes, and let go almost reflexively. Not sparing him another glance, He turned his attention back to Two.

"What is it that you want to know of me?"

She hesitated, torn with indecision, but then blurted out, "Are you sorry?"

Tilting his head slightly, He regarded her with unreadable eyes. "Do you want me to be?"

"What…? What does that mean?"

"It means that I owe you something, child. That I have taken something unbearably precious from you. Quite honestly, I have no means of repaying that debt even if I wished to. But what I will give you is a choice." He nodded toward the Executioner, although his intense gaze never strayed from Two's face. "He does not want me to be sorry, so for him I will not be sorry. Would you like me to be sorry so that you can let go, or would you like to hate me so that you can hold on?"

She stared at him, her mouth working soundlessly. "I…I want…" A choking sound escaped her throat, and she pressed her hand over her mouth as if to stifle it. "I want to let go," she whispered, her eyes filling with tears.

"Then for you, I am sorry."

She searched his face with heartbroken eyes, looking for answers. Then the tears clouding her eyes broke loose and she buried her face in her hands, her shoulders shaking. Pursing his lips, He let his gaze drift away.

"Don't listen to him," the Executioner growled. "You should have heard what he said about  _my_ family. Don't be fooled. He's not sorry."

"He  _is_!" Two cried, her voice breaking. "He is."

"He is," Rufus said quietly, and He gave the Sabertooth mage another dark look.

"But–" the Executioner started.

"Let him go," Two mumbled into her hands. "Just…let him go."

The demon's gaze snapped back to her, his lips quirking into a frown. She was much harder to decipher than the Executioner, and He didn't understand what was going through her head.

"You can't just  _let him go_ ," the Executioner protested.

"I'm sympathetic to you," One added, "but it's not safe to–"

Two dropped her hands to give One a flat look, her emotions back on a tight leash once more. "My personal feelings aside, I've weighed the evidence and considered the different outcomes. We can't deny that he killed Zeref and saved many lives. That already puts us in a tough position, especially considering that he didn't have a choice about the murders he committed. He's gone years and years without any major problems, and has a clean track record aside from this. He was subjected to an unfair trial and unjustified torture, which the Council is already taking heat for. Whatever we do will cause dissension, but let's face it, Fairy Tail has already been causing enough problems and will continue to do so. We've received verified evidence that he's under a binding that will prevent him from harming innocents."

"But everyone will freak out and–"

"Sure, they'll be worried at first, but eventually things will settle down. But do you know what isn't going to settle down? Fairy Tail."

"We aren't going to let one guild make our decisions for us. And there would still be plenty of guilds and civilians unhappy with his release."

Two shook her head in exasperation. "I'm not saying that we're just giving in, but look at it from a practical standpoint. Fairy Tail has been a thorn in the Council's side from the beginning, but it's not really for all their destruction and rule-bending. It's because they're possibly  _the_ strongest guild, and they have a lot of leverage because they've been responsible for taking care of so many 'unbeatable' threats. That means we have to try to keep them in their place, because they have a good deal of power and we're at a disadvantage.

"Fairy Tail has once again saved the day—because even if… _Gray_ …is not technically part of their guild anymore, he is still strongly affiliated with them—which gives them even more leverage. They've already forced us into declaring a mistrial and admitting to the injustices going on. Everything is still in shambles from Zeref's army, and right now the Council needs all the support it can get as we coordinate reconstruction processes. At this time, we cannot afford to go to war with Fairy Tail."

"But–"

"What do you think would happen if we refused to release him?"

One was silent for a long moment, but then sighed and rubbed at his eyes wearily. "A war with Fairy Tail."

Another Councilman cleared his throat and said, "Although there will be a significant group that doesn't want a demon released and a core group very strongly against keeping him imprisoned, most citizens actually seem to fall somewhere in the middle. He has a good reputation, and has helped many people who are unwilling to turn on him completely. They might not ignore the things he's done, but he's done nothing to warrant imprisonment in years. And now that Fairy Tail has been spreading it around that he had no choice about those killings, our case for keeping him is becoming flimsier."

He frowned and studied the Council curiously. This was not at all how He had expected this trial to go.

"It's a bad situation all around," another Councilman muttered. "We'll have people showing up on our doorstep with pitchforks no matter what. Damned if we do, damned if we don't."

"You're right," Two said. "I think our best option might be to issue an official order of absolvement."

His face scrunched up in confusion. Why the hell would she want to do  _that_?

"Solve what?" Natsu asked, sounding totally lost.

Instead of reprimanding the dragon slayer for speaking out of turn, Two gave him and the rest of the guild a long look. "Absolvement," she repeated. "Amnesty. It means that we declare him free of guilt for any crimes he committed before acquiring a human body, in light of evidence that he didn't do those things of his own free will. It's an acknowledgement that he had no choice, and would prevent us from prosecuting him for those crimes."

"You can't just–!" the Executioner started hotly.

"Actually," said one of the Council members thoughtfully, "that might be smart. We'd tie our own hands. We can justify giving the order because of his lack of choiceful action and our own mishandling of the situation. Once that's in place, we've legally bound ourselves to not prosecute him for the absolved acts, so even if there are complaints… Well, we'd still be able to prosecute him for any crimes after that time, so it's not like we couldn't take action if he does something after we release him."

"I don't know…" One wavered, indecisiveness written across his face.

"Why don't we call it probation?" Two suggested. "Fairy Tail and Sabertooth, along with Mr. Bastia, have vouched for him and are responsible for his behavior. Fairy Tail will keep him in line because they want him in our good graces, and the others because they're now responsible for him and their reputations are staked on it. And the Council can keep tabs on him in case the binding fails."

Everyone held their breath as One chewed on his lip absently.

"If he kills anyone, it will be on your head," he said finally, giving Two a hard look.

She hesitated for a split second before nodding. "So be it."

One sighed heavily and scribbled something on his notepad. "The order will be issued. The demon is absolved of all crimes before the time when he acquired a human body and developed a mind of his own. But," he added, giving the demon a cold glare, "we will be watching you very carefully. Any misstep and you will be back here again."

Nodding slowly, He tried to keep the stunned disbelief off his face.

One scowled and switched his gaze to the Executioner. "Release him."

"No," the Knight snapped. "You can't do this. You can't just–"

"Officer," Two interrupted, "there will already be an inquiry into your actions in the near future, and you might find yourself suspended from active duty. Think very carefully before you make things worse for yourself. Defying a direct order will not help your case."

There was a long pause, punctuated only by the low buzz among the spectators, but then the Executioner unlocked the cuffs in something resembling painful slow motion. He tensed, eyes narrowing. Then the cuffs fell away and his magic came flooding back.

He was up and moving instantly, spinning around and slamming into the Executioner's chest with enough force to push him all the way back to the wall. Shouting started up, but He had eyes only for the human He grasped. The Executioner's eyes were wide and frightened, and He thought He could see a terrified child lurking there.

Leaning forward, He spoke directly into the human's ear in a voice so low that even he'd have to strain to hear it. "Child, you have the right to hold on to your grudges. But however satisfying revenge would be, it would ultimately solve nothing. It will not bring your family back, and it will not make you mourn them any less. One day, you will have to let go. You should not be living for me, child."

He stepped back, staring at the stunned Knight with flat, unreadable eyes. The other Knights were rushing forward, ready to restrain him, but his attention was unwavering.

"Stop!" The Executioner waved off his men, who paused uncertainly. "What do you mean that–?"

But that was all He would say on the subject, and instead summoned up another roguish grin, the snarky demon once more. "And for future reference, if you're trying to kill someone, the heart is over  _here_ ," He said mockingly, tapping his chest over his heart.

The Executioner just stared back, his mouth working soundlessly as confusion and hate and fear raged in his eyes. Shrugging, He turned away and strolled through the ranks of hovering Knights.

"May I have the Book?" He asked, pausing a short way from the Council's desk.

One looked between him and the Executioner uncertainly, and then scowled. "No. We'll keep this."

His smile turned icy. "Afraid you'll have to hand it over."

He still didn't think that there was any possibility of Natsu Awakening, but He wouldn't take a chance on that.

"Why would you even want it?" One asked. "You keep saying that you aren't bound to it and it's useless to you."

"It has…sentimental value."

"Just give it to him," Two said with a sigh. "What are we going to do with it?"

"No," One said stubbornly. "We're already releasing him. He can let us keep this."

Rolling his eyes, He glanced down at the shadow by his feet. "Sweetheart, fetch."

As if it had been waiting just for that, it stretched out eagerly, sliding across the floor and up the desk. One and the rest of the Council jerked back, and someone emitted a decidedly unmanly squeak. The shadow enveloped the Book before retreating once more, although it wound about the demon in its eagerness.

"Good girl."

_Kill?_ it whispered hopefully into his mind, twining about him.  _Destroy?_

"Mm, I hear you," He mumbled, twisting his face away from the dark caress. "Back down."

It writhed in displeasure, but resentfully settled back at his feet. He eyed it warily before giving the flabbergasted Council a cheeky grin that He wasn't really feeling.

"It's always a pleasure doing business with our wise and aged benefactors," He said with a mocking bow. His eyes turned more serious as they locked with Two's, and He gave her a slight nod. "Even the less aged of them."

After a moment she nodded back, her eyes a whirlwind of emotion that was impossible to decipher.

"Wait, you can't just–" One tried.

But He was already turning away, sauntering down the aisle without a backward glance. The smile immediately fell off his face. He stared ahead blankly and forced himself to keep up the leisurely pace even though it was suffocating in here and He needed to escape right now. He was vaguely aware that the room was in an uproar again and his friends were rushing over, but the air was too heavy and the memories too thick, and He ignored them.

But He paused in the doorway and finally turned back as a thought occurred to him, pasting on another half-smile for the Council's benefit. "And you needn't worry about making an official inquiry into his behavior. I took something from him first, so we'll just call it even."

He slipped out of the room. Once in the hallway, He dropped the leisurely act and picked up the pace.

"Are you okay?" Erza asked, rushing out of the room behind him and hurrying to his side.

He nodded and waved a dismissive hand, his gaze still fixed on the doors to the outside. Covering the last few paces, He burst out into the sunlight and fell to his knees, closing his eyes and pressing his forehead into the rough stone of the building's wall as He fought to get himself under control again. Everything was so  _much_ , too close to the surface.

"Gray! What's wrong?"

"Are you okay?"

"What's going on?"

"I'm fine," He mumbled, his voice raspy. "Although it would be great if I could  _breathe_."

He prodded at his nose with shaky fingers, wincing at the pain. It was swollen, but at least it didn't seem too bent out of shape. He could probably fix it before the bone set at an awkward angle.

Wendy crouched beside him and reached out. "Here, let me–"

"No," He said, leaning away.

"But Gray-san–"

"Let him have his victory. He's already going to be bitter enough that I was set free."

There was a long pause, and then a new voice spoke up. "I have to admit that I was skeptical at first, but it looks like I was wrong."

He scowled, his hands clenching into fists. He hated how they trembled and He couldn't make them stop.

"Did you really have to go back that far?" He growled, glaring at the ground.

"Sorry, but yes," Rufus said with a sigh. "I had to see it all to feel confident enough to commit the guild to your aid. Although I do apologize for pulling out so abruptly. If you can calm down, the effects will wear off and you won't be as disoriented. It might help if you sleep it off."

He turned to sit with his back against the wall so that He could scowl directly at Rufus. Sting and Rogue were there as well, looking a bit more ambivalent, and even Lyon had shown up at some point, along with about half of Fairy Tail. Oh joy.

"Sleep it off, he says." His lips twitched disdainfully.

Rufus winced. "You're right. With all your problems with dreams, it's probably better that you don't go to sleep right away."

He pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes and shook his head. "It doesn't matter," He said tiredly, the fire draining out of him. The memories would haunt him one way or another, dreams or not.

"You have my condolences," Rufus said after a moment, clearing his throat awkwardly.

He dropped his hands and frowned in confusion. "Whatever for?"

"Everything. I respect how much you have endured, and how hard you have worked to make reparations. You have come a long way, and it would have broken a lesser man."

He stared uncomprehendingly, then bared his suddenly-pointed teeth in a feral snarl. "Don't patronize me, human," He hissed, eyes flashing. "I want none of your misguided pity. In fact, I seem to recall having told you to stay the hell away from my mind."

"Wait, what kind of things?" Lucy asked.

Rufus glanced over but said, "They are not my memories to share. They remain confidential."

"Oh really?" He asked bitterly. "Because you had no problem spouting bullshit to the Council."

Rufus just sighed. "If you aren't willing to say what's needed to be said to defend yourself, then someone has to."

"You might try being a bit more polite," Sting said coolly. "Rufus seems to have become quite enamored of you and whatever he saw in your mind, and that's the only reason Sabertooth is going to agree to Fairy Tail's request and support you."

"Don't worry about it," Rufus said, waving a dismissive hand. "He's especially snappish because he's still shaken up from the memory shock, not really because he's ungrateful, per se. You wouldn't be in a good mood either. Look, he's still shaking."

"I am not," He said indignantly, lying through his teeth as He folded his arms to hide his trembling hands.

The Sabertooth mages exchanged glances, and then Rogue sighed harshly. "Well, Rufus wouldn't be so adamant about this without good reason, so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. Just don't make us regret it."

He looked away, his nostrils flaring. "Sorry I snapped at you," He muttered.

"It's alright," Rufus said. "I know it isn't really me you're angry at or afraid of. You're going to have to face yourself eventually, and I wish you the best of luck."

He looked up sharply and watched as the Sabertooth mages headed off, Rufus glancing back once to give him an unsettlingly sympathetic and knowing look.

Huffing to himself, He carefully pushed himself to his feet. His ginger movements and pained expression immediately caught Wendy's attention.

"Please just let me heal your injuries."

He waved her off again. "I riled him up. I pretty much deserved it."

Erza gave him a hard look. "I want to rip his arms off, but yes, you were unnecessarily cruel to him."

"I gave him exactly what he wanted," He said with a bitter smile.

"What do you mean?" Lucy asked.

"He isn't so hard to read. He doesn't want me to be sorry—he wants someone to blame, someone to hate." He shrugged. "I gave him that. It's probably better for his sanity, anyway. Otherwise he might end up like him."

He nodded toward Lyon, who had been a silent observer this whole time. Now he started in surprise, and too many emotions to read flickered over his face.

"What…? What do you mean?"

He shrugged again. "You're stuck halfway in between, when it would be easier to pick one side or the other. I don't suppose you've decided yet?"

"Decided what?" Lyon asked hoarsely.

"Whether you want me to be sorry or you want to hate me."

"I already hate you," Lyon retorted automatically. "Anyway, that doesn't seem very genuine, does it? You shouldn't be deciding whether or not you're sorry based on what other people think."

He clicked his tongue impatiently. "My personal feelings are unaffected by the choices you or anyone else make. What changes is how I present myself to you. I can play either role. Do you want me to play human or demon?"

"…Both. Neither. I don't know." Lyon buried his face in his hands.

"Well, I'm sure you'll figure it out eventually," He said neutrally, studying him with melancholy eyes.

Lyon looked at him for a long moment, then turned and walked away without another word. He stared after him, but then started down the path in the opposite direction. The gathered mages exchanged looks and followed.

Mira crept over and touched his arm gently. "You shouldn't keep trying to convince them, convince  _us_ , that you're just a demon. Believe me, that's…not something that goes over well. We'll figure this out, but just be yourself instead of playing games with them."

He stared at her. "The difference, Mira, is that you  _aren't_ a demon," He said softly. "I  _am_ , and it is all the world will ever see when it looks at me. I see no need to fight an impossible war."

Mira's eyes clouded over. "That's not what  _we_ see."

"Maybe you should."

She bit her lip and looked away, and everyone shifted around uncomfortably. He was sure it would be a long time before they figured out how to handle him again.

"I'm quite impressed with your ability to weave together a story like that," Mavis said finally, breaking through the awkward silence. "You'd make a good tactician yourself."

Cana snorted. "I'm not sure anyone has ever lied to the Council that much in one sitting."

"I was very truthful," He disagreed. "Just… _selectively_ truthful."

"You know I want to strangle you for that E.N.D. bullshit," Natsu growled. "What the hell were you thinking–?"

"Hush," He snapped, giving his friend a warning look. "Do you know how many hoops I had to jump through to get that to work? Don't mess it up now. And anyway, it was sort of true in a very convoluted and symbolic way."

Natsu groaned. "You're such an idiot. Don't…don't do that for me again."

He shrugged and scuffed his foot on the ground. "I'm going down either way. No point dragging you with me."

His mood forced an awkward silence over the group, before Lucy finally worked up the nerve to try lightening the atmosphere.

"Do you realize what we just did?" she asked cheerfully. "We totally just outfoxed the Council."

Erza smiled. "That's definitely a victory. Looks like all our hard work paid off after all."

"And now we can party!" Natsu said, instantly distracted at the prospect of a celebration.

And then suddenly everyone was cheerful, or at least pretending to be. They had won a victory against the Council, and He stayed quiet and let them celebrate it.

But his smile was wan, and his eyes empty. Even aside from the memories pressing down and the added weight of more victims to his soulless self, He knew that this was just the beginning. The Council had only been the first hurdle, and He still had to face the rest of the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God, I love snark. Anyway, most of this was made up on the spot as I was writing, including Two. Somehow it turned into this hot mess lol But I like her, so no regrets. Or, few regrets XD


	6. No

* * *

**No**

* * *

"No."

"What do you mean, no?" Erza asked, flabbergasted.

"I mean no," Gray said, resolutely staring out the carriage window.

"But–but–"

"But you  _have_ to rejoin the guild!" Happy cried.

Even Natsu looked up despite his motion sickness, mumbling something entirely incoherent.

"Shut up, flame brain." Gray leaned his forehead against the glass. "That's stupid."

Erza had no idea how Gray had apparently understood that, and she was a little afraid to ask what Natsu's words had actually been.

"But the Council let you go!" Lucy protested. Her hands balled into fists in her lap. "They set you free and exonerated you. Now you can come back."

"No," Gray said again, his voice flat. "It would divide the guild."

Natsu made another undignified, rather disgusting sound.

"It doesn't  _matter_ if they'd get over it," Gray said impatiently. "You can't just force them to do what you want." He tilted his head downward, and Erza could see his eyes narrowing in his reflection in the window. "They have already done a great deal for me. It is unfair to ask more of them, and I will not force them to do something which they are so strongly opposed to."

"Is that the real reason?" Erza asked quietly.

The corners of Gray's lips quirked upward into an unamused smile. "It is one of the reasons."

Erza bit her lip, disturbed by how serious he was. They had won such a great victory only a few short minutes before, trapping the Council into releasing Gray. Everything should have been fixed now, but maybe Erza should have known it wouldn't be that easy.

"You said that after you took care of your business with the Council, you would–"

"Think about it," he finished for her. "I thought about it."

"You said that you'd stick around until you finished with that," Lucy said, her mouth twisting into a sickened expression. "You aren't going to leave now, are you?"

Gray finally turned his head and studied Lucy. He was silent for a long moment before he looked away again.

"Not if you don't want me to," he said softly.

"Of course we don't want you to!"

"If you're staying anyway," Happy said, "then you might as well rejoin–"

"I can't!" Gray interrupted, pressing his forehead to the window as his nails dug into his palms. "I can't."

"Gray–"

He looked back and plastered what Erza supposed was meant to be a reassuring half-smile on his face, although it looked strained. "Look, you somehow managed to pull enough strings to convince the Council to let me go. That's still a victory, isn't it? For today, can't that be enough? We can worry about the rest later."

Erza exchanged a look with Lucy and Happy. Neither of them looked thrilled either, but they all realized that continuing to push Gray would get them exactly nowhere. He was stubborn enough at the best of times, and it was impossible to make him budge when he got like this.

And with how rattled he'd been after Rufus dug through his memories and that Councilwoman had revealed the truth about her daughter's death, Erza was hesitant to push him too far and make it worse. This might be a conversation that they needed to save for another time. Even though Gray was fighting to keep himself under control, Erza could tell that his emotions were stretched thin.

"We'll discuss this again later," Erza said. "This isn't something we can just ignore, but… We'll talk later."

"Thank you," Gray said quietly. He smiled wanly. "You guys really went to a lot of trouble to get me out, so…thank you."

"Of course." Lucy stared back at him with earnest eyes. "We were always going to get you out, one way or another."

He dropped his gaze, twisting his hands together in his lap. Then Natsu made another incoherent gagging sound, and Gray immediately scowled.

"You're such an asshole," he growled.

"How do you even understand him?" Lucy asked, shaking her head.

"His brain is so small that there are only so many things he can actually say… Yeah, yeah, whatever you say, ash for brains. Get over yourself."

"But what is he  _saying_?" she demanded, looking back and forth between Gray and Natsu.

"Nothing worth knowing," Gray grumbled. Natsu mumbled something else, and the ice mage's eyes turned more serious as he went back to staring out the window. "You can't even stand up without puking, idiot. You couldn't hit me if you wanted to. And it won't change anything. What's done is done. Don't you dare interfere with this now. The last thing we need is for the Council to get on your case if they find out. I'll keep your Book. Don't worry about it."

The dragon slayer emitted another unidentifiable sound, and Gray was silent for a long moment.

"Will someone just knock him out already?" he asked finally, his voice low.

"Lucy can do it!" Happy said loudly.

"What?" she cried. "No thanks."

Natsu made a sound of protest and tried to wriggle away from the others, but he could do little more than squirm and there was only so much space inside the carriage. Erza leaned forward from where she was seated beside Gray, and smacked her fist into Natsu's solar plexus. The dragon slayer's eyes rolled back, but Erza was still focused on Gray, watching the reflection of his solemn eyes in the window.

"You guys might as well get some sleep," he said. "I'm sure you're worn out, and it's a long ride back to Magnolia."

Erza was inclined to think that he just didn't want to talk and would rather see everyone asleep so that he didn't have to keep up whatever façade he was currently maintaining. Lucy was similarly unimpressed, her gaze traveling over Gray's body and lingering on the red stains bleeding through his shirt.

"When we get back to Magnolia, will you let Wendy look over your injuries?" she asked.

"No."

"But she can heal–"

"I already said no. No healing magic. They'll heal on their own, and I'm plenty capable of taking care of my own injuries, thanks."

"But–"

"Lucy," Erza interrupted, giving the other woman a firm look, "let's leave it alone for now."

Lucy opened her mouth to protest, but caught Erza's gaze and reluctantly subsided. Gray had made his position very clear, and he wasn't likely to change his mind so easily. These were all problems that would have to be worked out later, when he and the rest of the team were in a better state of mind.

Silence enveloped the carriage then, broken only by Natsu's occasional restless groaning. Everyone who still retained consciousness seemed to be lost in their own thoughts, Gray most especially. Erza spent her time going back over the trial and picking it apart, and brainstorming ways to get the rest of the guild to accept Gray back without stirring up a fuss. By the time Lucy and Happy eventually drifted off, lulled to sleep by the rocking of the carriage, she was no closer to finding any kind of solution.

Sighing, she let her gaze rest contemplatively on Gray again. He was still awake, but had been silent and unmoving this whole time. She got the impression that he was lost in his own world, and she doubted it was a happy place to be.

She cleared her throat pointedly and got no response, so repeated the gesture more loudly. This time Gray pulled himself out of his musings and turned away from the window to raise a questioning eyebrow at her.

"May I take a look at your injuries?" she asked.

Annoyance flashed over Gray's face. "No."

"That seems to be your new favorite word," Erza said with a sigh.

"Well, it could be worse."

"How so?"

A hint of wicked mischief sparked to life in Gray's eyes. "My new word of choice could be something along the lines of 'fu–'"

" _O-_ kay," Erza interrupted, shooting him a look that actually made him snicker. "Point taken. But I still want to see."

"Leave it alone," Gray said with a sigh, sobering again.

"Oh, relax. I'm not going to freak out like Lucy."

"Yeah, she seems to get really worked up about this stuff," Gray remarked, his gaze settling on the napping blonde.

Erza sighed. "She hates the thought that you were tortured and, even more than that, the fact that you seem to think you deserve it. Not that we don't  _all_ hate it, but… I guess we've all latched on to different things, and that's hers. Like how Happy is more fixated on your sudden personality shifts and wants you to go back to 'normal', or at least find a new normal now. And how Natsu is especially preoccupied with anything to do with Awakening, and now your claiming of E.N.D.'s identity."

Gray was quiet for a long moment before returning his gaze to Erza and asking, "And you?"

"And I'm more concerned with your persistent refusal to rejoin the guild and your insistence that getting rid of you would be the best option." Her lips tightened. "And this thought of yours that we either can't or shouldn't recognize you anymore, along with your constant attempts to make it true by pushing us away."

After another pause, Gray sighed. "Yes, I'd noticed all that, actually."

"Good." Erza gave him a flat look. "Maybe you aren't  _completely_ hopeless, then. Now let me see."

Gray hesitated, but then sighed again. "I really need to ice some things over, anyway. The Knights did a sloppy job, and I'm sick of feeling blood seeping out everywhere."

Which didn't sound very reassuring, but Erza kept her mouth shut. She sensed that she was winning him over—or at least wearing him down—but the moment he thought she started getting too freaked out, he would put an end to this whole thing.

Gray darted a look at Lucy and the others, double-checking that they were well and truly asleep, and then pulled his shirt over his head. He prodded at some of the cuts and bandages, and Erza bit the inside of her cheek to stop herself from saying anything. Very little of his skin was visible around the bandages wound about him in messy, haphazard carelessness. The once-white gauze was stained red in many places, and Erza had the sudden desire to strangle someone.

"Relax," Gray grunted, not even looking up as he began unraveling a string of bandages. "It's honestly not that bad. They were going to wait for the good stuff until after the trial."

"Looks pretty bad to me," Erza replied, keeping her voice carefully neutral in a bid to stop her horror and anger from seeping through.

"I've had worse." Gray smiled grimly. "Nothing the Knights do can hurt as much as having your own magic tear you apart from the inside out. Anyway, I don't suppose you have any kind of bag or something that you wouldn't mind ruining? I don't want to just dump this shit out the window."

Erza winced, memories flashing through her mind: Gray coughing up lungful after lungful of blood, Gray's entire body trembling with strain and pain, Gray facing off against Zeref when he could barely even stand, Gray taking on more pain and responsibility than was imaginable to sacrifice himself and save the guild. Swallowing hard, she pushed those memories aside. This wasn't the time, and she needed to stay level-headed.

She obediently reached down to the bag at her feet and began rummaging through it, looking for anything that could be used as a disposable container. Finding a plastic bag filled with food and snacks, she dumped out the contents and handed it to Gray.

"Here."

"Thanks."

Erza watched in silence for a few minutes as he unwound bandages, did his best to soak up any welling blood with whatever gauze wasn't already saturated, and iced over the uncovered wounds. Some of the gashes looked fairly deep, but she had to admit that most of them were just shallow flesh wounds. But there were a lot of them, and it pissed her off.

"Sorry I messed up in my deposition," she said finally, trying to take her mind off of things.

Gray shrugged and continued methodically redressing his injuries. "It's fine. That was a lot of stories to try coordinating, and it worked out in the end." A small smile graced his features as he added, "But did you  _see_ the look that Councilman gave you when he talked about your 'essay' on Awakening?"

Despite herself, Erza felt a satisfied half-smile of her own tugging at the corners of her mouth. "Priceless. Honestly, he deserved to be annoyed a little."

"Oh, certainly. I was doing a mighty fine job of that, I think."

"That you were," she said with a chuckle. "You were in fine form. Although I wanted to shake you more than once and tell you to cut it out and not jeopardize your chances of getting off."

"I never expected to get off, so I wasn't too concerned about that." Gray's lips tightened momentarily and Erza winced, but then he smirked. "But oh man, his face when he was reading off of those depositions. Just listening to him read through Juvia's statements made this all worth it."

Erza couldn't help but laugh softly. "That was possibly the highlight of the entire ordeal."

"Although I wish she'd give up on this whole lovey-dovey business already," Gray added with a sigh as he dropped a bloody wad of bandages into the bag and brushed ice over another gash. "I was hoping that this whole demon thing would snap her out of it, but… I do think that she's more uncertain now, so hopefully she'll grow out of it soon, even if she's still having a hard time letting go right now."

"Because you don't love her or because you don't think that a demon deserves to be loved?" Erza asked shrewdly.

"Both," Gray said with a thin smile. "She's nice enough, but I have no interest in pursuing any kind of romantic entanglements. And before you start nagging at me about giving her answers and whatnot, I'll have you know that I've tried explaining the concept of 'no' to her in many different ways ever since she first started with this. She would honestly be better off if she could just move on."

"Fair enough, but I'd have to disagree that you don't  _deserve_ love," Erza said mildly. "I'm afraid you won't be able to scare us off so easily."

Gray hummed noncommittally and pulled his shirt back on. "I hear you."

Erza knew that was just another way of acknowledging what was said without agreeing or offering an opinion, another way to get her off his case, but she let it go. She suspected that sentiments like these were not so easy to accept just based on a few words and someone's say-so. They were things that Gray would have to come to accept gradually, on his own terms. Erza was confident that he'd get there eventually, though, because she and his other friends would definitely work on pounding all these important points through his damnably thick skull.

Gray stared down at his bloodied hands with a faint scowl, and Erza leaned down to dig through her bag.

"Wait," she said as he made to wipe his hands on his shirt. He paused, and she located a water bottle and twisted the cap off. "Here."

Gray held his hands over the trash bag, and Erza carefully poured water over them, watching the liquid dribble through his fingers until it ran clear again instead of red.

"Thanks," Gray said, drying his hands on his pants and tying a knot in the bag before kicking it under the bench.

"Make sure you dress those properly when we get back."

"Yeah, yeah, I know."

Erza handed him the water bottle. "Here, I noticed your voice has been scratchy. Did they even give you water? Or food? You're so thin, but I'm not sure how much of it is just that you haven't regained weight after last time…"

"Thanks." Gray accepted the water and took a few small sips. "My throat is killing me. Well, they still think I can't die, remember? Like I said, the room service was rather subpar."

"Damn it, Gray," Erza growled, her mouth twisting into a scowl. "You and your damn half-truths. I bet if I went back over everything you said during the trial, I'd find a virtual gold mine of information that you very carefully glossed over."

In fact, Erza had the sudden desire to find out if anyone had made a word-for-word transcript of the court proceedings, because she very much wanted to pour over it with a fine-tooth comb. It was actually a little frightening how good Gray was at manipulating his words to be technically truthful while strongly implying things that weren't true, and he was disturbingly good at hiding things in plain sight.

Grumbling to herself, Erza began rifling through her things again, in search of food this time. Sadly, that had all been scattered when she'd commandeered its bag for Gray.

"You would," Gray agreed mildly, still nursing his water. "But honestly, relax. They brought me water and food occasionally… Not sure if it was because they wanted to at least touch on protocol, or if it was because I still look human and some of them were uncomfortable with the thought of starving a person. They were kind of sneaky about it, so my guess is that the Executioner wasn't in on that part of the plan."

"The Executioner?" Erza paused her search to stare at Gray. What else was he hiding?

Gray grimaced and waved a dismissive hand. "Don't mind me. I don't know anyone's names and don't particularly care to, so some of our friends from the Knights and Council have picked up interesting nicknames. Technically it's the  _Would-Be_ Executioner, seeing as he was having zero luck at the time. You know, Mr. Sunshine. The one whose family I killed. He's been the one in charge of me."

Erza's lips tightened. She had not formed a favorable impression of that man. But she also had to admit that he had good reason to be angry and bitter, and having Gray rile him up during the arrest wouldn't have helped matters. Still, torture was going too far, and Gray's intentions had been good, if horribly misguided.

"What did you say to him after the trial?" she asked.

"Just some things I think he needed to hear." Gray's gaze drifted back to the window again. "For all the good it will do him. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink."

Which didn't answer Erza's question, but she highly doubted that she would be getting any more out of Gray on that subject.

"It's good that you've been trying to help them," she said carefully, her mind flitting past memories of the 'Executioner' and the Councilwoman and Lyon, "but just realize that you can't help everyone."

"I know," Gray said, stony-faced.

"I didn't–" Erza sighed and rubbed a hand across her face. "It's just that not everyone wants to be helped, and they won't all take what you offer them, even if they should. I just don't want you to keep beating yourself up over it if things don't work out. You're doing your best."

Gray hummed noncommittally, and Erza let it go. Pulling a sandwich out of her bag, she handed it to him. He gave it a funny look but accepted it.

"I have more snacks and things in here somewhere," Erza mumbled, turning back to her bag, "but I dumped them all out, so they're mixed in with everything else now…"

"It's fine, thanks." Gray ripped the sandwich in two and handed one of the halves back to her.

"No, I'm not–"

"If I eat too much right now, I'll be sick," Gray said flatly.

"But you have to be starving…"

"I am, but I also don't have an appetite, if that makes sense. I'll eat more later."

Erza reluctantly took the proffered sandwich and nibbled at it as she watched Gray take a halfhearted bite or two of his half, his eyes unfocused again. She got the feeling that this might have to do with that Councilwoman, or maybe with whatever Rufus had dug up in his mind. Depending on what Gray's mind was stuck on, she could see why he might not feel like eating.

"How long was I in there, anyway?" he asked finally, still prodding unenthusiastically at his meal.

"Don't you know?"

"Not really. I picked up on their shift patterns pretty quickly so I guess I could've kept track, but I wasn't really counting. And it's not like I was going to  _ask_ them."

"Guess it would be kind of hard to do that when you apparently stopped talking entirely," Erza said, her eyes narrowing slightly as she studied his face.

"Got it in one," he said dryly, taking another sip of water and tapping the bottle absently against the window in a quiet, rhythmic pattern. "Don't know if they actually would have told me, anyway."

"Why did you stop talking? They said you did it before, too, the first time you were locked up."

"Yeah. I didn't really have anything to say."

"But–"

"I don't always feel like talking, Erza," Gray said tiredly. There was something almost pointed about the statement underneath his weariness.

Erza got the message: he was tiring of the conversation. Or, at the very least, was done with the topic at hand. He hadn't always been much of a talker to start with, she supposed.

"Almost three weeks," she said instead.

He glanced over and his eyebrows rose fractionally. "Oh? Only three? You guys got an awful lot done in such a short time."

"Not sure I'd call that  _short_ …"

"In terms of cutting through the bureaucratic red tape and forcing the Council's hand and working your way through all the legal channels? I'm actually kind of impressed."

Erza nodded, conceding the point. "We pretty much attacked on all fronts. I think we basically clogged up all those legal channels… The Council had its hands full. And we did our best to get a lot of people involved, since the guild only carries so much weight on its own. We called in a lot of favors."

Gray frowned at his half-eaten sandwich. "Did you get Lyon involved?"

"No." Erza couldn't say that she entirely understood what was going through Lyon's head, and she wasn't the only one who had been surprised by his involvement in the trial. "He's been so unpredictable that we weren't going to risk trying to enlist his support in case he turned on you. And anyway, we thought it better not to go to him because…well… This hasn't been easy on him, and we didn't want to make anything worse. Everything he did, he did on his own."

Gray hummed noncommittally, and was silent for a long moment before saying, "Good. Don't involve him in any of this if you can help it."

"You still love him a lot, don't you?" Erza said gently, her eyes softening.

"Gray loved him," he said after a short pause, his voice expressionless.

"You can't hide behind that excuse forever." Erza eyed him disapprovingly. "Whatever all this stuff with the other Gray is… Let's be honest, you built a strong relationship with Lyon, and that was definitely  _you_. I'm not stupid, you know. I see how you look at him." When Gray grimaced and opened his mouth, she quickly added, "And if you try feeding me any more of this 'I'm a demon and demons can't actually love' bullshit, I will strangle you, injuries or not."

A melancholy half-smile flitted over Gray's face, and he turned back to the window. "Yes," he said quietly.

It took a second before Erza realized he was answering her original question. She almost smiled, but then remembered the less happy implications. Those two had bickered like crazy and driven each other up the wall, but it had been such a  _strong_ friendship. It made her heart hurt to see such a strong bond broken, and to see how much it had hurt both of them.

"He'll come around," she reassured him. "You guys will work things out, and it'll all be fine."

"That's entirely up to him," Gray said tonelessly. "I don't anticipate a horribly positive outcome."

Erza opened her mouth, but was distracted as Lucy shifted in her sleep and mumbled something under her breath. Both conscious mages watched the blonde until she sighed and fell into a more peaceful slumber once more.

Erza decided to abandon the topic of Lyon for now, fairly certain that it was included in the things Gray 'didn't always feel like talking' about. And given his pinched features and the haunted, weary cast to his eyes, she doubted this was a good time to press the issue.

"We  _did_ involve Sabertooth and Rufus, though," she said.

"I noticed. Mavis looked much too pleased with herself."

"Sorry about Rufus, but he  _did_ play a big role in getting you released."

"I know," Gray said as he rubbed at his face wearily.

Erza kept her sharp, unwavering gaze focused on him. "What did he mean about your problems with dreams?"

Gray scowled and leaned his head against the window. "He meant that he went digging through parts of my mind that he had no right to go digging through."

"Gray…"

"Everyone has dreams, Erza."

Erza hummed noncommittally. "So, you aren't planning on sleeping any time soon, then, I take it?"

"Honestly? No."

"You look exhausted."

"I  _am_ exhausted." Gray sighed heavily, and a more world-weary sound Erza had never heard.

Ripping off a thin strip of gnawed-on bread, he handed the other half of his half-sandwich to Erza without even looking at her. She hesitated but then took it. Watching him struggle with it had been painful, even though she really thought he should eat something.

"Is there anything I can do?" she asked.

"No. It's something for me to work through on my own. But I appreciate the sentiment."

"I just wish…" She sighed and shook her head.

"You already do enough, Erza," Gray said gently. In the reflection of the window, she saw one corner of his mouth quirk into a sad, tired half-smile. "It's alright."

But Erza could almost see the death and destruction reflected in the reflection of his eyes, a mirror into a mirror of a dark corner of his mind and memory. Although she couldn't truly fault Rufus, she wished there had been another way. She didn't entirely understand whatever it was that Gray had relived or what was still haunting him, and she knew he wouldn't tell her if she asked, but she could see enough of it in his eyes that it made her want to hug him. Not that he'd probably take such a gesture well, not even now when his weariness was seeping through and he'd mostly dropped his demon-like façade, but she wanted to.

"Why don't you get some rest?" Gray suggested quietly. "It's a long ride back to Magnolia."

"That's alright. I don't mind staying up."

He raised his gaze and their eyes met in the window. Erza might not be able to magic away the memories or nightmares, but she could at least offer her company.

"I'm afraid I'd be terrible company," he said. "I don't honestly have enough energy to keep up a conversation for much longer. You'd be better off getting some sleep."

"Don't be silly. Friends are always the best company. And it's alright if you don't always feel like talking."

Gray let out a tired laugh. "Okay."

They lapsed into silence then, with Erza not daring to interrupt his reverie. She was content to be silent support, if that was what he needed. He'd never ask for it, of course, but despite the show he'd been putting on, she could see the emotional strain and exhaustion starting to bleed through. He could use a friend.

And Erza would be that friend.

Except that as her mind wandered in the silence, the rocking of the carriage began lulling her to sleep. She fought against it for a long time, but then the carriage hit a bump and she half woke, curled against Gray with her head resting on his shoulder, and realized that she must have drifted off. She immediately felt horrible

When she yawned widely and began to sit up, Gray pulled his gaze from the window and wrapped an arm around her, drawing her back.

"Go back to sleep, Erza," he said softly.

"Not supposed to," she mumbled, her mind still groggy.

"It's okay, you're exhausted. Go back to sleep."

Erza realized blearily that he was keeping his voice deliberately soothing to lull her back to sleep. "But–"

"Shhh, it's okay."

Despite herself, Erza felt her eyes closing again. Then the thought hit her out of nowhere that she was pressed up against all those myriad injuries while wearing  _armor_ , and she sat bolt upright.

"Erza–"

"Your injuries–"

"It's okay." Gray pulled her back again, a tired smile ghosting over his face. "Stay."

Erza was going to protest, but paused as she took in the sad, pained expression lingering in his eyes. He wasn't trying as hard to hide it now, possibly because he knew she was still half asleep and doubted that she'd remember this in any detail when she fully woke up. But it occurred to her, in some corner of her mind not entirely made fuzzy by sleep, that maybe part of the reason he didn't want her to go was because he was deriving comfort from this too. Because he was otherwise alone, with everyone else asleep while he was unable to get the rest he needed, and couldn't ask for comfort anyway. Maybe this was the closest he could get.

Erza summoned up just enough energy to dispel her breastplate, and then slumped into Gray's side again. It was so hard to keep her eyes open, and she hovered somewhere between sleep and wakefulness for a few minutes before becoming aware of the sound.

"What are you humming?" she mumbled, eyes still closed.

The sound stopped, and then she heard Gray sigh.

"It's an old Isvan lullaby," he said.

"The other Gray?"

"…Gray's mother. This was his favorite."

"It's pretty," she sighed, shifting and pressing herself closer.

"I think so too."

Erza cracked her eyes open as Gray shifted. He positioned his shoulders catty-corner between the window and back of the seat, and stretched out a little to soften the angle of his torso. Gently repositioning Erza so that she was resting more comfortably on his chest, he draped one arm over her and stroked her hair soothingly with his other hand.

Erza's eyes fluttered shut, and she didn't even mind the faint chill of ice seeping through Gray's shirt against her cheek. She felt warm and safe here, but also a little like a teddy bear, like this was as much for helping Gray with his loneliness as it was for her.

"Promise you'll come back to the guild," she mumbled.

The humming stopped, and she absently thought that she'd never even realized he had started it up again. She missed it. It was soothing. Which, she supposed, was the point.

"I can't promise you that," Gray said quietly. "I'm sorry."

Erza managed to force her eyes open, and waited for them to adjust a little. Gray looked so  _tired_ and  _sad_ and  _lonely_ , and she knew that he'd never allow himself to look so vulnerable if he thought she'd remember this.

"Remember the river?" she asked.

"Of course."

Erza paused as a yawn overtook her. "You aren't as alone as you think you are," she mumbled.

Gray was silent for what could have been an eternity. "I know," he said finally. "Go to sleep."

He rested his head against the window, and his gaze drifted away to stare at something that Erza couldn't see. He started humming again, the sound low and soothing as it rumbled through his chest, and the hand in Erza's hair resumed its gentle motion. One of Erza's hands rose of its own accord and slid up Gray's chest to rest just in front of her face and over his heart, curling reflexively as the vibrations from his humming and the steady beat of his heart whispered through her fingertips.

Erza's eyes slipped shut as she was lulled back to sleep, but not even that could erase the image of Gray lost in the memory of a ruined world, humming a haunting requiem for a long-dead child and a thousand other nameless souls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I don't really know what else to say about this one. I needed to show Gray refusing to rejoin the guild, and everything else was created as filler. But hey, some of it is kinda important.


	7. Ultear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just couldn't imagine Gray not speaking to Ultear at least once, so might as well get it out of the way early XD Starting at this point, the story starts going into more of a connected one-shot type feel rather than the more chapter-y feel of the earlier parts. But we're still following a main timeline, and everything still links together :3

* * *

**Ultear**

* * *

Ultear ambled up to her doorstep with a sigh. As nice as it was to get some sun and stretch her legs, her arthritic joints always complained, and it didn't help that her cottage was all the way on the outskirts of Crocus. She really had enjoyed her stroll, but she was ready to rest her aching legs already, maybe curl up with a good book and a cup of tea while she recuperated.

She started up the pair of wooden steps by her door, careful to avoid the rotted-through spot on the top one. At some point, she'd really have to get that fixed. It had been months now.

But she paused, her foot hovering above the step, and frowned down. The board was fresh and new, with no sign of termite damage or dry rot. She tested it with her foot, and it felt firm and steady.

Maybe one of her neighbors had fixed it for her? Still, that was a bit odd. But she was no closer to discerning the answer after a few minutes of puzzled staring, so she shook her head and stepped onto the front stoop, her gnarled fingers fumbling in her pocket for her key. She'd ask around later.

Inside, the light was on. Ultear paused again, the only motion the slow swinging of the door as it shut behind her with a faint creak. Had she really left the light on? Good grief, maybe her mind was starting to go the same way as her body. That was a frightening thought. She'd gradually grown accustomed to the elderly body she'd found herself in, but losing her mind when she still  _felt_ so young would be hard.

Or, perhaps, her house was haunted. She'd lived here for over a year and never seen any sign of ghostly activity, but maybe it was just slow to warm up. That might be a preferable explanation to dementia, except that Ultear didn't believe in ghosts.

Until she spotted the one sitting in her armchair.

Gray—should she even call him that?—was sprawled lengthwise across one of her living room chairs facing the door, one leg folded underneath him and the other dangling idly over the arm in a relaxed fashion even though it was tapping a slow beat against the side of the chair. Ultear searched his face for any clue as to why he was here and whether he was a threat. His expression was carefully neutral, but he was assessing her silently with those eyes of his, perhaps waiting to see her reaction. If Ultear really looked, she thought she could see hints of the boy she'd known as Gray lurking there, but there was also a dark, ageless quality that she didn't think had been there before. Something a little less human, perhaps.

"Ah, Ultear, there you are," he said smoothly, his expression unchanging.

"You…" Ultear shook her head.

She might be somewhat isolated out here, but news of Fairy Tail's demon had spread far. Although she hardly knew all the details and was fairly certain that many of the ones she  _had_ heard were simply untrue, she knew enough to be wary.

The earthshattering revelation had rattled her out of the complacency she'd fallen into since the failure of Last Ages and left her reeling. It wasn't exactly her business anymore, not when she'd left that world behind, but it had still intruded upon her new life because she had to wonder. She had no idea what to make of any of it. She honestly didn't even know where to begin reconciling the boy she'd seen on Galuna and fought on Tenrou and met around the Grand Magic Games with the demon that had killed so many, her mother included. Something fundamentally didn't fit there.

Ultear's initial stab of fear faded back into a more subdued wariness. She was really too old for it to be worth her while to fear death. Anyway, Gray—or the demon, or whatever she was supposed to think of him as—hadn't shown any sign of aggression yet, and he'd had plenty of opportunities to kill her since Tenrou if he'd really wanted to. She would give him the benefit of the doubt.

"How did you find me?" she asked finally, hobbling over to sit in a cozy chair across from him.

She hadn't exactly gone to great lengths to hide any trace of her existence, but she also hadn't broadcasted her presence, and had deliberately kept a low profile. Finding one person in a city as big as Crocus was like looking for a needle in a haystack, especially if the person in question was someone like Ultear.

Her guest waved a dismissive hand, his unwavering gaze still fixed on her face. "I've known where you were for a long time." Ultear's eyebrow climbed upward of its own accord, and he added, "I tracked you down shortly after the debacle with the dragons, and have checked up on you every few months or so since then. I must say, this is a much nicer place than your last one. You've been here for a while, so I assume you're settling in for the long haul?"

"Yes," Ultear said slowly, tilting her head to study the intruder quizzically.

She didn't know what to make of that admission. Everything about this man was a giant question mark now. And he wasn't helping matters, because he seemed to be keeping up that air very deliberately.

She had a thousand questions on the tip of her tongue, and decided to leave the question of the demon's surveillance for another time.

"What are you doing here?"

"I owe you answers," he said with a shrug. "With all the fuss that was kicked up, I can't imagine that you haven't heard something or other about me. You have questions, and I'm here to answer them."

Somehow, that didn't really clear up Ultear's confusion. But since he was here, she might as well get answers to some of the questions that had been circling around in her mind for the past few weeks.

"So…you're actually…?"

"Deliora? Yes."

"This whole time?"

"Yes."

"Then you…?"

"Killed your mother? Yes."

"And you were never actually…?"

"Gray? No."

His voice stayed perfectly flat and disinterested, and no flicker of emotion touched his face. He just continued staring at Ultear with those unnerving eyes, and she would have given almost anything to know what was going through his head.

"How?" she asked.

Her guest was silent for so long that she thought she might have to elaborate on her question, but then his gaze drifted away and he began weaving a tale of Books and bindings, souls and strings. He explained the mechanics of his transference to Gray's body with clinical detachment, so expressionless that Ultear wondered how he could be so callous.

Then it occurred to her that she had misjudged. He was being very careful to give only the bare facts, not make himself or his situation seem sympathetic, not influence Ultear's opinion one way or the other. He was leaving Ultear to draw her own conclusions and make her own judgments, and it made her study him more closely as he talked.

When he'd finished, she settled back in her chair and considered his words silently for a long time.

"So," she said finally, "you didn't choose this."

"No."

That made him seem less like a body snatcher who had dreamed up an elaborate scheme to steal a life and possibly set in motion other nefarious plans. It made him seem a little more human. Ultear wasn't entirely sure if that was a good thing or not.

She had the feeling that pursuing anything along those lines would continue to raise questions about who he was and what she should feel about him, and she decided to change the subject. She wasn't sure if she was ready for that just yet.

"I heard that you killed Zeref."

If he was surprised by the sudden shift, he didn't show it. "Yes."

"How? That would have to be quite an impressive feat."

"He had the Book of E.N.D.," Gray-not-Gray said, lips tightening and eyes darkening. "I managed to bind myself to it, which gave me access to the residual power in the Book. E.N.D. was created to be strong enough to kill Zeref, and I took advantage of that. I also found a problem with his soul not being properly bound to his body, and by fixing that I might have actually solved the immortality issue."

Ultear didn't understand exactly how that would work, even given the prior explanation about Books and bindings. But she also got the feeling that certain things were being deliberately glossed over, which might be part of the problem.

"Is that where your claim of being E.N.D. comes from?" she asked conversationally.

He hesitated but then nodded, watching her with wary eyes. "…Yes."

Ultear nodded to herself. "I found that claim rather odd. Not that I'm any sort of expert on demons, but I  _was_ part of a dark guild and did plenty of research on Zeref. Deliora and E.N.D. couldn't possibly be one and the same."

"You always were a clever one," said the demon, an almost amused smile playing at the corners of his lips. "Still, it's almost true. In a symbolic sort of way."

"What happened to the  _real_ E.N.D., then?"

His expression closed off again, and his gaze drifted away. "That's not my secret to tell."

"You're protecting someone," Ultear observed. That would also explain why he was claiming an identity that was not his own and leaving pieces out of his story.

"I said that I'd answer your questions, but that only extends to questions whose answers don't have the potential to jeopardize anyone but me." He looked back to study her with a sharp gaze. "You may ask something else."

Ultear backed off. There was no point antagonizing him, and in any case, she understood the need to protect. Maybe it was good that he could still feel it too. Admitting to a less selfish motive made him seem more like the Gray she had known.

"So, what's this I hear about a binding?" she asked instead of pressing the point. "What kind of binding would make the Council confident enough to release you?"

The demon hesitated, but then sighed and shrugged. "Binding myself to E.N.D.'s Book should have also had the side effect of killing me when I killed Zeref, since whatever I did to him would bounce back through the link. What actually happened is that I somehow got bound back to my original Book. That's the magic binding that I intimated would stop me from killing anyone.

"The real binding that will prevent that is my bond with Fairy Tail. While I have such strong connections to them and select others, I am unlikely to do anything to jeopardize that. I have no intention of running around killing innocents, but the Council isn't likely to believe that unless they think there's a legitimate magic binding preventing me from doing so. Through some clever wording, I may have deliberately misled them into believing that there was a magic binding stopping me from killing, when the truth is that the magic binding does nothing of the sort and it's a different kind of binding entirely that accomplishes that purpose."

Ultear digested that, thinking that it sounded like a very  _Gray_ line of logic. Which, she supposed, it  _was_ , given that this was still the same person she'd known as Gray.

"So, you could technically kill people if you wanted to?"

"Yes."

Ultear should probably be more disturbed by that than she was. He'd picked up a new, ruthless edge since she'd seen him last, but she still had a hard time envisioning him going on a killing spree. It might be silly to assume that all the demon had been hammered out of him over the years, and yet...

"Wait," she said, her mind jumping back to his earlier explanation of bindings, "isn't the reason you're immortal that you weren't bound to your Book anymore? So if you're bound to it again now, couldn't you die?"

"Correct."

"Why do I get the feeling that the Council doesn't know this?"

"Because they don't. They never technically asked if I was still immortal, they just assumed. If they knew, I don't doubt they would have pushed an order of execution through the system as fast as humanly possible."

"Why are you telling me this?" Ultear asked. "This seems like dangerous information to be spreading around."

These were the type of secrets that should be taken to the grave. Giving them out like this had the potential of putting the demon in serious danger.

"I told you that I'd answer your questions. What you choose to do with this information is entirely up to you." The demon paused, a faint frown creeping across his face as his brow crinkled in thought. "Although it might be better if you don't take it to the Council. It has the potential to get a lot of people in trouble, aside from me."

Oh, Ultear could imagine. With how hard Fairy Tail had fought to get him released, they must have stood behind this bogus story and pack of half-truths. If that came to light, they could be facing legal troubles of their own.

"I'm not going to go to the Council," Ultear said mildly.

He searched her face and said, "Thanks. My idiot friends have already gotten on the Council's bad side, and they don't need that made worse."

"I wouldn't want to make things worse for them. Or for you, actually, which is what the bigger problem would be, I think."

"I don't really care about that," he said dismissively.

"No," she said with a smile that was half fond and half sad, "I don't suppose you would."

One thing that hadn't changed since she last saw him was his tendency to take care of everyone else even at the expense of himself, apparently. It was a quality that was both frustrating and endearing.

"I can handle the Council," he said, looking away.

"Hm. Speaking of the Council, I heard they pardoned you."

"…Yes." He gave Ultear a guarded look, searching out her reaction. "If it makes you feel any better, it's less because they think I'm not guilty than because they were trying to get out of a corner they backed themselves into. It's less a statement on my guilt and responsibility than a means to create a political and legal loophole."

"How so?"

"By creating a reason why I shouldn't be responsible for crimes committed Before, they were able to give me amnesty for them. That ties the Council's hands so that they can't prosecute me for those crimes no matter how insistently anyone pesters them. They can just point at the order of amnesty and shrug, say that there's nothing they can do. The Council found itself in a tough spot trying to placate both Fairy Tail and the people who'd much rather see me imprisoned for eternity."

"That certainly sounds like Council reasoning," Ultear remarked, shaking her head in amused exasperation. The Council mindset hadn't changed much since her own days serving as a member. "They're always looking out for themselves first."

"Something like that."

"I've also heard that the grounds for pardoning you had something to do with you lacking free will and choice."

"…Something like that."

"Is that true?"

"…More or less."

"I want to know if it's another one of your clever half-truths or not," Ultear said, leaning back in her chair and studying her guest carefully. "I would very much like a real explanation."

He was silent for a long time, his gaze unfocused, and she wondered if this was a question that he wouldn't answer. Which was too bad, because it was the one Ultear really wanted an answer to. The one that would very much affect her perception of his role in her mother's death and the deaths of thousands of others. She just hoped she got the answer she wanted.

The demon's sigh was so soft as to be nearly imperceptible. Propping an elbow on the arm of the chair and resting his head against his hand, he stared at a point just to Ultear's left and began talking. The explanation of instincts and Awakenings and demons' choices or lack thereof was delivered in the same clinical, detached way as everything else. Maybe even more so.

Ultear listened in horrified fascination. The bare-bones descriptions and lack of anything resembling emotion should be enough to make the tale seem less sad, but somehow they weren't. Nothing about the demon's words or tone painted him in a sympathetic light, nor did he offer any excuses or rationalizations. In fact, she got the feeling that he was deliberately wording things to be as unsympathetic as possible.

But even he couldn't change the essence of the words. Ultear tried to wrap her head around the idea of not having a mind, not being able to make choices, not being able to even think about anything other than some predetermined purpose. She wondered what it felt like to be owned by someone so completely, to not have any value outside of fulfilling a purpose that someone else had set for you. It sounded awful, honestly.

It was startling to realize that he might actually be less guilty than Ultear, even though he had, objectively, done worse things. Ultear's own life of crime might have been born of heartache and misunderstanding, but she had still  _chosen_ to do all of those things. It was a disconcerting realization that he  _hadn't_ , not really.

Ultear stayed quiet for a long time after he'd finished his story before saying, "You're like Jellal, then."

"…What?" He frowned in confusion, finally meeting her gaze again. "How so?"

"You were a pawn that someone else was manipulating," she replied, tapping a gnarled finger absently on the arm of her chair. "You did horrible things because of someone else."

His utterly flabbergasted expression was entirely at odds with the cool, indifferent façade he'd been keeping up this whole visit. "I am nothing like Jellal," he snapped, scowling.

"True, you might have even had  _less_ of a choice than Jellal," Ultear mused.

"Don't be naïve. I can assure you that I killed humans after assuming control of Gray's body too, and at that point I was choosing my own actions."

"Was this back when you were still developing a conscience and were more demon than human?"

"I've always been more demon than human. You know, since I  _am_ a demon."

"I'll take that as a yes, then."

"Does it matter? It changes nothing."

"I think it does. I'm not saying it isn't bad, but you weren't the same person back then that you are now. And I daresay you weren't well equipped to  _not_ act like a demon. That's still not entirely free choice, I don't think."

He just shook his head and grumbled, "This is not how I expected this conversation to go. Look, in the end, I killed a lot of people. I'll take responsibility for that. I don't need to hide behind excuses."

Ultear eyed him sadly. "You have Jellal's guilt complex, too."

"I have no such thing. Do you really think that demons are created to feel such trivial human things as guilt?"

"No, but you seem to feel a lot of things that you weren't created to feel." Ultear gave him a sad smile. "Fairy Tail is your Crime Sorcière, isn't it?"

"What…? Of course not."

"Sure it is. It's your way to make a difference and do your penance."

He scowled again. "I'm not doing penance."

"Oh? Then why are you here? Why would you 'owe' me answers, then?"

He stared at her, his eyes raging with emotions she couldn't decipher, and then looked away. "If you don't want answers, then you're welcome to say so and we can conclude our chat."

Ultear sighed, realizing that he was being deliberately obtuse. Stupid boy actually reminded her of herself, sometime between when she'd been a homicidal maniac and had obtained some kind of peace and closure after the failure of Last Ages.

"You know, I have a hard time thinking of you as Deliora," she said, instead of pressing a point he had no intention of conceding.

"It's an old name," he said with a shrug, relaxing marginally. "It's no longer as relevant as it once was. You needn't use it if you don't want to. I don't."

"So…Gray, then?"

"That's an old name too, also not as relevant as it was. And it was only a borrowed name, not really mine. Some of the others call me that, but it's really up to you."

"What should I call you, then?"

"I don't particularly care," he said flatly, looking over to meet her gaze with cool, unreadable eyes again. "Deliora, Gray, demon, nothing, anything else you wish. Take your pick."

"But what do  _you_ want to be called?"

"I don't care," he repeated.

"Then what do you call yourself?" Ultear asked, looking for a different way to approach the question.

"Honestly? Nothing."

"Nothing?" she asked slowly, not understanding.

He shrugged. "I don't find having a name to actually be necessary, so I don't bother with one anymore. So you're welcome to call me whatever you wish."

Ultear stared at him until he shifted uncomfortably. How could someone lack something as fundamental as a  _name_? She could understand why he wouldn't want to go by Deliora, could even see why he might be reluctant to go back to Gray if he felt like it was a name he had no right to, but…

"But don't you think you should have one?" she asked carefully. "I think it would be good for you to pick one."

"I've found that I don't need one." His lips quirked downward into a faint frown. "Besides, names are important. You define your name, and in return it defines you. The people who call me Deliora have a very different view of me than those who call me Gray. Calling myself Deliora would be different from calling myself Gray or choosing an entirely new name. It would say something about me and who I am, and I haven't quite decided what I want that something to be yet. I haven't decided who I want to be, so I don't want to commit to a name until I know."

Ultear wished that didn't make as much sense as it did. She hoped he found himself soon.

"Gray, then," she decided.

"Whatever you want," Gray said again, sighing.

"Now that we've gotten that settled…" Ultear leaned forward, wincing as her back and joints protested, and fixed Gray with a steady look. Uncertainty flashed in his eyes, making him look lost and unsure for the briefest of seconds. "Gray, you gave me a lot of answers, and I've drawn my own conclusions. I think that you didn't truly have a choice over the things you did back then, that you regret them, and that you've done your best to make up for them. And even if my mother…" She sighed and shook her head. "Well, I don't think I really want to blame you for that. And you've done a great deal for me, too. So I'm going to let this go and forgive you for what you did to my mother."

She drew in a deep breath, held it, and then let it out slowly, feeling a tension that she hadn't entirely noticed drain away. It felt good to forgive. If this had all blown up before she'd found her peace after Last Ages, this conversation would have played out much differently. Even once she'd left Grimoire Heart, she still would have had a much harder time accepting this. But she'd spent a while learning how to come to terms with things, how to let go of pain and heartache and anger, how to forgive both herself and the world, and it had changed her mindset.

Still, it was good that Gray had come. Without that, she still probably wouldn't have found real closure. But hearing his side of the story had painted things in a different light, and Ultear found it easier to forgive him now that he was once again human to her.

Instead of looking pleased or relieved or grateful, Gray grimaced. "I didn't come here to ask for forgiveness."

"I know you didn't. You've been very careful to be as unsympathetic as possible."

"You're allowed to be angry."

"I know." Ultear smiled, her face wrinkling even further, and settled back in her chair. "But I've found that life is far too short for hate. Hate is a funny thing—it hurts you just as much, or more than, the person you hate. It's much more satisfying to be able to forgive, and it heals you just as much as the person you're forgiving."

A melancholy smile ghosted over Gray's face, giving his eyes more of a sad, weary cast. "You always were a clever one. Yes, you're right. It's why I'm so worried about Lyon."

"He's not taking this well?"

"Of course not. He loved both Ur and Gray, and just found out that the demon who killed them has spent the last several years masquerading around with the face of the boy he thought of as a brother. No, he's not taking it well."

"What does he call you, then?" Ultear asked shrewdly.

"As far as I can tell, he goes to great lengths to avoid calling me anything at all." Gray shrugged, his gaze wandering away. "When he must, it's usually 'demon'."

"And what does that say about him?"

"It says that he's confused. He can't quite bring himself to equate me with the demon that haunts his nightmares, but he also can't see me as who I pretended to be. He can't quite let go of the person who he thought was his friend, but he also can't forget that person was a demon all along. Everything about his behavior has been erratic and inconsistent, his emotions even more so. He will be working through this for a long time, I think."

Ultear didn't really know that much about Lyon, all things considered. She did know that he had changed a lot from the angry, obsessive boy she'd met on Galuna when she'd been disguised as Zalty, and she knew that much of that change had stemmed from Gray's intervention. In much the same way, she realized ruefully, that much of her own change from villain to 'good guy' had resulted from Gray's intervention.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I know you two were close. I expect it must be difficult not to be able to help him through this in the same way that you worked so hard to help him with everything else."

Gray pursed his lips and narrowed his eyes at the floor. "Well, it's what I promised to do, isn't it?"

"What?" Ultear asked, instantly confused again. "I don't understand."

"I promised her I'd look after him. On Galuna." Gray shrugged, and the only sign of his agitation was the increased tempo of the rhythm his dangling foot tapped out against the side of the chair. "She'd been trying to protect Gray and ultimately failed, and it seemed fitting to pick up for her where she left off, with the one that was left."

"You–"

"And then you later, of course. Gray and Lyon were never meant to be your replacement, but they  _were_ her family too. Somewhere in between students and sons, maybe. But if the promise was for one of them, it seemed fitting to extend it to the real child, the one she lost. I thought you were dead, since that's what Gray knew. But then you weren't, so…"

Ultear stared at him. "You… That's why you've been checking up on me?"

He shrugged, a shifty look entering his eyes. "Something like that."

Ultear had the feeling there was more to that, something he wasn't telling her, but she was distracted by what he  _had_ said. It was…sweet, in a way. As far as self-imposed penances went, it was a thoughtful one. Of course, Gray had a tendency to look after most  _everyone_ , but Ultear thought she could feel the difference.

"Well, you certainly did beat some sense into me on Tenrou," she said, smiling faintly. "Although I'm afraid I didn't make any goal of protection easy on you…"

He glanced over, his eyes darkening. "Well, I ultimately did a horrible job of it, anyway, so maybe it doesn't matter."

Ultear opened her mouth to ask him what he meant, but then closed it again. Her arthritic joints seemed to step up their aching of their own accord, reminding her of what Gray would be seeing, and she looked away.

"You can't protect everyone from themselves, Gray. I chose this."

"That doesn't actually make it any better," Gray muttered under his breath. Raising his voice, he added, "Care to explain what exactly you did with that damned time magic of yours?"

Ultear eyed him, once again getting the feeling that she was missing something, but then shrugged. "I tried using a spell called Last Ages. It's meant to rewind time, at the cost of taking the caster's own 'time'. I was trying to go back to before the Eclipse Gate was opened, but the spell failed, did nothing. One minute, I guess. But you all worked things out in the end."

Gray hummed noncommittally, his eyes blank as he stared at the floor, and he didn't seem at all surprised.

"Is there something you're not telling me?" asked Ultear.

"…Maybe."

"And what might that be?"

Gray was silent for so long that Ultear almost interrupted his reverie, but she restrained herself. There was something conflicted about his expression, as if he was deciding whether or not to answer her question. After a long pause, he shifted onto his back and stared up at the ceiling, resting his arms across his stomach as that foot went back to its incessant swinging again.

"Your spell  _did_ do something," he said finally.

"Oh?" Ultear asked politely, although her first response was skepticism. As far as she could tell, it would be difficult for a single minute to make a significant difference in anything.

"It might've saved the world, actually."

Now Ultear  _knew_ he was being melodramatic. If he sensed her skeptical disbelief, he showed no sign of it.

"We were fighting dragonlings at the time," Gray said after another pause. "Me and some of the others. Shit happened and I got tagged by half a dozen dragonlings. Would've killed me if I wasn't, you know, immortal. Anyway, everyone thought I was dead, and I'd already lost consciousness. Takes a long time to heal from injuries that bad, so I probably would've been out of commission until after they buried me. And miracles or not… I've been able to play off some injuries that should have killed me over the years, but I don't think there was really a way around that one. I probably would have just left and started over somewhere else."

Even though he stayed matter-of-fact and emotionless, his speech definitely had the feel of rambling, like he wasn't sure he really wanted to tell Ultear this and it was making him antsy.

"Oh," Ultear said, trying to wrap her head around that. "I didn't–"

"I mean, maybe I wouldn't have left entirely," Gray continued as if he hadn't heard her. "I would've had a hard time leaving them entirely, but I wouldn't really have been around. So my seal wouldn't have weakened while I was with Avatar, because I never would have been there. It wouldn't have snapped against Eileen, because I probably wouldn't have been there either. Maybe I would've come back when I realized what was going on, but it would have been a lot different. Might not have come up with my plan for taking care of E.N.D. and Zeref. Maybe the others would have figured things out on their own, but it's hard to say what would have happened. So if nothing else, you sort of indirectly helped with all that."

He was silent for a moment before adding, "I was going to stop the carriage, but what was I supposed to say? 'Hey, thanks for saving me, except that I wasn't actually going to die because I'm immortal. And by the way, I'm also the demon that killed your mother. I hope you're proud of yourself.' Yeah, that seemed like a fun conversation."

"So you checked up on me secretly instead?" Ultear asked, still digesting that.

"Mm. Well, someone had to make sure you were doing alright, and since you didn't bother telling Meredy and Jellal what happened…"

Ultear heard the mild reproach there, but decided to ignore it. Meredy and Jellal were still something of a sore spot for her, even though she'd come more to terms with her decision to leave them behind. She still missed them, but she had her own reasons for neglecting to tell them the truth. Sometimes she wondered whether she had made the right decision, but it seemed too late to fix it now.

And anyway, she highly doubted that her failure to let Meredy and Jellal in on her fate was the only reason Gray had been keeping an eye on her.

"I'm glad that it made a difference, then," she said, and she meant it. She'd come to accept her failure, but it did feel good to realize that it hadn't all been for nothing. It hadn't accomplished what she'd set out to do, but it had still had an impact. "It's good that it helped someone after all."

"Hm."

"And I don't regret that it was you," she said gently. "You've helped me a lot in the past too, you know. I'm not sorry that I helped you."

"But I am," Gray said softly, his voice little more than a sigh. Narrowing his eyes at the ceiling, he said, "I'm pretty sure there's something wrong with your entire family. You all are so sacrificial. You and Ur, and even Lyon has pulled a stunt once or twice. It's getting ridiculous now."

"And you," said Ultear with a small smile.

He actually glanced over now, one eyebrow arching in question. "I what?"

"You pull sacrificial stunts all the time, Gray."

His mouth immediately twisted into a grimace. "Don't lump me in with you lot."

"Whyever not?"

"In case you've forgotten, I'm not actually Gray," he said, giving her a disbelieving look.

"I don't know, I think you might belong more than you think you do."

Whatever was going on with Lyon and this whole secret identity thing, Gray had certainly wormed his way into Lyon and Ultear's lives. At least with Lyon, he had been something like family. And even with Ultear, he'd still had that connection to her and her mother that had made him something close enough. Things had changed, but it was hard to ignore all of that completely.

"You…" Gray shook his head, his mouth set in a displeased line. "In any case, I couldn't die, so it wasn't meant to be sacrificial."

"There are more kinds of sacrifice than just life," Ultear said mildly, and Gray looked away. "And I do believe I recall you saying that you intended to die while killing Zeref."

"That's not the same."

"It's not the same because there's a legitimate reason why it's different, or because it's  _you_ doing the sacrificing?"

Gray studied the ceiling silently, and Ultear sighed. He wouldn't want to hear it, but she had been in his place before. Their situations were not the same, obviously, but she had an understanding of how guilt and penance and shame worked. And whether Gray would admit to how much they affected him, Ultear didn't doubt that they did.

"Is there anything else you'd like to ask me before I go?" Gray asked.

A younger and snarkier Ultear would have pointed back to her previous question and demanded an answer, but older and wiser Ultear let it go. She very well knew the answer, whether Gray spelled it out in words or not.

Instead, she considered her other options. There were a lot of things she could ask, but she was having a hard time picking any single one out of the mass swirling about in her head. Then a thought occurred to her, and although it wouldn't give her one of the big, important answers, she wanted to know nonetheless.

"Did you fix the step outside?"

Gray looked over, startled by the non sequitur, and then a wide grin split his face. It lifted the coldness and unapproachability away, and Ultear suddenly saw the same boy that she had known before all this hiding underneath.

"Noticed that, did you?" Gray's eyes sparkled with mirth. "Yes, I did. It looked mighty unsafe, so I fixed it up while I was waiting for you. Believe it or not, I'm actually something of a handyman. My landlady is pretty old herself, and I've fixed an awful lot of things over the years to help her out."

Actually, maybe this  _had_ been one of the big, important answers, Ultear reflected as she studied the charming smile tugging at the corners of Gray's lips and the amused gleam in his eyes. It had given her a glimpse of who he still was beneath that demon-like exterior, and she was glad to see that the old Gray was still alive under there.

"That's sweet," Ultear said with a smile. "I've been meaning to get that fixed for a while now."

"Not a problem."

"Although I  _am_  a little surprised that you've managed to keep your shirt on this whole time…"

Gray's smile faded and his gaze drifted back to the ceiling. "I'm kicking the habit."

"You…are?" Ultear frowned, puzzled. "Why?"

"It's Gray's old habit that I kept around for sentimental reasons. But now that I'm working on making the others understand that I'm not really Gray, it has to go."

Ultear had a hard time putting her finger on what exactly seemed so sad about that, but… Even though it seemed like a simple, unimportant thing, it somehow bore a weight of finality and hopelessness. It was just…sad.

But before she could think of a response, a sharp knocking came at her front door.

"Whoever could that be?" she wondered aloud. It seemed like today was a day for unexpected guests.

"Ah, they're fast," Gray said.

Ultear gave him a puzzled look. "What?"

"You might want to answer that." Gray gave her a small, tired smile, and his eyes softened. "It might be important."

Ultear wondered if she was missing something again, but nodded slowly and rose with a wince. "I'll be right back."

She hobbled to the door, silently cursing her stiff joints. Opening the door, she froze.

Meredy and Jellal were standing on her doorstep, peering uncertainly at the piece of paper in Jellal's hands. They looked up as the door opened, and the three of them stared at each other in varying stages of shock.

Then Meredy's eyes filled with tears and she lunged forward, crushing Ultear in as tight a hug as she could muster. "U-Ul! You  _are_ alive!"

"You…" Ultear patted her back awkwardly, still at a loss. "How did you find me?"

"Did he bother you?" Jellal asked tightly. He stepped to the side to peer around her into the house, his eyes narrowing suspiciously. "He didn't do anything, did he?"

"Did he…? He who?"

"The demon," Jellal said, still looking around as if he expected a dangerous beast to jump out at any second. He waved the hand with the paper absently. "He sent us a letter with your address. We came as fast as we could, but you seem alright. He didn't do anything to you, then?"

"No, he was just…here…" Ultear trailed off as she turned and spotted the empty armchair.

Gray was gone.

"He was here?" Jellal demanded. "Did he–?"

"We just talked," Ultear assured him, still frowning at where Gray should have been. "He gave me some answers and helped me figure some things out. It's good that he came."

"Don't leave again," Meredy said, sniffling, apparently unconcerned with what Jellal found so worrisome. "I didn't even know what happened or if you were okay and… I just…"

Ultear's heart melted. She really had missed them, and her love for Meredy, especially, had not waned in the slightest. Maybe Gray had the right idea and this was what she needed, even if she hadn't worked up the courage to do it herself. It looked like it was her turn to field incessant questions now, and she wasn't sure that she minded.

She turned back to wrap Meredy in a tight hug, but not before giving the empty chair one last lingering look, wishing that Gray hadn't left before giving her the chance to thank him.


	8. The Executioner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I debated whether to put this in or not, but it was a good way to tease out parts of Gray's personality that it's harder to get him to direct at the guild, and I think it also acts as a fairly good substitute for how a conversation with Lyon might have went (in that Gray would never actually act exactly like this toward Lyon, obviously, but there are a lot of commonalities in the situations). Also, this side of demon Gray is fun to touch on sometimes X)

* * *

**The Executioner**

* * *

When the Executioner walked into the guild hall, He was immediately on guard.

"What does the Council want with me  _now_?" He asked, turning just far enough that He was facing the door and could eye the Knight warily. "I don't honestly think I've done anything to warrant their renewed attention as of yet."

There hadn't even been time for his injuries from his last encounter with the Knights to completely heal, and He'd done little to catch anyone's eye over the past couple weeks. He'd felt it prudent to keep a low profile. Then again, this was the first time He'd seen the Executioner in civilian garb rather than in uniform, so maybe something else was going on here.

Sure enough, the Knight scowled right back and said, "I'm not here in my official capacity as a representative of the Council. This isn't Council business."

"Then you're welcome to leave," Lucy said coldly, and He'd never seen a nastier look from her. Out of everyone, she seemed to be taking this whole torture thing the most seriously.

"Are they doing an inquiry after all?" He asked, waving Lucy off as He studied his visitor's informal attire.

"No. Apparently they decided it wasn't necessary since you told them not to bother." The Executioner's mouth twisted bitterly, and the words seemed to be pulled out of him rather painfully. Clearly, he was not pleased to owe his escape to the demon he hated so much. "But I'm under orders not to have any contact with you, so if anyone asks, I was never here."

He shrugged. "They won't hear it from me."

"They'll hear it from  _me_ ," Lucy muttered darkly.

"They won't be hearing it from anyone." He gave Lucy and the rest of the team a flat look, before returning his attention to the Executioner. "Would you like to take this outside?"

"Yes."

"Actually, I think you'd best stay in here," said Erza.

"Honestly," He said, rolling his eyes. "I'm fairly confident in my ability to take care of myself."

"So am I. I'm less confident in you  _choosing_ to take care of yourself. Especially where this man is concerned."

He shook his head in exasperation and rose to his feet. "Relax. It'll be fine."

Erza grabbed his arm in a viselike grip, and He winced. Pulling him back down with enough force to make him stumble, she gave him a hard look until He submitted and settled back on the bench.

"You can talk in here," she said.

"Fine, fine, as long as you don't interfere. Now let go." As Erza gave him one last look and released his arm, He turned back to the Executioner. Although He was wary of having any sort of conversation here, it wasn't worth it to antagonize Erza and the others. "Why are you here?"

There was a long pause.

"I want to know what you meant," the Knight said.

He tensed slightly, sensing dangerous ground. "About what?" He asked, even though He had a good idea of where this was going.

"After the trial." The Executioner scowled at the demon and hovered in the doorway, sounding as if each word was painful to pronounce. "I want to know what you meant."

Maybe if he'd just use a little critical thinking, he could figure it out. But then again, maybe He was being too harsh. More likely, the human was finding it difficult to comprehend because it wasn't something he'd expect a demon to say. If he had a hard time reconciling the words with the demon who had killed his family, then who was He to blame him?

Or maybe he really was just kind of slow.

Sliding off the bench, He hopped backwards and up onto the table in a crouch, the wooden surface shuddering under the impact of his boots. He settled himself into a more comfortable position, almost amused as He watched the Executioner start in surprise. To be fair, He'd taken everyone else by surprise too. He just wasn't interested in them right now.

"Let me tell you a story, child," He said, leaning forward a little and boring into the hapless human with his intense gaze.

The Executioner looked rattled, uneasy, and it was just as well. It was better to keep him off balance and unsettled.

"Wh-what–?"

"Once upon a time," He interrupted, letting his voice fall into a storytelling cadence even though his eyes remained sharp, "there lived a boy. He was a happy child. He enjoyed laughing and playing with his friends, and he had a family that loved him very much. His mother would sing him lullabies on cold winter nights, and set him down in front of the fire with hot chocolate when he came in from playing in the snow. He followed his father around like an adoring puppy, hanging off his every word and wanting to be just like him when he grew up."

Despite himself, the Executioner seemed drawn in. Drifting forward a half-step, he kept curious, hungry eyes on the demon, enthralled by the tale.

"And then one day, a demon came crashing through and destroyed everything." His voice took on a flat edge. The Executioner flinched, but continued to look on with horrified fascination. "The city burned, the buildings crumbled to rubble, and the people… Oh, the people, they screamed and screamed and screamed, until their cries were silenced one by one. Everything tasted of ash and blood. There was blood everywhere, great swathes of crimson. And the boy, he watched as his mother and father were torn apart in front of his very eyes.

"A building fell and trapped him, and washed the horrible image away. But then he woke and found that his entire world was  _gone_ , destroyed in a blaze of fire and blood and death. Everything he had ever known and loved, wrested away all at once."

The Executioner opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Even if he wanted to say something, he was ensnared, tangled up in the web of the tale and unable to work himself free.

"A woman and a boy happened to wander by," He continued. "They freed him and took him in. She was a powerful mage, the other boy her apprentice. And  _our_ boy, he decided that he would learn as well. He would learn all there was to know of magic, so that one day he could hunt down that damned demon and kill it the same way it had slaughtered his family. And so he stayed, and he learned.

"But he was not the same. He forgot how to laugh, how to smile, how to feel anything like happiness. The anger and grief and bitterness and hate crept in, and they consumed him. He was obsessed with that demon, and he had nothing else left to live for. So when he heard it was back, destroying more lives, he resolved to go after it. It didn't matter that he knew he might not be strong enough. The world was only big enough for one of them, and he'd get his revenge or die trying."

He leaned forward, building to the climax, and the room was silent as everyone held their breath. The Executioner seemed to lean in a little as well, sensing the rising tension.

"He wasn't strong enough, obviously. He was only a child with a rudimentary knowledge of magic, and the demon was old and powerful. And it might have killed him, but suddenly his teacher and fellow apprentice arrived. He had abandoned them because he had no room in his heart for anything but the demon, but they followed him because they loved him. He wasn't strong enough, but his teacher had great power and she would protect him."

He stopped, and a heavy silence hung over the room.

"And then…?" asked the Executioner, his eyes shining with horrified fascination and his voice hardly louder than a breath.

"And then the demon killed them," He said flatly, abandoning the storytelling cadence as He leaned back and snapped the tension, picking idly at his fingernails in a bored fashion.

There was another long pause.

"…That's it?" the Executioner asked in disbelief.

"That's it."

"You–you–" The Executioner's incredulity morphed to outrage, his face twisting into a scowl. "Are you threatening me?"

"What?" He clicked his tongue impatiently. "You humans aren't the brightest bunch, are you? Honestly,  _I'm_ supposed to be the brainless one. No, child, I am not threatening you. I do not have to. You are already terrified enough."

The Executioner's glower deepened. "I'm not scared of you!"

"Oh really? Then why are you hovering in the doorway, ready to bolt at any second? If you are not afraid, come in." He gave the human a sharp-toothed smile and crooned, "'Will you walk into my parlor?' said the Spider to the Fly."

The Executioner automatically flinched back and edged toward the door. The fear in his eyes became more prominent, warring with the uncertain anger.

"That's what I thought," He said with a shrug.

The Executioner immediately stopped, the scowl returning. As if to prove a point, he took a hesitant step forward, then another and another, until he was standing halfway between the demon and the door. An expression of stubborn defiance spread over his face.

"I'm not scared," he repeated. "But you can't just threaten–"

"I am not threatening you," He said, rolling his eyes. "It is a…cautionary tale. There is a lesson there, if you care to look. But if you are not willing to see it, I cannot force you to do so."

"You're trying to  _teach_ me?" the human scoffed. "Just call it what it is. You're threat–"

"You asked me what I meant. I am telling you. Gray wanted his revenge. He wanted it more than anything. He let it crowd out everything else, until all he lived for was  _me_. He breathed for me, child. His thoughts were for me, he had room in his heart only for me.

"Do you know what would have happened if he killed me all those years ago? He would be empty, void, with nothing left to live for. His family would still be dead, his home would still be gone, his bitterness and grief would remain. Sure, he would have felt vindicated, but would he be satisfied? I think not. Perhaps he would have eventually found something else to live for, learned to look to the future instead of always living in the past."

Sliding off the table, He kept his gaze on the Executioner and began stalking around him in a half-circle, every bit the predator hunting its prey. The human stiffened, his breath catching in his throat, and shifted uncomfortably as he watched the demon.

"But that's not what happened, is it?" He asked, gliding like a predatory shadow. "He let me consume him. If he had let me go, he would have lived. He would have still grieved, but Ur and Lyon loved him. He loved them too, in his own way, but he didn't have enough room in his heart to let them in, not when he was so obsessed with me. He couldn't let go of the past, and it's too bad. He could have recovered and made his new family and found a way to move on and live. But he didn't. Do you know what his quest for revenge got him?"

Now He struck, darting forward and grabbing the Executioner, who let out a startled cry. Staring into the human's frightened eyes with old, fathomless eyes of his own, He pressed his nails into his captive's chest.

"I wormed my way into his skin," He said, his voice all the more chilling for its smoothness and for the gleam in his dark eyes. He pressed his nails deeper, and felt the rapidly beating heart under the skin. "I ate out his heart, hollowed out his insides, crawled into his body."

The Executioner made a strangled sound in the back of his throat, eyes so wide that they looked as if they might pop out at any moment. Keeping one hand latched tightly on the human's arm, He slipped around behind him.

"And now the demon he hated so much lives in his skin," He breathed into the man's ear, his voice almost a hiss. "Can you imagine? Can you? Can you feel me eating holes into your heart? Can you feel me sticking my fingers into your brain and warping your thoughts? Can you feel me consuming you from the inside out?"

He released the trembling human and strolled back around in front of him. His eyes and voice were flat once more, and He was less a hunting predator than an old, tired demon.

"Of course you can." Sighing, He fixed the white-faced human with another look. "I'm going to tell you a hard truth: I am no longer doing anything to you.  _You_ are using me to destroy yourself. You are the one who can't let go, to the point where you live for me. You have let your obsession consume you. You have let it crowd out everything else in your heart. You have let it change you, in much the same way that Gray let it change him. He killed himself slowly, and he ultimately died for it. You are doing yourself a disservice, child. Hate me if you wish, but if you cannot live for yourself, then why are you living at all?"

Nothing moved, the silence so heavy that it was suffocating. He met the Executioner's gaze steadily, watching it change from terrified to confused to furious, or some combination thereof.

"How  _dare_ you?" the Knight choked out finally, his hands clenching into fists. "How dare you just–?"

"You asked me what I meant," He interrupted coolly. "I gave you exactly what you asked for, child."

"You–you–" The Executioner seemed at a loss for words, mouth working in stupefied anger, but then he rallied. "You have a lot of nerve to threaten me. And would you stop calling me a child?"

He shrugged. "I am old. Most humans are like children to me…in one way or another."

"Yes, well, you can't just–"

"Do you know what I see when I look in the mirror?" He asked, his eyes sharpening again and entrapping the Executioner's entire focus. Gliding forward a step or two, He bored into the human with his flat gaze. "I see the eyes of a demon, and the face of a child long dead."

The Executioner opened his mouth, but no sound came out. But although he stepped back automatically, He wasn't willing to let him go so easily.

"Do you know what I see when I look at you?" He asked. "I see the face of a bitter, hateful man, and the eyes of a frightened, grieving child."

"You–I–"

"When you look at me, you choose to see the demon. When I look at you, I choose to see the child. I suppose they say that the eyes are the windows to the soul." He smiled thinly. "If you  _have_ a soul, anyway. I don't much like you. I think you're kind of an asshole, actually. We haven't exactly had many great experiences with each other, although I'd be willing to assume that you aren't as horrible to everyone else. I tolerate you because I choose to look past the worst of you and see the child instead."

There was a long beat of stunned silence before the Executioner rallied, chest puffing out in indignation again. "I am no longer that child."

"Oh? You still have one foot in the past. Part of you is still frozen as a child."

"I'm not–"

"When you think of Nikolas, do you think of him as the man he would be today, or the child he was when he died?"

The Executioner's mouth gaped in stunned disbelief, and then he whispered, "How dare you?"

He shrugged and hopped back up onto the table, leaving one foot balancing on the edge and the other dangling idly. "Tell me something about them."

"Tell you…what?"

"Clara. Nikolas. Tell me something."

"Why the hell would I do that?" the Knight demanded, eyes flashing with pained fury and hands clenching into fists.

He clicked his tongue impatiently and reached for his shadow, teasing it up and reaching inside. His searching hand glided across scarred leather and then found the paper-bound booklet. Pulling it out and releasing his shadow to settle back, He stared down at the paper cover for a moment, his lips tightening.

"Do you know why I don't remember them?" He asked.

Returning his gaze to the Executioner, He tossed the book. The human flinched in surprise, but his hands darted up to grab the object. After hesitating for a few seconds, staring down as if the paper might come alive and bite him, he cautiously began thumbing through the pages.

Eyes widening, he asked, "What is this?"

"What do you think it is?" He asked, his voice dry but world-weary. "Several years ago, I went back to Isvan and looked through the records. Pain in the neck since my memories are fuzzy at best, but I reconstructed my route by following the paper trail you humans left. Spent a while combing through archives in a dozen different cities. Three guesses as to what that is."

"Names," the Executioner said faintly, eyes glued to the pages as he slowly flipped through them.

"Mhm. Those are the lists of the missing and the dead, from every archive I looked through. Some of those people might still be alive, if they were counted among the missing and then found later. Most of them are dead. Many more won't be there at all, because they were never found and there is no one left to remember them. Thirty-nine pages. Maybe your family is there. Maybe not. But do you really expect me to remember one or two humans among thousands? They are specks in an ocean."

The list's sheer scale was a sobering testament to the damage He had wrought on the world, but the names themselves meant little. It was hard to feel empathy for inked letters that had no meaning other than a hollow link to a long-dead person He knew nothing about.

Sometimes, He felt nothing when He looked at them. They were just a collection of dead humans. Callous as it might be, most of his limited capacity for caring about humans on a deep level was reserved for the guild. In the grand scheme of things, what was one insignificant human?

But then He'd remember that one insignificant human could become significant indeed, if the right conditions were met. Gray was significant. So were his parents and Ur. Lyon. Natsu and Erza and Lucy and Happy. The rest of the guild. They had started off as insignificant, but they had gained meaning until they were highly important. He had grown to know them, to understand them, and had learned to care.

He didn't have that type of special connection to the names in that book. Occasionally, He would pick a name at random and imagine, create a life and a death out of ink in a bid to evoke the sympathy He should feel. It worked, but it was sympathy for someone who had never existed. The real victims remained nothing but a name. The only way to forge a connection would be to know something  _real_ about them.

"What?" The Executioner looked up, surprise melting into anger once more. "How dare you talk about them like they're so unimportant? You–"

"Last page."

"…What?"

"Last page."

The Executioner stared at the demon, anger and confusion warring in his eyes, but then complied with the directive. Opening to the last page, he skimmed it and his eyes widened. His hands tightened on the sheaf of papers, and he made a strangled choking sound.

The last page was for the names He collected on his own, not through yellowing records in dusty archives. He had written those names himself, in his own neat script. It started with Gray, who held the position of chief importance. Then everyone Gray had known who was dead, starting with the boy's family. Then Ur. Even Zeref, off in his own column. And then the newest additions that had been inked in just days before: Clara, Nikolas, Emilia.

"You…"

"There is your family."

"You…" The Executioner tore his eyes away from the page. "What do you do with these?"

He opened his mouth, the easy answer springing to his tongue, but then paused. His mouth slowly closed and his brow furrowed in thought, a puzzled frown pulling at the corners of his lips.

It was a reminder, yes. It had been the product of a quest to retrace his steps and understand the magnitude of what He had done. But had He truly needed a list of names as a reminder? He thought not. He felt its weight whether He held the physical manifestation or not.

Was it supposed to help him sympathize with the victims? Perhaps make sure that they were remembered in some way? Maybe, but it had only ever half succeeded at that purpose. Had it been a penance of sorts? Perhaps, but it brought him no solace and changed nothing in the grand scheme of things.

So what did He do with those names? Perhaps the real answer to that was something far simpler.

"I keep them," He said slowly, rolling the words around on his tongue and tasting them as He tried to ascertain their truthfulness. He nodded thoughtfully. They felt right.

"You keep…?" The Executioner shook his head, not understanding. "Why?"

"Because someone ought to, and maybe that someone ought to be me. You and the others all get so caught up in your own personal tragedies that you have a hard time comprehending the bigger picture, and there are many of the fallen who have no one left to remember them. I have a hard time comprehending all your personal tragedies, but am much more aware of the bigger picture. So, then, tell me something."

"Something like…what?"

He shrugged. "The one most important thing about them, what defines their memories for you. Something to make them more…human. Something more than a name. Something to remember them by. Give me one thing, and I will carry your tragedy with you."

He leaned forward a little, wrapping an arm around his bent knee, and studied the human with curious, hungry eyes. The Executioner clearly had no idea what to make of either the request or the explanation behind it. There was a long silence as he looked at the demon and then down at his family's names and then back at the demon again. Clearing his throat, he dropped his gaze back to the page, his eyes idly tracing the inked letters.

"My mother sang," he said finally, and his voice had a faraway quality to it. "She used to sing all the time: while she worked, while she cooked, while she tucked us in at night. She had a beautiful voice and it used to be what always colored my memories of her, but I can't…hear it anymore. I don't remember…"

The man shook his head, and He had the fleeting thought that He was glad to have at least preserved the repertoire of lullabies Gray's mother had known, even if her voice wasn't as clear as it had once been.

"And Nikolas was…a jerk." A wistful smile flitted across the Executioner's face for the briefest of half-seconds, and He eyed him with interest. This was the first smile He'd seen out of him, even if it was fleeting and melancholy. "Always teasing me and taking my things and trying to get me into trouble. But if anything happened, he was the first one to do something about it. One time he punched a guy twice his size for daring to call me one name or another. Idiot. But I guess that's how brothers are."

He nodded. He had played at being Lyon's brother for a while, and this sounded familiar. Losing a relationship like that would hurt. He would know.

"And now one thing about yourself," He said.

"Huh?" The Executioner looked up, startled. "What do you mean?"

"You are a victim too, are you not? One thing, if you please, child. I don't want your entire life story."

It was impossible to decipher the warring emotions on the Executioner's face. He waited patiently, not entirely sure how far He would get before the ornery human shut down again.

"My father is a craftsman," he said finally. "Woodworker. Highly prized in Isvan, since there isn't a lot of wood to go around. I used to want to be just like him when I grew up, but after… We moved around a lot, eventually left Isvan and settled around these parts. I saw the Knights and immediately knew that I wanted to join them. I mean, here were people who could  _do_ something. They hadn't stopped…you…but they did good in other ways, catching criminals and everything. I thought it would be a good way to make a difference, even change things so that next time a demon came crashing through, maybe we could  _do_ something about it."

He stayed silent for a moment, bouncing his foot idly against the bench. "Let me ask you something. Do you feel as if you've made that difference? That you found whatever purpose you were looking for?"

"I… Yes. The Council and Knights aren't perfect, but for all you guilds always mock us, we save a lot of lives and bring a lot of people justice. It's not perfect, but it does make a difference."

"And over the past weeks," He said, choosing his words carefully, "when you've been so obsessed with me and trying to kill me to the exclusion of everything else, do you still feel as if you've been making that difference in other people's lives? Do you still feel like you're doing what you set out to do, or have you lost that purpose now that I've become your priority?"

The Executioner took an aborted step backward, eyes widening. His mouth opened, but no sound came out.

"Food for thought," He said. Glancing down at the shadow draped over the table and bench and floor, He added, "Fetch, dear."

His shadow stirred in interest, peeling away from its natural position to glide across the floor. The Executioner's breath hitched and his face went white as he watched the blackness sweep toward him. The man stepped back, but the shadow easily caught up and peeled itself up off the ground, coalescing in a monstrous, inky mass.

"Behave!" He snarled, his eyes flashing as He saw what form it was taking.

It writhed in displeasure, whispering  _kill, destroy_  into his head. He growled deep in the back of his throat. Sometimes it felt like trying to tame and rein in a beast that He had only ninety-five percent control over, and every once in a while the shadows liked to engage in a minor act of rebellion.

His shadow's resentment was almost palpable, but it resolved itself back into a human shape, a shadowy figure that stood before the Executioner and held out a hand. The Executioner stared back with eyes as big as saucers, but slowly, cautiously, proffered the bound list of names. His hand trembled and he held onto only the very corner of the sheaf, as if afraid to get his hand bitten off.

The shadow snatched the pages, its movements lightning fast, and the Executioner jerked his hand back and jumped backward. Almost too fast to see, it pulled the book into itself until the white of the paper was swallowed by the inky blackness, then collapsed to the floor and slithered back to coil at the demon's feet.

Wriggling a bit closer to the edge of the table, He poked at the shadow dubiously with his toe, eyeing it until He was certain that its games were over. Satisfied, He slid off the table to stand on the floor again.

"Ah, you'll have to forgive her," He told the white-faced Executioner. "She can be a bit of a handful sometimes."

"Sh-she?" the Executioner stammered, eyes fixed on the shadow. "What–?"

"Don't worry. I'm in control."  _As long as I don't Awaken again._ He sat back down on the bench, turning away from the man by the door. "Now, I'm sure you can show yourself out."

"Are you…dismissing me?"

"Well, you aren't even supposed to be here at all, are you? Best not push your luck."

He drummed his fingers idly on the tabletop as He waited for the Knight to leave, only half aware that He was nominally looking at Natsu's scrunched-up face. He'd nearly forgotten that there was an audience. Amazing how totally absorbed He could become in something, how totally focused on one person to the point where everything else faded to the background. Perhaps He had some of the same obsessive qualities that He so despaired of in the Executioner.

There was no sound of footsteps retreating, no slamming of the door. He remained silent, willing the fool to leave. He had almost gotten annoyed enough to speak again by the time the human cleared his throat.

"I hate you," the Executioner said, but his words had no inflection. "You are a monster and a murderer. If I could kill you, I would."

"I don't particularly care what you think about me," He said, his voice a steady drawl as He tapped his fingers in a bored fashion.

There was another long pause.

"Tell me one thing. About yourself."

He half turned, mouth quirking into a frown, and eyed the human warily. "Have I not already told you a great deal?"

The Executioner scowled. "One thing to make you seem more…human."

He blinked in surprise, recognizing the words, then clicked his tongue in exasperation and turned away, his eyes boring sightlessly into the tabletop once more. "I am not human, and will not pretend to be so any longer."

"And I am not a child, but you will insist on seeing me as one anyway. I want something from you. I gave you something about my family and myself."

His eyes narrowed, tracing over the woodgrain, and He was silent for a long moment before saying, "Zeref was my demon, in much the same way that I am yours. I killed him, and do you know what it magically fixed? Nothing. It changed nothing. Think on that, child."

"And you're still trying to teach me lessons," the Executioner grumbled.

"Go. You have overstayed your welcome."

After an eternity of silence, the floorboards creaked under heavy boots. The door opened, and then closed with a thud that rang out loudly in the dead silence of the hall.

A hand hesitantly touched his arm, and He was startled out of his thoughts. He glanced over to see Lucy watching him with big, pained eyes.

"Gray," she said, "are you–?"

He grinned and pushed aside the Executioner's visit to a corner of his mind that He could explore and pick over at a later date, when He was alone. "So, what was it you were saying about Natsu wrecking your apartment?" He asked lightly.

She blinked at him blankly and then frowned. "Gray, you really–"

"I was actually really interested in that story."

She stared at him until reaching the conclusion that He had no intention of discussing anything that had just happened, and then sighed heavily. Sliding closer on the bench, she wrapped her arms around him and rested her head against his shoulder. He stiffened automatically, his entire body tensing in discomfort.

"I don't think you're a monster," she mumbled.

He stayed stiff and silent, but then bent his head and whispered her name into her ear. She looked up, her eyes solemn, apparently expecting something serious or emotional from him.

"You're going to make Natsu jealous."

An uncomprehending frown spread across Lucy's face, but then she suddenly flushed and jerked away, her bemusement morphing into an irritated scowl. "You're such a  _jerk_!"

He laughed, watching her in amusement. And because He  _was_ a jerk, He had spoken just loudly enough for a particularly nosy feline to hear.

"She lllllikes him!" Happy crowed, nudging Natsu gleefully.

The dragon slayer looked entirely unperturbed, but Lucy's flush deepened and she yelled, "Shut up, you stupid cat! You guys all suck."

Her indignation only fueled the demon's laughter. Lucy turned away with a loud  _hmpf_ , fuming and embarrassed.

Snaking out an arm underneath the view of the tabletop, He snagged her around the waist and pulled her back. She started in surprise, studying him uncertainly. He offered her an almost apologetic half-smile, and after a moment, a sheepish smile spread across her face. She leaned against him, snuggling back into his side. He knew she was still looking for some way to comfort him since that was just what she did, but He kept his arm wrapped snugly about her waist. Sometimes, He knew, it was his friends who really needed that comfort.

"She lllllikes him!" Happy purred, bouncing in delight as he grinned at Lucy and the demon.

"Stupid cat," Lucy mumbled, although she didn't move.

"Of course she does," Natsu said, giving Happy an odd look.

The Exceed immediately ceased bouncing, his eyes widening in shock. "Wait, what?"

"That's what friends are," Natsu explained, shaking his head. "I honestly don't get why you do that thing. I mean, of course we all like each other."

Everyone gaped at him in stunned silence.

"That… That's really what you think he means?" Erza asked faintly.

"Um, yeah? What else would he mean?"

"You… He's been saying this forever, and you've always thought he just meant liking as in friends?"

"Yes?" Natsu said, although uncertainty tinged his voice now as he looked around at the ring of disbelieving faces.

He cracked up. "Oh man, I knew you were totally oblivious, but this takes the cake."

"Oh my gosh," Lucy mumbled, burying her face in his shirt.

"He means 'like' as in you guys  _like_ -like each other," Erza explained, trying not to laugh.

"Yes?" Natsu asked again, no comprehension touching his face.

"Let me try it this way, then." Happy grinned suddenly. "She llllloves him!"

"Shut up!" Lucy screeched.

Natsu's eyes widened comically. "Ewww…"

He burst out laughing again, unable to contain himself at the absolutely horrified look on Natsu's face.

"Gross, gross, they don't actually  _love_ -love each other, do they?"

"Of course we don't!"

"And speaking of cake, did you know that my bakery  _still_ hasn't been rebuilt yet? It could be weeks before I can get my cake again!"

"Who cares about your stupid cake? Did  _you_ know that they  _love_ -loved each other?"

"We don't!"

"She llllloves them! You should really just pick one guy, Lucy. It's not really respectable to have two."

"I'm going to strangle you, you flea-ridden pest!"

"Fleas? I don't have fleas! How dare you?"

"If you have fleas, you're not going to get to sleep in the bed until they're gone…"

"But I don't!"

"Did you call my cake stupid? Natsu, I will end you!"

He watched the team bicker through half-lidded eyes, his mirth fading into a more reserved half-smile that eventually threatened to flicker out of existence altogether as his mind wandered back to the Executioner. An asshole he might be, but he was that way because of the demon. And now He'd gone seeking out an emotional connection with the Executioner and his family. Creating ties beyond an unlikable tormentor and a couple of bare-bones names made those people come alive, gave him a taste of their tragedy. One more thing for him to keep and carry.

"Gray?" Lucy asked, looking up at him.

He wondered if He had missed some important conversational cue, or if the others had just noticed that He'd become more quiet and withdrawn. Right. He was supposed to be living in the here and now, not focused on someone else's life. But it was hard, sometimes, to let go of his penance and remember that there were still people here that He was supposed to be living for.

_"He loved them too, in his own way, but he didn't have enough room in his heart to let them in, not when he was so obsessed with me. He couldn't let go of the past, and it's too bad. He could have recovered and made his new family and found a way to move on and live."_

Ah, well, the Executioner and his family would haunt the demon another time. Maybe, just for a moment, He could listen to his own advice and focus firmly on the present.

He tightened his arm around Lucy and grinned. "You guys are all idiots. Goodness knows why I tolerate you."

_But I think I_ like _-like you all anyway._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think of something stupid that cracks me up, and I have no self-control—I have to write it into something. #NoRegrets


	9. Prove Me Wrong

* * *

**Prove Me Wrong**

* * *

Lyon was brooding at a table jammed in the darkest corner of the guild hall when Sherry came bursting into the building in a panic. This was nothing new—the brooding, not the bursting. He hadn't yet recovered from the blindside and betrayal of the demon, and now had to mourn the real Gray on top of it. He'd spent enough time sitting off on his own and discouraging outside interference that his guild was starting to make tentative overtures in an attempt to pull him out of his brooding. But Lyon wasn't finished moping yet and his friends were still wary of pushing him too far, so his quasi-isolation persisted.

Despite how lost in thought he was, it was difficult not to notice Sherry rushing over with her wide eyes and white face.

"Are you alright?" he asked. It occurred to him that this was the first time he'd really asked after one of his friends or thought about anyone other than himself in weeks. He kind of felt like a jerk.

"It's Gra–the demon." Sherry corrected herself at the last second.

Everyone was very careful not to call the demon 'Gray' around Lyon after he'd thrown an epic tantrum a few weeks back. In hindsight it had only made them worry more about his mental state, but at the time he'd reached a breaking point, and it still served the purpose of convincing them not to call the demon by his dead brother's name.

"What about him?" Lyon asked sharply, his eyes narrowing.

Beside him, Yuka stiffened, a dark expression clouding his face, and Toby cowered instinctively. Lyon caught the movement out of the corner of his eye and glanced over, momentarily surprised that they were there. He'd been so lost in his own world that he hadn't even really noticed them.

"He's here," Sherry said. She bit her lip and darted a glance back at the front door of the guild. "Outside."

"Why?" Yuka growled.

"He's welcome to leave," Lyon said coolly.

"Yes, but…" Sherry shook her head and twisted her hands together, her expression conflicted. "I don't know, but he's waiting."

"For what?"

"For you, I think."

Lyon's nostrils flared. "Someone is welcome to go tell him to leave."

"It's just…" Sherry sighed harshly. "I think it might be better if you just confronted him."

"Are you crazy?" Toby interrupted, his voice grating at Lyon's ears as its already annoying tone rose in pitch. "That's totally dangerous!"

"Why would I possibly want to talk to him?" Lyon stared Sherry down with flat, cold eyes.

"Well, it's not doing you any good  _not_ talking to him either, is it?" she asked. Wrapping her arms around herself, she dropped her gaze to the floor. "I know this has been really hard for you, but…maybe you need some closure. Something to snap you out of…this. It's not like I'm asking you to make friends. None of us really want that. But you've been obsessing over him so much lately that I think it would help  _you_ to face him and get out whatever you've been thinking."

Lyon stared at her. He wanted no such thing. He'd rather not deal with the demon at all, honestly. It was too confusing and painful, and he wanted no part in it.

"Maybe if we ignore him, he'll go away eventually," he said after a long pause.

Sherry pursed her lips, and disappointment radiated from her. "Maybe, but he also didn't look like he planned on leaving any time soon."

Lyon looked down and narrowed his eyes. He drummed his fingers restlessly on the tabletop. He stood up.

"Let's get this over with," he grumbled as he started for the door.

"Don't go!" Toby wailed. "You're going to die, and then who's going to help me find my socks when they go missing?"

"I'll be fine."

"Well, it was nice knowing you," Yuka muttered. The bench scraped against the floor as he stood up. "Guess you'll need some backup."

Lyon said nothing and kept his eyes fixed on the door, but inclined his head slightly in acknowledgment as his team followed him outside. Taking a deep breath, he stepped out and looked around for the demon.

It didn't take much searching. The demon was leaning against the wall casually, one foot braced against the brick and arms crossed loosely over his chest. He looked up as Lyon and the others paused, his dark eyes unreadable. He said nothing, and Lyon's eyes narrowed.

"Why are you here?"

The demon shrugged. "Because I promised to be."

"Because you…?" Lyon shook his head and scowled. "Explain yourself, demon."

Said demon sighed harshly. "After you fought the thing that looked like Ur, remember? I told you that if you survived, we could have a rematch and you could try finding a way to kill me. I would've come sooner, but I've been rather busy lately and it seemed wise to give myself some time to heal before you got your hands on me again."

What on earth…? Lyon gaped at his foe silently. He remembered that comment said in passing, a scant consolation for being unable to kill the demon while the war still raged, but he hadn't expected anything to actually come of it.

And he was instantly wary, because what kind of person would just waltz up to someone who hated them and ask, 'hey, you want to try killing me?' It sounded like a trap.

"Don't do it," Yuka advised from behind him. "It's a trap."

So, definitely a trap, then.

"Why should I want  _anything_ to do with you?" Lyon asked coldly, still focused on the loathsome creature leaning against the wall.

"It's totally up to you," said the demon with another shrug. "Doesn't really matter to me. You defeated fake-Ur and passed up the chance to kill me once, so maybe that's enough for you. But I'll at least give you the opportunity to change your mind."

Lyon stiffened. Was the demon suggesting that he didn't  _want_ this? That he wasn't committed to the destruction of the beast that had killed his mentor and friend? How  _dare_ he?

Even though his friends couldn't see his face while they were arranged behind him, his sudden fight must have been visible in his posture.

"Bad idea," Toby said anxiously. "Bad idea."

"What do you really think you can do?" Yuka added. "He's immortal, remember? The only one who could get killed in a fight is you."

The demon's gaze slid past Lyon to study the other Lamia Scale mages, before he looked back at Lyon and raised one eyebrow fractionally.

Lyon scowled. Even he wasn't quite sure why he hadn't told anyone about the demon's loss of immortality. He should have. He should have told everyone and gathered up a lynching party. He couldn't explain why he hadn't done it. He couldn't explain why he'd vouched for the demon during the trial or why he'd basically given the vile creature his blessing after Zeref's defeat.

He couldn't explain it, but he still hated the demon and wanted him dead, and the bastard had no right to suggest otherwise.

"Don't get the wrong idea," he growled. "I still very much hate you. Do you really think I don't want you dead?"

The demon shrugged  _again_. "Your guess is as good as mine. To be honest, I don't understand you much more than you understand me, now. But no one is questioning that you hate me. I don't believe that I've ever suggested otherwise."

"If I could kill you, I would," Lyon said vehemently.

The demon arched an eyebrow. Lyon couldn't really read his expression, not now that he'd become an otherworldly, inhuman enigma, but something about it rubbed him the wrong way. Whether it was actually skeptical and disdainful or Lyon was just imagining it because that was what he expected to see, it had the same effect. How dare anyone, much less the  _demon_ , question Lyon's motives and feelings? Lyon was already conflicted and confused enough without adding anyone else's doubt into the mix.

It made him furious, actually. The demon didn't think he'd do it? Well, Lyon would show him.

Almost before he consciously made the decision to attack, Lyon's hands were already moving. A squadron of ice eagles burst forth to rocket toward the demon, who tracked them with his eyes. His body tensed in anticipation as he braced himself, but he didn't move and took a direct hit from the icy creatures with little more than a wince and tightening of the lips.

Lyon's team was in an uproar behind him, either trying to encourage him or reason with him or jump-start his sense of self-preservation, but the blood was pounding in his ears so loudly that he couldn't have made out their words even if he wanted to. And, to be honest, he didn't want to. Right now he only cared about one thing, and it was standing in front of him.

The ice tiger was charging even before the eagles struck. The demon pushed himself away from the wall and swayed slightly to avoid the brunt of the attack, but he offered no real resistance. The tiger took a chunk out of his arm, and a spray of crimson droplets misted in the air. Lyon had seen him take attacks many times before, so it shouldn't be as jarring as it was to be reminded that he still bled red like a human, but it seemed wrong anyway.

Lyon swept a hand through the air and the tiger attacked again, again, again. The demon kept his wary gaze on the creature and twisted away to minimize the damage of the attacks, but he neither truly defended nor counterattacked.

"Why won't you fight back?" Lyon burst out in frustration.

"This is a…continuation of…our earlier confrontation, if you recall." The demon hissed in pain as the tiger raked its claws down his side. "You were the only one fighting then, too. I never… _ow, shit_ …never fought you."

"Well, why not?" Lyon's glower deepened. "Why won't you  _fight_?"

The demon slid around the tiger's outstretched claws and threw him a scrutinizing look. "Do you really want me to?"

"Of course! You really think it would be as satisfying to rip you apart if you just fucking  _stand there_?"

Lyon had wanted to beat Deliora for a long time, and even if this demon wasn't quite…

Well, defeating that piece of magic with Ur's powers had been almost like surpassing Ur, but it wasn't as satisfying as it should have been. And he had since begun to question whether he really  _needed_ to surpass her in that way. She had been a great and powerful mage, and although Lyon still wanted to be as strong as she had been one day, he wasn't sure that she could be surpassed or even if he  _wanted_ her to be. She had always been larger than life, and he rather thought that he secretly wanted it to stay that way, no matter what he said or told himself. The thing about heroes was that you always wanted to be able to look up to them.

Defeating the demon was no longer about surpassing Ur. It was really just about revenge. Revenge and pain and heartache and an aching need to do  _something_ , because the current situation was untenable and hurt too much. Lyon hated messy edges and gray areas. He wanted things to fucking make sense again, and it was easier to hate than to love.

"If you say so," the demon said, his voice and face carefully expressionless.

He dodged out of the way of another attack and lifted his hands, and a sudden burst of fury and pain flared to life in Lyon's chest.

"Don't you  _dare_ use their magic!"

The demon glanced at him, then dropped his hands and stepped back. The wavering shadow tagging along at the tiger's feet darkened and solidified, flaring up and punching through the beast. The ice shattered into a million powdered shards that hung in the air like a fine, crystal mist for a moment, casting the area in glittering light before vanishing.

Lyon froze and stared at the demon, and the demon stared silently back.

"Lyon," Yuka said, "maybe–"

Lyon ignored him. His hands flew through practiced gestures, creating more ice creatures. None of them got anywhere near the demon before having shadows wrap around them or crush them or pulverize them.

Lyon wanted to scream in frustration. The demon still wasn't counterattacking, but his defense was too damn strong. Nothing Lyon did was getting through, and he  _hated_ it.

Realizing that his strategy wasn't working, Lyon lunged forward himself, ignoring the shouts of his teammates. He created a jagged, wickedly sharp shard of ice to act as a knife. The demon watched, but offered no resistance when Lyon slammed him into the wall and held the ice to his throat.

Lyon's entire body was trembling, and he hated how the hand holding the knife wavered so dangerously. But still, the demon only stared back with dark, dark eyes. Lyon still couldn't get a read on him, and it wasn't  _fair_.

"If you don't fight back, I swear to God I'll kill you," Lyon hissed. The demon said nothing, only stared with those impossible eyes of his. "What? You think I can't do it?" Lyon demanded, furious.

"I think that you can do it," the demon said slowly, choosing his words with care but still not looking nervous or afraid or anything that Lyon wanted him to be feeling. "But I don't think that you will."

Lyon let out a breathy, incredulous laugh. "Oh really? What makes you think that?"

"Because you already held my life in your hands once, and you handed it back to me." The demon reached back blindly, his hand melting into the shadow he cast on the wall before Lyon had the chance to ask what the hell he was talking about. He pulled out his Book and thrust it at Lyon's chest. Lyon automatically released him to take it before he realized what he was doing. "But you're welcome to prove me wrong."

Lyon stepped back and looked down at the object in his hands. There was still a protective layer of ice encasing it, but he could break through that easily if he tried. It was so  _clear_ , and he found himself staring down at  _'Gray'_ , tracing the letters with his eyes.

It was so wrong. It had been such a blindside, having that thrown in his face. He had been left reeling, too stunned to put an end to it like he undoubtedly should have. He should have just destroyed this then, instead of giving the demon a second chance.

And he could do it now. He could break open that seal and plunge ice right through that damning word and watch the demon die.

He could– He could–

Why couldn't he?

Lyon threw the Book down in disgust and turned away, hating himself for being unable to finish the job. He only paused when he heard the muffled hiss of pain from behind him. Turning back, he caught the demon smoothing out a wince.

His eyes dropped back to the Book on the ground. That was right, hurting the Book would hurt the demon. Even if he couldn't make himself  _destroy_ it, he could at least  _damage_ it a little. He should really do  _something_.

He met the demon's expressionless eyes again and felt that ugly mix of hatred and pain well up once more. The demon had taken  _everything_. Lyon missed Ur. He missed the Gray who was an angry, grieving, difficult boy who had nonetheless wormed his way into Lyon's heart.

He missed the Gray who had snapped him out of it on Galuna and rebuilt a relationship with him and helped him begin the process of mending his heart. The Gray who teased and fought and joked with Lyon, but had been unfailingly loyal. The Gray who had given Lyon his little brother back.

…The Gray who had never really been Gray at all.

The demon had taken Lyon's master and both of his brothers, and that was something he couldn't forgive.

What maybe hurt the most was that with those unreadable eyes and that carefully impassive attitude, Lyon couldn't tell if any of the almost-Gray he had known still existed at all. And as much as he wanted it to, he also wanted to believe that it didn't, because he didn't know how to handle any of this if it did.

He bent over and picked up the Book, let himself be mesmerized by that taunting name printed across the cover for a moment more, and then stepped back toward the demon. He shoved the Book roughly into the demon's chest, and the creature accepted it silently.

"Leave," Lyon said hoarsely, his voice wavering and raw. "Leave and don't come back."

"As you wish." The demon remained impassive, but for a split second Lyon thought he might have detected a hint of weariness or pain or sadness or  _something_. Or maybe he was just reading too much into it, looking for something that wasn't there. "After I finish here."

"What?"

"You aren't actually the only one I came here for." The demon's gaze slid off to the side and fixed on a point behind Lyon. Lyon turned to see that he was looking at Sherry, Toby, and Yuka, who were watching the encounter with white faces and frightened eyes. "I give all of them choices, not just you."

Lyon bit down on the inside of his cheek. It wasn't that he'd forgotten his friends had also suffered from Deliora's wrath—it would be hard to when that was why they had come together in the first place and cooked up the ill-conceived Galuna scheme—but he'd been so wrapped up in himself and his own pain that he hadn't spared more than a passing thought for how they were coping with the situation. It was selfish of him, and he'd need to do better.

And part of that meant he couldn't interfere here. They had their own grudges and heartaches to sort out, and he had no right to prevent them from doing so.

He returned his gaze to the demon and backed up slowly. Toby grabbed onto his arm and hid behind him, peering over his shoulder at the demon.

"No good," Toby babbled. "We don't want any trouble. Better to go."

"I don't know," Yuka said coldly, more furious than intimidated. "Kind of hard to pass up an opportunity when it presents itself."

But still, no one moved. They were like a group of statues, all staring at each other but unable to move, paralyzed by the uncertainty of the situation.

Then Sherry cleared her throat and stepped forward. "You hurt us," she said simply. The demon stared back, his expression unchanging. "You ruined our lives. But you also helped us." She dropped her gaze to the ground and wrapped her arms around herself. "Maybe, in a way, you saved our lives too."

"What in the world are you blathering on about?" Yuka growled.

The demon's eyes narrowed. He said nothing.

"We spent years trying to resurrect and kill you so that we could have our revenge," Sherry said quietly. "It took over our lives and we started to forget what was important. We were foolish, and even nearly killed the villagers living on the island. That was wrong of us. Because I believed in love, but what kind of love was that? Maybe I didn't understand back then.

"I'm not saying that what you did was okay. I'm not saying that I don't blame you. I'm not even saying that I forgive you, really. But…you did help us set our lives on the right track afterwards and find better things to work toward, and I think that should count for something. We tried getting revenge once, and it only hurt us in the end. I want to think that we learned from that. I don't know that I can love you after everything, but my kind of love doesn't leave room for hate or killing anymore, and I stand by that as a way of life."

Lyon gawked at her. He could understand Toby's fear and Yuka's anger. Those were natural reactions. But Sherry… Compared to the others' reactions and Lyon's own erratic handling of the situation, Sherry's approach was the most…mature. How could she even say such things when Lyon and the others were still struggling so much? He could see it in her eyes that she was still conflicted and unsure, but she was  _trying_ , and she'd come much closer to coming to terms with things than Lyon had.

He thought back to Galuna and the years of preparation leading up to it. The girl he had known then would never have been able to even think such things. She had still held too much bitterness and grief and hate. He had, of course, known that she'd changed and matured since then, but this was a startling display of it. He wondered how she had grown so much, and why he hadn't.

"You sure grew up," said the demon, a melancholy smile flitting over his face for the briefest of seconds.

"I guess it's a good thing that you set me on the right track, then, isn't it?" she asked.

He shook his head. "I only gave you a nudge in the right direction. You did all the hard work yourself. Still, this is your opportunity for…anything. I don't intend to come back any time soon."

Yuka shifted impatiently, his mouth set in a grim line, but he stayed quiet. Sherry had effectively taken control of the situation. She was silent for a long moment, but then met the demon's gaze squarely and raised her chin.

"I loved my family," she said. "I loved them a lot. You taught me something about love, and now I'm going to teach you. Let me tell you about them, and maybe you'll understand what you've taken and why you should care—why they're worthy of love."

The demon leaned back against the wall, a sad, weary smile ghosting over his face. "Ah, you really know how to stick it to me. Go ahead."

Sherry took a deep breath, and Lyon turned away. He went back into the guild, leaving Sherry and the others to tell their stories. He didn't want to see it.

He didn't want to see if the demon's façade cracked, didn't want to see if he would show any sign of being human, didn't want to see if he would express any kind of sadness or regret. Lyon didn't want to see it. He wasn't on board with Sherry's whole love thing. He wanted to hate, to believe the demon was a monster with no redeeming qualities.

He wasn't ready to risk seeing anything that might prove him wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this sets up why we won't be seeing Lyon for a while...until the point where he starts sticking his fingers into everything lol


	10. Eviction/Job Hunting (1)

**Eviction/Job Hunting (1)**

* * *

When He returned to his apartment one evening and found his landlady sitting outside his door in a rocking chair that she'd obviously dragged out there for that purpose, He knew his time was up. He closed the door of the building quietly behind him and ghosted down the short hallway until He was standing across from the elderly woman. She was just as He remembered—her hands busy with her knitting, her demeanor calm, that ever-present green shawl wrapped snugly about her shoulders. Leaning back against the wall and bracing one foot against it, He crossed his arms loosely over his chest and cleared his throat.

The landlady looked up from her knitting, the needles stilling in her gnarled hands and their soft clicking fading to silence. She studied him thoughtfully, her normally kind eyes no more wary than they usually were.

"Hello, Gray," she said, her face crinkling further as she offered him a small smile. "It's been a while."

"It has," He replied. He hadn't seen her since the evacuation of Magnolia, and there had been enough going on that He hadn't run into her after the war even though she must have moved back into the city days ago. As such, He wasn't entirely sure where He stood with her, and eyed her guardedly. "I've been busy, I'm afraid."

"I've heard. You always were the 'run off and save the world' type, and I'm sure you've been busy settling back in, even after all that business with the Council. Have you quite recovered? You don't look too injured."

And she was asking after his health. Right.

"I'm fine, thanks." He sighed and let his gaze wander down the hall. "How is your family? They make it out alright?"

"Yes, everyone who was still in the city made it out with the evacuation." She clicked her tongue quietly as she added, "Most of them have moved back now, but Sally refuses to bring her children back until things settle down more." She shook her head in gentle disapproval, and He wondered if her daughter was so wary of coming back because the city was still a mess after Zeref's armies or because her mother was housing a demon. "But Nat came by to check for damage on the building, and he said that the roof had been repaired recently. Since you're our resident handyman, I assume you fixed it?"

"I did."

"Well, thank you. It saved Nat's back, anyway. The poor dear was so pleased not to have to spend his day doing repairs."

He hummed noncommittally. He had very little involvement with her children and grandchildren other than the stories she told, and although He was glad to have spared them some hassle, He wished she would just cut to the chase.

"You don't seem as nervous as you should," He remarked neutrally.

"I'm eighty-three, dear," she said with a chuckle, turning her gaze back to her knitting as the needles began clacking together quietly again. "Some people become more fearful as they age, others more fearless. Between you and me, I wouldn't even bat an eyelash at the Grim Reaper himself anymore. In any case, I reason that you have had many opportunities to do me harm over the past years we've known each other, and you've always been a perfect angel."

He coughed out a laugh despite himself. "An angel," He repeated, shaking his head fondly.

She shrugged. "I've lived for a long time, and I like to think that I've become a good judge of character. And you've lived here for long enough that I'd like to think I've gotten a good read on you. I've heard a great deal about you over the past few weeks, but I still remember the boy who always took time out of his day to drop by and listen to me ramble about my grandchildren, who always did favors for me around this place so that I didn't have to hire outside help, who always stopped by to make sure I was alright if he hadn't seen me in a while. You've always been a joy to have around, dear."

"Ah, you've always seen the best in everyone, Obaa–" He paused, hesitated uncertainly, but then shrugged. After all these years, He couldn't honestly envision calling her anything else. "Obaa-san. It will get you in trouble one day."

"I'd invite the Grim Reaper in for cookies if he showed up on my doorstep," she said with another shrug, and his lips quirked upward. "Well, am I wrong, then?  _Should_ I be afraid?"

"Of me? Not particularly."

"I didn't think so." Her smile faded and her hands stilled again. She suddenly looked older, the wrinkles on her face deepening. "But I'm afraid not everyone shares my view."

And here it was. It looked like the small talk was over now.

"Don't I know it." He gave her a wan smile. "Don't worry, I'm not going to kick up a fuss. I've already begun making preparations to move out."

"You…what?" She frowned, caught off guard.

"You're here to evict me. I was honestly expecting you days ago. I might have moved out already if I hadn't been so busy taking care of other business."

The landlady frowned and looked back down at the mess of blue yarn in her lap, although she didn't start up her knitting again. "This isn't something I particularly want to do," she said. "But I've been receiving pressure from the other tenants and from the neighbors, and…"

"It's alright," He said with a tired smile. "You can't expect everyone to want to live next door to a demon."

She sighed. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine. I understand."

"Do you have alternative arrangements set up yet? I'm having a difficult time seeing how you're going to find another place."

"Don't you worry about that," He said smoothly, keeping his gaze steady. "I have plans."

Not terribly good plans since she was right and no one would particularly want him living anywhere near them, but good enough plans.

His landlady— _former_ landlady, He supposed—sighed again. "Well, I wish you luck with that. I'm not planning on renting your flat out again, so you're welcome to come back once all the fuss starts dying down."

"You're…what?" He frowned and shook his head. "You needn't bother."

"Well, it would already be more challenging than usual to rent out because there seems to be a rumor going around that it's cursed or some such nonsense." She honest to God rolled her eyes, which was an expression He had never seen from her before. "Or perhaps they just think that you'll be bitter and vengeful, and anyone who dares live in your old place is asking to get themselves eaten. And in any case, I am not happy that they are all forcing my hand. I will hold your apartment for you. You're welcome to leave some of your things here instead of having to move them all around."

"But–"

"Don't worry about the rent."

"But–"

"Goodness knows you've provided a great deal of outside service over the years, the roof being only the latest addition to that list. If you must insist on some kind of compensation, we can say that your past labor is payment enough."

He stared at her silently, his mouth twisting into a funny expression. In a world where most everyone suddenly hated him and He had lost so much in one fell swoop, this was an unexpectedly kind gesture. It was definitely more than He had anticipated, and it made his heart clench painfully.

"I think that's the most times you've ever interrupted me," He said, clearing his throat and averting his gaze. "What happened to that punctilious politeness of yours?"

She chuckled. "Perhaps I just don't feel like listening to your protests. I do believe that things will eventually begin settling down, and I'd like to see you back here when they do."

He stayed silent for a long moment as He resolutely studied the floor, then cleared his throat again and said, "Thank you."

"Of course, dear. And there's no rush. If you need some time to follow through on your arrangements, you're welcome to stay here until you get them finalized."

"I'll be gone first thing in the morning. Better to get it over with quickly so that you don't have to keep dealing with the hassle."

"I don't mind dealing with a little hassle."

"Ah, but I'd rather you didn't have to."

His landlady sighed and smiled, then gathered up her knitting and made to rise. He stepped forward almost automatically, offering her his arm and helping her up.

"Thank you, dear."

"No problem." He helped her down the hall to her apartment, dragging her chair behind him.

"You should drop by to chat again sometime," she said as He replaced her chair in its normal position and drifted back to the doorway.

"I'm afraid that it might be better if I stay away." He gave her a tired half-smile. "It would be better if you weren't seen with me."

She sighed and rubbed at her face wearily. "You're right, I suppose. We might have to wait until you move back."

"Sure." Pasting on a crooked grin, He added, "But if you ever need me for anything, I'll be hanging around the guild."

"I'll keep that in mind," she said with a fond smile. "Good luck, Gray. Take care of yourself, you hear?"

"Thank you, I will. You take care of yourself too, Obaa-san. Make those lazy kids of yours stop by every once in a while to help you out."

She laughed as He shut the door behind him and retreated to his apartment. Slipping inside, He flipped on the light and looked around with a heavy sigh. It felt different looking at it now, now that He knew this was the last time He would be here in a long time. He was usually busy enough that He didn't spend too much time here, but now He realized that He would truly miss it.

Well, He supposed his landlady was actually going to let him keep it. That would be helpful, since He wouldn't be able to keep track of all his belongings. He'd anticipated having to get rid of most of them, but now He could store them here and take only the most important with him.

But still… He would no longer have this space, or any space of his own, for a long time. He leaned back against the door and let his gaze roam over the living room with its couch and armchair and desk, everything arranged tidily; the kitchen with the dishes stacked neatly in the cabinets and the fridge that was always too big for what He put in it; the bedroom with the neatly-made bed and closet full of clothes He would no longer shed.

He would miss its quirks too, all those little things that had proved to be minor irritations over the years: the oven that took much too long to pre-heat, the lamp that always seemed to flicker no matter how religiously He checked the wiring, the sharp edge of the bedpost that He banged some part of his body into at least once a month, the chipped tile in the kitchen by the sink. All those little imperfections had made this place home as much as his neatly-arranged belongings and personal effects.

It was strange, He reflected, the things you would miss most about a place. You never really realized until it was time to let them go.

He really ought to pack, He supposed. He did intend to leave first thing in the morning. But then again, He wouldn't be taking much with him, and the thought of gathering up his belongings seemed too final, an acknowledgement that He was really leaving and no longer had a place here. Maybe He'd just go to sleep and worry about that in the morning, because right now it seemed like it would take too much energy.

His eye caught on the brownish-yellow water stain marring the otherwise pristine white of the wall, left over from when the building had experienced a minor plumbing disturbance. He had really meant to paint that over after they'd gotten the problem sorted out, but something had always come up and He'd never gotten around to it. That suddenly seemed like a failure on his part, like He hadn't taken care of what He had while He had it.

Actually, He thought He still had some old paint around here somewhere. A few minutes of digging through the closet turned up a half-empty can of white paint and a stiff-bristled brush. So instead of packing his things, He spent the next half hour carefully painting over the stain, brushing white over it and watching it disappear bit by bit.

This was still his home, if only for tonight, and He would take care of it while He had it. Tomorrow He would pack and move and leave, but for tonight this was his.

When He'd finished, He stood back and stared at the still-glistening patch of white for a long time, his eyes unfocused. Then He slowly walked away, turned off the light, and went to sleep.

* * *

All things considered, being homeless wasn't really as bad as He'd anticipated. He certainly missed his flat, of course, and life would be much more convenient if He had somewhere to go back to at the end of the day, but He'd managed to make things work.

He had left almost all of his belongings in the apartment, and taken only the essentials with him. The guild's storeroom was messy and cluttered enough that He could easily find places to tuck his things away for storage where no one would stumble across them. And since He didn't feel like explaining himself or listening to his friends fuss and rage over something so trivial, He kept the issue quiet.

He hadn't bothered looking for alternative housing since He didn't doubt that all He'd get for his troubles was a pack of angry and frightened landlords shooing him away, but finding places to sleep at night wasn't too tricky. Sometimes He stayed in the guild, silently creeping back in after everyone had left to spend the night on the storeroom floor. As long as He made sure to get up before everyone started trickling in for the day, it was like He'd never been there at all. He was careful not to be caught there since He technically wasn't part of the guild anymore and half of the guild would just as soon see him run off, but He figured that He wasn't really hurting anything by staying. Sure, He wasn't paying rent or for the use of the amenities, but He figured that He could make up for that later.

When He didn't feel like staying at the guild overnight, He could usually find a secluded corner or copse of trees to bed down in. He just had to be careful to pick places where no one would stumble upon him, because although not everyone would recognize his face, He was still public enemy number one in the city right now. No need to invite an impromptu lynching. But there were lots of nice places out in the park and in the trees along the river, and He found that He sometimes preferred sleeping out in the grass under the stars to bunkering down in the guild's overcrowded backroom. It was sort of like camping, and He had decided to stay optimistic and look at this as a sort of adventure.

So honestly, it wasn't the eviction that was a real problem. Job hunting, on the other hand, was a bigger issue.

"Ice magic?" asked the chief of the small mountain village. The short man's mouth twisted into some combination of anger and fear as he narrowed his eyes. "You're Fairy Tail's pet demon?"

_Busted again_.

"I'm the demon, yes," He said, resisting the urge to sigh.

The village men were starting to inch forward, closing around him in a half-circle as if preparing to chase him out, while the women and children backed up. They were all watching him with wary eyes, and everyone who had a weapon was pointing it at him.

"Begone," the chief growled, his body tensing as if he was expecting an attack.

Now He really did sigh. "I'm honestly not here to eat your children. Do you want help with your wyvern problem or not?"

He didn't know why He bothered when He already knew that the opportunity was lost. The lack of a guild mark wasn't the real obstacle to getting jobs done—Makarov and Fairy Tail looked the other way and let him take jobs even though He didn't technically have the authority to do so anymore, and most clients didn't bother asking to see a guild mark since they just wanted a mage to solve their problems as quickly as possible and weren't too picky about who was helping them. But although He was just a faceless boogeyman to most of Fiore, putting ice magic and Fairy Tail together was sure to raise suspicions. He always tried to keep his magic out of view and sidestep any questions about it, but sometimes there was just no easy way around it.

"We'll have a different mage help us," said the chief, his hostility palpable. "A  _human_  mage."

Fair enough. Shrugging, He backed out of the village and worked his way down the narrow trail through the rust-colored stone of the mountainside. There was no need to push things further and cause a scene, not when these people had at least resisted the urge to try lynching him. Which was more than He could say about some of the other people He'd run into lately.

He could feel wary, unfriendly eyes boring into his back all the way down the trail until He'd reached the bottom of the mountain and slipped out of view, and He waited for the villagers tailing him to turn back before He headed for a different trail nearby and started back up. He really ought to just leave it alone, but wyverns were nasty business and an unwary villager or unsuspecting child could easily fall prey to one if it was living nearby.

Of course, since He hadn't received the full briefing from the villagers, He was working on incomplete information. He knew that there was a wyvern living in a cave somewhere around the village, and that was about it. But wyverns were large beasts with no love of stealth, and it shouldn't be too difficult to search around and find some signs of this one's passing.

He began combing the mountainside, keen eyes scanning the crags and reddish rock for any disturbances. Nothing immediately jumped out at him, so He trudged and climbed wearily as He searched. If nothing else, it gave him time to mentally berate himself for another lost opportunity.

It wasn't that He was short on cash, and this wasn't a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but it was still an annoyance. Since He liked to be well-prepared and was more of a planner than his friends gave him credit for, He'd built up a nest egg over the years for emergencies…and because He'd anticipated possibly having to go on the run someday if his identity was ever discovered. And since He wasn't currently paying rent or for many other expenses aside from food and a handful of other necessities, He wasn't exactly in trouble yet. But He did intend to give both his landlady and the guild some form of compensation for his apartment and living expenses someday, and that would be hard to do if He kept doing all his jobs for free.

His lips twitched upward into a predatory grin as He spotted a set of claw marks raked across a rocky overhang. "Got you now," He crooned, his eyes glimmering with satisfaction.

He had little trouble following the trail of claw marks, disturbed stone, flattened vegetation, and animal bones, and soon found himself standing just outside the gaping maw of a cave dug into the mountainside. He peered inside, squinting against the blackness and seeing absolutely nothing through the shadows, and considered his options. It would be a horrible idea to go inside. For one, He wouldn't be able to see anything, and for two, it would give the wyvern a home-field advantage.

Time to lure out the overgrown lizard. He backed away from the mouth of the cave and settled into a defensive stance before clapping his hands and making an unattractive sound meant to mimic the cry of a wounded animal.

"Come on," He mumbled, bouncing on his heels as He eyed the cave. "Don't make me try to make that godawful noise again."

Maybe He could take up animal-sound mimicry as a new hobby in his spare time. Who knew when it might come in handy?

He was just about to give in and simulate an easy meal one more time, but then something scraped loudly against stone. A green-scaled wyvern burst out of the cave, its emerald wings flaring wide to blot out the sun for the briefest of seconds. It lunged for the demon and He jumped back, hands already in motion as He molded ice lances to strike right at the creature's beady little eyes. It let out a shrill screech as the ice connected, and He charged forward, an icy sword springing to his hand.

These beasts were wiry and clever, but He'd caught this one off guard and meant to take full advantage of its momentary surprise. He managed to dodge the gleaming claws that raked through the air just by his face and the spike-tipped tail that lashed out at his legs, and brought his sword down on the wyvern's slender neck, cutting deeply into the flesh and scraping against bone.

A mortal wound, but an injured animal was still a dangerous one. And He'd rather put the wyvern out of its misery—He had no love of slow and agonizing deaths. Ducking out of the way of the beast's snapping jaws, He plunged the sword into its chest.

Something slammed into him from behind, sharp points digging into his back and ripping gashes into his skin, and He pitched forward with a pained yelp. The intense pressure on his back disappeared and He quickly rolled out of the way, hissing in pain as rocks and grit scraped against his open wounds. Powerful, clawed legs slammed into the ground where He had just been, and He bit out a curse as He lunged to the side.

He had been told that there was  _one_ wyvern, not two.

The blue-scaled newcomer screeched, the earsplitting sound echoing off the surrounding rock, and dove for the demon. He hurriedly threw up a shield and scrambled back, out of reach of the dying wyvern and the newest threat. The ice shattered, and He barely had time to form a coherent thought before the second wyvern hurtled through the flying shards and raked its claws down his chest. Crying out in pain, He slammed a wall of ice into the creature and sent it flying back.

His gaze dropped to the shadow curled at his feet, and He growled, "Aren't you dying to kill something? Make yourself useful for once."

As if it had been waiting for his command—unlikely, given how ornery and prone to throwing tantrums it could be—the shadow launched itself across the ground and wrapped around the blue wyvern, biting into its wings and dragging them down as it slashed viciously at scale and membrane. Staggering back to his feet, He summoned his curses and hooked into the wyverns' own shadows, tangling the beasts in them.

After that, the ice made short work of them. He stood still for a long moment, staring at the pools of blood congealing around the once-proud beasts' bright scales and listening to the dying echoes of their cries ringing in his ears, and then turned away. Pulling his shirt off and hissing in pain as the fabric stuck to his raw wounds, He covered his injuries with ice and then used the shirt as a makeshift bandage over top.

_Two_ blasted wyverns. This was what He got for doing some stupid human ingrates a favor. He ought to go hunt down those villagers and pay them back for withholding vital information. Dark fury flared to life in his chest, and He ground his teeth together. Worthless little human insects should know better than to challenge him. He would show them why they were foolish to cross him, remind them why they should be afraid.

His shadow writhed in excitement.  _Kill, kill, kill._

Grimacing, He took a deep breath and tried to tamp down the instinctive rage. These bursts of primal anger and hate had always surfaced from time to time, but they'd become far more frequent and harder to ignore after his seal had snapped and He'd Awakened again. This would always be a part of him, but He certainly hoped that it would settle back down and He'd become better at controlling it again over time. He closed his eyes and focused on his breathing to calm himself and let the rage die down.

_Let's kill them all_ , his shadow whispered hopefully.

"No," He mumbled. His shadow hissed in displeasure, resentment radiating from it. He sighed and said, "Yeah, yeah, I hear you. I make a terrible demon now, and you make a terrible human. No wonder we can't get along."

Opening his eyes, He gave his shadow a hard look until it reluctantly settled back to its normal position and fell still, and then started back down the mountain. He moved slowly, his wounds burning beneath the ice and his exhaustion hanging over him like a cloud, but managed to hobble down the trail with only a few stumbles and missteps.

He got a few odd looks and concerned enquiries as He hobbled back to the nearest town and purchased a train ticket, but He just waved them off with a wan smile and found a seat away from everyone else. Resting his head against the window, He stared out sightlessly and willed the train to go faster as He tried to ignore his throbbing wounds. He was suddenly grateful that this town wasn't very far from Magnolia.

Still, the ordeal seemed to go on forever, a hazy blur of exhaustion and aching pain. And when He finally stumbled off the train and paused outside the station to frown out at the busy street, He quickly realized that his problems weren't over. Normally, He would go back to his apartment, dress his wounds properly, and sleep it all off. That obviously wasn't an option anymore, and He had no choice but to go to the guild and have his friends fuss over him. Joy.

Noticing the nasty, mistrustful looks He was getting from the civilians savvy enough to recognize his face, He worked his way through the crowd to find a shady pathway along the edges of buildings where He could pull the shadows more tightly about himself and conceal himself from a good portion of the glares. He missed the days when He could walk freely through the city instead of always skulking in the shadows.

He slipped into the guild with a sigh and looked around for his old team.

"Geez, what happened to  _you_?" Gajeel asked, noticing him leaning heavily against the doorway with crimson blood seeping through the ragged remains of his shirt. The dragon slayer gave the demon a wary look, but apparently he'd seen fit to temporarily set aside a little of his usual unfriendliness.

"Wyverns," He grunted, starting for the team's table.

"Gray!" Lucy yelped. She jumped to her feet and rushed over to him. "Are you alright? Hey, Wendy! Come here, will you?"

"I'm fine," He grumbled.

Natsu eyed him critically. "You got yourself torn up by a measly wyvern?"

He scowled. "Would've been nice if the villagers had bothered telling me there was a second one lurking around. It would've been harder for it to sneak up behind me that way."

Erza clicked her tongue in disapproval as she looked over his injuries and let her eyes linger a moment too long on the bare stretch of skin where his guild mark should be. It made him wish that He was still wearing a shirt.

"Wyverns aren't a joke," she said. "You should've taken us with you."

Someone was clearly still miffed that He had been avoiding team jobs lately.

"It was only supposed to be  _one_ ," He said mutinously as Wendy hurried over and began carefully unwrapping his makeshift bandages.

He melted his ice and grudgingly allowed Wendy to heal the gashes with her magic, all the while ignoring Charle's hostile glare burning into him. Once his injuries had faded away, any temporary reprieve from the guild seemed to fade with them. He could feel all the wary, unfriendly looks that half the guild was giving him, could see the disdainful curl to Gajeel's lip and Bisca's death glare as she ushered Asuka away from the area, but He chose to ignore them in favor of thanking Wendy.

"No problem," she said. "You should be more careful, Gray-san. You can die now, you know."

"I'm aware," He grumbled, not willing to admit that sometimes He did seem to forget that for short stretches of time and overestimate how durable He really was now.

"That looked really painful," Lucy said with a sigh. "I sure hope you got paid really well for that."

"Oh yeah."

If nothing else, He'd gotten paid with plenty of aggravation.

"And enough with you running off on solo jobs all the time and getting yourself hurt," Erza said, giving him a hard look. "It's time to start coming with us again."

He fought back his instinctive wince. Part of the reason He'd been ducking out of team jobs was what had just happened back at the village. It was one thing to get run out of towns and do jobs without payment if He was on his own, but He didn't want to bring all that extra hassle onto the team. Nor did He particularly want to deal with his friends' outrage when it happened.

"I don't know," He hedged. "I'm still exhausted from fighting the magical multiplying wyverns."

Erza was not amused. "If you need a day or two to rest, then fine. But soon. You can't avoid us forever."

Try as He might, He couldn't come up with a decent pretext for refusal. Unfortunately, Erza was right. His excuses were already running thin, and He wouldn't be able to put off the team forever.

"Yeah," He mumbled, dropping his gaze.

"Good."

"Do you want to go home and rest?" Happy asked.

He forced a smile. "Nah, I think I'll just hang out here for a while."

After all, it wasn't like He had anywhere to go back to.


	11. Living Memorial/Job Hunting (2)

**Living Memorial/Job Hunting (2)**

* * *

Erza was on a mission. Namely, she was going to break down Gray's resistance to going on team jobs. She wasn't one hundred percent sure why he was so insistent about avoiding them, but he'd been weaseling out of them ever since…well, ever since they'd discovered he was a demon, honestly. But with everything else that had been going on, it had really only become an issue over the past few weeks.

She was starting to lose patience with his avoidance tactics and growing list of solo jobs, but she was also wary of pushing him too far. He had been rather distant and withdrawn lately, and she had no desire to alienate him further. So she had given him some space and was waiting for the perfect time to swoop in and make her move.

It was just as well that she did, because she waited long enough that the answer to the mystery came waltzing right into the guild hall a couple days after Gray had come in with nasty injuries from a wyvern attack.

Erza had been nominally listening to the boys and Lucy bicker back and forth as they sat around one of the guild's tables and tried to ignore the herd of elephants in the room—most of which had something to do with Gray—but had already begun losing interest. So when the newcomer walked into the guild, she was the first of the team to spot him.

He was short and wiry, with black hair, green eyes, and the air of someone who  _did not_ want to be there. Wariness and hostility warred in his eyes as he hesitated just inside the doorway and looked around uncertainly. Mira, being the responsible one where guests were concerned, immediately noticed him and swept over, her long skirts swishing about her ankles.

"Hello!" she said brightly, giving him a wide smile. "Can I help you?"

The stranger looked her up and down and then scowled. "Where is the demon?"

Gray immediately stilled next to Erza, breaking off mid-sentence. The requip mage glanced over to see that he had finally taken notice of the newcomer. He seemed to have picked up a sixth sense for whenever the word 'demon' was uttered anywhere in his general vicinity, and it always caught his attention. Not that she could blame him.

The rest of the team also noticed his shifting attention, and they tensed. Erza gnawed at her bottom lip as well, her fingers tapping absently against the hilt of her sword. Gray was more than capable of taking care of himself, but Erza and the team had become much more protective of him lately and were fed up with all the harassment he received.

"O-oh," Mira stammered, suddenly looking flustered and uncertain. "I, um–"

"Here," Gray interrupted, standing up and sauntering toward the door. His posture was relaxed, but his dark eyes were sharp and wary. He gave Mira a small, tight smile and added, "I'll handle this."

She frowned and edged in front of him almost protectively, giving the intruder a hard look. The public's treatment of Gray put her more on edge than just about anyone else. Maybe even more than the team, if only because she had been on the receiving end of that kind of treatment before. Erza wondered, sometimes, if it brought up bad memories.

Gray just waved Mira back—although Erza noted that his fingers brushed reassuringly against her arm in a brief motion—and turned his attention to the man in the doorway.

The stranger gave Gray an unfriendly look and rocked back a half-step, looking half a second away from either fleeing or fighting. "You are the one who killed the wyverns?"

A puzzled look flitted over Gray's face, but then understanding lit his eyes and he let his breath out in a frustrated sigh. "Yes. Are you really that unhappy about it? Just accept the favor and go. I'm not interested in getting mixed up in any more trouble with you."

"The chief says that you are to be compensated for your trouble, even though you disobeyed the request to leave," the man growled. He pulled a pouch out of his pocket and thrust it at Gray. His eyes flashed with thinly-veiled hostility, but Gray just blinked at him in bewilderment, his face scrunching up in a nonplussed expression. "Now we owe you nothing. Stay away from our village."

He turned and stormed out of the guild, leaving a flabbergasted Gray staring after him.

"Uh…" Gray blinked down at the little bag in his hand, then shrugged and slipped it into his pocket. "Okay, then."

"What was that about?" Erza demanded as Gray slipped around Mira and returned to the team's table. "Shouldn't you have been paid for that job days ago?"

He shrugged and picked up his glass, frowning down at it vacantly as he swirled the water inside and the ice clinked against the sides. "Well, I didn't  _officially_ take the job, so it was more like a favor."

"You didn't… _officially_ take the job?" Happy repeated with a frown. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, I was  _going_ to take the job, but then stuff happened and they got free pest extermination instead. Or, it would have been free, if not for this."

Erza eyed Gray suspiciously. He definitely had a shifty look to his eyes, and she was going to get to the bottom of whatever he was dancing around.

" _What_ stuff happened?" she asked, eyes narrowing.

He waved a hand airily. "Nothing much," he hedged.

Erza wasn't having it. "I'm tired of you beating around the bush and glossing things over. What happened on your job?"

Gray hesitated, chewing on his lip, but eventually seemed to decide that it wasn't worth his life to antagonize her. "They figured out who I was," he grumbled.

"So?" Lucy asked.

"So they told me to leave and they'd get someone else to help them."

"And you just did what they asked?" Natsu asked in disbelief.

Gray gave the dragon slayer a dirty look. "Obviously not. Wyverns are nasty business, so I circled back to take care of them before I left."

"He means that he wants to know why you let them get away with treating you like that," Erza snapped, crossing her arms. "You've a right to do guild work, and you should have put your foot down and held your ground. You had a valid right to handle that."

"In case you've forgotten, I'm not technically a guild mage anymore, so my right to do guild work is actually on shaky ground," Gray said with a shrug, and Erza winced. No, she hadn't exactly forgotten that Gray still refused to rejoin the guild despite all their best pleading and wheedling and harassing, but she had never really considered the implication that it would interfere with his ability to take jobs. "Makarov and Mavis might look the other way, but I don't see the need to stir up a fuss when I'm technically overstepping my bounds to start with. And anyway, not everyone is going to want a demon hanging around. These people were less… _aggressively_ hostile than some, so I did them a favor and moved on."

He seemed to find something very interesting about his water judging by how hard he was staring at it, shifting uncomfortably and wilting under the team's intense scrutiny. Maybe Erza should have expected this. In light of how wary and hostile a good portion of the population was toward Gray now, it shouldn't be a surprise that he would have trouble in this arena too. But it was still eye-opening nonetheless, and Erza found herself more outraged and caught off guard than she probably should.

"Wait, 'than some'?" Lucy repeated. She leaned forward to study Gray's face. "How often does this happen?"

Gray shrugged, but he was fidgeting. "Occasionally."

"Gray…"

"Look, I can get away with a lot because most people don't recognize me on sight. It's just that if I ever get cornered into revealing that I use ice magic, people can usually put two and two together and figure out that I'm Fairy Tail's pet demon."

"You aren't our pet," Lucy said disapprovingly.

"Well, he's not our pet  _demon_ ," Natsu said with a grin. "He's our pet trained circus bear, remember?"

Gray actually coughed out a laugh, but Erza wasn't willing to be distracted. Another thought had just struck her, and it wasn't at all amusing.

"Is this why you've been avoiding team jobs?" she asked.

Gray's laughter immediately cut off. He sighed and went back to staring intently at his water as he swirled it around in the glass. "That's the big reason."

"Right." Erza's eyes hardened with determination, and her mouth flattened into a thin line. "Time for us to take a team job."

"Erza…" Gray sighed harshly and rubbed a hand over his eyes. "It's really not worth the hassle."

"Of course it is," she said briskly as she stood up. "We're still a team. That hasn't changed. And anyway, people are going to have to get used to it, and to you. No point avoiding the problem forever."

"No, seriously, it won't be pretty if they figure out who I am. It'll be a huge fuss, and there's no need for you guys to get caught up in it."

"Sure there is," Lucy replied, standing and following Erza to the request board. "We're a team. We face things together."

Erza kept half an ear open for any more protests, but busied herself looking over the requests tacked to the board. After a few moments, Gray silently joined the girls, Natsu and Happy following behind. He didn't seem entirely thrilled about this development, but he was also keeping his mouth shut instead of continuing to complain. It was good enough for now.

"Alright, how about this one?" Erza yanked her chosen page off the board and read over it. "Hargeon has a pirate problem they want help taking care of. Seems simple enough."

Simple or not, Gray immediately winced. "Uh, maybe not that one."

"Why not?" Happy asked.

"Scared of some pirates?" Natsu jibed.

"No, but they know me in Hargeon, and the mayor won't be glad to see me again," Gray muttered, crossing his arms and looking away.

"It'll be fine," Erza said dismissively.

"I mean, they had one of the strongest reactions I've gotten so far…"

"We can handle it."

"Could we not just pick a different job? I don't really feel like trying to avoid another lynching."

"Lynching?" Lucy asked, alarmed.

Gray rolled his eyes. "Believe it or not, not everyone likes demons. Hargeon's mayor is hardly the first to have tried, but he's the one I'm most confident will recognize me on sight again."

"But they're trying to  _lynch_ you?"

"More or less." Gray shrugged. "They haven't caught me yet."

Erza stared at him in stunned silence, but then white-hot fury flared to life in her chest.  _No one_ got away with trying to harm or kill one of her guildmates like that.

"Whoa, calm down, Erza," Gray said quickly, eyeing her in sudden alarm. "It's really not a big deal and–"

" _Not a big deal?_ " She stared him down with smoldering eyes, and he shrank back.

She opened her mouth to chew him out, but forced herself to stop. He already seemed smaller than usual, discomfort with the team's reaction and stress at the situation wearing him down. If she looked at his eyes closely, she could see hints of the stress and weariness and hurt that had been eating away at him for some time now.

And although she was frustrated with him, she was more frustrated at the situation. She understood why people were suspicious and frightened and hostile, but it drove her crazy because this was  _Gray_. They didn't know him like she did, and she just wanted to show them the good in him and win back his place in the world.

And to do that, she couldn't just let things like this slide. Gray's avoidance of conflict was one thing, and not an entirely unworthy goal, but it could only go so far. Every time he gave in, he'd lose more ground. If he wanted to be accepted—and she knew that deep down he did, even if he refused to admit it—then he'd have to learn when it was best not to antagonize people and when he needed to put his foot down and stand up for himself. Team jobs were a must, so this was one of those times where he needed to build up his confidence in how to handle situations like these.

Erza tamped down her burning indignation and rage into something cold and tightly controlled. "We'll take this job," she said, and no one dared argue when there was so much steel in her voice. "Don't you worry, we'll work it out. No one gets away with stuff like this, and we won't be pushed around so easily."

"What could possibly go wrong?" Gray muttered under his breath.

"They'll just have to deal with it, and they won't be touching you."

"That's not actually what I'm worried–"

"Gray-sama!"

Gray jumped about a foot in the air and spun around as Juvia grabbed him from behind. Spitting out a string of curses, he quickly shook her off.

"Geez, don't sneak up on me like that," he growled, his entire body tensed up.

"Juvia is…sorry?" The water mage's expression was equally divided between uncertain apology and startled confusion.

"Sorry," Gray grumbled. He took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair. "It would just be better if you didn't do that."

"Ooh, scared you, did she?" Natsu teased with a laugh.

Gray gave him an unamused glare. "Not exactly. But given that I'm public enemy number one around here, people sneaking up behind me are generally bad news and I treat them as a threat. Luckily I know better than to stab first and ask questions later, but you're still much more likely to get yourself hurt if you manage to catch me by surprise."

Erza stared at him. She had certainly noticed that he was extra vigilant and hyperalert these days, it was hard to miss all the hostile attention he received from people who recognized him, but could it really be  _that_ bad?

"Don't they all still think you're immortal?" she asked. "Why would anyone try to attack you?"

"Yes, most people do think that, if they're well-informed," Gray said shortly. "And most are too frightened to actually try anything anyway. But occasionally someone will throw caution to the wind and take a shot if they have a big enough grudge or are otherwise feeling particularly hateful or lucky."

Erza's face darkened. "Unacceptable."

"Relax, Erza. People are scared and angry. They haven't caught me yet, and I'm careful. Anyway, it's not like it happens that frequently."

As far as Erza was concerned, that didn't actually make it better.

"Juvia does not like this either!" Juvia said indignantly, her hands balling into little fists by her sides and her eyes flashing angrily. "She will protect Gray-sama."

For a second Erza thought Gray was actually going to laugh at that assertion, but he managed to swallow his mirth.

"That's alright," he said. "I'm plenty able to take care of myself."

"But Juvia could come with–"

"I've been avoiding going on jobs with my team for a while," Gray interrupted, looking away. "I think it would be best if we stuck to the original team for now."

Erza wondered if he was suddenly changing his tune because he genuinely felt bad about avoiding the team or if he was using it as an excuse to avoid Juvia. Whatever the case, it had the desired effect. Gray quietly slipped through the spectators and out of the guild, looking at no one. Erza and the rest of the team followed, and they walked to the train station in uncomfortable silence until Lucy and Natsu started up some slightly stilted banter. Happy began chiming in, but Gray stayed silent and Erza kept an eye on him.

He was back to his 'shadow-walking', as she liked to call it. He had become a master at sticking to shadows and using his curses to subtly cloak himself. This usually involved him walking to the side along buildings and enhancing the natural darkness to cast himself in shadow. He was hardly invisible, but he was definitely easy to miss at first glance since the eye naturally skimmed right over him, and it obscured his features.

Erza had no doubt as to why he did that, given the looks he got when he ran out of shadow and had to walk in plain view until he reached the next patch of darkness. She had known about them, of course, but now that she was really paying attention, she noticed exactly how prevalent they were. Not everyone would recognize Gray on sight, but a significant minority either knew him from past experience around the city or put two and two together when they noticed Gray's behavior and the presence of the other Fairy Tail mages. The looks they gave him ranged from wary to fearful to unfriendly to downright hateful, but he just continued to saunter along and look straight ahead as if he didn't notice them.

He definitely noticed them.

The team reached the station, bought their tickets, and boarded the train. Lucy and Natsu slid into the seats on one side with Happy hopping up beside them, but when Erza went to sit facing them, Gray cleared his throat awkwardly. Erza looked over and raised a questioning eyebrow.

"Sorry, but would you mind if I squeezed past you?" he asked, averting his gaze.

Natsu rolled his eyes. "You don't  _always_  have to have the window seat."

Erza's gaze slid past Gray to see a fair number of nervous, hostile faces turned their way. Some of the passengers were watching him and whispering to each other, no doubt spreading the news of his presence.

"Oh," she said quietly. She stepped back and waved him in. "Go ahead."

"Thanks," he mumbled. He slipped in past her and stared out the window moodily.

Erza sat down, partly blocking him from the gawkers' view, and eyed him. She wasn't entirely sure if her purpose was supposed to be shielding him from the brunt of their hostility or giving the passengers some small, misplaced sense of security. Knowing Gray, he was probably counting on the latter, whereas Erza was more concerned with the former.

The rest of the team exchanged looks and then worked on starting up a conversation again. Erza wasn't sure if Gray was actually paying attention or not—it was sometimes hard to tell with him, since he seemed more lost in his mind than usual lately but also always knew more than anyone expected him to—but he stayed quiet. She thought about trying to coax him into conversing, but it wasn't a very long ride to Hargeon and she could tell that he was tense in anticipation.

Even reaching their destination didn't tempt Gray into speaking—he just followed the others off the train and ghosted along beside them in the shadows as they headed for the mayor's mansion. His tenseness and reticent but clearly unhappy mood were putting the others on edge too, and everyone was a bundle of nerves by the time a butler let them into the mayor's residence and showed them to the office.

The mayor was a short, squat, balding man sitting behind a monstrous mahogany desk that made him look even smaller than he was. When the butler announced the team, the mayor looked up from his papers and stood, rounding the desk to greet the mages.

"Oh good, thank you for coming," he said in a reedy, high-pitched voice. "We're grateful for–" He broke off and took a step back as he noticed Gray lurking behind Natsu. "What are  _you_ doing here?" he demanded. "I thought I told you to stay away."

"Believe it or not, I was actually willing to take you up on that," Gray muttered under his breath.

"Gray is part of our team," Erza said firmly. She drew herself up to her full height and stared down the mayor with steely eyes, although she tried to keep her hostility in check. "He'll be helping us apprehend the pirates that are bothering you."

"He will not," said the mayor, his eyes glittering coldly. "His kind are not welcome here."

"Given that he's a Fairy Tail mage, we  _are_ his kind."

Beside her, Gray let out his breath in a hiss and whispered, "Don't  _do_ that, Erza."

"Whyever not?" she asked, keeping her eyes firmly fixed on her victim. "It's true."

"You're just going to make things worse. Don't drag the guild–"

"Fairy Tail has fallen far," the mayor interrupted, shooting Gray a nasty look before returning his attention to Erza. "And it might still be a great guild, but all this nonsense with the demon is weakening its standing and ruining its reputation. You don't want to be considered his kind, girl."

Erza's eye twitched.  _Girl? I'll show you 'girl'._

"Oh boy," Happy muttered. "He's done it now."

"Well," she said, smiling sweetly even though her eyes were steel, "would you like me to show you how powerful Fairy Tail still is?"

Five minutes later Erza marched out of the room with a cold, satisfied smile, past the wide-eyed butler and out into the street beyond the mansion. Time to go pirate hunting.

"Did you  _see_ the look on his face?" Natsu crowed, eyes sparkling as he bounced along between Erza and Lucy. "Ha! That was awesome."

"But did you really have to go  _that_ far?" Lucy asked anxiously. "He was still the mayor."

"He called Erza  _'girl'_ ," Happy said, as if that explained everything.

"He was entirely insufferable," Erza agreed, striding briskly down the street toward the docks. "Honestly, Gray's 'kind'? Please."

Oh, she'd given him the tongue-lashing of his life, and one ill-conceived comment about the fate Gray was going to be subjected to if he didn't leave at once had almost lost him his head, if the others hadn't stopped her from doing anything too  _permanent_. The old bat might be a little roughed up and possibly traumatized for life, but he'd live.

Erza automatically glanced over at where Gray was silently shadow-walking off to their right. His feelings on the encounter weren't entirely clear, but when he broke from the shadows, he gave Erza a small, tired smile. Whether or not he was pleased with her interference, he at least wasn't going to put up a fuss.

They made it down to the docks without any trouble, and strolled down to the very end where a ship flying a pirate flag was sitting. Erza wasn't entirely sure if they were overconfident pirates or just  _incompetent_ pirates, but at least they weren't hard to find. Everyone in Hargeon knew where they were.

Actually, maybe the pirates were less overconfident or incompetent than lazy. From what she'd heard, they'd raided a few ships but mostly just sat in the docks and demanded bribes from shipowners and captains as a way of preempting actual attacks. Since the victims were frightened enough to comply, it was actually a neat little scheme the pirates had set up.

"Hello!" Erza called, stopping in front of the ship and tapping her foot on the wooden dock. "I'd like to speak to your captain."

"Why?" Natsu asked. He grinned and bounced on his heels as he eyed the ship with a hungry expression. "Can't we just beat them up?"

Erza rolled her eyes. "If diplomacy doesn't work, then we'll beat them up."

" _Diplomacy_ ," Natsu muttered scornfully, glowering at the dock as he scuffed a foot moodily against the wooden slats.

Erza ignored him, which was probably better for his health, anyway. After a long moment of relative silence—relative because Natsu was still mumbling mutinously under his breath while Happy encouraged him to shut up before he attracted Erza's wrath—a tall man with unruly brown hair appeared on deck and looked over the side.

"Ah, landlubbers! Are you here to pay tribute?"

Erza stared at him. "Do we  _look_ like we're here to pay tribute?"

The man blinked at the sword hanging by her side, took in the other mages arrayed behind her, and frowned. "Oh, bother."

"We're Fairy Tail mages," she said coolly. "We were hired by the mayor to send you on your way. We would like to negotiate with your captain or, failing that, we will happily rough you up and  _then_ send you on your way."

"Less negotiating, more roughing," Natsu muttered. Erza ignored him.

"Fairy Tail mages?" the pirate asked, his eyes widening slightly. "Oh dear. That's not…" He trailed off and frowned at Erza, but then his entire face lit up. "Erza-sama! Pardon me for not recognizing you at once! I'll go fetch the captain immediately!"

He rushed off, disappearing belowdecks and leaving a gaggle of confused mages staring after him.

"Uh… Do you know a lot of pirates, Erza?" Lucy asked finally, her face scrunching up in bewilderment.

Erza shook her head helplessly. "I have no idea."

"You're a pirate?" Natsu demanded. His eyes lit up and a wide grin spread across his face. "Awesome!"

"I'm not a pirate, idiot."

The pirate from before burst back onto the deck, followed by a short, round man with a graying beard and hooked hand who trotted as quickly as his little legs could carry him. The rest of the pirate crew poured out behind them, spreading out across the deck, and Erza and the rest of the team were instantly on guard.

"Erza-sama!"

"Good to see you again, sir!"

"Do you need more help, sir?"

"We're at your service!"

Erza stared at them, slack-jawed. "Do I, um, know you?"

The captain cleared his throat, his gaze darting about nervously. "You commandeered our ship to get to the cursed island. We are, of course, still at your service, sir."

"Cursed…?"

Behind her, Gray let out a breath. "Galuna," he said shortly.

" _Oh_." Erza's eyes widened in understanding. Yes, she remembered the pirate ship she'd taken to hunt down the troublemakers on Galuna, and if she thought about it hard enough, she could even recognize some of the pirates.

She glanced back at Gray, wondering what he thought of this newest development, but he'd apparently decided there was no imminent threat and had set off down the dock, walking in a leisurely fashion that suggested he was just waiting for her to wrap up her business so that they could go. She wasn't sure what to make of that. Gray's feelings could be hard to decipher at the best of times—and had been hard enough to read even  _before_ the whole demon thing—but anything surrounding his old life was especially cloaked in mystery. He'd dropped hints that Galuna had been difficult for him, and Erza didn't doubt that. She wondered if this was dredging up bad memories.

Erza caught Lucy's eye and raised an eyebrow. The blonde nodded immediately and hurried after Gray.

Satisfied, Erza turned back to the pirates. On the bright side—or bad side, as far as Natsu was concerned—there was no need for fighting. The pirates still retained their fearful respect and awe of Erza, and were more than willing to do whatever she asked of them. But then they wanted to swap stories and throw a feast in her honor—which she politely declined, despite Natsu's protests of "but Erza, free food!"—which took a few minutes to clear up. Minutes that took longer than necessary since Natsu and Happy had stayed behind to make nuisances of themselves. Natsu was like an overexcited child with a thousand incessant questions—"Just think, Erza! How cool would it be to be a  _pirate_?"—and Happy, as always, was a relentless instigator.

After about half an hour of chatting and negotiating, the pirates unmoored their ship and set sail, waving enthusiastic goodbyes to Erza and expressing wishes to meet with her again sometime in the future. Good riddance. Not that Erza didn't  _like_ the pirates. She was fond enough of them, after a fashion, but their exuberance was tiring.

Taking a moment to whack Natsu upside the head for his annoying behavior, Erza turned and spotted Gray and Lucy standing at the end of the dock, speaking in hushed voices as they looked out over the water. She walked over, her boots clumping heavily against the wooden walkway, and her two friends turned at her approach. Gray still had that tired, solemn air about him, but he offered her a wan smile. Lucy was chewing at the inside of her cheek and had a thoughtful frown on her face, but nodded to Erza in a gesture meant to convey that Gray was fine.

"Well, the pirates have left," Erza told them. "Let's go see our friend the mayor again and collect our payment so that we can go."

"Sounds like fun," Gray muttered, following Erza back down the pier.

He didn't bother with his shadow-walking technique on the way back to the mayor's mansion, possibly because it was just after high noon now and the shadows were at their weakest with little shade to be found. A fair smattering of people gave him wary looks, but he ignored them and Erza didn't pay them too much mind. She was mentally preparing herself not to strangle the insufferable mayor in the upcoming encounter.

The butler was even more nervous and fidgety this time around, continually sneaking looks at Gray out of the corner of his eye as he led them back to the office. If he hadn't realized who the ice mage was before, the earlier confrontation must have given it away.

The mayor immediately stiffened when Erza and the others piled into his office. He still looked a bit disheveled from earlier, and his eyes darted about nervously. Erza found it very satisfying.

"The pirates are gone," she said. "We'll collect our payment and be on our way."

The mayor hesitated, but then opened a drawer of his desk and pulled out a heavy bag. He shoved it at Erza and then jerked his hand back as if she would bite him. "There. Four shares of the reward."

Erza gave him a puzzled look. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I was generous and counted the cat," he grunted. "The demon's share was excluded since he was asked to leave and refused, and therefore had no part in this affair."

Erza stared at him for a long minute and then drew herself up to her full height, rage flashing in her eyes.

"It's fine," Gray said quickly. "It's not like I really did anything, anyway."

"That's not the  _point_ ," Erza snapped. "You're still part of the team, and the team completed the job. And anyway, he can't just cut out part of the agreed-upon reward for no good reason."

"People reduce our rewards for destroying stuff all the time," Gray pointed out, still trying to placate her.

"We didn't destroy anything."

"Look, I don't have a problem with it. It's not the first time I've done jobs for free lately."

Erza gave him a hard look, wondering how many of these free jobs he'd done before they'd caught him out today, but then shrugged and turned back to the mayor. "You will give us the agreed-upon amount."

"I will do no such thing."

"Oh?" She smiled, and it wasn't pleasant. "Would you like me to give you another demonstration of how powerful Fairy Tail still is?"

Whatever shred of bravado the mayor had reclaimed fled instantly, and soon the team was walking out of the building with their full reward.

"He had guts, though," Natsu said as they headed down the street. "I mean, most people would've been too scared to even try that after what you did to him last time."

"Guts, yes," Erza said coolly. "Brains, not so much."

"Like Natsu!" Happy said.

"Hey!"

Erza found herself smiling at that, until Lucy interrupted the banter.

"What are they doing?" the blonde asked.

Erza frowned over at her and followed her eyes. Lucy was watching the people who were giving Gray fearful, unfriendly looks as they passed. Some of them were making an odd gesture with their hands, curling their fingers into a crescent shape as they eyed him.

"It's an old gesture," Gray said without even looking over. "Meant to ward off evil."

"Why would they do that?" Natsu asked, puzzled. "What are they warding off?"

"Me, idiot," Gray grunted.

"But you aren't evil," Happy protested.

"Well, they don't know that. Some people do it in Magnolia too, but not as much. The old tradition is more powerful here."

"How rude," said Erza, glowering at a gesturing man as he walked past. Although perhaps even more disturbing was how normal this seemed to be to Gray.

"They have good reason to be wary of me," Gray said flatly. "But mostly they're scared and looking for any little way to protect themselves, however misguided. Leave them alone."

The team lapsed into silence, each lost in their own thoughts. Gray was so matter-of-fact about it, but Erza couldn't imagine that it didn't bother him on some level. She could grudgingly admit that she understood why people were nervous and would jump to the immediate assumption that a demon must be evil, but that didn't make her feel any better about it.

"Does it ever bother you how everyone is so afraid of you now?" Natsu blurted out.

Erza wanted to strangle him for being so oblivious as to throw out a sensitive question like that, but Gray just shrugged.

"If it did, do you think I would tell you?" he asked dryly.

Natsu sighed. "I guess not."

"Well, not really. It's easier if you understand why they feel that way, and I do. Gray feared me as much as he hated me, so I fear myself. I inherited his fear."

His voice was neutral and his face expressionless, but Erza searched them anyway. He made it sound like it should be so  _obvious_ , but she didn't understand how that would even work. What would it be like to be afraid of yourself because a child whose emotions you inherited had feared you? It was hard for Erza to wrap her head around the logistics of that. It seemed like such a foreign, strange idea.

Then the rest of his words registered, and her heart sank.

"And his hate?" she asked quietly.

Gray smiled thinly. "And his hate. And his love, more or less. His sorrow and terror and pain. His wishes and dreams and nightmares. His joy and grief, happiness and despair. I am the keeper of them all. His memories. I inherited the memories of people no longer remembered by anyone else. I am their keeper as well. I keep the lives and deaths of thousands, even if I do not know them as intimately. Their lives have been subsumed by mine. I am a living memorial."

Erza's breath caught in her throat. Despite the simplicity and straightforwardness with which Gray laid it all out, the magnitude and implications were breathtaking. She wondered what it was like to feel the emotions and keep the memories of someone long dead, until they were mixed up with your own and you didn't know where they ended and you began.

Her mind flitted back to the encounter with the Knight Gray had once mentioned calling the Executioner. Those lists of the missing and the dead that he kept, the lives and deaths and names of thousands that he carried as his burden. What a heavy weight to carry on your heart.

Everyone else was equally shocked into silence, but Gray shrugged and continued on nonchalantly before anyone could come up with something to say.

"Anyway, sometimes I enjoy it."

"You…enjoy it?" Lucy asked slowly, her voice rasping slightly with emotion and incomprehension.

"Sure." Gray smiled suddenly, and it was a cruel, vicious twist of the lips. A strange, disturbing sort of dark glee lit his eyes as he glanced over at a passing woman and gave her a sharp-toothed grin. Her eyes widened in fear and she hurried on, almost running.

"They  _should_ be afraid," Gray said with a chilling chuckle. The withered shadow at his feet stirred despite the noonday sun, writhing and twining about his legs as if in anticipation. "Do you have any idea how quickly I could tear this city apart? How easy it would be to send all the silly human buildings crashing down and paint it all red? And I would enjoy it, too."

Erza stopped right in the middle of the street to stare at Gray in horror, and she wasn't the only one. The team ogled him, taken completely off guard by the sudden personality shift. The vicious satisfaction and anticipation glowing in eyes that suddenly seemed so  _black_ and ancient and alien made Erza's heart twist in instinctive fear, something primal that reacted to the presence of a predator. She could still see glimpses of the Gray she knew under the surface, but at the same time he was so…demonic.

"You–you–"

Gray sighed heavily, the dark energy fading away as exhaustion settled over him again. "But the child inside me is horrified by such things." The shadow had climbed all the way up his body, curling about his face, and he shook it off tiredly. "Enough. Yes, love, I hate you too," Gray said with a thin smile, stepping forward again and leaving the shadow to settle unhappily at his feet. "Back down, dearest. I'm not in the mood for your games."

Erza stared at the shadowy mass until it fell still again, her body tense as she watched it suspiciously. She still didn't even know what it actually  _was_ , since Gray was always frustratingly vague about it whenever anyone asked. That made her nervous, especially when combined with Gray's odd way of addressing it as if it was a sentient thing, with some strange mixture of mockery and wary animosity. And since it always seemed most active when Gray was letting his more demonic nature seep through, Erza was doubly wary of it.

"Gray…"

"I already told you, Erza," he said with a sigh. "They are both me, whether you like it or not." He paused for a split second to study his reflection mirrored in a shop window, before turning away and walking on. "I am forever a demon, and forever a child."

Yes, he had said that and Erza had accepted it, but thinking about it… Maybe she had never truly understood what it meant for him to be both demon and human. She had said that she accepted it—and she  _did_ , because this was Gray and she still loved him—but that glimpse of his demonic side that she had just seen… That was real, it was something she hadn't  _truly_ expected from him, and it had rattled her.

He had said it before, but now, for the first time, Erza really believed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every story can be improved with the addition of pirates.


	12. Sobering Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huh, this is actually the third piece I wrote for this story, after the two "Afters". I wrote a lot of stuff out of order in the beginning, depending on what I felt like writing at the time. And at the time, I just needed this to happen lol Been a while since I've really seen this one X)

* * *

**Sobering Up**

* * *

It was late by the time He escaped. He had spent the past few hours helping Levy find book after book among the rows and stacks of dusty tomes in the guild's library. She had tried explaining what project she was using them for, but it had sounded dreadfully boring so He had mostly tuned her out. On the bright side, Gajeel hadn't insisted on standing on the sidelines to glare at him menacingly the whole time just in case He got it into his head to make a meal of Levy. Maybe they were finally making some progress on that front.

"Thanks again," Levy said brightly, peeking around the stack of books in her arms. "You were a big help."

"You  _sure_ you don't want some help getting those home?" He asked, eyeing the pile skeptically. Levy could barely see over it, and He was having a hard time imagining her getting all those books back to her place without dropping them.

She laughed and readjusted her grip awkwardly. "You've already done enough. Don't worry, I'll be fine. I'm stronger than I look."

"I know you are, but I really wouldn't mind…"

"Don't worry. It's already late, and you should be getting home soon too."

Well, technically He'd be spending the night here or out in the park somewhere, but it wasn't like He was going to  _tell_ her that. He frowned and made to protest again, but then his eye caught on a scowling Gajeel lurking on the other side of the room in prime position to watch the door to the library and anyone who came through it. So, maybe not as much progress as He had thought. But still, baby steps.

"Hey, Gajeel!" He called. "Make yourself useful and help Levy carry some of these books."

The dragon slayer eyed the demon warily, but stalked over to help a suddenly blushing Levy with her books. Waving goodnight, He reflected that He'd feel rather like a matchmaker if those two hadn't already finally gotten together. It was about time. He wasn't one for mushy romance, but those two had been mooning over each other for so long that it was sickening. He was just glad that they seemed to be working out whatever issues had cropped up as a result of taking opposite sides in the debate about what to do with their resident demon. Witnessing one vicious lovers' spat had been more than enough for him.

Turning away, He glanced at the clock and grimaced. Yeah, it was definitely late enough to get some sleep, and He was tired out from book hunting. It looked like most people had already gone home for the night, but there were still a few hanging around. He started for where Natsu and Happy were chatting with Lucy, but paused as He noticed Cana at the bar.

He had kept an eye on Cana over the years, even once He'd gotten dragged into his current team and had spent less and less time with her. She had a knack for getting into trouble, especially when she was drunk. Well, she was most always in some state of drunkenness, but occasionally she would get  _really_ drunk.

She was  _really_ drunk right now. He could tell just from the way she was slumped over the bar, hand wrapped tightly around a tankard. He had enough experience to be able to take a pretty good guess at Cana's general level of drunkenness just from her posture and speech, and right now everything about her posture was screaming 'wasted'.

Sighing, He headed over and sat down on the stool beside her, wondering what had made her drink herself into a stupor this time. Cana made drunkenness into a sport, but she usually only got completely wasted when something was bothering her.

"What's up, Cana?"

The drunken girl lifted her head from the counter and blinked at him blearily. Then she jerked backward suddenly, knocking over the empty tankard in her haste. He wasn't sure He'd ever seen her move so fast when she was this drunk before, and quickly grabbed her arm and pulled her back upright as she unbalanced and nearly toppled over.

"Let go," she slurred, attempting to tug out of his grasp.

"Sorry, sorry." Releasing her, He held his hands up in a placating gesture and eyed her curiously, wondering what the reaction was for. "It's late, Cana. I'm going to take you home."

"No."

"No?" He sighed. "You sure get ornery when you're wasted. The booze will still be here tomorrow when you wake up, you know. Right now it's late and you are  _drunk_ -drunk. Let me take you home, and then you can drink to your heart's content tomorrow."

He stood and reached out, but Cana shrank back again, watching him with wary, hostile eyes.

"Cana?" He asked uncertainly.

"Not going with you," she said with a scowl.

"Why are you being so difficult tonight? I've taken you home dozens and dozens of times. What's so different now?"

"Now you're a demon."

He froze, his breath catching in his throat, and stared back with wide eyes.  _Oh_. Then He cleared his throat and rallied, pushing aside the instinctive hurt. He could worry about that later.

"I'm not going to hurt you," He said thickly, looking away. "I just want to make sure you get home safely."

"Don't want to go with you," Cana snapped. "Go away. Leave me alone."

"You're scared of me," He said quietly, the words not quite a question.

"Am not!" she protested. "Not scared. Just…uh… Bad idea to trust a demon. Yeah. Would be stupid. Might be drunk, but not stupid."

No, not stupid at all. He withdrew a few paces, lips tightening. It seemed that tonight Cana was an honest drunk. He should have been expecting this, really. Maybe He had wanted to believe differently, but He should have known better. It stung anyway.

"Right." He cleared his throat and studiously avoided Cana's eyes so that He didn't have to see the fear and mistrust. "I'll just…find someone else to take you."

He looked for Mira automatically, but she was talking and laughing with Laxus at the other end of the bar. Darting another glance at Cana, He turned away and headed for where Natsu and the others had been sitting. Lucy was gone now, but Natsu and Happy were still there.

"Hey, flame brain," He said dully. "Take Cana home, will you?"

Natsu looked up and frowned. "Why can't she take herself home?"

"She's drunk."

"She's always drunk."

"She's so drunk that I don't trust her to get home on her own. It's not safe for her to be wandering around the city at night like this."

Natsu looked over at the bar and tilted his head as he studied Cana curiously, as if he was trying to determine whether she was really  _that_ drunk. "Why don't  _you_ take her back, then?" he griped finally. "I want to go home."

_Because she's scared and doesn't trust me._

"Because I can't do that right now," He said neutrally.

"Why do  _I_ have to do it?" Natsu whined, trying to get out of anything that could be even remotely construed as work, as per usual.

"Most people have already gone home."

"Yeah, and I want to be going home too. Why can't–?"

"Natsu," He said, his voice taking on a brittle edge. "If I could take her home, then I would. I can't right now. Please make sure she gets home safely."

Something must have bled into his voice, because Natsu ceased his complaining almost instantly and searched his face with a frown. Not wanting to get trapped into explaining himself, He schooled his expression back to neutrality.

"Fine, fine," Natsu said. "You okay?"

"Of course." Turning to Happy, He added, "Make sure he sticks to that, will you?"

Happy nodded, eyeing him curiously. "Okay."

"Hey!" Natsu protested, his cautious worry immediately replaced by righteous indignation. "I don't need to be watched by a cat!"

"I'm not a cat!" Happy wailed. "I'm an Exceed!"

At another time, He would have found the bickering amusing. But now He just shrugged and nodded.

"Thanks," He said, heading for the door. "Goodnight."

There was a brief pause before Natsu and Happy chorused their goodnights in return, sounding vaguely puzzled.

Slipping out the door and into the night, He jammed his hands into his pockets and ambled down the street aimlessly. He breathed in the chill night air deeply, relishing the frigid burn in his lungs, and made his way to the canal. Hopping up onto the raised edge, He watched the water absently as He walked. It was late enough that the boats and their owners had all turned in for the night already, but He didn't much feel like finding a place to bed down anymore, even though that had been his original plan.

Maybe it was about time that someone had finally slipped up, and maybe it shouldn't be surprising that it was Cana when she got drunk. He wasn't stupid. Even the people who cared about him and supported him still had an underlying edge of fear and mistrust lingering about them. He had made sure of it.

He had deliberately cultivated that, at least in some capacity. In the beginning, it had been a distancing tactic when He was trying to convince them to abandon him to the Council. And every time He went cold and 'demon-y', in Natsu's words, He was reminding them of what He was, whether that was his real intention or not. Even aside from that, He knew it was impossible for anyone to forget that He was a demon.

He could see it in their eyes sometimes, that they knew. He wasn't sure they were really aware of it, but even his closest friends sometimes looked at him strangely or gave off little cues that He had grown attuned to. It was in the way that Happy occasionally asked if He would ever go back to 'normal', the way Lucy sometimes subconsciously edged away a half-step, the way Erza sometimes got antsy if He got too close, the way that Natsu sometimes gave him wary looks. The way that Cana became brutally honest when she was drunk.

He wondered, sometimes, if they realized how afraid of him they were.

They cared for him too, He didn't doubt that. They had stood by him no matter how hard He had tried to push them away, they loved him even if maybe they shouldn't, and He thought their unconscious wariness and fear might be fading slightly over time. But still.

He didn't blame them and He wasn't surprised, not when He had helped promote that fear himself and understood very well why it was there. But He had become so very good at noticing every little flinch and wince and sidelong look, and they stung. Sometimes it was tiring to be around the others, even the ones who didn't actively hate him or want him gone. Because some part of them feared him, and it hurt.

Still, maybe it was better to hear it all laid out like Cana had just done. At least that way it didn't feel like some big secret that only He noticed. She would have never said those things if she was sober, and He didn't doubt that her support of him had been genuine enough. But she was one of the humans He had known the longest, so maybe that was why this stung so much.

At the same time, there was still that little part of him that lurked in the darkest corners of his mind and liked the fear. The humans  _should_ fear him. He could rain death and destruction down on them whenever He so desired, and He would like it—at least partly. The fear tasted good as much as it hurt. Some part of him liked it.

Some part of him liked it, and, as He stared out over the dark waters, He wondered if maybe Cana and the others were right to fear him.

* * *

Natsu frowned after Gray as he disappeared out into the night, the door slamming behind him. Now, Natsu wasn't all that observant or anything, but he had the feeling that something was up with Gray. Something in the way his friend had spoken, something in his eyes.

But maybe he was just imagining it.

"What's wrong with Gray, do you think?" Happy asked.

Or maybe not.

"Not just me, then?"

"No. He was acting a little funny."

Natsu furrowed his brow and tried to come up with a reason for Gray being weird, but there were just too many to narrow it down to only one. He wasn't stupid. He knew that things had been rough for Gray, especially with the air of thinly-veiled hostility hanging over the guild. Anything could have set the ice mage off, or maybe it was just another kind of demon-y mood swing or something.

Natsu sighed and shrugged it off. "Well, I have no clue, but let's get Cana home so that we can go sleep. I'm tired."

"Aye sir!"

Natsu made a beeline for Cana, wanting to get this over with so that he could go home already. Why couldn't Gray have just done this? Natsu sure didn't want to. It wasn't that he was  _lazy_ , just…conserving energy.

"Hey, Cana, let's go," he said grumpily, stopping next to the brunette and rapping his knuckles on the bar next to her head.

Cana started in surprise, jerking her head up and looking wildly around the room. "Is he gone?"

"Uh…" Natsu threw a helpless look at Happy, but the Exceed just shrugged. Awesome. Now they were going to have to deal with illogical drunken shenanigans. "Who?"

"You know, the demon."

Natsu froze and blinked at her slowly, uncomprehendingly. "Gray?" he suggested, hoping she would say no.

"Yeah, yeah." She flapped a hand in what Natsu supposed would be a dismissive gesture if she wasn't so drunk that her every movement was strangely unsteady. She continued to look around suspiciously as she added, "I told him to go away."

"Oh," Happy said quietly.

Natsu closed his eyes. "Why would you do that?"

"He says it's 'cause I'm scared, but I'm no-ot," she slurred, drawing out her words strangely. "Just know better than to trust a demon. Not stupid enough for that."

"Did you tell him that?" asked Happy, his ears flattening.

"Yeah, think so. Didn't want to go with him."

There was a long pause as Natsu exchanged a look with Happy and saw the same dawning knowledge reflected in the feline's eyes. Well. This explained a lot.

He wouldn't have expected this from Cana of everyone, not when she had ended up being such a staunch supporter of her childhood friend, but he supposed that she was drunk. People said stupid things when they were drunk. But honestly, couldn't she have kept her mouth shut?

Natsu's heart sank as he thought back to that odd, dull look in Gray's eyes. Gray already dealt with enough people hating him, without his own friends throwing in their two cents.

"Well, let's get you home," Natsu said, subdued.

"Where  _is_ home?" Happy asked, tail still drooping.

Now there was a good question. He had never been to Cana's place before, and honestly had no idea where it was.

"What's your address?" he asked her.

"Uh… It's, uh…" She turned, swaying unsteadily, and pointed at the far wall. "It's that way. Or…that way. No, maybe…"

Natsu and Happy watched in bemusement as she pointed out half a dozen different directions.

"…Right." Natsu rubbed at his face tiredly and wondered why he had to deal with this. "Gray couldn't have been bothered to at least give us the address?"

"I think he was kind of distracted," Happy mumbled.

Natsu winced, not appreciating the reminder. "Well, we need to find out where her apartment is somehow."

"We could ask Mira," Happy suggested. "Mira knows everything."

Whether or not that was an exaggeration, Mira  _did_ make it her business to stick her nose into everyone else's business. Perhaps a product of long days spent waiting on tables and at the bar, listening in on everyone's conversations in the process to spice up the tedium. She seemed to know everything from who went on what job to who had forgotten to brush their teeth that morning—and no, it wasn't  _always_ Natsu…just mostly—and with how often Cana got drunk at the bar, surely Mira would have an idea of where she lived.

"Good idea," Natsu said, heading over to interrupt Mira's chat with Laxus and hopefully not get fried in the process.

Thankfully Mira lived up to her reputation, and within a few minutes Natsu was heading out of the guild with the address in one hand and his other arm wrapped awkwardly around Cana, Happy trailing along beside them. Cana was rambling incoherently about stars and grasshoppers, which, as far as Natsu was concerned, had nothing at all in common. Since the drunken girl wasn't making any sense anyway, Natsu and Happy stayed quiet as they helped her stumble back to her apartment.

Then they stopped, and Cana fell silent suddenly, as if waiting. Natsu stared at her for a long moment before finally caving.

"Do you have your key?" he asked with a sigh, quickly tiring of staring at the door.

"Huh?" She blinked at him blankly and then turned back to the door, tilting her head curiously. "Hey, look at that. Home!"

Natsu raised an eyebrow at Happy, but the Exceed just shook his head in bemused exasperation. Apparently Gray had made a good call in deciding that Cana was too drunk to get herself home safely.

"Yes," Happy said patiently. "Do you have your key?"

"Uh… Ma-aybe…"

Natsu resisted the urge to groan as Cana fumbled in her pocket. And then in her other pocket. And then in Natsu's pocket.

"It's hardly going to be in  _my_ pocket, is it?" he griped, batting her hand away as best he could.

"Why not?"

Natsu stared at her in disbelief, and then threw Happy a pleading look. Sighing, the Exceed rummaged through Cana's pockets and quickly located the elusive key. He opened the door, and Natsu half dragged, half carried Cana over to her bed. Then the good Samaritans hurriedly left. The entire process took place in about ten seconds, because Cana was being weird as hell and Natsu wanted to escape  _right now_.

Shuddering, he pulled the door closed behind them and started for home. He was ready to push this whole incident out of his mind and get some sleep. Things had gotten so much more stressful since everything with Gray, and it showed no sign of letting up any time soon.

Natsu wasn't a huge fan of stress, and he was tired of worrying. Maybe that was selfish, but he was so ready for a break from…everything. He missed the old days, where every problem could be solved with friendship and Gray was normal Gray and the guild had stuck together as one big family.

"Do you think we should go find Gray?" Happy asked, peering around at the darkened streets anxiously as if he expected Gray to be lurking behind every corner. It wouldn't be that simple—if Gray didn't want to be found, then they were unlikely to stumble across him by accident.

"No. Let's go home."

"But–"

"Do you really think he wants company right now?"

"…I guess not." Happy sighed heavily. "It's just that he already has to deal with so many people hating him, and it must hurt to have someone who doesn't even hate him say that, even if she was drunk."

Natsu grimaced. As much as he and the others got exhausted from dealing with everything, at least they weren't actively hated and shunned. Yes, he thought that Gray was hurt. At the same time, there was only so much that Natsu and the others could do.

"I know," he said tiredly. "But I think that all we can really do is be there for the ice princess now. Things will settle down eventually. He doesn't seem to want to acknowledge what happened with Cana anyway, so all that's left to do is stick by him when he needs us."

Happy was silent for a long moment before saying, "Wow, did you actually just say something smart for once? That's impressive, given how much you suck at emotional stuff."

"Hey," Natsu protested halfheartedly.

But since neither was really in the mood for joking, they lapsed into silence and headed home. It looked like Natsu would just have to worry a little longer.

* * *

Cana woke up with the hangover of the century. Damn, she must have gotten totally trashed last night. She was in her own bed so she must have gotten home somehow, although she had no memory of it. All she really wanted to do was curl up and go back to sleep until the nausea and pounding headache went away, but she reluctantly dragged herself to her feet and stumbled into the bathroom to get ready.

Ugh, she hoped she hadn't done anything too embarrassing last night. All she really remembered was getting upset over the fact that Gildarts was leaving again— _again!_ …and while the guild was still in shambles, too—and drinking herself into a stupor. Her father could be ridiculously smothering and clingy at times, but she'd miss the old geezer. He could be gone for months, or even years. And with their fight against August still fresh in mind and everything shaken up from Zeref's army and Gray's troublemaking, Cana was convinced that this was poor timing.

Well, screw the old man. She didn't need him anyway.

Cana headed for the guild, only half aware that she was mumbling uncomplimentary epithets under her breath. Pushing her way into the building, she made a beeline for the bar, only to draw up short when Happy flew over.

"You're up pretty early," the Exceed commented, giving her an appraising look. "With how wasted you were last night, I wasn't expecting to see you before noon."

Cana scowled. "How would you know how wasted I was?"

"Why wouldn't I?" Happy asked, rolling his eyes. "It's not like it's a big secret."

"He means that we took you home last night," Natsu said, his voice perfectly neutral as he followed his Exceed over and studied Cana with solemn eyes.

She wondered if she had made a fool out of herself, because they were giving her weird looks.

"Really?" She shrugged it off. She'd embarrassed herself so many times over the years that she doubted this time could really be any worse. "That's weird. Usually it's Gray who takes me home."

It was a little embarrassing to consider how many times Gray had found her drunk and dragged her home in the past—or would be, if Cana still found stuff like that embarrassing. Even once Gray had moved on to a new team and spent less time with her, he had still always made a point of keeping an eye on her and taking her to her apartment if she hit a certain level of drunkenness.

"Well, he was going to," Natsu said tonelessly, "but apparently you told him that you wouldn't go with him because it was stupid to trust a demon. He asked us to take you instead."

Cana stared at him blankly. "What?"

"Well, that's what you told us you said," Happy added. "You were pretty drunk. But Gray was acting weird, so it's probably true."

"…You're joking, right?"

"No."

"Why would I say that?"

An unpleasant feeling that had nothing to do with the nauseousness of a hangover curled in Cana's stomach. She wished Natsu and Happy had just told her that she'd done something horrifically embarrassing.

Natsu shrugged. "You were drunk."

Happy cleared his throat and shifted awkwardly, averting his gaze. "I just thought you should know, in case he starts acting funny around you. And so that maybe you're more careful in the future. I wasn't sure if you'd remember, since you were so out of it."

"Um…thanks?"

Natsu shrugged again, his face tired and grim—an expression that Cana would not normally associate with someone always so carefree and happy-go-lucky.

"It is what it is," he said neutrally. "Just try not to do it again, yeah? He already has enough problems. And I don't think you really meant it, so there's no point stirring up trouble where there shouldn't be any."

Cana nodded absently as Natsu and Happy exchanged looks and drifted off. Well,  _damn_. She sat down heavily at the nearest table and dropped her aching head into her hands, trying to sort through all her hazy recollections. Nothing was really coming together, but she didn't doubt that Natsu and Happy were telling the truth.

But why would she  _do_ that? Cana trusted Gray with her life, she really did. Sure, he seemed a little different and more unreadably mysterious now, but that didn't erase a decade of friendship. She'd had her doubts in the beginning, but he was still so very  _Gray_. And demon or not, he had been a loyal friend for a long time.

Damn, how was she supposed to fix this? With how half the world had been giving Gray a hard time lately, she had wanted to be one of the few people who stuck by him to the end. She didn't want to put herself in the group of turncoats, and playing the demon card had been the lowest of the low.

She had screwed up and kicked Gray when he was already down, and she felt terrible about it.

Something was set on the table next to her with a soft clink, and she quickly pulled her head out of her hands. A glass of water was sitting in front of her. Swallowing hard, she turned her head and let her gaze slowly travel up to Gray's face.

"For your hangover," the ice mage said, giving her a crooked grin. He was cheerful and smiling as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened, but there was also uncertainty lingering in his eyes, as if he wasn't sure how the gesture would be taken. "You were totally wasted last night."

Cana hated herself for putting that doubt and insecurity in his eyes, even though he was doing a good job of hiding it underneath his smile and teasing words. She should apologize and tell him that she hadn't meant anything she had said, that they had just been stupid drunken ramblings.

But she also knew what he was doing. He was offering her an olive branch, a gesture of truce. He was acting so normal because he was giving her the opportunity to either not know what had happened or to pretend like she didn't. Either he thought she had been so drunk that she wouldn't remember her words, or he was saying that it was okay she'd said them and they should let bygones be bygones.

He was giving her a way out.

And because she was a coward, Cana took it.

"Yeah," she said, clearing her throat and trying to give him a smile that felt all wrong on her face. "Thanks."

She picked up the glass and began sipping at the water, but it only made her feel more nauseous because she felt horrible about what she had just done. She was kicking herself already. She should have just apologized instead of being selfish and taking the easy way out.

_I didn't mean it_ , she wanted to say.  _You're my oldest friend, and I'd trust you with my life._

But although her mouth opened, no words came out. She burned with shame, finding it difficult to meet Gray's pseudo-cheerful eyes.

"Make sure you stay hydrated," Gray said, chuckling as he turned to walk away. "I bet you've got one killer hangover."

Cana swirled the water around absently in the glass, watching him go. Yes, this was shaping up to be one of her all-time worst hangovers, and she'd never felt worse.

.

Given how poorly her last drunken binge had gone, it might have been wiser to refrain from getting wasted again. But Cana's self-control had never been strong where liquor was concerned, and she felt horrible enough to turn to alcohol again.

Gildarts was gone, the guild was a mess, and she still hadn't apologized to Gray. It was probably the lack of closure that made her focus so much on her screw-up with Gray. Because she  _knew_ she should apologize and not let him think that she didn't trust him, but her throat always seemed to close up. And it was almost worse how he acted so normal, as if she had never said anything at all. He still teased her and laughed with her…as long as he wasn't in one of his broody, demon-y moods.

To be fair, those were still pretty frequent, promoted in part, she suspected, by the continued coldness of half the guild. Every time someone made a snide comment or threw Gray a dark look, Cana felt bad. Apparently she had done that too. And with everyone else still turning their backs on him, surely it would mean a lot not to have one of his friends throw in her lot with that crowd?

And although he still acted pretty normal around Cana, there were enough subtle differences to make her heart hurt. There was still a hint of cautious uncertainty in his eyes sometimes, and he was careful not to get too close, always staying a step or two farther away from her than he normally would. He had withdrawn a bit, as if he was worried about making her uncomfortable.

Well, he was making her uncomfortable, alright. Or, perhaps more accurately, she was making herself uncomfortable. The differences in Gray's behavior were slight enough that she wouldn't have noticed them if she wasn't specifically looking, which was probably what he was counting on. Cana had implied that she didn't remember what she'd said that night—to be fair, she  _didn't_ , but it was hard to justify playing ignorant after Natsu and Happy had made a point of telling her—so Gray was almost certainly assuming that she wouldn't notice what he was doing.

It was a mess.

"Mira-a!" she slurred, scowling down into her empty tankard and banging it on the counter in a most irritating fashion. "Need more beer!"

Mira looked over with a frown and shook her head slightly. "I don't think you really need any more to drink, Cana."

"Sure I do. Come o-on."

Mira hesitated, indecision written across her face. Cana wished she'd hurry it up already.

"Don't worry about it, Mira," said someone from beside her. "I'll make sure she gets home."

Looking intensely relieved, Mira nodded and drifted back down the counter toward Laxus and the rest of his team. "Thanks, Gray."

Cana turned, swaying and almost toppling over, and scowled at Gray. She was having a hard time focusing on his face, but she was pretty sure that she was glaring at his eyes rather than at his nose. Probably.

"Let me just find someone to take you home, alright?" he said, turning away.

No, no, that was wrong because…because… Cana was drawing a blank because her mind was so fuzzy, but she was sure that it was Gray who was supposed to be taking her home. It had always been him before, hadn't it? It was practically his job at this point. And anyway, hadn't she been feeling bad because of something she'd said or something like that?

Lurching forward, she latched onto Gray's arm and then leaned into him as she lost her balance.

"Cana…" He sighed and tried to shake her off. "Let go. I need to find someone to take you home."

"No."

"No? Cana, please. You don't need anything else to drink right now."

"You take me."

Gray blinked down at her uncomprehendingly, a puzzled frown stealing over his face. "We already had this conversation, Cana. It's okay. I'll just find someone else."

"No," Cana mumbled, tightening her grip. "S'posed to be you. Always you."

He was giving her a funny look, and she couldn't figure out why for the life of her. Why would he be so surprised? He'd been doing this for years, so there was no reason to try skipping out now.

"Not anymore, remember?" he said gently, trying to pry her fingers off of him. "I'm a demon now."

"So?"

What did that have to do with anything?

"So you're scared of me," Gray said, sighing again.

"Am not!" Cana said indignantly.

He groaned. "Not this again."

"Not scary," she mumbled, dropping her head against his chest as the world spun disconcertingly. "Like bi-ig teddy bear."

There was a beat of silence, before Gray choked out a strangled laugh. "Teddy bear? Demon teddy bear. Right. Cana, you don't feel safe with me, so I'm going to find someone else to get you home."

"What?" Cana sputtered. "'Course feel safe. You a-always make sure I get home safe. Want you."

"Cana–"

"Want you."

Gray was silent for a long moment. Cana looked up at him, propping her chin against his chest. His dark eyes were conflicted, but then he sighed and nodded.

"I'll take you, if you want. But you're going to have to let go so that I can support you."

Cana eyed him suspiciously, but obediently released her death grip on his arm. She swayed a little, unmoored, but Gray slid an arm firmly around her waist. Yes, this felt right, natural. She wrapped an arm around him as well, suddenly feeling a lot more steady and secure. The two of them had danced this dance so many times over the years that they practically molded together now.

And Cana didn't understand what Gray was babbling about, because obviously she felt safest when his arm was around her and he was acting as her guardian while he led her home.

Sometimes they would talk on the way, half-coherent ramblings that she sometimes remembered when she sobered up and sometimes needed Gray to remind her of, but tonight they walked in silence. Gray was quiet and lost in thought, but he was still always one step ahead of Cana—he seemed to know when she would stumble a half-step before she did, to know which way to adjust his grip to accommodate her unsteady staggering, to know exactly how to guide her around every potential obstacle in their way.

They had done this many, many times before, and it showed.

Gray helped Cana up the steps to her apartment. He didn't even bother asking her if she had her key—he'd given up on that a long time ago, quickly tiring of all her fumbling. A spark of magic was all it took to mold ice into the lock and turn it like any temporary key.

Then they were inside, stumbling to the bed. Cana fell onto it with a sigh of relief, glad to be off her feet. Walking was always such a challenge when she got this wasted.

"Goodnight," Gray said quietly, leaning over to grab the blanket and tuck it in snugly about her. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Cana frowned up at him blearily. This part was normal, so why did it feel wrong? He always left, so why did she want him to stay? Maybe it was because she was supposed to be making something up to him, had to give him some kind of gesture to erase all the hurt.

Or maybe she just didn't want to be alone. It was hard to tell when her mind was so hazy.

Her hand shot up and wrapped around Gray's wrist as he was withdrawing. "Stay."

Giving her a bewildered look, he began peeling her fingers off. "Honestly, what's gotten into you tonight?"

"Stay," she insisted.

"Cana, let go. You need to get some sleep."

"Need teddy be-ear."

Gray paused to give her the most flabbergasted expression she'd seen in all her life, and she took advantage of his confusion to grab onto his arm and yank him down as hard as she could. He unbalanced, eyes widening as he yelped in surprise and was pulled down halfway onto the bed.

Cana gave him a cheeky grin. "C'mon, teddy."

Gray opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Shaking his head, he worked on extricating himself from Cana's grip and straightening himself back out.

"You're being really strange, Cana," he said. "Let go."

He pulled back, but since Cana only tightened her grip, she was dragged along with him and he had to stop again, bent over at an awkward angle as he tried to figure out how to untangle himself. Cana let go of his arm with one hand so that she could slide an arm around him in something resembling a hug.

Burying her face in his chest, she whispered, "Don't go."

The silence seemed to last for an eternity, but then Gray finally sighed, the sound heavy in the stillness. Wriggling forward awkwardly so that he could push Cana away from the edge of the bed, he swung his legs up to stretch out along the very edge.

"What's wrong, Cana?" he asked quietly, stroking her hair in a soothing fashion. "Getting wasted again and acting so oddly… What's bothering you so much?"

Releasing her death grip on his arm, Cana snuggled into him and relaxed with a contented sigh. "No-othing."

"I don't believe that."

"Makes me sa-ad when he leaves," she mumbled into his chest.

"Gildarts?" Gray offered after a moment.

"Mm. So cli-ingy and anno-oying, but… Love him anywa-ay."

"He loves you too," Gray said gently. "He's a wanderer at heart, but he'll always come back because he can't bear to leave you forever."

"And you?"

"And me what?"

"You love me too?"

There was a long pause, but then Gray let his breath out in a shuddering sigh and dropped his head to rest against Cana's. "Yeah," he whispered. "Yeah, I love you too."

"Mm." Cana smiled and snuggled closer, her hands retreating near her face so that she could fist them loosely in Gray's shirt, even as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer. "Love you too. Trust you. Not sca-ary. Make me feel safe."

The silence was deafening, until Gray swallowed thickly. "Okay," he murmured, his voice wavering slightly for a split second before he steadied it again. "Okay. Go to sleep, Cana."

Cana sighed softly, relaxing further. Yes, sleep sounded good. She was dreadfully tired, and she finally felt that she could sleep now that she had made up for something or said something or done something—whatever it was that she was supposed to have taken care of. And since she felt safe in Gray's arms, she smiled to herself and drifted off to sleep.

When she woke the next morning, Gray was gone. Cana sat up and yawned, wincing at the pounding in her head. Bloody hangover. She remembered more of last night than she'd remembered of her previous binge, and had the feeling that she'd managed to finally make things up to Gray. Maybe.

Or maybe it was all just a product of her drunken daze, because she also vaguely recalled trapping Gray here and refusing to let him leave. But he wasn't here, so maybe she had imagined the whole thing. That was too bad.

Sighing, she reluctantly dragged herself out of bed. She was about to head for the bathroom, when something caught her eye. There was a glass of water sitting on the nightstand by the bed, and a note tucked halfway underneath:

_For your hangover. It would be nice to see you in the guild before noon._

Cana smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol drunk people. Huh, I wonder what a drunk demon Gray would be like.
> 
> _I wonder._
> 
> :X


	13. Musings of (Former) Immortals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At first Mavis was a huge stumbling block for me. What was I supposed to do with her? I trashed the immortality, but I didn't have a good way to kill her off, nor did I have any idea of what to do with her once she was hanging around afterwards. So I was just going to kind of ignore her, tbh. However, I eventually came up with a plan for her, so now there's going to be a loose plot thread with Gray and Mavis that pops up from time to time :3
> 
> ...This is actually how this story is going to operate, tbh. There's one main overarching plot thread, the four sub-plot lines for the four segments, and then a variety of other themes and baby plots that pop up for a time, disappear, and come up again until I resolve them. So...yeah, there are just a lot of little plots lol No wonder it got so long.

* * *

**Musings of (Former) Immortals**

* * *

Mavis was watching Gray again. She seemed to find herself doing that a lot lately. Part of it might be that he had become a natural focal point of most everyone, but a big part of it was just that she felt like she had something in common with him. They both had a connection to Zeref, both had suffered from immortality, both still struggled with control and the guilt of the things they had done, both were something of outsiders. They were hardly the same, but it was hard not to sympathize when Mavis saw so much of herself in him.

She was sitting with Makarov again today because she was still too unsure of her position to do much else, lending half an ear to his conversation with Laxus. But although she truly did have an interest in Yury's son, she still found herself surreptitiously watching Gray and listening to his conversation with his friends. So she noticed right away when it started veering into uncomfortable waters, even if Gray didn't seem perturbed yet.

"I'm telling you, anything with the cold would be the worst way to go," Natsu said, his nose wrinkling in distaste. "Heat is way better."

"But burning?" Lucy asked skeptically. "That has to be super painful. I think something quick and painless would be better. Like, in your sleep or something."

"But if it's in your sleep, you don't even get the chance to fight back!"

"You can't fight a heart attack, idiot."

"Actually," Happy interrupted, "fish deprivation would be the worst way to go."

Everyone stared at him.

"Fish deprivation?" Lucy repeated slowly, her brows scrunching together. "You mean starvation?"

"That too. But honestly, could you imagine not being able to find any fish anywhere?" The Exceed shuddered and fluffed his fur out.

There was another long pause as his team stared at him in disbelief, but then Natsu cracked up and even Lucy smiled. Mavis shook her head slightly, although a fond half-smile tugged at her lips. It was just joking right now, one of those 'what-if' games that wasn't uncommon for people to play and debate from time to time.

Still, it had ulterior meaning for Mavis and, she suspected, Gray. But so far Gray seemed unconcerned, just observing the conversation with a thoughtful frown.

"What about you, Erza?" Lucy asked. "What do you think the worst way to die is?"

"Drowning," Erza said immediately.

"Really? Huh. That never seemed too bad to me, at least not in comparison to other things."

"I don't like the idea of not being able to breathe, and there's something horribly hopeless and helpless about it."

"Fair enough. What about you, Gray?"

Gray propped an elbow on the table and rested his head against his fist as he frowned down and seemed to seriously consider the question. "I think burning is the worst. It hurts worse than almost anything. It's also really messy with some horrible effects on your body, and the best you can hope for is to get knocked out by smoke inhalation because burning isn't always a fast death.

"To be fair, cold isn't always that great either, and it can be even more drawn out. But once your body starts shutting down, you start fading out anyway and it's not quite as bad. Drowning isn't as peaceful as people seem to think it is. Your body will fight against it no matter what, and it can actually be pretty violent. Starvation is one of the longest ways to go. Dehydration's effects are worse, but at least you'll die sooner. I mean, if you  _can_ die. Stabbing or cutting in the right place would kill a normal human pretty quickly, but it'll make a huge mess.

"But yeah, I'll say that burning is definitely the worst, at least for me. Aside from something like the devil slayer magic that would rip you apart from the inside out. I think that might actually be worse. Your best bet is either something quick and relatively painless or getting lucky enough to die in your sleep."

Mavis held back her sigh as Gray's team gaped at him in horror. What had they really expected, bringing up a topic like that? Sometimes people didn't seem to realize the implications of what they were saying until they were saying it.

"You…you haven't actually tried all of those things before…have you?" Lucy asked finally, her eyes wide.

Gray looked up from his scrutiny of the table, finally seeming to realize the tough spot he'd put himself in. His expression closed off and he shrugged. He said nothing, but watched his friends with wary, unfriendly eyes.

"But Gray," Erza said, wincing, "you–"

"You asked me a question," he said shortly. "I answered it. I don't see what the big deal is."

Erza sighed heavily. "You know we don't like this idea that you were… Well, maybe we really should have talked about this sooner."

Gray's eyes narrowed to slits. "No thanks."

"Look, you–"

Forgetting about Makarov and Laxus entirely, Mavis stood up abruptly and glided over to the other table. She paused behind Gray and dropped a small hand to rest on his arm.

"May I borrow Gray for a moment?" she asked, giving Erza and the others a bright smile.

They stared back, uncertain, but didn't have the nerve to deny a direct request.

"Of course," Erza mumbled, although she gave Gray a look that said they weren't finished by a long shot.

Gray twisted around and gave Mavis a long look before nodding and rising. He followed her out of the guild hall, and they walked down the street in silence. Mavis drew a few odd looks because her bare feet were conspicuous on busy city streets, but the looks Gray got were far more venomous. Still, he didn't bother gravitating to the shadows like she had often seen him do when he was looking to avoid unwanted attention.

They had made it halfway down the street before Gray said, "Thanks."

"Of course," Mavis said with a sigh. "But you do know that they'll want to talk about it eventually."

"Of course they will, but I'll do my best to avoid that conversation. Sometimes I forget why these things get them so worked up when they aren't a big deal to me. They don't understand that it's easier to have a cavalier attitude toward life and death when you can't actually die. You know."

"I know. But they worry about you."

"Yeah." They fell into silence for a few more seconds before Gray asked, "How have you been holding up, anyway?"

"Me?" Mavis frowned up at him. Wasn't  _he_ the one having a hard time coping? "Fine. Why?"

He shrugged. "You were close to Zeref at one point, and now he's dead."

Mavis's breath caught in her throat. His words stirred up an intense whirlwind of emotion in her chest, and she had to wait for the sudden pain to ease before the indignant anger seeped in to take its place.

"He was the enemy," she said harshly, glaring at Gray. "He hurt and killed a lot of people, threatened my guild. He was a threat that had to be eliminated."

"Yes, but you loved him too, didn't you?"

"I–"

"It's okay." Gray's eyes softened in sympathy. "You're allowed to feel both. Love and hate are not so very different, nor are they mutually exclusive."

Mavis opened her mouth and stared at him silently, almost running straight into an oncoming pedestrian because she was so distracted. Yes, she was better able to understand such contradictory emotions than most anyone else, based on her curse alone. But somehow it still felt wrong to admit to loving someone who had nearly destroyed the world.

"Yeah," she mumbled. She turned the corner and dropped her gaze to the ground. "Maybe it's part of our curse that we  _have_ to be contradictory, have to have different sides on extreme and opposite ends of the spectrum. He did horrible things, became a horrible person, but… part of me still loves him, and I want to believe that some of what I fell in love with still existed inside him, at the end."

"Probably so," Gray said with a sigh. "Humans are such messy, illogical, contradictory creatures. They have a hard time being all good or all bad, all love or all hate."

"And what about you?"

"I'm not human."

"I know. I'm not even going to argue with you about that today, because I know you're stubborn and need to figure that out for yourself. I meant that you had a connection to Zeref too."

Gray stopped right in the middle of the street, his entire body tensing. Mavis noticed his shadow twitch and squirm as if agitated, and eyed it curiously. That was a strange thing, and she had some theories about what it was, based on the information she'd gained from observing it over the past weeks. She was still waiting for the right time to look into confirming her suspicions, because she highly doubted that Gray would willingly discuss it with her.

Whatever the case, Gray didn't seem to notice. He was too busy glowering at Mavis, eyes narrowed and lips tight.

"There is no love lost between me and Zeref," he said coolly as he began stalking down the street again. He exuded the aura of a predator now, something tight and angry and cold. Even people who didn't know who he was seemed to sense it, giving him wary looks and a wide berth. "I was only ever his toy, his tool, his experiment. And I hate him for a lot of things."

Mavis hurried along by his side, her shorter legs fighting to keep up with his long strides. Gnawing at her lip, she considered how to best handle the situation. She sensed that same sort of angry defensiveness that she'd had when he had asked  _her_ about Zeref, but pressing the point would likely shut down communication altogether. She couldn't say that she was surprised that he might not want to talk about whatever he felt for Zeref.

"I was talking to your team a while back," she said instead. Gray gave her a wary, sidelong look, but didn't make a move to shut her up. "They mentioned some of the things that you and Zeref discussed at the end there. They said that you were the first demon?"

Gray's expression had closed off again, but at the end he smiled faintly, one corner of his mouth just barely twitching upward. Mavis met his gaze squarely, refusing to show any sign of discomfort. She was nothing if not a tactician, and she knew that knowing  _what_ to say was only half the battle. It was also important to know  _how_ to say it. Aside from the people who harbored a hatred for Gray and used 'demon' as a bitter substitute for a name, most people tiptoed around the idea and became uncomfortable even bringing it up. Gray didn't want to be coddled, and Mavis would show no hesitation or uneasiness now.

"Correct," Gray said. "I was the original prototype."

"They also mentioned something about experiments? They weren't sure what exactly that meant, and they seem to be nervous about actually asking you."

Gray raised an eyebrow. "So you're going to ask for them?"

"No. I'm going to ask because  _I_ want to know. If they work up the nerve to ask, then more power to them."

"Hm."

Mavis winced as she scraped her toe on a rough cobblestone, but quickly pushed the discomfort aside to watch her companion intently. She had a good idea of why he hated Zeref, but she'd rather gather all the information she could.

"Yes," Gray said finally. He shoved his hands into his pockets and slouched slightly as he sauntered along, some of the earlier tension gone. "I was the first failure, and he wanted to know my strengths and weaknesses so that he could fix them in later models. He tested my limits, pushed me as far as I could go. How injured would I have to be before I was unable to follow my instincts' call? What could be done to coax out the power I refused to use? Which types of magics and wounds could I endure best and worst? Yada, yada. Trying to make a more powerful version of me, really.

"And afterward, he'd test out his later models on me. Oh, he had many failures, took more than one wrong turn along the way." He smiled thinly. "I was a killer of demons before I was ever a killer of men."

Despite her resolutions, Mavis faltered, her steps slowing for a half second before she fell back in beside Gray and schooled her expression back to neutrality. "So, torture, then?"

Gray shrugged carelessly, his expression more bored than anything. "Experiments. Don't look so shocked. Whatever good side of Zeref you saw, I was never privy to. And I've no need of sympathy. I was Awake at the time, so the memories are hazy at best and pain was immaterial. And although I consider it to be poor taste to turn your monsters on their kin, the truth is that I didn't care then and I don't particularly care now. The world would be better off with a few less demons."

Mavis threw him a sharp look at the last comment, but he seemed so unconcerned and relaxed that she wasn't sure if he'd meant anything by it. Even to Mavis and her superior powers of observation, Gray was still something of an enigma. What she  _did_ know was that he wasn't interested in her regret or apologies.

"I see why you hate him so much," she said instead, her voice carefully neutral.

Maybe this was the other big reason that she felt a connection to Gray and a need to make sure he made it through this. He was the creation of her former lover and had suffered greatly at his hands. Perhaps Mavis felt a tiny bit responsible for that, or at least wanted to try undoing some of the damage her lover had done. She was protective of her entire guild and felt a responsibility to them, but Gray's connection to Zeref possibly made her feel even more protective, in the same way that Makarov's connection to Yury made her more protective of him.

"Among other reasons," Gray said. A frown stole over his face and he sighed. "Fine, maybe you're right. I have a connection to Zeref, whether I like it or not. I don't love him and I never have. I certainly hate him. But I also have an innate need to please him. What he did to me is irrelevant, because that was what he wished to do and I am bound to please him. Maybe part of me is always looking for that approval, to know that I did something to satisfy him instead of always failing him. I hate it because I owe him nothing and I shouldn't care about what he thought at all, but my more primal side craves it regardless."

Mavis thought she could understand that. It was like how a child might always feel the need to, on some level, please an abusive parent, although she doubted Gray would appreciate the comparison.

"I'm sure it's hardwired into you," she said. "Sometimes we all secretly crave approval from people we shouldn't need it from."

"Sure, but I didn't have much of a choice about giving him what he wanted. I got out from under his thumb for a while, but… In the end, even killing him was just doing what I was meant to do. I say that I didn't do it because I was supposed to, but… Let's be honest, the only time I did something useful, it was still just something I was forced to do."

Mavis would have to be a complete fool to have missed Gray's struggle over the idea of free will and innate instinct, and she was no fool. She could understand the bitterness there. It wasn't really the same as her own problems, but having to watch her curse kill the people she cared about and not being able to control it or choose a different path had left a mark on her too. She had done what she could to minimize the damage, but she couldn't choose how her curse reacted, couldn't even choose to die. It wasn't exactly the same, but that edge of underlying hopelessness and frustration was mirrored in Gray's own struggles.

"I don't think so," Mavis said evenly. "I think you made that choice."

"Hm."

"Your instincts were telling you to kill Zeref, right?"

"Yes."

"But if you'd given in to them, you would have just attacked him blindly without worrying about looking for a strategic way to actually kill him, right?"

"…Yes."

Mavis bit back a small smile. That air of wary hesitation let her know that Gray had figured out where she was going with this, and that she was making her point. Mavis wouldn't be the acknowledged queen of tacticians if she couldn't put together and support a damn good argument when the need arose.

"So," she said reasonably, "even if you were driven to try killing him because of your demonic side, you were  _able_ to kill him because you could think it through and come up with a plan. That's a choice. If you'd only been following your instincts, then you would have failed. So maybe it's really both. And maybe that's not so surprising, because I think that you're very much a mixture of both demon and human."

Gray didn't respond and Mavis watched him carefully, trying to gauge his reaction. No matter how brilliant her arguments were, they wouldn't do any good if someone's skull was too thick for them to get through.

The pair walked an entire street in silence, deftly weaving their way through the hustle and bustle of the crowd. Gray had narrowed his eyes at the ground, and seemed to have completely tuned out the other pedestrians.

"Maybe," he said finally. He sounded perfectly noncommittal, but Mavis felt a small prick of triumph anyway. She rather thought that he would at least consider her perspective, even if he couldn't entirely agree with it yet. "May I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"What's happening with your curse? You haven't seemed to have any problems with it since you regained your body, but it seems hard to believe that it disappeared entirely, and I doubt anything I did about your immortality affected that part of things."

Ah, the patented 'quickly change the subject of the conversation to avoid talking about unpleasant things' technique. Mavis might not usually respond favorably to such a basic approach, but the question made her sober even further.

"You're right." She kicked moodily at a rock, which she immediately regretted when it bit into her bare toes. "It's still around. I don't think it's quite as strong as before, but I'm not sure if it's actually weaker after I was stuck in stasis or if I've just gotten better at managing it."

Gray gave her a sympathetic look. "Still fighting for control, then?"

"Yes."

"You've done a good job of not slipping up."

"It's only been a few weeks. I still have plenty of time. And it only takes losing control once to ruin everything."

"Don't I know it," Gray muttered, and Mavis nodded in agreement. Control issues were well-documented between the two of them. "How do you manage it, then? It can't be easy."

Mavis's mouth flattened into a thin line as she turned another corner and started back in the general direction of the guild. "It's a balancing act. The easiest way is to keep a distance, think of everyone as pawns instead of people."

Gray nodded knowingly. "Humans with short lives. They burn bright and fast, and flicker and die before long. How important can one life really be in the grand scheme of things if it's so short and insignificant? And even more so if you have experience with immortality and can see the end of time stretching out before you, the tiny lives of humans representing only specks along the way."

"Yes, although it's easier said than done to maintain that attitude."

"Don't I know it," Gray said again, his lips twitching upward wryly. "I at least have the fallback option that humans are insignificant little insects that aren't worth my time or attention. But you can only maintain such an attitude for so long."

Mavis studied him curiously out of the corner of her eye. She—and everyone else, of course—had quickly learned that Gray's moods could swiftly swing to the cold, unfeeling end of the spectrum at times. Mavis didn't doubt that part of it had to do with the difficulty of navigating a hostile world and conflicting sides of his personality, but this made her wonder if there was something else.

"I see. Yes, well, that can be difficult sometimes. Mostly I try to strike a balance. I can love, as long as I hate too. It's a curse of contradictions. The things I love will die, so I have to counteract that by also finding ways to hate, to hold on to bitterness and resentment and jealousy. I like to keep that side hidden because I'm not proud of it, but…it has to be there or people will start dying. As much as I sympathize with you and feel like we have much in common, I also have to hate you for killing Zeref."

The words sparked that familiar flicker of resentment in her heart again as she regarded the man who had killed her lover, but then she pushed it back and bit her lip. She gave Gray another sidelong look, suddenly regretting that she had spoken so frankly.

But Gray just nodded and looked perfectly unsurprised, his blank expression unchanging. Mavis wondered if he had suspected as much. Even if he hadn't known about the curse, he had correctly identified that part of Mavis still loved Zeref. Perhaps it had occurred to him, then, that there would be mixed feelings about him as well.

"Of course," he said. "In any case, I do much the same."

"Oh?" Mavis arched an eyebrow, her remorse forgotten. "I'd think that for you, it would be easier to keep control by playing up the love and minimizing the hate, no?"

He smiled thinly. "A demon's love, such that it is, is very obsessive. The more purpose and value I assign to something, the easier it becomes for me to lose control if it is threatened. Any such threat must be annihilated immediately, and threatening situations make me less stable if I'm not careful. Hanging on to petty resentments and keeping a safe distance might help minimize emotional disturbances, but I've also found them a useful way to maintain some level of control, as long as I don't go too far."

The guild hall finally came into view, but Mavis was watching Gray. It was sad to know that he faced many of the struggles that she also faced on a daily basis, although it also brought her a selfish degree of comfort and an accompanying flash of vindictive satisfaction to balance it out. Being a walking contradiction was tiring, draining, and Mavis was both horrified and relieved to have a companion on that road.

"But also, thank you," she said quietly, stopping in front of the guild and letting the heat of the cobblestones seep into the soles of her feet. Gray paused as well and gave her a questioning look. "For killing Zeref. It had to be done. And also for breaking our immortality."

"Of course." He frowned at the ground. "No problem."

"Hm. I'm scared too, you know. Of losing control. On the days where I feel myself wavering, I run and disappear. Sometimes I think about not coming back. But this is my guild, and I want to make this work. I believe that it can work. I believe that we can  _both_ make it work. It will be hard, but we can do this, Gray."

Gray looked up at her, and his dark eyes were tired and resigned. "I sure hope so."

"It's a fight you have to fight yourself, but it's okay to rely on your loved ones to help you through." Mavis tilted her head. "Speaking of which, I hear that your team is planning to go to the festival tonight. Will you be joining them?"

Gray's brow wrinkled in thought, but then he shook his head. "I don't think so. Not tonight." A satisfied, darkly excited gleam shone in his eyes as he said, "Tonight I feel like dying."

"You  _what_?" sputtered a voice from behind them.

Mavis and Gray whipped around to see the team in question standing half in the doorway, their eyes wide and horrified. Gray immediately winced.

"Not like that," he said quickly.

"Then like  _what_?" Erza demanded. "All this talk of death and killing yourself… It's unacceptable. We're going to need to talk."

"I'm not trying to kill myself," Gray grumbled. He turned to Mavis to appeal for help. "You know. Sometimes the only way to feel alive is to be reminded that you can die."

Mavis held back a sigh, her own instinctive horror fading. Yes, she understood. She didn't engage in such destructive activities as Gray to get that feeling, but after being unable to die for so long, sometimes it was nice to be reminded that she  _could_.

"I know." On a hunch, she reached out and grasped his hand, pushing up his sleeve before he had the chance to stop her. Sure enough, there were layers of faded scars crisscrossing his skin, subtle enough not to be obvious at first glance. "But make sure you take care of yourself."

Gray yanked his hand away and quickly pulled his sleeve back down, his expression wary and defensive. His mood didn't improve any when a chorus of horrified gasps and sharp intakes of breath came from his teammates.

"Gray," Lucy said, "you don't really–"

"Relax," he growled. "They're old."

Maybe so, but Mavis wouldn't be surprised if he had picked up old habits in light of recent events. Because those scars weren't the scars of someone who was trying to die but couldn't.

"But you used to strip all the time," Happy squeaked. "How did we not notice  _that_?"

Gray half turned away, his nostrils flaring. "People see what they expect to see. And none of them are very pronounced anymore. I used to keep a variety of healing charms around to undo some of the damage and scars of my activities. In any case, I won't be available tonight, sorry."

He stepped away, ignoring the protests of his friends, and made to leave. Mavis wasn't sure she could—or  _should_ —stop him.

"Just be careful, Gray," she said.

"Of course. I don't feel like dealing with anything messy tonight." He glanced back to give her a feral grin, anticipation gleaming in his eyes. There was a lightness to his step now, and Mavis could practically see the energy radiating from him as he prepared for the heady feeling of mortality. "I just want the feeling."

He turned away and began weaving his way through the crowd.

"Hey!" Natsu called, starting forward.

Mavis's arm shot out to block his way, although her eyes stayed glued to Gray's retreating form. "Let him go."

"Let him  _go_?" Natsu repeated indignantly, turning to her in disbelief. "But he said–"

"I know." Mavis dropped her arm and pressed her lips together as Gray disappeared around the corner. "This is his way of coping, even if it's not a healthy one. I think that once the novelty of mortality wears off and all the drama around the guild begins settling down, he won't need it as much. You can give him your support and help him through, but I'd think that by now you've begun figuring out when confronting a problem directly will work and when it won't. For now, let him go. And when he's ready to come back, that's when you do your best to hold on."

The group stood in silence, with only the sea of indistinct voices and footsteps of passersby to fill the air. Mavis didn't look at the others, but she could sense all their raging emotions. She didn't know how to explain something like this to them. It was unthinkable to most people, but she and Gray weren't most people.

"I just want him to be okay," Lucy said in a small voice.

"I know. I know. He will be, eventually."

A thought occurred to Mavis, and she grimaced as something clicked into place. Something said long ago in a jail cell came to mind:  _"To be honest, that's what saved your guild and your world: all that hate he made me turn on myself."_ And with all the talk of instincts and fighting to keep control, Mavis felt like she finally understood where Gray was coming from.

"He was made to destroy," she said with a soft sigh, weary sadness settling over her heart. "It's hardwired into him. As long as his instincts are needling him, he has to do it. His default is to destroy everything, but in order to control that, he turned it inward. He has to be destroying something—and if he isn't destroying the world, then he's destroying himself instead."

She turned back toward the horrified faces of Gray's team as Lucy made a strangled choking sound.

"How morbid," Erza said faintly, looking thoroughly unsettled.

"He has an innate need for destruction and for purpose. He turned the destruction inward, and turned you and your protection into his new purpose to give himself something better to focus on." Mavis brushed past the other mages and headed into the guild, only pausing for a moment to add, "He fights against his nature by throwing himself into protecting you from the world, so perhaps it's up to you to help protect him from himself."


	14. Control/Strength

* * *

**Control/Strength**

* * *

A loud crash echoed through the hallways of the manor, and Lucy's head automatically swiveled toward the sound. She sighed and shook her head.

"Well, the fire-breathing idiot is still in fine form, I see," Gray remarked from beside her, more amused than exasperated. And despite Lucy's own annoyance, she was glad of his good humor. It was good to see him in a better mood.

"Honestly, what is he  _doing_? They're just bandits…"

"You know how he always has to overdo everything. Alternatively, it's possible that some of these bandits have magic, which could explain why he's off destroying everything."

Lucy eyed Gray in alarm as he opened a door, peered around cautiously, shook his head at her, and continued down the dimly-lit hallway.

"You think they have  _magic_?" she asked as she hurried after him.

"How should I know?" He checked another room, shook his head again, and moved on. "But it's always a possibility. Just because someone's not in a guild doesn't mean that they can't have magic. It might explain why these guys have been such a pain to catch."

Lucy grimaced, not liking that idea. This was supposed to be an  _easy_ job. Not that it had really been difficult so far…more like annoying. Their poor client had been kicked out of his own mansion by a group of bandits who apparently intended to use it as a home base for a while until they ransacked the place and disappeared into the night. They'd managed to cow the entire surrounding town, too.

But as far as mage-work went, these guys were small fry. It was just a pain because this place was  _huge_ , and they were searching for a couple dozen men in a messy labyrinth of hallways and rooms. They'd already found most of their targets, but there were still a few on the loose.

"Maybe it just means that they're all on Natsu and Erza's side," Lucy said hopefully.

"Where's the fun in that?" Gray asked with a chuckle. "It would be so boring if those guys got all the action."

"I don't know," Lucy muttered as she peeked into an empty room behind Gray, "I don't mind avoiding the action."

"Oh, please. You know you like it more than you let on."

Like hell she would admit that. "Don't you think we should be quiet in case we're about to stumble on someone?"

Gray chuckled again and scanned another room. "You're the boss, Luce."

And, indeed, he stayed quiet after shooting her one more amused look. Lucy still had the feeling that he was laughing at her on the inside, but she chose to ignore that. They searched the rooms lining the hallway in relative silence, only their muffled footsteps lingering in the air.

Tiring of just following behind Gray, Lucy decided to relieve her nervous boredom by taking over door-opening duty on the left side of the hall. Gray raised an eyebrow but didn't comment. They worked their way down the hallway much more quickly this way, but Lucy was starting to wonder why they weren't finding anyone when they could still occasionally hear Natsu destroying things on the other side of the building. They really had gotten the quiet side. Lucy wasn't complaining about that, but she  _was_ starting to lose patience. Who needed a house with this many rooms, anyway? Her own childhood mansion pushed firmly out of mind, she could shake her head at the eccentricities of the rich without feeling like a hypocrite.

She was so distracted by her own thoughts, and so used to seeing only empty rooms when she opened doors, that she almost missed the bandit entirely. She was already half turning away before she caught a slight movement out of the corner of her eye and turned back to see the sandy-haired man crouching in the back of the room as he shoved valuables into the sack beside him. Honestly, his comrades were being hunted down by mages and his first thought was to grab all the valuables before he made his escape? What a charmer.

Damn it, she had clearly chosen the wrong side of the hallway.

"Hey, you!" she said loudly. "You–"

He looked up at the sound of her voice, eyes widening as he jumped to his feet and threw a wave of… _something_ …at her. There was a muffled curse from behind her, and a wall of ice sprang up just ahead of her to block whatever magic was coming her way. Lucy started to breathe a sigh of relief, but then the ice shattered and almost seemed to vaporize into nothing. What the hell? Gray's ice was damnably strong—what was powerful enough to pulverize it so completely?

Gray grabbed her from behind and pulled her to the side, out of the way of whatever had decimated his magic.

"Awesome," he muttered, releasing her when they were safely tucked behind the side of a large, overwrought armoire.

"What was  _that_?" Lucy asked in disbelief.

Gray clicked his tongue in annoyance and peeked around the side of their temporary shield. "He's a dispeller. Some kind of nullification magic. Dispellers are always such a pain to deal with, but at least his offense probably sucks. Nullification magic is usually much better at destroying enemy magic than actually attacking enemies."

"I'll take care of him," Lucy said with a huff.

"Let me do it."

"Why?" she asked indignantly, drawing herself up to her full height and glaring at him. "I can handle it."

"I know you can. But dispellers are bad news, and I might have an edge here. I doubt he can dispel my curses. And he seems like a pain. His magic probably isn't any good for offensive maneuvers, but he has good reflexes. He threw it at you when you came in because he knows there are mages hunting down his crew and was expecting you to attack with magic right away. And since his magic isn't good for attacks, he probably has tricks up his sleeve. You didn't want any action anyway, right?"

The underlying message Lucy was getting from this was that Gray didn't think she could handle this guy. "I can do it," she said stubbornly, crossing her arms over her chest. "And I'm not worried about his magic. I have my spirits."

"Well, yeah, but–"

A door flew open with a bang from back out in the hallway, and they turned to see three more bandits appear in the doorway.

"Hell," Gray growled. He jumped out from behind their makeshift shield, his hands already moving as he turned on the newcomers. "You know what, go for it. I'll take care of these guys."

Well, Lucy would show him. She was strong and independent and could take care of herself. Leaving Gray to handle the other bandits, she stepped out and took a few more steps into the room to avoid the sudden melee in the doorway.

Instead of taking advantage of the Fairy Tail mages' distraction to make a getaway, the first bandit was  _still_ shoveling valuables into his sack, albeit at a much more frantic rate. Honestly.

"You, there!" she said loudly, pulling out her ring of keys and giving her target a disapproving look. "Stop at once."

He looked up, spotted her, and cursed under his breath. Before he had the chance to do anything, Lucy whipped out Aries's key and opened the gate. Gray thought this guy's reflexes were fast, huh? Well, hers were fast too. So there.

"Aries, take this guy out, will you?"

"I-I'll do my best," the spirit stuttered nervously. "Wool bomb!"

One moment pink wool was exploding across the room, and the next it was shimmering and vaporizing. Aries's eyes widened and she stepped back, one hand rising to hover uncertainly near her mouth.

"I-I'm sorry! Wool–" She gasped as her form seemed to waver. "W-what–?"

Lucy gaped in disbelief as Aries shimmered out of view and disappeared. Okay, so her magic being dispelled wasn't that surprising, but Aries herself…?

"Nice try," said the bandit, starting toward Lucy with confident steps and a humorless smile. "I'd heard they sent mages after us, but I was expecting a  _little_ more of a challenge."

"You…" Lucy grabbed another key. "Taurus!"

The portal started opening, but then the bandit raised his hand and it disappeared from view again.

"You mages are such a pain," he said. "But you can't do anything to me, so why don't you be a good girl and run off home?"

Lucy stepped back, her mind racing. She couldn't summon her spirits because he could dispel her magic. But…what about Loke?

"Loke? This would be a great time for you to show up and make yourself useful…"

Hopefully he was paying attention, but he always seemed to know when she was in trouble, and everything with Aries and Taurus had probably caught his attention. And since he was the only one of her spirits who could materialize without her needing to open a gate…

"Did my lady call?"

Lucy half turned, breathing a sigh of relief as she spotted Loke next to her. "Thank goodness. Can you–?"

"Don't be silly," the bandit interrupted, rolling his eyes and raising his hands.

Loke's form flickered, and his eyes widened behind his glasses. "What the hell–?"

He disappeared, leaving Lucy to gape at the empty space where he had just been.

"Your spirits can only come here through magic portals, and their presence here is maintained by magic," the bandit said, his voice bored. "Whether you summon them or not, there's still magic involved. If I nullify that, they can't stay here."

Lucy belatedly realized why Gray hadn't been reassured when she'd said that she could still use her spirits. They were as useless against a dispeller as any other kind of magic was.

There was a cry of pain behind her and a loud crash, reminding her of the other fight that was raging here. Hopefully Gray was having more luck than she was.

"Hey, Gray?" she asked, her voice rising slightly in pitch as she began to back up.

The dispeller smiled thinly and began walking toward her again. "I gave you your chance to leave, girlie. You attacked me instead. I guess I'll have to kill you now."

Why, oh why had she stopped carrying her whip? For all her talk about how she fought alongside her spirits… It had just seemed unnecessary when she always had her spirits to protect her and could now use star dress magic. She hadn't tried the latter because of the whole nullification thing, but hadn't counted on it taking away her ability to call on her spirits too. With both options effectively taken off the table, her whip would have come in real handy. Had she perhaps become too reliant on her magic?

She suddenly saw the sense in how the rest of the team stayed in peak physical condition in addition to training their magic. It was a secondary line of defense that she didn't really have, and now, without her magic, she was practically defenseless.

"Gray?"

But Gray was evidently busy with his own fight, and the dispeller lunged forward suddenly, whipping out a knife. Lucy backpedaled desperately. What was it that Gray had said about dispellers needing tricks up their sleeve since their magic wasn't any good for offense? Of course this guy had weapons on him, and Lucy again fervently wished that she still had her whip.

Well, she did have  _one_  physical line of defense…

"Lucy kick!"

Her foot connected with her assailant's face, and he stumbled back with a string of curses. But her reprieve was short lived as he lunged at her again, shoving her to the ground. She cried out and struggled, but physical strength had never been her strong suit, and this man was  _strong_. He planted a knee on her chest and pinned her wrists above her head with one hand.

"Sorry about this, girlie," he said, although he didn't sound terribly apologetic.

Lucy stared up at the knife, mesmerized by the glint of iron and the razor-sharp point. She couldn't breathe. And then it was coming down, and she was screaming and squeezing her eyes shut as she turned her head away and struggled to free herself.

Something slammed into her attacker, and his weight disappeared from her chest. She opened her eyes just in time to see Gray shove the bandit away. Oh, thank goodness.

But something was wrong.

Gray was moving like lightning as he viciously attacked the dispeller and threw him like a ragdoll before pouncing again. It was almost too fast and vicious to be entirely human, and reminded Lucy of those heart-stopping moments when Gray had given in to the shadows in order to defeat Zeref. She hadn't been able to get a good look at what happened then either, since it had all happened so fast and was shrouded in shadow curses and black magic, but the savagery of motion was the same.

His shadow had come to life again, twisting about like a monstrous beast as it darted for the hapless bandit, and it seemed like all the shadows in the room were bending toward Gray and reaching for his victim. And although it was hard to get a good look at Gray when the shadows swirled about him so thickly, she caught a glimpse of his face and recoiled. His mouth was twisted in fury, and his eyes blazed black with a demonic wrath that he rarely let Lucy and the others see.

He had definitely snapped.

The bandit cried out in pain as Gray slammed him into the wall and grabbed him around the throat. The flurry of attacks was almost too fast to see and whatever the curses were doing to the man must be horrific judging by the garbled sounds of pain he was making, but Gray wasn't finished. He pulled the bandit away and shoved him hard so that he stumbled and collapsed to the ground. The ice mage lunged again.

"Gray!" Lucy cried, scrambling to her feet as she finally found her voice. "Gray, stop! He's finished!"

Gray wasn't stopping. Pouncing on the disabled bandit, he held him down roughly and raised a hand. Something about the position and finality, about the dangerous mix of shadow and darkened ice curling about his fist, told Lucy that this was going to be a death blow.

"Gray!" she screamed.

No, no, this wasn't happening. Not only would someone die, but Gray would be left dealing with the repercussions—not only with the renewed hostility of the Council and guild, but with his own guilt. Lucy could already see it, how horribly earthshattering this would be.

She lurched forward, but there was nothing she could do. Gray's fist was coming down, and Lucy could only watch in panicked horror.

At the last second, his fist flinched to the side and slammed into the floor next to the bandit's face, sending ice and shadow flying. Gray remained motionless, hunched over the dispeller with his head bowed and his fist firmly connected to the crater in the floor. Lucy hardly dared breathe, afraid that one wrong move would set him off again. Heart in her throat, she cautiously tried to get a glimpse of his face. But his hair was in the way and his face was cloaked in shadow, and it was impossible to tell.

Then she caught sight of his other hand, which had released the dispeller and was clenched tightly into a trembling fist, the knuckles white. Her heart sank.

The bandit was white-faced and shaking, staring up at Gray with wide, frightened eyes. He hardly dared to move, but when Gray stayed absolutely still for much too long, he finally asked, "W-what  _a-are_ you?"

Gray growled deep in the back of his throat, a low, primal sound that made Lucy's hair stand on end. She didn't know how it was even possible for him to  _make_ that sound.

He stood suddenly and pulled the bandit up with him, spinning him about and slamming him back into the wall face first. The dispeller made a strangled choking sound, but Gray just hooked into his shadow and pulled it up to twine about his wrists tightly. Then he shoved the man away, where he fell to the floor in a heap.

Gray himself stayed standing, only lowering his head to rest his forehead against the wall. His entire body was tense, but he was so still that it almost looked like he wasn't alive at all.

Lucy swallowed hard and took a hesitant step forward. "Gray?"

Footsteps echoed from behind her, and she turned to see Erza, Natsu, and Happy burst into the room, stepping over the three unconscious bandits strewn across the floor. Their eyes darted about every which way as they took in the scene.

"What happened?" Erza demanded. "We heard you screaming."

"I, um… We…" Lucy shook her head helplessly and darted a glance at Gray.

"Is he alright?" Happy asked.

"Um… I don't…know…"

Gray growled again, making Lucy and the others startle. He turned slightly to fix cold eyes on his shadow, which Lucy suddenly noticed was still writhing about and had begun creeping toward the prone dispeller. It hesitated and then grudgingly retreated to lurk around Gray's feet, although it still kept twitching like it was alive.

That thing freaked Lucy out. Gray was always so wishy-washy about what it actually was and what it could do, but it almost seemed alive sometimes and he tended to alternate between disdainful wariness and distaste when dealing with it, which was not reassuring. And it always seemed especially active when his more demonic side started peeking through, which Lucy also took to be a bad sign.

"Gray?" Erza asked as he finally moved. "Are you okay? What happened?"

Gray was silent for another long moment, but then finally turned to face them all the way. His eyes still shone with cold fury and had an inhuman quality to them, and the way he held himself exuded predatory grace. Lucy swallowed hard and rocked back a half-step.

"I lost control," Gray said tersely, his voice a gravelly growl that held no warmth. He started forward, his strides clipped as he pushed past the mages in the doorway. "I'll be back later."

Lucy and the others stared after him as he took off down the hall and disappeared around the corner, the shadows reaching after him as he went. A heavy silence hung over the room for a long time, but then Natsu turned back to Lucy.

"What the  _hell_ was that?" he asked.

Lucy dropped her gaze to the floor as the others looked to her for an explanation of what had just happened. "I, um… Well, he was taking care of, um, those three over there, and I was supposed to be…" She gestured vaguely to the battered bandit halfway across the room. "But he had nullification magic and was forcing all my gates closed, so I, um…I couldn't do anything. He got me pinned down and was going to… But then Gray came out of nowhere and started slamming him around and… Yeah, he, um…he lost control."

She wrapped her arms around herself, her voice lowering as she added, "I thought he was going to kill him, but he stopped himself at the last second."

No one said anything for a painful minute.

"Is he alright?" Happy asked finally. "Should we go after him?"

"I don't think so. I think he needs to calm down and get himself back under control. He, um, he still looked like he was pretty…out of it."

"But he's not even Awake," Natsu said, looking thoroughly disconcerted.

Erza let out a harsh breath. "Isn't this what he's always telling us? That he's still as much demon as human? I don't think he has to be Awake for that. I wonder if he's been having more trouble since he Awakened against Zeref… He never gave himself away with stuff like this before, but lately he sometimes has lapses or dark things bleed through for a moment. I think he must struggle with it sometimes, but it sounds like his control slipped a lot more than it usually does. It's probably best to leave him alone until he gets himself sorted out."

"He won't be happy when he does, either," Natsu said, subdued. "It might not have been an Awakening, but losing control like that is frightening and it feels like a failure. Just… Let's try not to say anything insensitive. He'll already feel bad about it."

Lucy thought it ironic that Natsu was the one lecturing them on emotional repercussions, but then remembered that he'd been Awake too and had been shaken by the experience, although he never talked about it. It made her heart hurt for both him and Gray, and she had the sinking feeling that he was right.

She felt a sudden stab of guilt. Gray had lost control because she had taken on a fight she couldn't handle, had been weak, had almost gotten herself killed. She hadn't felt this weak and useless in a long time, and because of that, Gray…

Lucy stayed quiet as the team minus Gray finished cleaning up, stewing in her own guilt and worry. Everyone else seemed tense and subdued as well, but Erza, always the responsible one, kept them moving.

It took a while to round up all the beaten bandits, turn them over to the Knights, and collect their reward, but by the time they made it back to the guild, Gray was still nowhere to be seen. When other guild members asked why they seemed so glum, no one wanted to be the one to explain. Some people were still wary enough of Gray already, without hearing that he'd lost control for a few minutes and taking it as confirmation that they shouldn't trust him.

So the team made vague excuses and settled down to wait. Natsu eventually managed to start up a halfhearted conversation to take their mind off things, but his eyes rarely left the door and Lucy couldn't even bring herself to add more than the occasional comment here and there.

Eventually she couldn't take it anymore and went to sit outside, claiming a bench and staring out at the passersby morosely.

"Lucy."

She turned her head to stare blankly at Loke. He was perched on the bench next to her, eyes solemn and mouth pressed in a firm line.

"Hi," she said without any conviction.

Loke sighed. "I'm sorry I couldn't do anything."

Lucy wasn't sure how much he knew about what had happened after he'd been dispelled—he always seemed to know more than he should, but she could never tell what he'd know and what he wouldn't—but she understood. He felt like he'd failed her. And since she had, in a way, failed Gray, she understood the feeling.

"It's not your fault," she mumbled, returning her gaze to her feet. "I couldn't do anything either. I was totally useless and Gray had to save me, but because I let myself get caught, he… He wouldn't have lost control like that if I hadn't messed up."

Loke was silent for a moment, entirely inscrutable, but then sighed again. "You're not useless, Lucy. Sometimes things go wrong, and sometimes there are fights that you just aren't suited to win. You can't do everything alone.

"I think…I think that the 'why' matters as much as the 'what'. He might have lost control, but it was because he cared about you and panicked when he saw how much trouble you were in. So it's hard to fault him, and I'm grateful that he protected you when I couldn't. But it isn't your fault either. Things got out of hand, that's all. You did what you could. You  _both_ did what you could. Sometimes that just has to be enough. Playing the blame game isn't going to get you—or him—anywhere. You both did what you had to."

Lucy's lips trembled, and she sniffled as she rubbed at the tears welling in her eyes. Loke wrapped an arm around her, and she leaned against his shoulder gratefully.

"Thanks," she mumbled. "I–I–"

"It's okay, Lucy. It's okay."

She nodded slightly and they both lapsed into silence once more, just relying on each other for support and company. And maybe having an understanding friend sit with her so that she wasn't alone was exactly what she needed right now. They sat there for a long time, until Loke regretfully informed her that he would need to return to the Celestial Spirit World.

But by then Lucy had at least calmed down a lot. She still felt bad about the whole situation, but Loke's words and mere presence had been soothing, and now she felt better able to handle the world. She returned to sit with the team again, brimming with quiet determination. She would find a way to make up for this by trying to give Gray what Loke had given her.

It was hours before Gray returned.

When he finally slipped inside the guild, his posture was still tense and he wasn't quite looking at anyone. Weaving his way through the other guild members, he made his way across the hall and sat down beside Erza. The halfhearted conversation immediately ceased as everyone stared at him anxiously.

"Sorry about that," Gray muttered, staring studiously at the tabletop.

Erza waved off the apology. "Are you alright?"

"Yes."

"Are you  _sure_?" Natsu's lips quirked downward into a frown as he eyed his friend.

" _Yes_." Gray said more forcefully. His lips tightened. "I'm fine."

"But–"

"I  _said_ , I'm  _fine_!" he snarled, looking up and baring pointed teeth at the dragon slayer.

Natsu's eyes widened slightly and he flinched back, and he wasn't the only one. The burning wrath in Gray's eyes was enough to make everyone lean back instinctively, and his outburst even caught the attention of a few other guild members.

He glowered at them for a moment longer, but then dropped his head into his hands. "Sorry. Maybe I'm not ready after all. Excuse me."

He stood up and walked away with clipped strides, his shadow cavorting unnaturally on the ground at his feet. He disappeared into the backroom and shut the door behind him, leaving everyone staring after him.

Mira cleared her throat awkwardly in the resulting silence. "Um… Should someone go see if he's alright?"

"Leave him be," Natsu advised. He turned away from the door, and his face was somber.

"But…" Cana shook her head helplessly. "What  _happened_?"

The team exchanged furtive, uncertain looks. No one wanted to say that Gray's control had lapsed and he'd nearly killed someone.

"He's had a rough day," Erza said.

"Doesn't mean he needs to be an asshole," Gajeel grunted, unimpressed.

"Screw off," Natsu snapped back.

Lucy took a deep breath and stood. "I'll go."

"It's probably better to leave him alone for now," Natsu cautioned, giving her a puzzled frown.

"I'll be careful."

"But–"

"He wouldn't be in this position if he hadn't needed to protect me." She set her mouth in a grim line and headed for the backroom. "I owe him this much."

"You don't–"

But Lucy wasn't listening. She had already decided that she needed to do something, even if she wasn't quite sure what that something would be yet. She marched to the other end of the hall with grim determination, and then slipped inside the backroom and quietly shut the door behind her.

Her bravado immediately vanished as she spotted Gray sitting cross-legged on the floor with his back pressed against the opposite wall, his eyes closed. All of Lucy's nervousness returned full force and she shifted uncomfortably, not sure what to do. After a few seconds of awkward hesitation, she approached cautiously and settled herself on the floor beside him, drawing her knees to her chest and locking her arms around them.

Gray didn't so much as twitch or acknowledge her. Lucy opened her mouth, but no words came out and she closed it again. Of course he didn't want to be disturbed—what had she been thinking? But perhaps she could just sit with him as a show of solidarity, like Loke had sat with her.

She lasted for a few minutes. Her nervousness warred with her growing boredom, but even the sound of her breathing in the otherwise silent room was enough to put her on edge. Still, she was doing well enough until she noticed Gray's shadow creeping toward her, one formless, black tendril reaching out. Her breath caught in her throat and she leaned away, her heart pounding. She darted a glance at Gray, debating whether she should ask for help.

"Behave," Gray said without opening his eyes, his voice husky and low as it shattered the silence that had hung over the room for the past several minutes.

The shadow hesitated, but then retreated reluctantly to rest in a more natural position again. Lucy stared at it and then at Gray, who still looked like he was lost in his own silence, working to get himself under control bit by bit.

"Did you want something, Lucy?" he asked finally.

"I, um… I wanted to…apologize."

He opened his eyes to give Lucy a quizzical look, and she almost cried in relief when she didn't see any of his earlier wrath there.

"Apologize?" he asked. "Whatever for?"

Lucy dropped her gaze and hugged her knees tighter. "You were right and I should have listened to you. I wasn't strong enough and you wouldn't have lost control if you hadn't had to protect me, and I'm sorry."

There was a long, heavy pause, somehow saturated with Gray's disbelief.

"Is that what you think I meant?" He sighed heavily. "I wasn't trying to tell you that you were weak or couldn't handle it. You're plenty strong, Lucy. You just caught a bad break here and were at a disadvantage. It's just… Sometimes I worry about you because you don't have the same hard edge that the rest of us do."

"What…? What do you mean?"

"I… It's hard to explain. It's like how Erza is so monstrously powerful, all sharp edges and hard armor. And how Natsu just smashes through everything and is too stubborn and stupid to die. And even I'm ridiculously durable, and I have a ruthless edge when I need it."

Lucy nodded slowly, although she was still confused. She understood what Gray meant about the others' strengths, but she wasn't sure where that left her.

"I'm not saying you aren't strong," Gray added. "It's just that the rest of us wear our strength on the outside, and you wear yours on the inside."

"I…don't understand."

Gray gave her a wan smile. "It's your heart, Luce. Not that the others don't have big hearts, but you're different because that's where you put your strength instead of channeling it into a hard outside edge. You draw a lot of your strength from others, but you also lend it to everyone else. It's like with your spirits and your friends. You're good at inspiring people and bringing out the best in them, and you have so much faith and hope and love that it's blinding sometimes. That's its own kind of strength. I think you're very strong, Lucy, just in a slightly different way than the rest of us."

Lucy swallowed hard, not sure what to say to that. "I…"

"It wasn't that I thought you were too weak or couldn't hold your own," Gray continued as if he hadn't heard her, his gaze glassy. "It's just that every fight comes with a risk. One unlucky shot can do serious damage no matter how strong you are. It's something we accept as mages, but that doesn't mean I like taking the risk if I don't have to. I'd just rather not open you up to the opportunity to get hurt, that's all. I didn't mean to make you feel weak."

Lucy bit her lip and her heart clenched up in a funny way. Gray's words wormed their way into her mind and settled over her heart, and she found herself believing them before she even realized it.

"Thank you," she mumbled. "And, um, thank you for rescuing me, even if you had to…"

She trailed off, the sudden lightness disappearing from her heart again as she remembered why she was here. Maybe she was strong, but today she hadn't been strong  _enough_.

"Always." Gray gave her a wan smile. "It's not your fault, Luce. I didn't lose control  _because_ of you; I lost control  _for_ you."

Lucy opened her mouth to protest that that was the same thing, but restrained herself. She could pick up on the subtle distinction he was making, and it made her have to gnaw at the inside of her cheek and drop her gaze. Before she could think up a response, Gray was already continuing on.

"You guys aren't going to want to hear this, but…" He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Demons' thinking—however much that is—is very black and white. We have a purpose to fulfill. Anything on the pursuit of accomplishing that is good, anything obstructing or threatening it is unworthy of attention at best and worthy of annihilation at worst. We'll do anything to achieve that purpose, and anything to get rid of obstacles. I'm not as bad because I've spent a long time living like a human and picking up human thought patterns, but sometimes my thinking  _is_ still that black and white, especially in the heat of the moment.

"When I decided that I didn't like the purpose I was created with, I tried to make a new one to replace it. And…that's the guild. I turned protecting you into a purpose, and now that I actually fulfilled my main purpose of killing Zeref, this one has a new place of prominence. I'm the most likely to lose control when you're in danger. It's what happened today, and what happened with Eileen when she came so close to killing Erza and everyone else."

He let out a harsh breath and pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes. "It's not your fault, Lucy. This is my problem. I've started slipping up more since I messed with the seal while with Avatar, and after Awakening… I just need to work some things out and find ways to keep myself under control."

That…explained a lot. Sometimes Gray's mindset was hard to discern when he was always so taciturn and withdrawn now, but this all made sense. He had always been so focused on protecting everyone else, and although this stark black-and-white thing was strange to a human mind, Lucy thought she could understand at least a little.

It was also sad, and she could practically feel the hidden frustration roiling just underneath Gray's more collected façade. Natsu had been right: Gray was frustrated and unhappy with his own limits

The first thing that came to mind was Loke's earlier words, and, apologizing silently, Lucy commandeered them.

"You know," she said quietly, "maybe the 'why' matters as much as the 'what'. I know that losing control is a big deal and not a good thing, but I think it matters  _why_ you lose control. It's not because you're just going crazy and deciding you want to destroy everything. It's because you're trying to save your friends, and I think that matters. And in the end, you're still yourself. You're yourself and you're a good person and you have a really big heart even though you try to hide it, and I think that matters."

Lucy watched Gray anxiously as he stared at the floor with narrowed eyes. She so desperately wanted to get through to him, but his expression didn't change.

"Maybe," he said noncommittally. Then he sighed and added, "Sorry I scared you."

Lucy wanted to protest that she hadn't been scared of him, but…she had been. During those moments when he'd lost control, she had been frightened. She knew that she was justified in that, that it was probably wise to be afraid when Gray wasn't really himself, but she still felt a flicker of shame at having feared him.

"I wasn't only scared  _of_  you," she said, deciding to make a subtle distinction of her own. "I was also scared  _for_ you. Because I knew that you'd have to wake up and deal with the consequences, and I was afraid you'd kill him and then hate yourself for it. And also because I realize that having your control slip really rattles you, and… I didn't want that for you."

She scooted over to lean against Gray and slip her hand into one of his. "I know it's scary and horrible, and I'm sorry. But we understand, and you don't have to do it alone. We still love you anyway, and we'll stand by you while you figure this out."

Gray stayed silent for a long moment, but he didn't push Lucy away or remove his hand from her grasp. "Alright," he said finally, his voice quiet. "Thank you."

"Yeah." Lucy looked up to give him a sad smile. "Sorry I disturbed you. If you need some more time to collect yourself, go ahead. Take a break from saving us and take some time to save yourself."

Gray stared at her, but then his lips curled into a small smile and he nodded. Leaning his head back against the wall, his eyes drifted shut and his breathing slowly evened out into a deeper, steadier rhythm.

Lucy stayed curled against his side, offering her silent support. Sometimes it was enough to just be there, and if her strength was her heart, she knew how to use it. Their conversation had given her a lot to think about, but she found herself lulled into a peaceful, thoughtless calm by Gray's serenity.

She wasn't sure how long they'd been sitting there before the door opened slowly and Erza cautiously poked her head inside. Lucy automatically jerked away from Gray and pulled her hand out of his, and her sudden movement caught his attention. He opened his eyes and raised an eyebrow at Erza.

The requip mage smiled sheepishly and opened the door wider, to reveal Natsu and Happy hovering uncertainly behind her. "Sorry," she said. "We didn't want to disturb you, but you've been in here for a while and we wanted to make sure you guys were alright."

"I'm fine," Lucy said when Erza gave her a questioning look.

"Me too," Gray said with a sigh.

"Are you…ready to come out and join us?" Happy asked, twisting his paws together anxiously.

Gray dropped his gaze to the shadow at his feet. "I don't know, are we ready to behave now?" The shadow didn't move, and after a moment of sharp-eyed surveillance, he nodded. "Good answer."

He stood and then reached down a hand to Lucy. She accepted it and he pulled her to her feet, offering her a fleeting smile before he turned back to the others.

"So, did I miss anything interesting?" he asked with a mostly genuine grin. "Tell me you didn't have too much fun after I left…"

He headed out of the room, already drawing the others into more normal chatter. Lucy hesitated a little longer, watching him. There was still an air of tension and unhappiness underneath his sudden good cheer, there were still hints of something dark lurking in his eyes, but he was still Gray and his human side was shining through loud and clear. Lucy smiled to herself and started forward, her head held high and her strides confident.

Because Gray was back in control, and Lucy, she was strong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And next chapter, Gray's unsatisfactory living situation is finally brought to light :3


	15. Relocation

* * *

**Relocation**

* * *

He let himself into Lucy's apartment through the window, after casting a furtive glance up and down the street to make sure that no one saw him. After all, it wouldn't do to have people giving Lucy sidelong looks for inviting a demon into her home. It was already bad enough that the guild was taking flak for putting up with him.

He spotted Lucy still buried beneath a mound of blankets in her bed, her breathing deep and even, and shook his head.

"Someone's sleeping in. Rise and shine, Lucy! Time to get up."

The mound of blankets stirred, and Lucy cracked her eyes open to give him a sleepy, uncomprehending look. "Wha…?" Then her eyes widened and she sat bolt upright. "Gray! What are you  _doing_ here? You can't just sneak in people's windows while they're sleeping!"

"You keep saying it annoys you, but if you really dislike it so much then why don't you start locking your windows?"

Lucy gaped at him, her mouth working soundlessly. "You–you–  _Ugh_. Why are you here?"

"It's getting late. Erza sent me to fetch you because she wants the team to go on a job today."

She glanced at the clock and groaned. "Man, I really slept in." Yawning widely, she slid out of bed and stretched. She was wearing pajamas decorated with fuzzy little teddy bears, and He resisted the urge to comment with great difficulty. Uninterested in the pajamas, or perhaps just forgetting that she was wearing them, Lucy focused on the demon suddenly and her eyes narrowed. "Team job? You're coming with us, right?"

"I'm not sure I really have much of a choice," He grumbled, looking away.

He still did his best to skip out on team jobs when possible, but He could only do that so much. The team had reluctantly accepted a tacit half-and-half agreement, where He'd accompany them on about half of their jobs and go solo the rest of the time.

It wasn't even that He didn't want to go on team jobs, exactly. He  _did_ miss the days when He'd gone with them every time. But now it was a hassle because if people recognized him, the team had to deal with the fallout too. And people were more likely to recognize him if He was with the team, because it didn't take a genius to put two and two together. It was easier to fly under the radar when He was by himself.

Lucy gave him a hard look and pressed her mouth into a thin line as she marched over. Stopping in front of him, she scowled and slapped him across the face.

"Ow!" He yelped in surprise, recoiling and giving her a wary look. "What the hell was that for?"

"Didn't I tell you that I wanted to slap you again? Back after you pulled your sacrificial thing against Zeref and then had the nerve to tell us that you should have died?" Lucy crossed her arms over her chest and glowered at him. "I've been dying to do that for weeks. Luckily for you, I was nice enough to wait until you weren't injured anymore."

"Right," He grumbled, rolling his eyes. "I hope it was satisfying."

"It was, thanks." She sighed and deflated. "I'm just so tired of you always doing stuff like this, and I want to find a way to snap you out of it."

"Stuff like what?"

"Stuff like avoiding the guild. You never come anymore."

"What? I'm at the guild all the time." It wasn't like He really had anywhere else to go.

Lucy gave him a pointed look. "Sure, but you're always coming late or leaving early or sneaking out for hours sometime during the middle. And you keep running off on solo jobs to get away, and you're so unenthusiastic about team jobs that it feels like you don't even want to be around us anymore."

He chewed on the inside of his cheek and took a sudden interest in the floor. It was true that He'd picked up a bad habit of sneaking out when being around the guild became too much. He still cared about them, but sometimes it was just too much to deal with the wary, sidelong looks and muttered comments from people He would have once trusted with his life and who had once trusted him. Things weren't as bad as they had been in the beginning, some of the people who had initially been against his return had started coming around, but there were still holdouts and there were just some days that He tired of being under the pressure of their disapproval.

"Sorry," He mumbled. "Sometimes I just need a break. And it's not that I don't want to be with the team, it's just… Sometimes it's easier to go alone and avoid some of the hassle."

"I know," Lucy said with a sigh. "I get that it's been hard. I just…wish you'd stop trying to push us away. And that you'd stop going so cold and distant so often. It sucks when you go back to playing the villain like you did with Avatar. It makes me want to slap you again."

"I'm not–"

"Yes, yes, I get that it's part of you too. And that's okay. But you're doing it on purpose to distance yourself from us, not because that's how you always feel. I wish that you didn't."

He shrugged and hummed noncommittally. What Natsu had dubbed his 'demon-y mood swings' were, in fact, partly because He'd been rather unstable lately. But yes, Lucy was right and had picked up on the fact that some of it was a deliberate attempt to keep everyone at arm's length. Honestly, it was easier not to get too close, because that only made things hurt more. Not everyone was ready for him to revert back to being 'Gray' even if He wanted to, and He wasn't sure He could be that person again if He tried.

"You know…" Lucy hesitated but then forged on. "We're still here, and we'll stand by you. You can still trust us."

"I know." He smiled wanly and gave his shadow a sidelong look. "I trust you more than I trust myself."

"Then let us help. You don't have to keep pushing us away and avoiding us. We love you, okay? You're still our friend. We'll work things out with the guild and everything. Things will be okay."

He said nothing, and Lucy shuffled her feet uncomfortably, an uncertain look spreading across her face.

"Lucy," He said finally. She leaned forward slightly, hope creeping into her eyes. He smiled at her brightly. "I like your pajamas. They're very cute."

Lucy's expression showed nothing but flabbergasted incomprehension, but then she looked down and flushed as she noticed her pajamas. "You jerk!" Huffing, she stomped over to her dresser and pulled some clothes out before heading for the bathroom. "I'll come to the guild once I get dressed."

When the door shut behind her, He let the smile slide off his face and heaved a sigh. His friends meant well, but He still wasn't in any state of mind to feel good about accepting their support.

He could feel the sudden shift in the air, and turned with a frown to see Loke shimmer into existence next to the glimmering keys laid out on the nightstand.

"Loke," He said neutrally.

"Gray." The spirit eyed the demon, his eyes unreadable behind his glasses. "It's been a while."

"Yep. What do you want?"

Loke clicked his tongue. "Is that any way to talk to one of your oldest friends?"

"Maybe not, but I'll save the kitty jokes for after you give me your spiel about not hurting Lucy."

Loke chuckled, some of the severe lines melting off of his face. "You know me too well. I don't think you'd really hurt her, but I'm a spirit through and through, and she's my top priority."

"I know." He was actually a little surprised that Loke hadn't taken him aside a long time ago, given how thoroughly He'd riled the spirit up during their post-Zeref chat. "I won't willingly hurt her."

"That sounds like a carefully worded statement."

"I don't mean to dissemble. But I don't like making promises that I'm not sure I can keep." He looked away, nostrils flaring in self-directed irritation. "If I lose control…anything could happen. But I won't  _intentionally_ hurt her or the others."

"Ah, I meant to thank you for that," Loke said with a sigh. "That's actually why I'm here, not to interrogate you. You did protect her when I couldn't against that dispeller, and you have my gratitude. Although I'm sorry it led to you losing control."

"No problem," He muttered. He wasn't happy to have the incident brought up again. It itched at him something fierce, to know that He'd lost control again.

"For what it's worth…I think that the 'why' matters as much as the 'what'. Even though you lost control, it was because you cared about her and were protecting her. I'm not saying it isn't horrible, but you had a good reason for it."

He raised an eyebrow as recognition sparked at the words. "Funny, Lucy said much the same thing to me…"

"Did she?" Loke coughed out a laugh. "I said it to her first."

"Yeah, I was starting to get that impression. Busted."

"Still, I think it's probably good that you heard it."

"Yeah." He sighed. "I get it, thanks."

Loke eyed him up and down thoughtfully. "I still can't believe I never noticed that something was up with you."

"You had your own problems, and I was good at hiding things," He said with a shrug. "I always knew you were different, but I didn't really know what it was. Didn't figure out you were a spirit until the end. As for me, the biggest danger was Bickslow, honestly."

"Bickslow? Ah, he figured out something was up with me too, with that whole 'I see souls' thing."

"Yeah. Good luck explaining why you don't  _have_ a soul." He leaned back against an empty patch of wall and grimaced. "I got lucky because Laxus and the Raijinshuu didn't usually hang around the guild as much. I was never a very big concern for Bickslow, but I know he tried to sound me out a couple times to see if he could figure out what was wrong with me. Not sure if he thought his magic wasn't working properly, or just that something really horrible happened to mess me up so he didn't feel comfortable asking point-blank."

Loke was silent for a long moment before asking, "What does it mean for you? That you don't have a soul?"

He shrugged. "I don't really know. It means that I'm missing something to make me human, whole. Other than that…depends on what you think souls can do, I guess. It makes my existence tenuous because I'm unnatural and only have a hollow facsimile to substitute for what should be an essential part of existence. And anything you believe about an afterlife is probably out. Conveniently, my existence is tied to a body that isn't mine and a sheaf of paper, neither of which would survive death."

"That's…kind of sad."

"Is it?" He smiled faintly and leaned his head back against the wall, letting his eyes drift shut. "I think it sounds restful, honestly. Living is a lot of work. It seems rather convenient to just…disappear. And I have enough to make me not belong here that a lack of a soul is really the least concern in that department."

"…What a horrible way to look at things."

"Is it? I don't think that accepting the way things are is such a bad thing, honestly. Sometimes it's better than trying to fight what you can't change."

"As long as you know what's worth fighting for, too."

"Of course."

"You do realize," Loke said carefully, "that you would hurt Lucy and the others by dying."

"I'm aware."

"And you promised me that you wouldn't hurt her willingly."

The demon's lips tightened. "Indeed."

"Whatever all that bullshit was after Zeref's death, you'd better rethink it."

He groaned and opened his eyes. "I get it. I'm doing the best I can." Not willing to pursue the topic, He added, "Speaking of the others, you should take some time to visit with Cana soon."

Loke was clearly unimpressed by the segue, but dropped the subject. "Oh?"

"I think she's been missing us. I do what I can, but I've been…different, I guess. Now that you're always gone or hanging out with Lucy and I'm always gone or with the team, I think she misses what the three of us used to have."

"You're right," Loke said with a sigh. "I haven't been good about keeping up with her. I'll–"

The door to the bathroom opened, and they both turned to watch Lucy enter the room. She paused, her gaze bouncing between him and Loke.

"Am I interrupting something?" she asked.

"Nah," He said with a lazy smile that quickly turned into a sly grin. "Ah, too bad. I preferred the pajamas. Cute little teddy bears, fuzzy little–"

He slid back with a laugh as Lucy tried to whack him.

"Whatever," she huffed.

"Well, I'll be going, then," Loke said, a faint smile tugging at his lips as he watched the interaction. "See you guys later."

He disappeared, leaving the other two mages to head for the door.

"So, what were you and Loke talking about?" Lucy asked as she locked the door behind them and they started for the guild.

He shrugged. "Nothing much. But let's hurry up before Erza kills us. And before she gets impatient enough to pick a job without waiting for my input on which places it's better not to go."

Lucy gave him a look, easily picking up on the evasion, but obediently dropped the subject.

Erza was already browsing the job board when they arrived, and He made a beeline for her. He wasn't really in the mood for another confrontation of Hargeon-like proportions today, so He wanted a say in where they went.

"Not that one," He grunted, glancing over her shoulder.

She gave him a look, but tacked the request back to the board. On the bright side, she and the others had become less insistent on dragging him to all the places that hated him the most to make a point. They were getting a little better at letting him pick his battles.

"Good morning, Lucy," Erza said. "About time you got up."

"Yeah, yeah," Lucy muttered, joining them as Natsu and Happy bounded over to get in on the action.

"How about this one?" the dragon slayer asked cheerfully.

He looked over and pursed his lips. "No."

"But–"

"No."

"You know that we could handle it, if it came down to it," Erza said.

"Yes, well, I don't really feel like dealing with a huge fuss right now. We don't have to go into it looking for a fight."

That was enough to quell protests, even if not everyone was necessarily thrilled. But by the time He'd worked his way through half the job board, everyone was getting impatient again.

"Can't you just pick one already?" Natsu grumbled.

"In case you've forgotten, the entire world hates me," He said distractedly as He debated the pros and cons of the two jobs that looked like they might have the highest likelihood of success without provoking a major confrontation. He had the feeling that the guild had to deal with some fallout from the public even if He wasn't around, just for being the demon-loving guild, and the last thing they needed was for his presence to stir up even more trouble. "It's not that easy to find somewhere I can go where I won't be recognized if you guys are with me, and everything goes downhill after that."

Erza sighed, her impatience fading. "The entire world doesn't hate you."

"Hm."

" _We_ don't hate you."

"Good to know. If we're being technical, there are  _maybe_  a dozen people in the entire world that don't hate me."

"Gray…"

He looked up at the tone in Erza's voice, took in his friends' expressions, and sighed. "It's not really that big of a deal."

"But–"

His eye caught on the door of the guild as it opened to reveal his landlady, and He was instantly distracted from the conversation. "Here."

He shoved one of the requests at Erza and hurriedly tacked the other back to the board, then started for the door. His landlady wouldn't be here without good reason, and his heart tensed uncomfortably. Had she still gotten flak for housing him even though He'd left?

"Obaa-san, what happened? Are you alright?"

He sidestepped Gajeel to stop in front of his landlady and look her up and down worriedly. She relaxed slightly when she saw him, but there was still a tense, unhappy cast to her face.

"I'm fine, dear."

"Then what's wrong?"

She sighed, a frown creasing her face. "Last night, someone broke into your apartment. It looks like they wrecked the place and left some pretty awful graffiti."

He stared at her for a long moment, then relaxed and let out a small chuckle. "Oh, is that all? You actually had me worried."

It wasn't that He wasn't annoyed, exactly. He still had a connection to the place that had once been his, and it was also a pain that someone had gone by and ruined his hard work after He'd even repainted the stains and everything. It was a violation, and showed an extreme lack of respect.

But at the same time, it was just a place, was just stuff. It could all be fixed up and replaced later, if need be. And in hindsight, He shouldn't be surprised that something like this had happened eventually.

In any case, it was far less problematic than what He had been afraid might have happened when He saw his landlady walk in.

"All?" she repeated. Her normally mild features were heavy with disapproval, although He wasn't sure how much was directed at him and how much at the mysterious vandals. "They made a huge mess, and I'm afraid some of your things are unsalvageable."

"Don't worry, I had the foresight to remove anything really valuable," He said, waving a dismissive hand. "Everything there is replaceable, and I can fix any damage to the building itself later. For now, don't try fixing or cleaning anything. It will just give people more reason to do it again, and regard you with suspicion. When nothing is fixed, they'll eventually realize that I'm not living there anymore."

She did not look pleased. "The graffiti, at least, has to go," she said, and He'd never seen a more thoroughly disgusted look from her in his entire life. "I don't want that kind of defamation on my building."

He just laughed. "What could it possibly say that's so bad? 'Beware demon'? 'Get out, demon, we don't want you here'? 'Demon, watch your back because we're going to hunt you down and kill you'? Please. I think I can handle myself, and I doubt our saboteur friends were clever enough to come up with anything so original that I haven't heard it before. Don't worry about it."

"I don't like it," his landlady grumbled.

"It'll be okay. When they figure out that they won't get at me from there, they'll give it up. I'm not worried about it. Now, if anyone starts messing with  _you_ , then let me know and I'll come take care of it."

"You're much too pragmatic."

"I try."

"Speaking of pragmatism, how are your new arrangements working out?"

"Arrangements?"

She gave him a searching look. "Your new living arrangements."

Oh, right. He could tell that she was half genuinely interested and concerned about how He'd been doing, and half fishing to get a read on what his arrangements actually  _were_ , since He'd been deliberately vague before.

"Just fine, thanks," He said with as much enthusiasm as He could muster, getting himself only a suspicious look for his troubles. She'd known him for long enough that she could often tell when He was faking things. Or maybe He'd been  _too_ enthusiastic. "Don't worry about it. As nice as it is to see you again, I think it best you go before you're spotted hanging around here. You don't need any more trouble. I'd walk you back, but…"

"It's quite alright, dear," she said with a sigh. "We'll catch up later."

He nodded absently and looked around, skipping from face to face until his eyes landed on Juvia. "Juvia, would you mind…?"

Her entire face lit up. "Juvia would be honored to help Gray-sama!" she cried, rushing over.

It probably wasn't good taste for him to take advantage of her crush to get her to help him out, but He'd make it up to her later.

"Thanks," He said, before turning back to his landlady. "Take care of yourself, Obaa-san. Let me know if anyone starts giving you trouble."

"Of course," she replied. "I hope to see you back again once things settle down, dear. Stay safe, now."

"I will."

He watched in bemused amusement as Juvia latched onto his landlady's arm and practically pranced out the door, already talking her ear off with excited chatter. Ah, Juvia. Always so eager to please.

"That was your landlady?" Erza asked.

He turned and looked around at his audience before focusing in on Erza. "Yeah."

"And you–?"

"And you call her 'Obaa-san'?" Makarov interrupted.

He frowned over at the Master in confusion as the little man's wrinkled face scrunched up into an odd expression. "Yes?"

"But you won't call me 'Jii-chan' anymore?"

Oh boy.

"Look, it's just a habit that's hard to kick. I've known her for a long time, and I can't imagine calling her anything else. She'd hate it if I changed it now."

"But you won't call me 'Jii-chan' anymore?" the old man repeated. His lip wobbled dangerously as his eyes filled with tears, and He stared back in alarm.

It was obviously calculated—He'd known Makarov long enough to be able to see through the fake tears gag—but that didn't neutralize the effect. He hated seeing people cry, and now He was stuck backpedaling, trying to stop the impending guilt trip.

"No, no, I, um–" He broke off and his eyes widened as Makarov sniffled loudly and started bawling in an exaggerated fashion. "Stop, don't do this. I know you're faking. I'm not going to–not going to–  _Oh, alright!_ Jii-chan it is. Happy?"

Makarov beamed, the tears ceasing instantly as he began bouncing up and down on his heels. "About time. I was starting to think you'd never give in. Now call me 'Jii-chan' again."

"No," He grumbled, giving him a dark look.

"You aren't going to break an old man's heart, are you?" Makarov sniffled again, his eyes widening and filling with tears.

"Stop that. How do you even cry on command like that, anyway? You can't just– Oh, fine. Stop your fake crying, Jii-chan."

Makarov grinned. Beside him, Mira laughed, her eyes twinkling as she watched the exchange. Those two were troublemakers, especially in the fake tears category. Sometimes He wondered if Makarov had picked up that underhanded technique from Mira, who had discovered He had a weakness to it long ago and employed it incessantly ever since.

"Fake crying aside," Erza interrupted impatiently, "what is this about you not living in your apartment anymore?"

He turned back to her with a guarded expression, not sure He liked where this was going. "Not everyone wants to live right next to a demon. People were pressuring her to evict me. I don't know why you're so surprised—it was something I was expecting from day one. Anyway, she was a lot nicer about it than I thought she'd be. She's even keeping my apartment for me in case I decide to move back once things settle down."

He wondered if all these things seemed so obvious to him because they  _were_ that obvious, or because He'd spent so much time over the years obsessing over what would happen if He was discovered and playing scenario after scenario in his head. Maybe it was the latter, or perhaps his friends were just naïve. To him, it had never seemed surprising that He'd have to move out and away from civilians. But judging by the outraged looks on his friends' faces, He suspected that such an idea had not occurred to them.

"You…" Erza shook her head. "How long ago did this happen?"

"A few weeks."

"And you never told us?"

"No?"

"Well, why not?" Lucy asked, bracing her hands on her hips.

"Because it's not really a big deal, and I knew you'd make a fuss about it," He grumbled.

"But where have you been staying, then?" Cana asked with a frown. She temporarily abandoned her booze to look him up and down, and He sincerely wished that the whole guild hadn't gotten front row seats to the encounter. It was bad enough that his team was getting in on it.

"I've been around," He said, waving a hand airily and trying not to sound too evasive.

"Around  _where_?" Gajeel asked suspiciously.

He gave the dragon slayer a puzzled look. "What do  _you_ care?"

It was less unfriendly or hostile than a genuinely curious question. Gajeel was firmly part of the faction that didn't want the demon hanging around the guild, and although he wasn't quite as hostile or vocal as he'd been in the beginning, he still made his position on the issue very clear.

"It was just a question," Gajeel muttered, looking away.

"Where have you been staying?" Erza demanded.

"Well, just around–"

"Real answer. Stop being evasive."

Sometimes it sucked that Erza could see through his bullshit so easily. Even worse that she wasn't afraid to call him on it.

"Here and there," He muttered. He crossed his arms and scowled. "Sometimes I stay here, but if I don't feel like it then I can find places out in the park and whatnot. It's kind of like camping, honestly."

Lucy's eyes nearly bugged out of her head. "You've been homeless for weeks and never said anything?"

"Whoa, whoa, I prefer 'flexible sleeping arrangements'."

"Unacceptable," Erza said coldly, steel glinting in her eyes. "I can't believe you had the nerve to hide this."

"Seriously, it's not a big deal. See, this is why I didn't tell you. It's honestly way better than I thought it would be."

"Unacceptable," she repeated. "We'll have to come up with alternative arrangements."

"Why? I think it's going just fine, actually."

"Gray…" Mira's expression had softened to something sadder. "That's not okay. You can't keep letting everyone treat you like this. It's not okay that you're letting them kick you out of your own home and treat you like–like–"

"Like a demon?" He suggested dryly.

Her lips thinned, and He regretted pushing this particular issue back in her face.

She just shook her head and didn't press the point. "You need somewhere to stay."

"I  _have_ somewhere to stay," He grumbled mutinously. "I have  _lots_ of places to stay."

"You could stay with me," Lucy suggested.

"And you don't see why that would have the same problem attached? There's a reason I didn't go looking for another place. People will definitely notice if I move in with you, and then they'll be up in arms all over again. Do you  _want_ to be evicted?"

Lucy stared, her mouth slightly open. No, apparently she  _hadn't_ considered that. He tapped his foot on the floor impatiently, waiting for everyone to see the impossibility of the situation and drop it already.

He should have known better.

"You can stay with Natsu," Erza decided.

"Wait, what?" Natsu asked, flabbergasted.

"Of course!" Happy said.

"Why would I want to do that?" He asked acerbically. "We'd just as likely kill each other. Anyway, like I said, it'll cause issues."

"But Natsu and Happy don't rent from a landlord," Erza pointed out. "And they live out away from everyone. You wouldn't be in as close proximity to civilians, and there would be no one to kick Natsu and Happy out. It's the perfect solution."

He was actually impressed that she had come up with such a good plan on the spot. Except for the fact that He wasn't sure He wanted to live with Natsu and Happy. Accepting charity didn't sit well with him, and especially not from his rival. And anyway, it wasn't like Natsu would be a fan of the plan, and He didn't want to be more of a burden than He already was.

He turned away halfway, narrowing his eyes at the ground. "I'm doing just fine on my own."

"But we'd be happy to have you!" Happy said quickly.

"Speak for yourself," Natsu grumbled, although there was no heat in his voice.

"You have to stay with someone," Erza said firmly. "This is nonnegotiable, and I will thrash you within an inch of your life if you don't decide quickly. And you might want to accept the offer before Juvia gets back and insists that you stay with  _her_."

"I couldn't stay with her even if I wanted to," He said, rolling his eyes. "She lives in the girls' dorm, remember?"

She smiled thinly. "Do you really think that would stop her from insisting? She's going to kick up a fuss either way, you know."

He winced because He did, in fact, know. Juvia would undoubtedly be horrified when she realized what was going on, and even if He'd never agree to stay with her, He didn't doubt that she'd pester him mercilessly. Well, here was a conundrum. If He insisted on going his own way, He'd make the team unhappy again, earn Erza's wrath, and get Juvia on his case. If He accepted the offer, He'd be stuck living with Natsu, forfeit his independence, and become even more of a liability.

"Just come with us," Happy pleaded, fluttering over and studying the demon with wide, earnest eyes. "It'll be fun and everything."

"But–"

"Oh, come on, popsicle," Natsu grumbled. "Erza's gonna harass us both until we agree to it, so we might as well get it over with."

He blinked at the dragon slayer uncertainly, not sure what to make of that. Natsu was very pointedly looking at the ground. Despite his words and tone, he didn't seem as horrified by the idea as He'd expect.

"I, uh…"

"Do you have things to bring over?" Happy asked.

"Uh, I guess? I keep some stuff in the back."

"Okay, then," Erza said briskly. "Here's the plan. Gray, take whatever things you have, and Natsu and Happy will help you get settled in. Then you guys can come back and we'll go on our job. And on the way, we are going to have a  _talk_."

Oof, that sounded bad. It obviously wasn't going to be a  _fun_ talk.

He chewed on his lip for a few seconds more, but couldn't see an easy way out of this dilemma. "Fine," He mumbled. He turned away and started for the backroom, very pointedly not looking at anyone even though He could feel several sets of eyes on him and they itched at him something terrible. "You guys coming?"

The sound of footsteps signaled that Natsu was following, and He slipped out of the guild's main room. Retrieving his bag from where He'd hidden it behind a pile of junk, He jerked his head toward the back door. Natsu and Happy followed him out in silence, and they all started for the dragon slayer's house.

Of course, silence rarely lasted long when Natsu and Happy were around.

"Is that really all you've been living on?" Happy asked, eyeing the bag slung over the demon's shoulder as they walked down the street.

He shrugged. "It's not like I need much. I only bothered with practical things. I don't have a lot of investment in items. I'm not that sentimental."

"Except for your necklace," Happy said. "Which you haven't been wearing lately…"

The demon's fingers twitched automatically, but He stopped himself from reaching for the pendant that wasn't there anymore. No, He hadn't worn it since He'd removed it before Awakening, although it was safely tucked away in his shadow. He had been hoping its absence wouldn't be as noticeable now that He almost always had a shirt on, but it looked like He'd have to deal with nosy questions anyway.

"I broke the chain when I took it off last time," He reminded the Exceed, keeping his voice carefully neutral. "I haven't gotten around to replacing it yet."

"But–"

"If you're going to be staying, then we'll need to lay some ground rules," Natsu interrupted. "I know you keep your place freakishly neat, but don't go around cleaning my stuff. I'll never be able to find anything again."

"How do you find things  _now_?" He asked, rolling his eyes.

He had no idea how He was going to survive living in such a pig sty. Natsu's place was notoriously messy, and once something was lost there, it was best to abandon all hope of ever finding it again.

"We don't," Happy said.

Natsu scowled at the Exceed. "Sure we do. Some of it. Sometimes we know, like, the general area it might be in, at least."

He snorted derisively. "Right."

Natsu's glare switched to the demon. "No physical fighting inside, because I don't want my house destroyed." Then he paused, his face falling as he muttered, "Not that we really fight anymore."

He chose to ignore that, even though it made his heart twist uncomfortably. Even when He wasn't avoiding the team and guild, He still shied away from the normal fights He and Natsu used to have. He missed them, but there was always a part of him that was afraid He was going to lose control, and losing control last time Lucy almost got killed had only made him worry about it more. And aside from that, He thought it best not to involve himself in too many physical confrontations when so many people still regarded him with suspicion and were afraid He would hurt them. No need to engage in high-profile violence, no matter how well-intended.

He had intimated to the others that the latter reason was why the fights had to stop, even if they hadn't actually come out and talked about it. The former reason was actually more important to him.

Natsu sighed and headed up the walk. Twisting the key in the lock, he pushed the door open and flipped the light on.

"Home sweet home." Pausing, he frowned down at the key in his hand. "Guess we'll have to make you a key."

"I use molding magic," He said. "I can get in easily without a key. Or, you know, by making my own."

Natsu stared at him for a second, but then shook his head. "Right. I guess so. Anyway, you can have the couch." The dragon slayer gestured over the mounds of junk toward the faded green sofa buried under  _more_ junk. "Although it's uncomfortable as hell. Maybe we'll see if we can find a spare mattress or something later, if you'll be staying for a while."

"It's fine," He said.

He eyed the clutter in distaste, but thought it rude to comment when He was already imposing. Stifling a sigh, He carefully worked his way through the mess to drop his bag by the couch.

"Also," Natsu said, "it would be great if you could at least make yourself tolerable instead of being so damn annoying all the time."

"Whatever," He grumbled as He retreated back to the door and stepped outside. Natsu and Happy exited as well, but paused on the stoop. "I'll try."

Happy's wings shimmered into existence and he hung in the air in front of the demon, watching him with sad eyes. "What Natsu is trying to say is that we're happy to have you here, and it's really not a problem that you're staying."

"Hm."

"No, that's not– I–I–" Natsu groaned and dropped his face into his hands with a tired sigh. "What I'm trying to say is that you should have felt like you were able to come here when you had nowhere else to go, and that this can be your home, as long as you want it to be."

He stared at Natsu, his chest tightening uncomfortably. It was hard to believe that the dragon slayer would actually come out and say that even if he thought it, so he must be more concerned than he was letting on.

And it was…nice. Sometimes it was nice to have a reminder that his friends still kept a place for him even when it felt like the whole world shunned him. It was probably better than He deserved, but it made his heart do funny flips anyway.

Clearing his throat, He dropped his gaze to the ground and turned to start down the path. "We should get back before Erza gets impatient."

"Yeah."

Natsu and Happy fell into step beside him, all of them studiously avoiding looking at each other. They were already halfway back to the guild before He cleared his throat again.

"Thanks," He mumbled, letting his gaze travel along a crack in the pavement.

There was a short pause before Natsu said, "Of course." The small, melancholy smile was evident in his voice. "Home is about people, anyway. Maybe having you around more will make it feel more like home."

"You're so sappy…"

"Hey!"

"…but thanks."

He finally looked up as they reached the guild. Natsu and Happy were watching him, and donned almost identical smiles when they noticed his scrutiny. After a second, He let one side of his mouth curve into a small, tired half-smile in return.

"Anything for you," said Happy, perching on his shoulder.

"Of course," Natsu said, before grinning brightly. "Now let's grab the team and get going! Is it a good job? I really want to beat stuff up!"

As Natsu charged into the guild and He followed behind with the comforting weight of Happy on his shoulder, He wondered if maybe the real reason He hadn't found the whole 'homelessness' thing so bad was because, on some level, He had known that He came back home every time He rejoined his friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I needed something sappy to make up for all the angst lol Also, it always cracked me up when Mira started crying and Gray freaked out in canon, and I thought that the connection to Makarov's fake tears gag must be made XD
> 
> (And FYI, we only have a few more parts before we hit the second segment :D I'm super excited for it!)


	16. Necklace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Creative title is creative. I was in a pragmatic phase.

* * *

**Necklace**

* * *

"Where's Gray?" Lucy asked when she noticed Natsu and Happy clump into the guild without their boarder following behind.

Natsu shrugged, his lips tightening. "Says he doesn't feel like coming to the guild today."

"Again?" Lucy's disappointment was palpable.

"Yep."

Natsu—and the others, he suspected—had been hoping that having Gray move in would encourage him to start keeping normal hours at the guild again instead of disappearing for hours at a time. And it had, to an extent, but not nearly as much as everyone had been hoping.

Pressing Gray too much usually got flat stares, heavy silences, and thin-lipped disapproval. And if Natsu or Happy continued even past that point, Gray was liable to disappear for an hour or two, and one time had even failed to return to the house at night. Asking him what he did during these absences was like talking to a brick wall.

Still, Gray was good enough company as long as Natsu and Happy didn't pester him about things he didn't want to do or talk about, and he  _had_ generally been more amenable to coming to and leaving the guild with them. His outright refusal to come at all today, without even any halfhearted excuses about not feeling well, probably had a more direct cause, though.

"Huh," said Erza pointedly, directing a look at Bisca as she fed Asuka at the next table over, "let me guess and say that yesterday's incident has something to do with why he didn't feel like coming…"

Bisca winced and looked down, but didn't respond.

"I don't doubt it," Natsu said with a sigh.

Gray had stayed at the guild for a long time the day before, and everyone was just starting to congratulate themselves on getting him to stay for a full day when things had gone wrong. Asuka had run over to play with 'Gray-nii' while Bisca and Alzack were distracted, and refused to leave him alone despite his best efforts to send her back off to her parents before they noticed what was going on. If Bisca had tried indoctrinating Asuka then it clearly hadn't taken, because the poor kid still just wanted to play with the ice mage and didn't understand why he wouldn't go anywhere near her when he'd often taken time out of his day to entertain her before all this.

Once Bisca had spotted her daughter dancing around the demon, all hell had broken loose. She had made it clear from the start that she wanted Gray nowhere near Asuka, and had been so outraged by his failure to follow her rules—and, possibly, frightened at what she perceived to be a danger to her child—that an intense shouting match had ensued. Well, it was less of a 'match', taking into consideration that only one person had been yelling. And that had been Bisca.

She'd been in no mood to listen to everyone telling her that Gray hadn't been  _trying_ to go near Asuka, and a lot of ugly words had been thrown around. Followed by a slap that could be heard throughout the whole guild and a near strangling, after which point Gray had disappeared into the shadows and slipped away, only returning to Natsu's house deep into the night.

Bisca had held firm in her convictions even after everyone chewed her out and explained what had  _really_ happened, but she was looking a little more sheepish now. Maybe now that she'd calmed down, she realized that she'd made a mistake.

Or maybe not. It was hard to tell with the people who still harbored hostility toward Gray. One moment they'd act horrified by some injustice he endured—such as being cheated out of jobs and kicked out of his apartment—and the next they'd be making snide comments or giving him dark looks. Natsu really didn't know what to make of them when their attitudes seemed to shift so frequently.

"Still, I wish he would come more," Lucy said sadly. "I know that it's hard for him sometimes, but it would be nice if he'd come like he used to."

"Maybe he doesn't come as often because he doesn't feel welcome here anymore," Erza said, giving Bisca another pointed glare.

Bisca again chose not to respond to the obvious barb, but ducked her head.

"But it's not right leaving him alone all day again," Happy mumbled. "Even if he doesn't want to come to the guild, can't the team do something together?"

Natsu was not optimistic. "Depends on how much he wants to be alone."

"Where on the scale of asociality is he today, do you think?" Lucy asked.

"Asocial enough that he doesn't want to come to the guild, but social enough that he eventually came home last night and implied that he was staying there today instead of running off to wherever it is he runs off to when he…runs off."

"You sure have a way with words," Happy muttered.

"Hey!"

"But yeah, just about. He hasn't been super talkative, though."

"But more of just being quiet and withdrawn than actually going into a full-blown demon-y mood swing."

"Pinning down his moods is quickly becoming an art form," Lucy said, shaking her head.

Natsu could agree with that. He didn't think that he or the team had ever spent so much time and effort trying to decipher Gray's moods before, but they'd been doing an awful lot of it lately.

"We could take a job," Erza suggested.

"Yeah, but he only agrees to go on maybe half of those," Lucy said. She pulled a face and added, "Hopefully he'll become more receptive to them later, but maybe it's not a great idea to force our agenda today."

"And if he didn't want to come to the guild, it's because he's not in the mood to deal with drama," Happy added. "And at least one out of three jobs ends in drama if he comes…which is probably why he tries to avoid them…"

Erza sighed. "Why does it have to be so difficult? What else could we do as a team? And where could we go?"

There was a long silence as everyone tried to think of something to do that Gray would agree to, and somewhere to go that wouldn't involve him attracting hateful attention.

"Huh," Lucy said finally. "No wonder he never wants to go anywhere anymore. It's really hard to think of somewhere he could go where people wouldn't harass him."

"The forest," Gajeel grunted.

Natsu turned to the other dragon slayer, his face scrunching into a puzzled frown. "What?"

"It's away from people," Gajeel said shortly. "You go out there and you don't have to worry about anyone bothering you."

Natsu stared, still caught off guard by Gajeel's sudden interest in the conversation. Perhaps he was actually starting to come around to the idea of Gray staying?

Happy was the first to overcome his surprise. "But what would we do in the forest? It's not like we can just say, 'Hey, come on out to the forest with us 'cause there's no one to bother you there.'"

"Camping," Gajeel grumbled, glaring at the table and ignoring Levy's hopeful smile.

Lucy's nose wrinkled in disgust. "Ew. Why would you want to camp outside? Anyway, he'd be totally suspicious of that."

"Or a picnic," Bisca suggested. Everyone stared at her, but she stayed resolutely looking away.

"Make sure you bring lots of booze, then," Cana said brightly, waving her tankard around.

Erza rolled her eyes. "Gray doesn't drink."

"Gray doesn't  _usually_ drink," Cana corrected. "Fine, he's not much of a drinker, but it's never too late to start!"

"Uh, yeah…"

"Make sure you don't just bring fish," Charle said with a disdainful sniff as she stuck her nose in the air.

Natsu blinked at her in confusion and then let his gaze drift over the assembled guild mages. Could it be possible that they were becoming more accepting of Gray? If they could keep it up, then maybe Gray could rejoin the guild soon!

Natsu almost said as much, but restrained himself. For one, this was still a rather tentative, tenuous conclusion to draw. And two, they still needed to take care of the problem at hand before they could move on to the underlying issue.

"Fish!" Happy almost shouted. He began bouncing up and down, his eyes shining with excitement. "That's it! We can go fishing!"

Lucy groaned. "Fishing? Really?"

"No," Natsu said slowly, his brow creasing in thought, "that's actually a good idea. Gray has come on fishing trips with us several times before, so it wouldn't seem too odd to invite him on another one. And anyway, he's as much of a sucker for kitty eyes as he is for tears. If Happy gives him kitty eyes and asks nicely, Gray won't be able to say no."

"I can do it!" Happy said confidently. "When all else fails, guilt trip!"

"That might actually work," Erza said.

"It totally would!" A small frown spread over Happy's face as he added, "And while we're out, maybe we can figure out what's up with his necklace."

"What do you mean?" Mira asked, rounding the bar to sit at the end of the team's table and watch them curiously.

"He hasn't been wearing it lately," Natsu said tersely, his mood souring. He didn't know what was up with that, but he didn't have a good feeling about it.

"You're right…" She frowned thoughtfully. "It's not as obvious since he doesn't strip anymore, but I noticed that it was missing once or twice."

"Come to think of it, have you seen him with it since everything with Zeref?" Lucy asked.

"Nope." Happy let out his breath in a huff. "When I mentioned it, he said that he never got around to getting a replacement chain after he broke it, but I'm pretty sure that's not the only reason. He's been busy and avoiding people, but with how important that thing is to him, I can't imagine he wouldn't have fixed the problem right away unless he had a reason not to."

One corner of Natsu's mouth twitched upward. Happy could actually be a smart cat when he wanted to be…although only for a few seconds at a time, since he had a hard time thinking for too long about anything besides fish and the next teasing comment.

"True," Erza agreed. "Although it makes you wonder  _why_ it's so important… Well, why don't we pick up a new chain for him? We can give it to him when we go fishing."

And Erza was good at digging up information, if not with stealth than by force. Hiding things from her was hard, because she had no qualms about beating people up until they gave in and told her what she wanted to know. Natsu hoped she could resist her more violent urges today.

"Sounds like a plan," Lucy said. Then she grimaced and grumbled, "But it would be nicer if we didn't have to go mess around with fish in the middle of a forest. Ugh."

"You're such a girl sometimes," Happy said, sniffing disdainfully in a very good impression of Charle.

"Excuse me?" Lucy demanded. She braced her hands on her hips and glowered at him.

"What was that?" Erza's voice was dangerously quiet, and her eyes narrowed as she stared down Happy. "What's wrong with being a girl?"

A panicked look flitted over Happy's face as he realized his misstep. "No, no, nothing is wrong with it!"

"Oh really? Then why would you say something like that?"

"I–I–" Happy looked to Natsu for help, but the dragon slayer just grinned and shrugged. The silly cat had brought this on himself.

"We should probably get going," Lucy interrupted, trying to put a stop to the brewing confrontation. "We still need to make preparations before we can drag Gray out of isolation."

It was hard to argue with that, so Erza reluctantly subsided.

"Good luck!" Mira called as the team filed out of the guild.

"Thanks," Natsu muttered. "We'll need it."

"Thanks for helping us brainstorm," Lucy added, waving goodbye to the remaining guild members.

Feeling generous since people were actually being nice for once, Natsu waved goodbye as well.

The team set off down the street, planning and bickering. Getting a new chain for Gray's necklace was their first objective, and Lucy, who apparently  _was_ a girl and therefore knew about these things, led them to a jeweler. Natsu was  _not_ a girl and knew nothing about these things, so he was content to sit back and let Erza and Lucy argue over the selection of silver chains for sale as they tried to decide which one was the closest to the original. Happy, who was also not a girl but was an infamous troublemaker, threw himself right into the melee with an assortment of entirely pointless and facetious comments, and almost got himself strangled for his trouble.

Natsu honestly didn't see what the big deal was. As far as he was concerned, they might as well just grab whatever and go. After all, Gray was also not a girl, and Natsu wasn't sure he'd care that much about the details either. Or maybe he  _would_ care, if only because he could be a bit picky and detail-oriented sometimes. If the necklace was really that important, then maybe the details mattered.

Still, Natsu didn't really care.

As such, he was intensely relieved when Lucy and Erza finally— _finally!_ —reached a consensus. He was even more relieved when they decided to put themselves in charge of gathering up food and packing lunches for the trip, leaving Natsu and Happy to get together fishing supplies and inform Gray of their plan.

Natsu would actually prefer it if someone  _else_ got to argue with Gray over their plans, but, unfortunately, he and Happy were the logical choices for the task. And anyway, he couldn't say that he wasn't glad to get a short break from the girls. Listening to them bicker over jewelry for an hour had made him want to claw his eyes out, and it was probably better to get Happy out of their sights before he finally made one snarky comment too many and got himself skewered.

"Prepare yourself," Natsu muttered as he pushed open the door to his house.

"It won't be  _that_ bad," Happy said, rolling his eyes and fluttering inside behind Natsu.

"You say that now, but–" Natsu broke off and groaned as he noticed that his living room was conspicuously clear of clutter. "You've  _got_ to be kidding me. I  _told_ him not to clean my stuff…"

Happy just cackled. "I win! I  _told_ you he wouldn't last a week and a half!"

Damn it, Natsu hated losing bets. He'd been hoping, with the hope of the naïvely optimistic, that Gray would at least hold off for a few weeks. Then again, he should have known this day was coming sooner rather than later. He'd noticed that a few things at a time had begun surreptitiously finding new homes while he and Happy weren't looking, but he had chosen to turn a blind eye as long as Gray was sneaky about it.

"Whatever," he grumbled.

"Hey, we can actually see the floor for once!"

"Shut up." Natsu looked around for the neat freak responsible, but didn't spot him. "Gray?" he called.

"Kitchen," came the response.

"I sure hope he's just eating and not clean– Geez." Natsu huffed and crossed his arms as he stuck his head into the kitchen and was faced with a horrifying reality of clean counters, sparkling appliances, and swept floors. "I thought I told you not to clean my house. I leave you alone for a couple hours and  _this_ is what I come back to…?"

Gray snorted. He was balancing on a chair and stretching as far as he could reach to wipe a cloth along the tops of the upper cabinets. Natsu had never even once considered that wiping off the tops of cabinets was something that should be done. Who  _did_  that? The amount of dust and dirt and dead bugs up there must be staggering.

"I was bored," Gray said. He pulled a face as he examined the rag and saw the sheets of gray fluff sticking to it. Bending to rinse it in the sink, he wrung it back out and returned to his task. "Anyway, you should be grateful. Very few people get free housekeeping."

"I don't  _want_  free housekeeping. How am I ever going to find anything again? This is horrible!"

"Actually, I think it's kind of nice," Happy said brightly. "It's nice to actually have dishes to eat on again.  _Clean_ dishes."

"Who needs dishes?" Natsu muttered mutinously.

He and Happy had survived just fine without dishes for months before Gray ever showed up. Washing dishes was something of a biannual affair in their household, something that had worked just fine until Gray heard about it. The look of utter horror and revulsion on his face had been quite interesting, although it would be more amusing if it hadn't directly preceded a new routine whereby Gray washed the dishes after every meal.

To save face, Natsu couldn't  _admit_ that it was nice to be able to eat on clean dishes again. It was convenient, and had the added bonus of making someone else do the work that he and Happy weren't willing to do. But it wasn't like he could  _say_ that, and Gray's devotion to the task made Natsu feel like a lazy slob. Well, he  _was_ a lazy slob and was quite proud of that, but it wasn't nice to make him  _feel_ like one.

"Sorry, but that's nonnegotiable," Gray said. "I'm not a savage anymore, and I eat on dishes, thanks."

"Yeah, you're just a slob," Happy told Natsu. The smug grin was annoying as hell. Stupid furball.

"You live here too," Natsu grumbled right back. "You aren't any better than I am."

"Whate-ever. It'll be nice to actually be able to find things for once."

"I won't be able to find  _anything_!"

"You don't find anything now, either…"

"I went ahead and organized your cabinets too," Gray said.

"Oh great," Natsu groaned. "I'll never be able to find anything ever again…"

"Well, at least you won't have to dig past piles of random junk to find your dishes anymore." Gray paused his cleaning to look down at the dragon slayer with a faintly disgusted look. "I found all sorts of weird crap that should never be in a kitchen. Including five socks, none of which matched. Why the hell do you have so many socks, anyway? You practically live in sandals, no socks necessary."

Natsu stared back. "…That's actually a good question."

"It's so that he can hide them in the cabinets and then complain when he can't find them," Happy said, snickering.

"Is not!" Natsu protested. "I don't deliberately hide them. It just kind of…happens."

"Uh-huh…" Gray shook his head and rinsed the rag again before returning his attention to the top of the cabinets. "Whatever you say. Anyway, while I was at it I also fixed your cabinet. The one where the door was hanging off one hinge."

"Oh really?" Natsu brightened considerably and went to investigate. He opened the door of the cabinet next to the sink, and grinned when it swung smoothly.

He'd actually been considering just ripping that thing off so that he didn't have to deal with the hassle of wrestling with it every time he wanted to make bacon and needed a pan. Of course, that was before he'd decided that he might as well just never wash the pan, because why bother washing it if you were just going to use it for the same exact thing the next day anyway?

"Awesome! That's been broken for years, and it's totally annoying."

Gray threw him an unimpressed look. "It took maybe five minutes. It wasn't hard."

"Gray's so much better at stuff than you!" Happy practically sang as he hopped about gleefully and ignored Natsu's venomous look.

"Shut up, you mangy furball."

"Hey!"

Natsu pointedly ignored his feline friend. He could handle the teasing about being a slob and not being able to find things, but saying that Gray could do something better than him was unacceptable. Happy had a lot of nerve.

"Be nice to the cat," Gray said with a chuckle, moving the chair over to the next stretch of cabinets and climbing back on. "He's right."

"I'm not a cat," Happy grumbled under his breath. "I'm an  _Exceed_."

"So, an  _unnatural_ cat, then," Natsu said.

"Hey!"

Natsu turned his attention back to Gray, still smarting from Happy's betrayal. "Since when did you become such a handyman, anyway?"

"Since a long time ago?" Gray shrugged and didn't even look over. Apparently he was more interested in cleaning than in Natsu, which seemed kind of rude. "I was always fixing things around my apartment and the building for my landlady. Made it easier on her since she didn't have to hire anyone or try to get her kids to help her out."

Natsu filed that information away for later examination. Every once in a while Gray would just casually mention something that no one had ever known about, and the team had been scrambling to collect all those pieces and fit them together, whether they were about his life as a demon or as a human. And Natsu had a vested interest in all this apartment business, given that recent snafu.

He shook his head. "Why do you always have to fix things and keep everything so freakishly neat, anyway?"

"I don't know," Gray said absently, still only half paying attention to Natsu. "It was good practice."

"Practice? Practice for what?"

Gray paused, the rag stilling in his hand, and stayed silent for a long moment as he stared ahead blankly. "For putting things back together, instead of tearing them apart."

_Oh._

Natsu didn't know what to say to that. It had never really occurred to him that Gray's persistent attention to detail and cleanliness and precision was so at odds with what he perceived to be his default setting of destruction, nor that it was  _intentional_. That actually seemed like a very  _Gray_ line of reasoning, but it was also kind of…sad? Or at least disconcerting to think about his motives and feelings regarding the issue.

"Uh…"

"Plus, I just like things to stay neat," Gray added in a lighter tone as he unfroze. "I'm not a slob like you."

Natsu still didn't know what he could say. "Do you, um–?"

"By the way," Happy interrupted, "we're going fishing today!"

Natsu hesitated, but then let out a breath and nodded. Happy could be a smart cat every once in a while. Gray obviously didn't want to talk about this in any more detail, so time to change the subject.

"Oh?" Gray asked politely. "Have fun."

"The whole team is coming."

"Have fun."

"The  _whole_ team is coming…"

Gray grimaced, but at least decided to stop playing dumb. "It's the middle of the day, and I don't feel like going out and dealing with people."

"We're going out to the part of the river that runs through the forest," Natsu said. "There won't be people."

"Oh? Have fun with that."

"You're coming too… The girls are already on their way over, and they'll be disappointed if you refuse."

"I don't know," Gray hedged, his body radiating a slight tension as he searched for a way out.

"You should hang out with the team. You never get out anymore."

"I'm out all the time. I go to the guild quite frequently."

"And then sneak out. Come on, you could use some sun instead of lurking indoors and in shadows all day. You're starting to look awfully pasty."

Gray finally abandoned his halfhearted cleaning to give Natsu a look of scornful disbelief. "Pasty? Out of all the words you could have chosen, you picked 'pasty'?"

Natsu scowled. "Shut up. What  _else_ would I pick?"

"Pale, pallid, wan, ashen, sallow. Anything other than  _pasty_."

Happy nudged Natsu and snickered. The dragon slayer was unamused.

"Guess I should have known better than to bring up vocabulary with the walking dictionary," he grumbled.

"I told you that Gray is better than you at things," Happy chortled. Before Natsu could strangle him, he quickly pressed on. "But anyway, you should really come, Gray. It would be fun to have the whole team hanging out together."

"You can have fun without me," Gray said shortly. He had abandoned the tops of the cabinets, and was now studiously scrubbing the counters even though they seemed all sparkly clean to Natsu.

"Oh, don't be like that," Happy said with a sigh.

"I mean, my vote would be to not have to hang out with you, but the girls are being pretty insistent about it," Natsu added. "Their first idea was to go on a job, and if you refuse to come fishing… Well, they might just go back to that."

Gray winced. "Great…"

"Please?" Happy went in for the kill, widening his eyes in an exaggerated fashion and flattening his ears as he gave Gray the most pathetic, pleading look he could muster. "I want fish, and it would be so much more fun if you came."

"Don't do that," Gray mumbled. He shifted uncomfortably, indecision written across his face. Happy's eyes somehow widened even further. "Oh, alright. But stop doing that."

"Yay!" Happy cheered, bouncing up and down in celebration and ignoring Gray's scowl.

"Awesome," Natsu said. "No backing out. Happy and I will go get fishing stuff together, and the girls should be here soon."

Leaving Gray to sulk in the kitchen, the triumphant duo traipsed off to the closet happily to search for fishing supplies. Luckily—or perhaps unluckily, as the case may be—Gray hadn't gotten around to organizing the closet yet. And despite Natsu's insistence that he could find things in his house just fine, it took quite a bit of digging and frustration before he unearthed fishing poles and tackle boxes and all of that.

By the time he and Happy had gathered the necessary equipment, Gray was already at the door talking to the girls.

"What in the world is that?" the ice mage was asking as he eyed the monstrously large basket on Erza's arm dubiously.

"Food," she said proudly.

"How much food do you really think we need for a daytrip?"

"Don't get her started," Lucy murmured, rubbing at her eyes wearily. The poor thing looked exhausted and browbeaten, and judging from the excitement and pride radiating from her companion, Erza seemed to have found one of her 'projects' again. Sometimes it was hard to tell what she'd get so ridiculously excited and determined about.

"Well, there has to be something for everyone," Erza reasoned. "And anyway, Natsu is a bottomless pit."

"Hey," Natsu protested halfheartedly, even though she was right.

Erza looked back at him and Happy and smiled. "Good job."

Natsu nodded back almost imperceptibly. But next time, someone  _else_ got to argue with Gray.

"Let's go!" Happy said impatiently. "I want fish!"

Despite a few rolled eyes, the others complied. They wound their way through the city streets, and Gray even walked with them until a passerby commented on him a little too loudly and he melted back into the shadows. He still occasionally contributed to the conversation, but didn't abandon the shadows until the team had broken free of the city and started into the forest.

He seemed to relax more once they were away from people, content to walk with the group normally. Sometimes Natsu didn't even realize how tensed up Gray always was until he saw his friend escape to a more comfortable environment and finally relax. That unease and stress seemed to have become an integral part of him these days, and it was too bad.

Natsu was enjoying the more relaxed atmosphere so much that he almost forgot about the other ulterior motive for this trip. Of course, Erza hadn't. She waited to strike until the team had found a suitable fishing spot by the river and begun setting up.

"Before we start," she said, interrupting the casual chatter, "we have something to give you."

Gray gave her a baffled look. "What?"

Natsu immediately abandoned the conversation and went quiet. Let Erza deal with this.

"Here." Erza dug the chain out of her pocket and held it out to Gray, who eyed it warily. "We noticed that you haven't been wearing your necklace lately, and Happy mentioned that the chain was broken and you hadn't gotten it fixed yet. So we got you a new one."

Gray…did not look pleased. Still, apparently seeing no graceful way to decline, he took the chain reluctantly. "…Thanks…"

"You're welcome. By the way, what's the story behind that? I think we all kind of assumed that it had some sort of significance in connection to your past, but since you aren't the original Gray… Why is it important?"

Wow, Erza was brave. Or foolhardy. Not even Natsu would dare be so frank about these things under most circumstances, and he wasn't exactly known for his verbal filter.

"It's not," Gray grunted.

His hand slid into the shadow coalescing behind him, disappearing into the inky blackness momentarily before reemerging with the necklace's pendant and original chain. He began working the pendant off the broken chain and onto the new one with practiced motions, but that tension and wariness was back again.

"It's obviously important," Erza disagreed.

"Um, maybe we shouldn't–" Lucy started nervously, her eyes darting between Gray and Erza.

"It's just a necklace," Gray said tersely.

"Come on," Erza said with a sigh. "We just want to understand you better, and that's hard to do when you're always hiding things."

His lips tightened and he looked away. "There's not some sentimental, feel-good story behind it, if that's what you're looking for."

"I'm just looking for the  _real_ story."

There was a long, heavy silence, and Natsu started considering whether it might be wise to pull a Happy and derail the conversation with a ridiculous non sequitur.

"It's not even mine," Gray said finally, narrowing his eyes at the ground.

"Oh?" Erza pressed.

He sighed harshly. "As much as you like to think the best of me, I'm still a demon and I was even worse back then. I killed plenty of people in the beginning, even after iced shell, which is something the Council failed to take into consideration with this amnesty order of theirs. They might eventually figure it out and start messing with me again since that's not technically covered by their pardon. I don't know.

"I took this from the last person I killed back then."

It probably shouldn't be surprising to hear that. Natsu probably should have expected that Gray had done bad things even after getting stuck in a human body and developing a consciousness. It made sense, really. Gray had never made a secret of the fact that it had taken him a long time to get to the very human point he was at now.

But despite everything, Natsu—and the others, he suspected—tended to forget that. They could dismiss everything from while Gray was Awake before iced shell because he hadn't had any control over it, and they usually left it there, without much consideration for what came right after.

"Why…?" Lucy cleared her throat and tried again. "Why, um, did you take it?"

"It represented a…turning point, I guess." Gray shrugged and played with the necklace absently as he stared down at it with sightless eyes. "At first I stopped with all that as part of my bid to blend in and not attract attention to myself. And then Gray's conscience started winning, and I eventually started developing my own sense of self which came to include a ban on killing. It's a reminder, really."

"A reminder of what?" Erza asked gently, her determination melting into something sadder. "To not kill?"

Gray shrugged one shoulder. "To not go back. No more killing or darkness or curses or destruction or disdain for humans or reveling in fear. To be more…human."

"Then why…? Why did you stop wearing it?"

"I threw it away. I abandoned all those ideals when I allowed myself to Awaken again."

Something finally clicked in Natsu's brain. Gray had broken the chain and dropped the necklace just before Awakening and killing Zeref, and hadn't worn it since. He had given in to his demonic side, once again become the monster he so feared, and before doing so, he had removed from his person the symbol of the humanity he had fought so hard to win. He had managed to dehumanize himself. He had gone against his ideals and lost the fight to stay human, and he hadn't picked up his symbolic humanity again afterward because he had given it up and no longer deserved it.

What a screwed up way to look at things.

"But you–" Natsu started belligerently, before being cut off.

"I guess I should really start wearing it again, though," Gray mused, sliding the chain between his fingers. "If only because I've been having so many problems with control lately. I suppose I shouldn't take any more chances after last time."

Natsu wasn't sure what 'last time' Gray was referring to at first, until Lucy winced. Right, that whole business with the dispeller Gray had almost killed. Of course he'd still be worried about that.

"I think…" Lucy swallowed and gnawed at her lip. "I think that you should wear it again, but not because it's a reminder to keep control. It was a turning point too, right? I think it should be a reminder of how far you've come, not how far you could fall. It's not a symbol of who you don't want to be anymore, but of who you are now. And you should be proud of it."

…This was why Natsu let the girls handle the emotional stuff.

Everyone held their breath as they waited to see Gray's reaction, anxiously searching his face as he stared down blankly at the silver chain and pendant coiled in his palm. He said nothing for a long time and his expression was entirely indecipherable, but no one dared press him any further until they were certain that he wouldn't shut down on them.

"Okay," he said finally. The team breathed a huge sigh of relief, and a small smile graced Natsu's face as Gray slipped the necklace back around his neck again. It was back where it belonged. "Now, let's go fishing."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're geeetting there. To the reconciliation with the guild, anyway. After two more parts. But it'll come.
> 
> And the sock gag is totally headcanon, after "Stay".


	17. Nighttime Awakening (1)

* * *

**Nighttime Awakening (1)**

* * *

He walked down the hall briskly, his footsteps echoing off the tile. Everything from the tile to the walls was an untarnished white, so white that it made his eyes hurt. It felt like a hospital, if hospitals were a single long corridor that stretched on for as far as the eye could see. Doors lined the hall, alternating between the left and right sides so that there was a blank stretch of wall across from each one. They all looked the same, wooden and rectangular with brass knobs.

There were so many of them, and He had to go through each one until He found what He was looking for. He pushed one open and peered inside. Empty. Leaving the door standing open to mark that He'd already checked the room, He moved to the next, crossing over to the right side of the hall to open that door. There was a jet black horse inside, munching lazily on the hay scattered about its hooves. He blinked at it in bemusement, thinking that this was an odd place to stable a horse.

Shrugging, He left the door open and strode purposefully on to the next. An armory, with razor-sharp swords and gleaming armor adorning the walls. Not what He was looking for.

He made for the next door but paused, staring at the pool of crimson liquid seeping out from beneath it and dribbling down the painfully white tile. A bloody handprint stood in sharp contrast to the white of the wall it was painted on. He turned and looked back down the hall, at the line of tightly-closed wooden doors. Funny, He'd thought that He had left them open.

He stepped over the bloody mess and opened the door. The room inside was empty, the walls and floor sparkling white. He stood there for a moment, staring at it, then moved to the next door. An atrium, with curling vines and dainty blossoms. Also not what He was looking for.

He glanced back down the hall again, at the rows of closed doors and the spotless white floor and walls. No point going back. He had to go on.

He stepped over to the next door and paused. It was already open. He drifted over to the doorway, his eyes scanning the brightly-lit room. There was a large wooden table piled high with food, and the Council sat around it, eating and talking in low voices. There was One at the end, as pompous as ever, nose up in the air. There were half a dozen other Council members He didn't know and didn't care to know, and Two and the Executioner sitting closest to the door.

"Won't you join us?" Two asked, looking up at him with expressionless eyes as she pushed her hair behind her ear.

"I can't," He said. "I'm searching."

"It's across the hall," said the Executioner, his voice devoid of emotion as he nodded at a point behind the demon.

Turning, He spotted the heavy iron door directly across the hall. Funny, He could have sworn that there had only been blank stone wall there before.

"Thank…you…" He turned back and trailed off, tilting his head as He studied the group of skeletons quizzically.

Two's brown hair curled about her gleaming white skull, cast in shadow by the dim torchlight. His eyes traced along the cobweb strung between her shoulder and the plate of moldy food on the table, then snapped back to meet her eyeless gaze.

"What happened to you?" He asked.

"You killed us, didn't you?" she said, and He watched in fascination as her jaw moved, the teeth grinning out at him.

"No, you're still alive," He disagreed, letting his eyes drift around the room and the other skeletal diners.

"What about my daughter?" Two asked.

He looked back, noticing for the first time the child standing by the woman's side. She was small enough to be maybe five or six years old, her little white bones peeking out from beneath her tattered floral dress. Wispy brown hair clung to her skull, and she stared at him with empty black eye sockets.

"Oh," He said.

"She's a pretty girl, isn't she?" asked Two.

"She is."

"Won't you join us?"

"Maybe later," He said, backing up a few paces. "I have to search."

"Then go," said the Executioner.

Nodding, He turned and crossed the hall, his footsteps echoing dully against the flagstones. He squinted at the door, trying to make out its features in the dim light. Yes, He thought this was it. But He glanced back once more, past the dingy gray stone, back to the dining room.

"Come on, Gray!" Lucy said brightly, waving at him. "What are you waiting for?"

"I can't," He said, studying the cheerful faces of his team. "I have to find it."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" asked Erza, her red hair vivid against the backdrop of dull gray walls.

"I have to."

"Of course you don't," Natsu said. "Come fight me instead. It'll be fun."

"I have to go."

There was a long pause.

"That's too bad," Happy said finally.

"Goodbye," Natsu added, and there was a heavy note of finality in his voice.

"I'll come back later," He said.

"No," Lyon said from where he was leaning against the wall, "I don't think you will."

He stared at them all for a moment and then turned away. "Goodbye, then."

This door didn't open as easily as the others, heavy and stiff, but He managed to push it inward and step into the room. A small child with raven-dark hair stood inside, and turned around to face the demon as He entered.

"Gray," He said in surprise.

The child didn't speak, just stared back with dark, accusing eyes. Behind the demon, the door slammed shut.

He jumped and looked back. Stepping over, He tugged at the handle hesitantly. It didn't budge. He frowned and turned back to Gray. The child's dark eyes were pure black now, shadow bleeding into what should have been the whites and dribbling down the pale skin of his cheeks. The blackness spread out, pooling on the floor and pulling the shadows from the corners of the room. The dim light flickered.

"No," He breathed, backing up until He was pressed against the door. He jiggled the handle desperately, but it didn't open.

"What's the matter?" the shadow whispered as Gray dissolved into a mass of inky blackness that spread toward the demon. "Aren't you the darkness?"

He slammed back into the door, but it didn't so much as shudder. It was so black, oh God, it was so black. The shadow lunged for him, grabbing on to his leg and crawling up his body, twining about him. He tried to shake it off and back away, but it didn't retreat and He soon found himself pressed into a corner with nowhere to go.

A strangled sound worked its way out of his throat, and the lights flickered and died. He could feel the shadows wrapping around him, tightening until his ribs creaked, and He couldn't escape no matter how frantically He struggled. And then there was something oily and cold forcing his mouth open and sliding down his throat, filling him up with darkness.

He thrashed wildly and tried to scream, but He couldn't breathe. His eyes rolled back and the shadow settled heavily inside him, seeping into his bones.  _No, no, no._

He was struggling so desperately, fighting against the tight bonds wrapping around him, and an agonized wailing filled his ears. He couldn't breathe, couldn't…

The lights flickered on, but He continued to flail about, gasping and wailing as He struggled to free himself.

"Gray!"

"Gray, calm down!"

"Hey, Gray, are you alright?"

There was a ring of worried faces peering down at him, something touching his shoulder, but He was too busy trying to escape to care. He jerked again and managed to wriggle out of the suffocating embrace of the blanket tangled about him. He immediately rolled away from it and reached up to see why He still couldn't breathe. Clamping a hand over his mouth, the horrible screaming stopped. He bit down on his fingers hard, his teeth cutting into his skin and grinding against bone.

But it wasn't enough, because it was still  _inside him_. He had to get it out, get it out now.

"Get what out? Gray, you aren't making any sense."

He rolled onto his hands and knees and dry heaved, the oily, slimy feeling that coated his insides making his stomach roil. There was something inside him that He  _did not want_. But with a sudden flash of insight, He realized that He didn't want to throw up all over the carpet and clamped his hand over his mouth again. Thank goodness He hadn't had an appetite at dinner, because if his stomach wasn't empty then its contents would be everywhere.

Something touched his arm and He jerked back, rolling to the side until He was sitting again, and stared at Erza with wide, wary eyes.

"Gray, hey, it's okay," she said, trying to keep her voice soothing even though her face was sheet-white.

Right, Erza. Glancing around, He noted Lucy standing by the door in her pajamas, her frightened eyes much too big for her face. Even Natsu looked freaked out, crouched by the nest of abandoned blankets next to Happy, whose fur was all fluffed out.

The room itself was unfamiliar, and his mind supplied 'hotel'. Right, they were on a job. And considering that Erza and Lucy had been sleeping in the next room over, his caterwauling must have been loud enough to wake them up. With his luck, He'd managed to wake up the whole damn building.

"Well," He said, his voice raspy against his raw throat, "fuck."

And that was about all there was to say about that.

His eyes darted around the room, searching for any shadows that might be moving in unnatural ways. He gave his own shadow a wary look too, realizing that this would be a perfectly horrid time for it to start acting up again, but it stayed motionless.

"Are you alright?" Lucy asked anxiously, her hand tightening on the doorframe until her knuckles turned white.

"Yeah. Yeah. Sorry I woke you up."

He scowled down at his hand, hating how it was still trembling so violently. His entire body was still tense and shaky, a nauseous feeling still curled in his stomach, but it was the stupid hand that was pissing him off. He slammed it ruthlessly into the leg of the bed behind him, eliciting a chorus of yelps from his friends.

"Stop that!" Erza said, grabbing his arm. "What are you doing?"

"Trying to make it stop," He said impatiently, shaking her off. "Sometimes it helps."

Well, it was still trembling, but maybe not as violently as before. The teeth marks in his fingers marked areas of throbbing pain and the back of his hand was already stinging and reddened, and He found that the pain grounded him a little. The details of the nightmare were already starting to slip away, leaving him with flashes of grinning skulls and writhing shadows and the feeling of something dark and foreign invading his body. Still frightening enough, and his pounding heart hadn't slowed in the slightest.

Erza pulled her sleeve over her hand and rubbed at his face carefully, and He jerked back.

"You were crying," she said sadly.

He stared at her blankly and then hesitantly reached up to his face. His fingers came away wet, and He stared at his glistening fingertips for a long moment before scowling.

"You've got to be kidding me," He muttered, scrubbing impatiently at his face. "Look, I'm sorry I woke you up. You can go back to sleep."

"Do you want to talk–?"

"No, not really."

Lucy swallowed. "I know that you mentioned that sometimes you have nightmares of, um, you know, killing…us…?"

"Nah, those are normal," He said dismissively, his eyes still searching the shadowy corners of the room. "This was just really weird. Although…I guess it's probably a metaphor for Awakening."

Actually, come to think of it, it was a glaringly obvious metaphor for Awakening. He was actually a little disappointed in his subconscious for coming up with such a blatant cop-out. Somehow, that didn't make it any less frightening.

The others were exchanging looks, and He wondered if He'd said something He shouldn't have. It was hard to focus when He was so jittery.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Happy asked.

"Sure. Dreams are dreams are dreams."

Erza leaned over to pull him into a hug and He stiffened, awkwardly patting her on the back. It actually did feel good to be pressed up against a warm, living body that wasn't currently a clammy, trembling wreck. He allowed himself a few seconds of her comfort before gently disentangling himself and standing, pulling Erza up with him.

"You should go back to bed," He said with what was supposed to be a reassuring smile. Something moved in his peripheral vision and He whipped around, his heart jumping into his throat as He noticed his shadow stirring on the floor. "Not now," He growled. "I'm not in the mood for your games."

The shadow twitched again and fell still, but He continued to stare at it unblinkingly, his body tensing in anticipation. He had to keep an eye on it, make sure that it wasn't going to slither over and pry open his jaws and crawl inside him.

_Of course not. I'm already inside you._

He bit down on the inside of his cheek and finally tore his gaze away, not deigning to respond. Talking to his shadow always unnerved his friends, and although He usually considered that a necessary evil, He thought it was probably better not to worry them more when He was trying to convince them to leave.

"Gray," Erza said carefully, "do you–?"

"I'm fine," He interrupted, summoning up a wan smile as He bent over to pick the blanket up off the ground and then busy himself spreading it back over his bed. "You guys should go get some sleep."

"But–"

"We still have a job to do tomorrow, don't we? It would be less than ideal to be running around with an entire sleep-deprived team."

He thought they might be about to protest, but He just crawled onto his bed and sat down cross-legged with his back pressed against the wall. He watched them until they exchanged looks again and the girls slowly retreated back to the doorway.

"You know that you can always come to us if you need to," Lucy said, still watching him. "You can even wake us up or whatever."

"Of course," He said, even though He knew that was an offer He'd never take her or the others up on.

"Should I turn out the light?" Erza asked.

Honestly, the feeling of darkness pressing in all around him wasn't very appealing, but He wasn't a child afraid of the dark. And anyway, He was sharing a room with Natsu and Happy, and they'd need the lights off to sleep.

"Sure."

Erza hesitated but then flipped the switch, plunging the room back into shadow. "If you need us…"

"Then I know where you are. Relax, I'm not even alone in here."

"Alright," Erza said with a sigh. "Goodnight."

"'Night."

The door closed softly and He let his eyes drift shut, drawing in a deep breath and holding it as He tried to relax into more of a meditative state. Anything to distract himself from the shadows all around and the flashes of nightmare playing in his mind. His heart was still pounding, but He was starting to calm down a little bit. It was going to be a long night, and it wouldn't do to spend it in a state of terror.

A warm ball of fluff crawled into his lap, and He cracked one eye open to see Happy staring back with big eyes that glimmered faintly in the moonlight peeking through the curtains.

"I'm sorry you have nightmares," the little cat said solemnly.

Despite himself, one corner of the demon's mouth twitched upward. "Everyone has nightmares sometimes."

"But you have a lot," Happy mumbled. "You live with us now and we've shared rooms with you on jobs a lot, and you don't usually sleep well."

"Really?" He frowned, wondering what to make of that.  _He_ knew that He'd never slept well, but He wasn't aware that it had been so obvious to the others. He'd just assumed that Natsu and Happy's natural obliviousness would kick into gear.

The bed creaked and dipped as Natsu settled into a cross-legged position beside the demon, who gave him a wary look. "Kind of hard to miss. It's not usually anything as violent or showy as this, but you always look thoroughly miserable. I used to assume they were…uh…" Natsu winced and looked away. "Never mind."

Natsu and Happy had assumed that they were nightmares of Deliora killing his loved ones.

Sighing, He rested his head back against the wall and closed his eyes again. "Well, you aren't wrong. I have Gray's nightmares too. It's not uncommon for me to feature prominently there."

He began stroking Happy's fur, grimacing slightly as He bent his bitten fingers and felt how stiff they were, the earlier throbbing having settled into a bone-deep ache.

"Isn't that weird?" Happy blurted out. "To have nightmares of yourself?"

The Exceed tensed immediately, apparently regretting his big mouth.

"Sure," He said with a sigh. "You should go back to sleep."

"…Yeah."

"You too, flame brain."

Natsu hummed noncommittally, and neither he nor Happy moved. And because He was selfish, He didn't complain. Happy's warmth was comforting, and it was soothing to pet him. It would be better for his friends to go back to their bed and get some sleep, but it was hard to want to relinquish their company. Because He was  _not_ going back to sleep, and it was going to be a long, lonely night.

Bit by bit He worked himself back into a meditative state, his breathing evening out and his heartbeat slowing. Let the thoughts come, acknowledge them, let them go. Acknowledge the fear and pain and grief, hold it, let it go. It helped take the edge off, to be able to work his way back through the nightmare with a calmer and more detached frame of mind.

He was so distracted that He didn't notice at first when Happy finally slipped into sleep, but then Natsu's sigh dragged him back to the present.

"Awakening, huh?" the dragon slayer asked, keeping his voice low so as not to disturb the sleeping feline.

"What do you want, Natsu?" He asked tiredly, opening his eyes and directing a flat look at his friend.

Natsu shifted uncomfortably and made a slight shrugging motion with his shoulders as he looked away, darkness cloaking his features. "Look," he said, choosing his words with care, "I've been Awake too. So I understand."

"…Go to bed, Natsu."

"Do you really want me to?"

This would be a great time to say 'yes', but the stupid dragon slayer was right and He wanted the company, even if He had to field awkward questions and deal with topics He'd rather not discuss. Call it selfish.

"No offense," He said, instead of answering, "but you were Awake for a few minutes and the only real thing you did was kill Acnologia. And although I can see that being uncomfortable, it was still something that needed to happen."

Natsu was silent for a long moment before saying, "I hurt you, too."

"What of it?" He asked dismissively before He thought better of it.

" _What of it?_ " Natsu demanded, his voice rising slightly in anger. "And if you'd hurt me, would you think it was so damn trivial?"

Wincing, He dropped his gaze to the cat in his lap and resumed running his fingers through Happy's fur gently. He shouldn't have said that. It didn't seem like a big deal to  _him_ that Natsu had injured him, but from Natsu's perspective… Well, He couldn't say that He didn't understand why it would bother Natsu, because he was right: He wouldn't be half as dismissive if He had been the one to hurt someone while Awake.

"I  _did_ hurt you," He said quietly. "And I provoked that fight. I understand why you'd feel bad about it, but you really don't need to. I knew full well what I was getting myself into."

Natsu took a deep breath, maybe calming himself. "That's true, but you know how frightening it is to be out of control and realize that you could have killed anyone. But we've already had that conversation." The dragon slayer sighed. "Look, you're right. I have nowhere near as much experience as you and I don't have to live with the things you do, and it's hard to imagine what that would even be like. But I  _do_ understand better than the others."

Yes, he would. As much as the others tried to understand and were horrified by what they knew, they didn't have that firsthand understanding the same way He and Natsu did.

"I know," He said tiredly. "I wish you didn't."

But even that was half a lie. Some selfish part of him was glad that there was someone else to understand and shoulder the burden with him now, that He wasn't quite as alone anymore. And every time He thought like that, He'd immediately feel bad. It wasn't worth hurting Natsu to have that kind of companionship.

"Sometimes I wish I didn't, too," Natsu said. "But at the same time… I think that maybe it's good that someone understands, even if only a little bit. And it makes me feel…closer. To you. I don't know. Like we have something important in common."

He gave the dragon slayer a sidelong look. Either Natsu was in an odd mood or was worried. This wasn't the type of thing that the two of them would normally discuss, but maybe He should have expected it to come to the surface eventually, given how it had been lurking around just out of sight for a while now.

"I know," He said again. "But we don't need that to be close." He looked away. "We were always close. And maybe being the only two in on the pity party is another bond, but we've already had our little secrets and quirks with just the two of us. We're bound by more than a penchant for going all crazy psycho demon."

Hunching his shoulders, He let his gaze slide across the room, lingering on the silhouettes of the furniture and searching out unwelcome shadows. But He didn't feel as frightened now. Now He mostly felt tired and old, hunched under the weight of a thousand stolen lives and the lifetime of being the shadows' pawn. Natsu understood a piece and it made him feel a little less alone, but He still couldn't help but feel weary and lonely when He considered the lifetime of Awakenings that Natsu didn't really understand. That was his burden and his alone.

"You're right," Natsu said after a moment's pause. "But I  _do_ still feel that connection. And… Look, I know you don't want to talk about it. I've had nightmares about Awakening too, sometimes, and I know that I wouldn't want to talk about them. But…I'm also here, and I understand at least a little bit."

He was less surprised to hear that Natsu had nightmares about Awakening—who wouldn't?—than to hear Natsu  _admit_ that he had nightmares about Awakening.

"I'm sorry that you were even Awake in the first place," He said, pursing his lips. "You shouldn't have been. I'm not trying to belittle your Awakening. I know that even a few minutes can turn the world on its head. But you're no longer in any danger of that, okay? You aren't bound to your Book, and I'm keeping that just in case something goes wrong anyway. I'm not going to let that happen again. I know it doesn't really erase anything and won't magically fix nightmares or any of that, but…you shouldn't have to be afraid of it anymore."

Natsu was quiet for a long time before saying, "I wish you didn't have to be afraid of it either." The demon's eyes narrowed and He buried his hands in Happy's fur, but only made a noncommittal humming sound. Natsu sighed again. "That shouldn't be as comforting as it is, honestly. I don't even know if you could keep that promise. But somehow you always make me feel safe, like  _of course_ none of that stuff could happen as long as you're with me."

He threw another surreptitious look at his friend, studying Natsu's profile in the moonlight. Odd mood indeed. He wasn't entirely sure what to make of Natsu's behavior.

"You know how when you bound me back to my Book, you used your curses to make it stick?" He asked finally.

Natsu looked over, his face scrunching up in confusion at the non sequitur. "…Maybe? I honestly still don't understand any of that binding stuff."

"You know, because I'd been bound to your Book first and used your curses so they were sort of recognized as… You know what, never mind. It's not important. The point is that I needed a little something extra when I bound your soul back to your body, too. I don't think it should have been as hard since those were actually meant to go together, but I did need… Well, I don't have a soul. But my thread, I guess. It's made to bind me to an artificial soul, so it was already suited to do the trick."

He sighed, not sure that He was actually making sense.

"…What are you trying to say?" Natsu asked, confusion evident in his voice.

"What I'm trying to say is that there's a piece of me inside you now, where I used it to help reattach your soul. You could use curses because of special circumstances, but all I had to give were pieces of myself." He gave Natsu a tired smile as the dragon slayer unconsciously raised a hand to touch his chest, at the spot where He had performed the rebinding. "I'm  _always_ with you, flame brain. Or some piece of me is. So you're safe from all that. No more nightmares."

"You…" Natsu looked down at his hand, uncurling it and staring at his fingers. "What did it do to  _you_?"

He shrugged and returned his gaze to Happy. "I don't know. Nothing important, I guess. I did it for Mavis and Zeref too, and so far I don't see a difference. I was always made to be owned, anyway, so maybe it doesn't matter if different people own different pieces. If something's already broken, then maybe the damage is already done before it ever starts losing pieces."

There was a stunned pause before Natsu burst out, "You aren't  _broken_. And no one  _owns_ you."

"Shh," He murmured, running his hand down Happy's side as the Exceed twitched in his sleep. "You're going to wake Happy."

A heavy silence fell over the room. Then Natsu leaned his head against the demon's shoulder, and He looked down in surprise. The dragon slayer was staring out into the darkened room, the moonlight reflecting off his glassy eyes.

"It makes me sad when we tell you good things about yourself and you don't believe us," he said quietly.

He sighed softly, a tired weight settling over his heart again. Natsu might understand more about certain things than most people did, but he didn't understand everything. The truth was that He had plenty of bad things and not enough good, and while He was inclined to see the bad, Natsu and the others got much too blinded by the good…and sometimes made up good things that He didn't think even existed.

"If I didn't believe some of what you said, I wouldn't still be alive," He said finally.

Natsu flinched. "I wish we could make you believe more. And…I wish I could give you what you just gave me."

The demon's laugh sounded something like a sigh. "Stupid. You already have."

Because these idiots had stuck by him through everything and refused to leave him alone even when He wanted them to, and someday He hoped to deserve that.

"But–"

"Go to sleep, Natsu."

"You aren't going to sleep."

"No."

"Then–"

"We still have a job to take care of tomorrow, and you're utterly useless when you're sleep deprived. I have better things to do than save your sorry ass when you get yourself into trouble."

"But I–"

"Go to sleep."

"…Yeah."

But Natsu didn't move, and He didn't have the energy to make him. Closing his eyes, He began working himself back into a meditative state. If He refused to engage in conversation any longer, Natsu would eventually get bored and go back to bed.

It was several minutes before Natsu stirred again.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Hm?"

"You look like you're doing something."

He almost ignored the question, but then a thought occurred to him and He hid a sly smile. He opened his eyes to see Natsu watching him curiously.

"It's like a kind of meditation," He said.

"…What?" Natsu's face scrunched up in disbelief.

"Sounds weird, but I actually picked it up a long time ago. I started it as a way to control my temper, back when all I knew how to be was angry. It's calming, so I didn't just go around murdering everyone. It's also good for when you're bored out of your mind, like when you're stuck in a jail cell for weeks with nothing to do. Or after things like nightmares…calms you down."

"That's…interesting."

"Yeah." He was counting on the moonbeams hiding the gleam in his eyes. "You wouldn't be any good at it, though. To be honest, I'm not sure you could manage."

" _What?_ " Natsu straightened up, a scowl instantly spreading across his face. "I can do anything better than you!"

"If you say so…"

"Watch me! I'll prove it. Show me how, and you'll see. I can totally beat you."

Ah, good old Natsu. Silly dragon slayer never changed.

"Sit back. Relax. Close your eyes. You… No peeking, ash for brains."

Natsu grumbled something unintelligible, but obediently sealed his eyes shut again. He coughed to hide a chuckle.

"You're too tense," He said. "Don't focus on beating me, focus on calming yourself. Deep breaths. In, hold it, out. Right. Now let your mind go blank. If a thought crosses it, don't try to shut it out. Just let it be." He dropped his voice into a more soothing cadence. "Don't judge, just watch. Now let it go. Is there another? Acknowledge it, watch it from afar, let it fade…"

No way was Natsu actually doing it right—the idiot really would suck at anything reflective or meditative—but it seemed to be doing the trick. With the demon's voice lulling the dragon slayer to sleep and Natsu's own boredom helping him right along, it didn't take long.

He chuckled softly as Natsu let out a loud snore. "Yeah, I didn't think you would last very long."

Smiling to himself, He leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes, settling himself back into his calm place where the darkness and shadows weren't lurking all around. And when Natsu's sleeping body slid over to slump against his shoulder a few minutes later, He didn't complain. There was still something comforting about his friends gathered around, asleep or not. Although He still had no intention of going back to sleep, it was enough that the world wasn't quite so frightening anymore.

But after a while, He sighed and opened his eyes, tilting his head to look down at his friend's sleeping face. Natsu would be waking up with some odd aches and pains if he slept all night in such an awkward position.

Maneuvering Natsu back to a lying position while He was still cradling Happy in one arm proved to be a challenge, but eventually He got the dragon slayer's head onto the pillow. Which then presented the problem that he was laying on top of the blanket. Troublesome idiot.

Moving carefully so that He didn't dislodge Happy from where He'd scooped the feline into one arm, He slid off the bed and silently padded over to the bed where Natsu and Happy  _should_ have been sleeping. He tugged their blanket off and awkwardly spread it across Natsu as best He could with one hand. Hugging Happy to his chest, He stared at Natsu. The dragon slayer looked so at peace while asleep, his face relaxed and eyes closed. It was hard to imagine him having nightmares, but then again, He knew that Awakenings were nightmare fuel.

So although He had a strong desire to keep Happy as a teddy bear—what was more comforting after a horrifying nightmare than a drowsy ball of feline fluff?—He leaned over and carefully nestled the Exceed against Natsu.

"Be a good little dreamcatcher," He murmured, a fond half-smile tugging at his lips as He tucked the blanket around Happy as well. "No more nightmares tonight."

Then He retreated to the very end of the bed and resumed his cross-legged position, a silent guardian waiting for the sun to come up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First time I've written such a detailed dream/nightmare sequence, so it was...different lol The ending was from one of my biggest personal squick factors X)


	18. Nighttime Awakening (2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This part wasn't supposed to exist, but it just kind of happened. -shrugs-

* * *

**Nighttime Awakening (2)**

* * *

"Natsu. Natsu, wake up."

Natsu groaned and forced his eyes open. A blurry, bluish form loomed out from the darkness, wide eyes shoved almost directly into his face. His sleep-addled brain had a moment of heart-stopping panic, but then he just groaned again and sat up, pushing the fuzzy intruder out of his face.

"Whaddya want, Happy?" he slurred, rubbing at his eyes and yawning widely.

The room was still dark, the only light shining through the window from the moon, so it was definitely too early for them to be awake. Even Erza would let them sleep until the crack of dawn.

"It's Gray," Happy whispered, his eyes gleaming faintly in the moonlight as they darted a look over at the bed on the other side of the hotel room, where Gray was sleeping.

"What about him?" Natsu asked with a sigh.

He was too tired to be easily worked up about anything, and he generally had a policy of letting the ice block take care of himself. Then again, that had backfired more than once lately, and Happy wouldn't be fidgeting so restlessly if he wasn't worried.

"He's having nightmares again."

Natsu stared at his feline friend's shadowy form for a few seconds and then leaned back against the wall, letting his eyes drift shut as he pressed his hands to them. "You woke me up because he's having nightmares?"

It wasn't that he meant to be insensitive—he'd seen Gray truly rattled from these before and knew that they must be horrific—but this was hardly a new or high-priority problem, all things considered.

"I mean, considering he woke us all up screaming bloody murder last night… I thought it might be better to put a stop to things before they got that bad again."

Natsu winced. He'd been horrified to have been startled out of sleep by Gray's screaming and flailing about the other night, and he definitely didn't want a repeat performance of that. Gray had acted normal, if tired, yesterday while they worked on finding leads for their job, but it had hardly erased the memory of the night before. Natsu didn't want the girls to be woken up again—or the rest of the hotel residents, given that more than one complaint had been filed in regards to the nighttime disruption—and he certainly didn't want Gray to be in a panic.

But still, there wasn't really an easy solution.

"What do you want me to do about it?" he asked, subdued.

Happy gave him a strange look. "Wake him up?"

"But you see, if I wake him up, then he won't go back to sleep," Natsu said with a sigh, his mind flickering back to this morning when he'd found Gray sitting at the end of the bed, very much awake. "He could honestly use some sleep."

"Not going to be very restful sleep if it's all nightmares, is it?"

He couldn't argue with that. "Okay, fine, but he can't just stop sleeping again because he's freaked out."

"Then  _do_ something about it," Happy said, giving him a hard look that was, sadly, clearly visible even in the darkness. "We're his friends. I know he's been kind of withdrawn lately and doesn't like talking about any of this stuff, but surely you can talk to him and help him calm down and go back to sleep?"

Natsu honestly had no confidence in being able to do any of those things. "I'm no good at talking and mushy emotional stuff," he said doubtfully. "I tried talking to him last night after you fell asleep, but he wouldn't say much and was still wide awake when we woke up later."

"Yeah, I'm not all that confident in your talking ability either," Happy said, like the good friend he was. "But we should at least try, right?"

"I can talk fine," Natsu protested sulkily, not liking that Happy was casting doubts on his abilities. Stupid furball.

"Good," Happy said. He sounded a bit too pleased with himself, and Natsu suddenly wondered if he was being manipulated. "Let's go, then."

Natsu hesitated, his doubts creeping back in. Gray wouldn't be pleased by any kind of intervention, and Natsu and Happy were hardly the best candidates to be performing one even if he was.

The silence was broken by a shuddering breath that faded into almost a pained whimper, and Natsu's head immediately swung back toward the other bed. Narrowing his eyes and squinting through the gloom, he spotted Gray's shadowy figure curl up and twitch restlessly.

Okay, no, that sound was not okay.

He slid out of bed and padded across the carpet, pausing to study Gray's pained, scrunched-up expression for a few seconds before reaching out and shaking his shoulder. Gray didn't respond, so Natsu shook a little harder.

"Hey, ice princess. Wake up."

Gray's eyes flew open and he jerked back automatically, banging his head into the wall and then letting out a string of muffled curses as he winced and clutched it.

"Oops," Natsu said.

There was panic and pain glimmering dully in Gray's eyes, his breaths sounded ragged and harsh and too loud in the stillness, and his body was shaky and jittery. Still not as bad as the other night with that godawful wailing, but he was definitely shaken up again. And now that Natsu had woken his friend, he honestly had no idea of what he should do.

"What the hell…?" Gray's confused gaze jumped between Natsu and Happy, and then he grimaced. "Did I wake you up again? Sorry."

"Actually, Happy woke me up," Natsu muttered. He shot the Exceed a dark look, but Happy wasn't paying him any mind.

"You were having nightmares again," the little cat said mournfully, his wings disappearing as he fell to the bed. "I thought it would be better to wake you up."

Gray's expression closed off and went carefully blank as he settled himself with his back to the wall and his knees drawn loosely to his chest. Natsu had a moment to think, not for the first time, that it was weird to see him in a shirt at night—the near-disappearance of that habit had been more than a little disconcerting, although it at least covered the elephant in the room, that being the conspicuous absence of his guild mark—before Gray pulled up the blanket, wrapped it around himself, and stared out of his cocoon warily.

"Thanks," Gray said. "You should go back to sleep."

"Are you?" Happy asked. Gray stayed silent, and the Exceed hopped up onto his knees. Gray obediently made some room for Happy to settle in the blanketed space between his legs and chest. "You don't seem as freaked out as last night."

"I'm not."

"But you're still pretty freaked out."

"…Go back to sleep."

Natsu sighed and slid onto the bed to sit cross-legged beside Gray. "I know you don't want to talk about it–"

"Correct."

"–but this is getting ridiculous and it might help."

"Just go back to sleep."

"Not until you do. You can't just keep avoiding sleep."

"Watch me."

"Ugh, you're so frustrating."

"Damn straight."

Natsu groaned and rubbed at his face. But even though Gray was being short and snappish, his eyes were still darting around the room, searching every darkened corner as if he expected something to jump out at him. Natsu wished he was better at handling his friend's moods.

"So this one wasn't as bad as the other one?" Happy asked, giving Natsu a look.

Fine, let the cat handle it. It wasn't like Natsu was having much luck.

Gray grimaced. "This one was more  _normal_ than the other one. Although it started getting weird again toward the end. That part will probably stick around for a while to mess with me."

Okay, there were clues. More clues than Gray would probably give if he wasn't so jittery and distracted. Natsu had a feeling, judging by his own experiences and things Gray had said previously, that 'normal' had more to do with the straight-up 'go crazy and kill everyone' type of nightmare. Gray had also mentioned that yesterday's nightmare hadn't been that but something different, something that had definitely rattled him, and it seemed like whatever was bothering him from it was continuing to seep into his other dreams.

Gray wouldn't want to share anything, but this might be Natsu and Happy's best chance to figure things out. He certainly wouldn't say a word about it once he'd calmed down, but he was in a more… _vulnerable_  state of mind at the moment. Maybe they could take advantage of that.

"You don't have to talk about all the killing and stuff," Natsu said mildly. "I wouldn't want to either. But that's not what shook you up so badly the other night, right? Why don't you tell us about that part?"

Gray shot him a nasty look. "No."

"We just want to help," Happy interrupted. He snuggled up to Gray's chest and looked up at him with wide, reflective eyes.

"And I appreciate that, but there's nothing for you to do here. Just go get some sleep."

"But–"

"Look," Natsu said with a sigh, "I get it. Or I get part of it, at least. I know it makes you feel alone. It makes you feel different and like no one understands and like you can't talk about it. But I was Awake too, you know. You're right that it's not the same for me, but I do still understand a little. I'm here, you know. You're not as alone as you think you are."

Gray was silent for so long that Natsu thought he might have just shut down again, but then he sighed. "This is going to sound stupid, but…" Natsu held his breath and steeled himself for whatever Gray was about to say. "Can we turn on the light?"

…And here Natsu had thought he was actually giving in. He exchanged looks with an equally bemused Happy, gave Gray one last look as he resolutely avoided eye contact with anyone, and then nodded.

"Sure," he said, sliding off the bed to flip the light switch.

He squinted against the sudden influx of harsh light and returned to the bed. He noticed that although Gray remained silent, he was staring fixedly at…something. At first he thought it was just some arbitrary point, but then he realized that the ice mage was watching his shadow with wary eyes.

That thing gave Natsu the creeps. It was weird how Gray would talk to it with that mixture of hateful distaste and mocking endearments, and how it sometimes seemed to take on a life of its own. It didn't help that Gray was very elusive about what it actually  _was_. Aside from being intentionally vague, he seemed to dole out contradictions like candy: it wasn't really alive but was sort of sentient, it was kind of made of his curses but not exactly, it wasn't in control but would sometimes throw tantrums and do things of its own accord.

Natsu would trust his friend on this, but it was still unsettling…especially seeing how wary Gray himself was of it.

But tonight the shadow remained still, Gray remained quiet, and Natsu remained frustrated. Getting Gray to talk about things might actually be the most difficult thing in existence.

"One time I had a nightmare that I got eaten by a giant fish," Happy said finally, when the silence had dragged on for too long. "It was scary, but then Natsu took me out fishing the next day and I ate lots of fish. I didn't have any more nightmares after that."

Natsu wanted to smack himself in the forehead. Happy was really going to compare nightmares about Awakening to nightmares of  _fish_? He couldn't see Gray taking that well, but he also wasn't sure how to smooth things over, considering that he wasn't having a lot of luck with him either.

Gray tore his eyes away from his shadow and stared at Happy blankly, and then a strange look began slowly spreading across his face. A low chuckle rumbled through his chest, and Natsu blinked in stupefied disbelief as he began laughing.

"Hey, it was scary!" Happy protested indignantly.

"Sorry, sorry," Gray said as his laughter died away. "I'm sure it was."

"But it was a little less scary when I had someone to share it with."

Gray sighed heavily and leaned his head against the wall as he turned his unseeing gaze back to his shadow. Natsu had the feeling that he didn't believe the sentiment behind Happy's statement really applied to him, but after a moment he opened his mouth anyway.

"I'm walking down a hallway," said Gray finally, his voice perfectly flat and his gaze unwavering. "It's white. Like, painfully white. It goes on forever, and there are doors alternating between the left and right sides. They all look the same, too, wooden with brass knobs. It's a pain because I have to look through them all to find what I'm searching for."

"What are you searching for?" Natsu asked, still not quite able to believe that Happy had managed to get Gray talking with his stupid fish story.

Gray shrugged. "It's a dream. All I know is that I'm looking for something."

"But if you don't know what you're looking for, then how are you supposed to know when you find–?"

" _Geez_ , Natsu," he growled, giving the dragon slayer an unamused look before returning to his vigil. "It's a dream. That's just how it is."

Natsu wisely decided to keep his mouth shut.

"Anyway," Gray continued, "I find some stuff, but it's not what I'm looking for. Then there's suddenly a door that's already open. The Council is inside, sitting around a table and eating. That one Councilwoman and that Knight are there, and–"

"The Knights aren't really part of the Council," Happy objected. It was his turn to get a dirty look.

"I  _know_ that. It's a  _dream_."

Natsu almost asked which Councilwoman and Knight Gray was referring to, but restrained himself. He actually had a pretty good idea, and Gray didn't seem pleased with all the interruptions. Now that they'd finally gotten him talking, they'd have to be careful not to screw up and make him shut down again.

" _Anyway_ ," Gray said, "they ask me to join them, but I say that I can't because I'm searching. They tell me that it's across the hall. I turn and, sure enough, there's a door there, made of heavy metal that sort of blends into the gray of the wall. And–"

"Wait, I thought the doors were alternating sides?" Natsu asked before he thought better of it. "And that the hallway was white? And–?"

"For the love of–  _It's a dream_. Sometimes the details go weird and don't match up, but it's not obvious until later."

Natsu still thought it was weird, but decided that he didn't feel like being strangled.

"I turn back to say thank you, but they're all skeletons," Gray said, his voice expressionless once more.

Natsu forgot about not wanting to be strangled. "Skeletons?" he asked dubiously. "Where would skeletons come from?"

If looks could kill, Natsu would be dead on the spot.

"What part of 'it's a dream' do you not understand?" Gray asked sourly. "It's supposed to be weird. That's practically a requirement."

"You have stupid dreams," Natsu muttered.

"Maybe you just don't understand how dreaming works. Or maybe your dreams are defective."

"Hey! I–"

"That's pretty freaky," Happy interrupted, shooting Natsu a look.

Gray shrugged. "It didn't seem as weird at the time, because I was dreaming and weird stuff doesn't always seem as weird as it should. But I did ask what happened to them, and the Councilwoman says that I killed them, didn't I?" Natsu winced, but Gray stayed perfectly expressionless. "I say no, I'm pretty sure that they're still alive. So she asks, what about her daughter? And sure enough, there's this little skeleton by her, all tiny bones and tattered clothes and empty eyes. I don't even know what she looked like or how old she was, so it was just my brain making shit up."

Gray's eyes narrowed at his shadow. Even though he was still overtly calm and dispassionate, there was something about his eyes and voice and words that told Natsu he was more bothered by this than he was letting on. It obviously wasn't what had been frightening enough to set him off screaming, but Natsu got the feeling that this was the guilt-complex part of the nightmare.

"But eventually I leave, because I'm still searching. I walk over to that other door, but before going in I look back and you guys and the team are there. And you ask–"

"Wait, I thought it was the Council back there?" Natsu asked before his brain could catch up with his mouth. "Or, like, skeleton Council or whatever?"

"It's a  _dream_. It changed. Do you know  _anything_ about how dreams work?"

"Hey, I–"

" _Anyway_ , you guys ask me to join you, but I say no, I have to find it. You say that I don't, but I do. So then you say goodbye, and it just seems so final that I say I'll come back later. But Lyon says–"

"Lyon?" Happy interrupted. "Lyon's not part of the team."

"I  _know_ that. It's a  _dream_!" Gray shot dark looks at both Happy and Natsu. "I don't even know why I bother."

"I'm sorry!" Happy squeaked, eyes widening in panic as he realized that they might be about to lose Gray's cooperation. "We'll be quiet!  _Right_ , Natsu?"

He gave Natsu a meaningful look, and the dragon slayer nodded frantically.

"Oh yeah, I'll be super quiet," he said quickly. "Don't mind me."

Gray stared at them for a long time, dark eyes gleaming with unreadable emotion, and then went back to staring at his shadow. His eyes went flat and dead, and his voice was downright cold when he spoke again. At first Natsu thought it was because he was so annoyed with being interrupted, but then realized that they must be coming up on the part of the nightmare that had really shaken him.

"But Lyon says that no, he doesn't think I will. So I say goodbye and go inside the other room. Gray is standing there, just the same as when I killed him. He's got the  _darkest_ , most accusing eyes. But I knew that. I see them every day. The door closes behind me, and when I try to open it, it's stuck. When I look back, Gray's eyes are totally black. The shadows are dripping down his face, sneaking out from all the corners of the room to curl around him.

"That's when I start freaking out, I guess. But the door won't open and I get backed into a corner and the lights go out. Gray dissolves into shadows and they're wrapping around me. I struggle, but there's nothing I can do and nowhere to go. And then they're…forcing my mouth open and…going…inside me."

Gray's detached expression twisted into something almost sickened, but his voice was perfectly neutral as he said, "But it turned out that I was only just wrapped up in the blanket, and I couldn't breathe because I was screaming, so…"

He trailed off and Natsu shuddered involuntarily, his skin crawling at the thought of something sliding inside of him that didn't belong there and that he didn't want. Judging by Gray's reaction and all his dry heaving the night before, Natsu was not the only one feeling vaguely nauseous.

"That's…super fucking creepy," he said.

Gray made a noncommittal humming sound. "I'm actually rather disappointed in my subconscious for coming up with such a blatant cop-out."

"You're  _disappointed_ …?" Natsu shook his head in disbelief.

Yes, he saw the connection to Awakening, and he suddenly had a good idea of why Gray had been watching his shadow like it might jump up and bite him at any second. It was that feeling of having control taken away, of becoming something dark and monstrous, of being unable to stop things no matter how hard you fought. And everything from the skeleton Council to the other Gray reeked of guilt and an uneasy conscience.

"You have really freaky dreams, Gray," Happy said, his fur fluffing out.

"You don't say," Gray muttered. His eyes narrowed at the ground. "Maybe it just shook me up because it's different from the normal stuff. It's been a decade and I still haven't found a way to make them stop. They weren't as bad for a while when I was feeling more human, but they started getting worse again after Avatar, and after Awakening again it pretty much became a free-for-all. A fucking decade.  _Over_ a decade. It's kind of pathetic, really."

"It's not pathetic," Happy said quickly. "Lots of trauma survivors have nightmares."

Natsu wanted to snatch the words back out of the air as soon as Happy uttered them. The Exceed was just trying to help—and he wasn't wrong—but that was  _not_ what Gray would want to hear.

"Trauma survivors have nightmares," Gray said after a long pause, his face set in hard lines and his voice dead. "Monsters have nightmares of themselves."

Natsu winced, the words making his heart twist in a painful way. By watching Happy's expression morph to one of horror, he could tell the exact moment that the Exceed made the connection to the previous night, when he'd asked if it was weird for Gray to have nightmares of himself.

"I didn't–" Happy started, his voice wavering as he twisted his paws together.

"I didn't ask your opinion, did I?" Gray snarled, but he was glowering at his shadow, not at Happy. The dark mass twitched, and he flinched back and bared his teeth. "Uh-uh, you stay right there, darling. Don't touch me."

That thing was creepy at the best of times, and it was only worse after hearing about Gray's nightmare. Natsu gave it a wary glance and then exchanged a look with Happy, whose eyes were wide and worried.

"I have nightmares of myself too, sometimes," Natsu said mildly.

Gray winced and looked over, eyes remorseful and shadow forgotten. "Sorry. I didn't mean it like that."

"I know," said Natsu with a sigh. "You were only talking about yourself. Look, you're not going to want to hear this, but… I guess one of the worst parts about Awakening and all that crap is that you don't have a choice. You lose everything that makes you yourself and turn into something dark and monstrous that no one can control, you least of all. It's scary to know that you could lose yourself in a second and turn into a monster.

"But then the flip side is even though you didn't really have a choice, that somehow doesn't help you come to terms with the aftermath. I can tell you that you didn't have a choice, but you're going to blame yourself anyway. But you know, the person you are now is you too, and I don't see anything monstrous about it. The thought of going back is frightening, but in the end you're still  _you_ , and I'd like to think that's enough to make up for the rest."

He tried to search Gray's face, unsure if his little speech was having the desired effect, but his friend had tilted his head down so that his hair was covering his face. Gray's arms had snaked out from under the blanket to wrap around the cat in his lap, but Natsu got the feeling that he was still watching his shadow. The dragon slayer had the impression that this was not going over well, and he couldn't say that he was surprised. Gray was possibly the most frustrating person on the planet, and Natsu wasn't good at words to start with.

Natsu's mind flashed back to the previous night, and he looked down at his hands with a small frown. "You know…when you love someone and they love you, you each give the other a little piece of yourself. So you have a little piece of Happy and Lucy and Erza and me and the others. It's really hard to be alone when some part of us is always with you."

There was a long, painful pause, and then Gray drew in a breath. "That's really corny," he mumbled.

" _What?_ " Natsu jerked his head up and stared at him in indignation. After doing his best to try giving Gray something like what he had given Natsu last night, the ungrateful jerk was going to call his efforts  _corny_? "It is not."

"I dunno," Happy said critically, peering out at Natsu around Gray's knee, "it  _is_ pretty corny…"

"Hey! He started it first. I–"

Natsu paused as he heard a quiet sniffle. He leaned forward and tried to get a glimpse of Gray's face, but the ice mage's hair stayed resolutely in the way. Happy twisted his head up, took one look at Gray's face, and then turned back to Natsu with a helpless shrug. Well, Natsu would take his word for it since the feline had a better view from his spot in Gray's lap.

Natsu reached out, hesitated uncertainly, and then took the plunge. He wrapped his arms around Gray awkwardly. Gray immediately stiffened, his grip on Happy tightening, and Natsu thought he'd pull away. But then he let out a shuddering breath and relaxed against Natsu, leaning his head against his chest.

Natsu wasn't sure what exactly had gotten Gray so emotional. Maybe some of his words had gotten through after all, but it was just as likely that Gray was still upset over his dreams or guilt or something else entirely. Perhaps it was a little bit of everything.

Natsu wished he knew so that he had some idea of what to do or say, but Gray remained silent. A drop of moisture beaded against Natsu's skin, and he winced.

"Are you…going to be okay?" he asked carefully.

"…Yes." Despite the hidden tears, Gray's voice was perfectly neutral, if quiet.

"Maybe you should get some sleep," Happy suggested from where he was pressed between the huddled mages. "I, um…I think you could probably use some rest."

Gray made a noncommittal sound in the back of his throat and tried to sit up straight again. Natsu tightened his grip and pulled the stupid ice block back. The situation was undeniably awkward, but he was tired of Gray always shutting everyone out and pretending like everything was alright.

After a few seconds of tense hesitation, Gray gave in and slumped back against Natsu. "You guys can go back to sleep."

"Gray," said Happy with a sigh, "you need to sleep too. You're already ridiculously sleep deprived."

"I'll be fine."

"Uh-huh. Have you ever tried, like, sleeping potions or something? You might be able to find one that'll knock you out without the nightmares."

"The only ones that work are the ones that put me really deeply under," Gray muttered. "More trouble than they're worth. I always end up oversleeping and it's a pain in the neck to wake me up and they make me really groggy."

"You want to try your meditation thing again?" Natsu suggested.

"What meditation thing?" Happy asked in confusion.

Gray let out a soft breath that tickled Natsu's skin. "I probably should, but I don't feel like it."

"What meditation thing?" Happy repeated.

"Just some stupid thing he does to calm down," Natsu said.

"You're just bitter because you're not any good at it," Gray muttered.

"Hey, I can–" Natsu broke off, his eyes narrowing as a thought occurred to him. "Did you trick me into trying it so that I'd fall asleep?"

Gray's body started shaking, and Natsu eyed him in alarm. It took several seconds of panic before Natsu realized that he was laughing silently.

"I told you that you wouldn't be any good at it."

Natsu scowled. "Jerk. But…you really do need to sleep. We still have a job to do tomorrow, you know."

"I know. I'll be fine."

Geez, he was so difficult. Natsu chewed on his lip, wondering how to convince the idiot to brave sleep. He threw a pleading look at Happy, who just shrugged and snuggled closer to Gray. Real useful cat.

Actually…

"Come on, you'll be fine," said Natsu brightly. "You can keep Happy. I mean, you couldn't possibly have nightmares when you have a cat for a teddy bear. It's practically guaranteed sweet dreams."

"I'm not a cat," Happy grumbled.

Gray snorted softly. "Yeah, that was my line of thought."

Natsu frowned down at his friend's bowed head, hoping he could see into his incomprehensible friend's brain if he stared hard enough. What was Gray even talking about?

He had a flashback to when he'd woken up this morning with Happy snuggled up to his chest and Gray perched wide awake at the end of the bed. Come to think of it, hadn't Happy originally been with Gray? And right after Natsu had mentioned his own nightmares…

_You idiot. Take care of yourself for once, instead of looking after everyone else._

Smothering a sigh, he reached up and gently turned Gray's head so that he couldn't stare so fixedly at his shadow anymore. He immediately stiffened again, but Natsu held on resolutely.

"I'm wary of making promises that I'm not a hundred percent sure I can keep," the dragon slayer said quietly, resting his chin on top of Gray's head. "I want to say that we can stop anything bad from happening to you again, that you have nothing else to worry about. But I can't. I mean, I can say that we'll always be here for you and we'll fight to make sure that this shit never happens again, but…

"Well, what I can promise you is that Happy and I are here tonight, and there's no reason to be afraid. Tonight, you are safe."

Gray's breath hitched and, after a short pause, he stopped resisting and buried his face in Natsu's chest. He said nothing and Natsu shifted uncertainly, his gaze darting between Gray and the part of Happy that was visible and the shadow that Gray was so leery of. Honestly, he knew that Gray didn't always talk much, but it would be nice to get some kind of response so that he knew where he stood.

As if sensing the dragon slayer's doubt, Gray pulled one hand out of Happy's fur and it curled against Natsu's chest. It wasn't much, but Natsu relaxed. It was a gesture of acceptance, maybe even of gratitude. For Natsu, it was enough.

He noticed Gray's breathing falling into a slower, evener pattern, but it wasn't quite the rhythmic deep breathing of sleep. Maybe he was going to try his meditation thing after all. Whatever the case, Gray stayed quiet, Natsu didn't know what he could actually say, and Happy seemed content to wait things out.

It was only when Natsu was sure that Gray was  _finally_ asleep that he stirred. "Can you turn off the light, Happy?"

"But he wanted it on," the Exceed protested.

"He's asleep," Natsu said quietly.

There was a moment of hesitation, but then Happy carefully wriggled out from where he was cradled in the nest of blanket between Gray's chest and loosely-bent knees. As he flew over to turn off the light, Natsu began the arduous process of getting Gray into a more normal sleeping position without waking him up. The last thing they needed was for Gray to wake and refuse to go back to sleep again, so Natsu was very careful. He ended up lying down as well since he had to continue holding the ice mage to get him down, and then paused to consider his predicament.

The only good thing was that Gray was already under the blanket. Natsu wasn't sure what to do about the rest. He'd promised to be here, so should he stay up and make sure Gray didn't start having nightmares again? But he'd really rather sleep…

Gray sighed softly and curled into Natsu. His face was more relaxed in sleep, and Natsu thought that he looked…younger. Maybe a little more vulnerable than when he was awake. At least he hadn't just plunged straight back into a nightmare, anyway.

On the other hand, Natsu felt bad about leaving when it felt like Gray had unconsciously turned him into a teddy bear…even though the ice mage would be just as likely to punch him and push him out of bed if he woke to find him here in the morning. He groaned softly.

Seeing that the two mages were settled, Happy flicked the lights off and his quiet snickering echoed through the darkened room.

"You lllllike him!" he whispered as he hopped back over to the bed and burrowed in between Gray and Natsu, under one of Gray's arms. Gray's pale hand gleamed faintly in the moonlight as it twitched and reflexively curled into the feline's fur.

"Oh, hush," Natsu said with a sigh, not really in the mood for his friend's teasing.

"You did good," Happy murmured after a few seconds.

"You too."

"Way better than I thought you would."

"…Gee, thanks for the backhanded compliment."

"You're welcome." Happy sobered as he asked, "Do you think he'll be alright?"

"Yeah, eventually." Natsu sighed heavily, studying Gray's features as well as he could in the darkness. "He's tough. But there's just so much that he needs to work through… I don't know. The nightmares aren't nearly the most important thing for him to figure out, but I do wish that we had a way to make them stop."

"You know… He mentioned that he had less nightmares before, when he felt more human. So maybe if we can help him feel more human again, like he still belongs and has a place with us, then the nightmares would start working themselves out."

"Huh." Natsu turned his gaze on the shadowy ball of fluff. "You're smarter than you look."

"…Gee, thanks for the backhanded compliment."

"You're welcome. I mean, you're right. It's just easier said than done."

"Most important things are."

"Fair enough," Natsu said with a tired laugh. "Get some sleep, okay? It's already been a long night, and we'll be tired tomorrow."

"Yeah. You too."

"I will."

"Natsu…" Happy hesitated but then let out a breath. "You know, you can talk to me too. I know that there are things you and Gray don't like to talk about, but…you can talk to me."

Natsu smiled fondly, finding a patch of fur that Gray's hand wasn't covering so that he could stroke the little cat affectionately. "Yeah, I know. I'll tell you about it, someday. But for now, get some sleep."

"Alright. Goodnight, Natsu."

"Goodnight, Happy."

Natsu stared out into the darkness for a long time after the Exceed's breathing evened out, but eventually, with Gray and Happy pressing close like a barrier against the nightmares, he snuggled closer and drifted off to sleep.

* * *

The next morning, Natsu was awoken by Gray shoving him roughly out of bed. The incident was never spoken of again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Natsu and Happy just don't understand how dreams work lol They're probably the worst people for this :D


	19. Something like Family

* * *

**Something like Family**

* * *

"Okay," Natsu said suddenly, distracted enough that he wasn't entirely aware of the conversation he was interrupting, "I have a hypothetical question."

The girls and Happy trailed off to frown over at him, and even Gray, who had been fairly silent and withdrawn, glanced over with a bored expression as he swirled his water around idly so that the ice cubes clinked against the sides of the glass.

"Oh, are you finally going to tell us why you've been so weird today?" Happy asked.

Natsu frowned. "I'm not being weird."

"Sure you are," Lucy said, shaking her head. "You've been quiet and out of it ever since you walked in this morning. It's definitely weird. You haven't even been paying attention to our conversation."

"Have so," Natsu lied.

Happy gave him a disbelieving look. "You ignored me when I asked if you wanted to go fishing. You've been totally zoned out."

"Maybe I just didn't feel like fishing," Natsu muttered, wondering when Happy had asked anything about fishing. Come to think of it, he couldn't really recall much of anything that the team had discussed in the past few hours. Maybe he  _had_ been pretty distracted.

"Sure," Erza said indulgently. "So, care to tell us what you've been thinking so hard about?"

"Who says I've been thinking?" Natsu grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest and scowling at his  _annoying_ friends.

"Well, I wouldn't," Gray drawled, returning his gaze to his oh-so-interesting water. "I'd be more surprised if you  _were_ thinking for once."

"You're such a jerk."

Lucy coughed to hide a laugh, but her eyes sparkled with amusement as she gave Natsu what he supposed was meant to be a sympathetic look. "Well, you kind of walked right into that one…"

"Whatever," he muttered, glowering at his friends.

"Come on," said Happy. "Tell us already."

"Never mind."

"Nat _su_ …"

"It's nothing."

"Just spit it out, flame brain." Gray took a sip of water, caught an ice cube between his teeth, and began crunching loudly.

"No," Natsu said sulkily. If everyone was just going to tease him, then he wasn't going to ask them a serious question. "It's not important."

"If you don't hurry up and tell us, I'll start taking guesses. You wouldn't like that."

Natsu snorted and rolled his eyes. "Guess away."

"You asked for it." A sly smile stole over Gray's face. "Girl problems? Are you looking for advice on how to finally confess to Lu–?"

"No!" Natsu nearly shouted, his voice rising sharply in pitch and volume. Heat flooded his cheeks and he dropped his gaze. "Nothing like that."

"You  _sure_?" Gray asked, a low chuckle rumbling through his chest. "Because–"

"St-stop teasing him," Lucy stuttered. Glancing up, Natsu noted that her face looked rather like a tomato.

"Oh?" Gray's smile turned predatory again as he eyed her. "So, would  _you_ like some advice on how to finally confess to Na–?"

"Stop!" Lucy squeaked, burying her flaming face in her hands. "Geez, where do you get such weird ideas from?"

"They lllllike each other!" Happy crowed, delighted mischief sparking in his eyes.

"Shut up!" Natsu and Lucy said in unison.

Then they flushed an even deeper shade of red and looked at anything but each other, as the rest of the team laughed. Stupid Gray. It was nothing like that, anyway. Natsu liked Lucy a lot, but as a friend. There was nothing wrong with being friends with girls. It didn't mean that Natsu liked her like  _that_. Probably. To be honest, it wasn't something he had ever really considered before, and he wasn't sure he really wanted to start considering it now. No point fixing what wasn't broken.

And anyway, he had more serious thoughts in mind today.

"Shall I take another guess, then?" Gray asked, back to vaguely amused boredom once more. "Are you–?"

"Stop it," Natsu said hurriedly, not keen on hearing what other embarrassing nonsense his friend might spout.

"Come on, then."

He took a deep breath. "I was wondering if…um… Well, if you had, say, a…um…" Sighing, he rubbed at his face. What had he been thinking, considering asking them a question like this? "Nothing. It's stupid."

"Is anything you say ever  _not_ stupid?" Gray asked. "You might as well tell us. It's not like it could possibly lower our opinion of your intelligence any further."

"Oh yeah?" Natsu demanded, scowling and letting his chest puff out in indignant anger. "Well, you can just…"

He trailed off, his glower melting into a thoughtful frown. Despite Gray's mocking, his eyes were serious. It was hard to tell what exactly he was thinking because his eyes were so dark and still had that aloof, mysterious quality they'd picked up right around the time he'd admitted to being a demon, but Natsu was pretty confident that he was rather more solemn than his words suggested.

Actually, come to think of it, the teasing might have been meant to put Natsu more at ease. He guessed that it was kind of working a little bit, but he was still feeling uneasy about asking something so personal and charged. But looking around at the ring of faces watching him, he realized that his friends very much wanted to know what was on his mind. Probably because he'd been unusually distracted. They likely thought it was something more serious than it was.

"Fine, fine," he said, snagging a mostly clean napkin off the table from where it had been discarded after his earlier meal. Folding and tearing at it absently so that he had something to focus on other than his friends, he took a fortifying breath. "It's like… Say that you have some kind of…connection to someone. And because of this connection, you should really have some kind of important bond with them. But they also did…really horrible things, and… They honestly probably don't deserve anything from you, and you can't really forgive or not hate them, but you still sort of feel that connection even if you shouldn't. Is it bad if you still feel connected to someone who hurt a lot of people and is honestly a horrible person?"

A long silence greeted his words, and he could practically feel his friends exchanging looks.

Leaning forward, Happy cleared his throat and whispered, "This isn't about Gray, is it?"

"What?" Natsu blinked at the Exceed in confusion, but then his face paled and he darted a look at Gray. "Of course not," he said more loudly than he intended, horrified by what his words might have unintentionally implied. "I didn't mean… It has nothing to do with Gray. It's just a hypothetical question."

The girls glanced between Natsu and Gray uneasily, but Gray seemed perfectly unconcerned. He had returned to his intense scrutiny of his water, swirling it around in a way that somehow conveyed both boredom and pensiveness.

"Um…" Lucy took one last look at Gray and then turned back to Natsu. "I think that's kind of normal? Like, it's not really that unusual to have mixed feelings about something or someone. I mean, I kind of hated my dad for a while and he was really horrible to me at times, but…I was still sad when I came back from Tenrou and found him dead, you know?" She dropped her gaze and fiddled with her skirt, her voice lowering. "I'll probably always resent him for some things, but I loved him too. Most people have some good in them, if you can find it."

"I had something similar with Jellal," Erza added with a shrug. "Even when he turned into someone else entirely and did horrible things…even after he dragged me back to the Tower and nearly killed everyone… He was still my friend first. It's hard to forget that. Even when he became so horrible, it was hard to let go of who he had been. And eventually he redeemed himself."

Natsu frowned, not entirely sure that the situations were the same. Okay, so the mixed feelings thing was fair enough, but…

"Mavis loved him too," Gray remarked evenly. "It's not like you're the only one."

"Mavis loved Jellal?" Natsu asked, his brow wrinkling in confusion.

"Of course not, idiot." Gray shot him a dirty look. "Zeref."

Natsu started in surprise, eyes widening as he gaped at his friend. "How did you–? How did you know I was talking about Zeref?"

"Who  _else_ would you be talking about?"

"…Fair enough."

Gray shrugged and turned his attention back to his water once more, his gaze unfocused. "You're human. Human emotions are messy, illogical, contradictory things. I believe that it's silly to fret excessively over something you can't control. You can't control how you feel, whether you think you should feel that way or not. Not everything is so black and white."

Well… Sure, Natsu got the point, but it didn't really tell him why he felt the way he did.

"It's not like…" He sighed and tried to think of how to better phrase his thoughts. "He did a lot of terrible things and was kind of a homicidal maniac, I get that. And I hated him, or… Well, 'hate' is a strong word, but once he started really hurting people I cared about, then maybe. He was definitely an enemy who needed to be taken care of. And then he just dropped this 'brother' card and… I don't know. In some way he was like family, right? And family is supposed to be important. So maybe it's not that I really loved him or anything, but more that I feel like there's some kind of connection there and it makes me wonder 'what if'. I mean, he must have been different, before. But at the same time, he was definitely crazy by the time I met him, and any connection that might have been there should have been severed, right?"

The girls and Happy seemed to grow more and more thoughtful and conflicted as Natsu spoke, but Gray just shrugged.

"Family is always something that you've taken seriously," he said. "I don't think there's anything wrong with that. And yes, I'd imagine that he was different before all this mess. He probably loved you once, and although I'm not entirely clear on how he worked this whole resurrection thing, it seems like he loved you enough to fight for a way to get you back. And then he got himself cursed, and it eventually drove him insane. Who he was then is not entirely the same person he was when I…killed him. But even though there wasn't much left of him to love at the end, he used to be someone worthy of love. You don't remember that person, but you have to wonder what might have happened if things had been different. He was too far gone to save by the end, I think. But does that change your feelings? Probably not."

Yeah, maybe Gray was right. Natsu couldn't say that he particularly liked Zeref after everything the black mage had done to his friends and the world at large, but he had become increasingly ambivalent after the declaration that they were family. Zeref wasn't someone that Natsu could love, but surely there must be  _something_ there? Natsu would never know because Zeref was dead, and he couldn't honestly say that he'd rather his brother be alive. Finding a way to kill Zeref had probably been the only way to stop his rampage for good, and Natsu understood that. But now there would never be any kind of closure.

He had gone over all of his short conversations with Zeref many times, but they didn't seem to solve anything. Zeref himself had been something of a puzzle, capricious and easily switching between personalities. The person Natsu had met on Tenrou was different from the one he had met while fighting Tartaros, who was also different from the person who had revealed to Natsu that they were family, who was  _also_ different from the person who had talked to Gray at the end. With such a confusing array of split personalities to contend with, was it any wonder that Natsu found himself so ambivalent and unsure?

Igneel and Fairy Tail had been his real families, but the prospect of having another with Zeref was morbidly fascinating in the way that one might be fascinated by a deadly viper. But in the end, Natsu still had Fairy Tail and that was what counted. They had always been far more supportive and loving than Zeref could ever dream to be. They were enough, and Zeref was just a side curiosity. But a side curiosity that itched at Natsu something terrible, on occasion.

Another thought struck him out of the blue, and he turned to Gray with new eyes.

"That…that kind of makes us like family, doesn't it?" he asked slowly.

Gray frowned. "How do you figure that?"

"I mean, Zeref was my brother, right? And he created you, so aren't we something like brothers? Or…maybe you're like, um…a nephew? That sounds weird. You get what I'm saying. Something like family."

Gray had just taken a sip of water and had evidently been about to start crunching on another ice cube, because his eyes suddenly bugged out and he doubled over as he began choking.

"Are you alright?" Lucy asked, eyeing him in alarm.

Natsu wondered if it was possible to be alright while choking on an ice cube. Gray's scrabbling hand slammed into his cup and sent it flying off the table, where it crashed to the floor in a rain of glass shards and water. Every eye was drawn to his violent choking fit, and he got more than a few concerned looks. Erza thumped him hard on his back until she managed to dislodge the ice. He sucked in a gasping lungful of air, quickly followed by a flurry of coughs.

"You okay?" Erza asked.

Gray straightened up and rounded on Natsu, eyes blazing and mouth twisted into a ferocious scowl. The dragon slayer blinked back uncertainly, unsure of why his friend seemed so furious.

"Are you  _insane_?" Gray hissed with a slight wheeze, his hands balling into tight fists. "What the hell do you think you're implying, hm? Zeref is no… _father_ to me, or whatever you seem to think he is. He was my creator, my master, but he was not  _family_. I have an innate need to please him, part of me will always belong to him, but I do not  _love_ him. I was only ever a tool, and he was only ever a slave master. That is the extent of our relationship. I was created, not born. I have no  _family_."

The guild was so unnaturally silent that it was eerie, any slight movement clearly audible in the stillness. Natsu opened and closed his mouth a couple times, searching for his voice.

"I, um, I didn't really mean it like…that," he mumbled finally. "I know that he wasn't really… But still, I'm connected to him and you're connected to him, so we're kind of connected to each other. And even if we set that aside, we can still be family anyway, right? I mean, that's kind of what the guild is: adoptive family. Maybe that's the more powerful kind, because we chose each other."

Gray stood up abruptly and Natsu snapped his mouth shut, eyeing his friend in wary concern. Gray's eyes were brimming with unreadable, warring emotions, and his expression stayed twisted in anger. He stared at Natsu for a moment that stretched for an eternity, then turned on his heel and strode away, his strides quick and clipped as he stalked out of the guild hall.

Natsu stared after him, feeling both confused and horrible. He hadn't meant to  _hurt_ Gray. He'd just thought it was an interesting idea, that they were connected together as family somehow, even though they were already family without that. Shouldn't it make Gray feel loved and supported, rather than make him even more upset?

"What did I say?" Natsu asked forlornly.

"I…" Lucy shook her head slowly. "I guess Zeref might be a touchy subject with him, but…"

"Actually," Erza said, "I think it might have been the idea of family."

"But why–?"

"Have you still not realized why he refuses to rejoin the guild?" Mavis interrupted, studying the team with solemn eyes from where she was perched on a stool next to Makarov on the other side of the room.

"…Because half the guild doesn't want him to?" Happy said, although his voice lilted upward into almost a question due to his sudden uncertainty. "He said that he doesn't want to divide the guild over it."

"That's part of it," Mavis agreed with a sigh. "But mostly it's because the guild is a family. It's the closest thing to a family that he has ever had."

"But then wouldn't he be more eager to come back?" Lucy asked doubtfully.

Mavis shook her head. "No, because he doesn't deserve it."

" _What?_ " Natsu demanded, his eyes widening in indignation. "Of course he–"

"But that's how he thinks, remember? He is very aware of the things he has done, and even if he knows that he really had no control over it… I'm sure you've realized that it haunts him anyway. He tore apart countless families, is a tool with no more value than how well he can fulfill or fail at the purpose he was created for, and since he is a monster with no intrinsic self-worth, he is unlovable and unworthy of having a family to care for him. We might not agree with that assessment, but…"

A nauseous feeling settled in the pit of Natsu's stomach, and his face twisted into a pained expression. It sounded so horrible, laid out like that. At least he could understand Gray's reluctance to cause a divide in the guild, even if that shouldn't stop him from rejoining. But this was deeper, darker, and Natsu hated it.

"It's not right," Mira said. She sat down behind the bar and looked down at her hands. "It's not right how the world treats him like a monster and how he treats himself like one. I don't… I don't want him to think like that."

Lisanna sat down beside her and rested her head against her sister's shoulder, and Elfman dropped a heavy hand on Mira's other shoulder.

"He'll still come back," Lucy mumbled, twisting her hands together. "Eventually things will settle down and he'll come back."

Mavis shrugged, her lips tightening. "Have you realized why he so often switches to acting cold and demon-like these days?"

"He needs time to adjust," Natsu snapped. Whatever Mavis was about to say, he didn't want to hear it. "He's trying to figure out who he is now."

"He is," Mavis agreed. "But he's also purposely distancing himself from the guild. Notice that even though he refuses to rejoin the guild, he still hangs around. He can't bear to leave it entirely, because you all are important to him. You are the most important people in the world to him, and he seems to have made it his purpose to protect you. He hangs around because you need him, and because he needs you. But he won't get too close, because he doesn't belong here anymore, remember? He said as much himself. He loves you, but you are not allowed to love him because he does not deserve it."

There was a long silence, during which Natsu thought he might actually throw up. He had known that some of these issues had still been hanging around, but… He and the others had tried so hard to make Gray feel like he belonged again, to convince him that they still loved him, but some kind of disconnect had remained. It had remained, and Natsu wanted it gone.

Clearing her throat, Erza let her gaze drift across all the spectators looking on with their various expressions. She lingered on those who had already made their disapproval of Gray's involvement in the guild clear.

"Well," she said quietly, "I think it's time we have another discussion about inviting Gray back into the guild."

* * *

Loitering outside the guild hall was something that couldn't go on forever, no matter how much He wanted it to. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. There were going to be questions, not only about his tantrum yesterday but about why He hadn't gone back to Natsu's place last night. And He didn't really know what to say, other than that He had been a jerk. He had really just needed a break from his friends, some time to be alone and brood, and He still hadn't felt up to joining the world of humans by nightfall.

Natsu's illogical conclusions had blindsided him, come out of the blue and hit him where He was least expecting it. They had once again brought to mind the bond to Zeref that He verbally acknowledged but still did his best to deny. Zeref was not his father or anything like it by any stretch of the imagination, but there would always be a bond there and they had too much in common. Because He had been driven to please Zeref, and on some level He empathized with him as much as He hated him. If Natsu thought  _his_ feelings toward Zeref were muddled…

But honestly, where did the dragon slayer get off drawing such stupid conclusions? Family. Ha. No, a creature made of magic and paper, created only to be a tool and fulfill a purpose, had nothing like family.

He didn't even know what family felt like, not really. Well, there was Gray's family, but even though He had the memories of it, it had never belonged to him. Gray's birth family was dead, because He had killed them. And Ur. And Gray, for that matter. No, He was not going to claim a family that He had never been a part of and that He had singlehandedly destroyed.

The closest thing had been Fairy Tail. For a while He had felt like He belonged, had been able to build relationships and almost forget what He was. But that time was past, and He could no longer afford to play around with human games.

Not that what He was doing now was much better, He reflected, scowling at the doors to the guild. He had certainly overstayed his welcome with Fairy Tail, even though there were people there that He could not bear to leave.

And since He couldn't leave them, He was going to have to suck it up and go inside eventually. Maybe He could play everything off in such a way that He could satisfy everyone and still get away without giving a full-blown apology.

Because honestly, Natsu had been out of line.

And He hated giving apologies.

It definitely had more to do with the former than the latter.

Disgusted with himself, He shook his head and plastered a more neutral expression on his face as He pushed his way into the guild. He quickly spotted the team at their usual table and sauntered over, slipping his hands into his pockets.

"Gray!" Lucy said a little too loudly, looking up and spotting him. Relief swept over her features, but there was something tense and nervous lurking underneath. He eyed her curiously. "How are you?"

"Perfectly fine," He drawled, letting a lazy half-smile tug at his lips.

"You seem to have lost your shirt," Erza observed. "Been a while since you've done that."

"Maybe the habit's coming back," Happy said with a snicker, before his laughter died and his eyes started shifting about anxiously again.

They seemed more nervous than He'd expect them to be, even given his outburst yesterday, but He was more distracted by the news about his clothing. Looking down, He bit out an exasperated curse as He realized that his shirt was indeed missing. Kicking the habit had felt like He was losing a piece of Gray, but given that He was trying to get everyone to understand that He wasn't really Gray, it seemed like a necessary evil.

And anyway, without his shirt on, his bare chest proclaimed that He was no longer a member of Fairy Tail. He might have chosen that, but that didn't mean He was proud of it.

"Where did it go?" He muttered.

He had been wandering around the city for a good part of the night; the shirt could be anywhere. He was fairly confident that the reason the stripping had suddenly reasserted itself was because He had been thinking about Gray and his family, but that didn't make it any less frustrating.

He looked up and noticed Lucy's eyes tracing a line of darkened scar tissue crossing his chest. One of the Executioner's parting gifts, from the batch He had refused to have healed. And Erza was quite obviously trying not to look at the blank expanse of skin where his guild mark had once been, and was failing miserably. In fact, He could almost feel the eyes of the entire guild on him, as if they were all watching and judging and waiting for his next step. He was probably being paranoid, but all the attention, real and imagined, made him feel horribly exposed.

Clearing his throat uncomfortably, He folded his arms across his chest and rocked back a half-step, glancing toward the doors. Lucy started in surprise, then flushed and quickly looked away, embarrassed at having been caught staring. It didn't really make him feel any less awkward.

"Maybe I'll go look for that," He mumbled, inching back another step.

"Why?" Happy asked. "You lose clothes all the time. And anyway, you have plenty more at our place."

"Speaking of which," Natsu said, giving the demon a hard look, "you never came home last night."

Straightening himself back out and abandoning his attempt at escape, He rallied. No need to wilt under the scrutiny. He was supposed to be getting things back on track so that everything could go back to normal. That was the goal He had come in with today, and He wasn't going to let a missing shirt deter him.

He started for the table once more, shrugging. "Yeah, sorry. I should have told you I was staying out."

"Where were you?" Natsu pressed, his eyes narrowing.

He waved a hand airily. "Around." Settling himself down at the table, He asked, "What's up?"

"But where–?" Natsu broke off and pinched the bridge of his nose. After a moment, he took a breath and looked back at the demon. "Right. Well… Look, I'm sorry about yesterday. I wasn't really thinking about the implications of what I was saying. I didn't mean it like that."

And now  _Natsu_ was  _apologizing_  for something? Curiouser and curiouser.

He shrugged. "You're right, I have a connection to Zeref. You just drew some parallels that you shouldn't have. But really, you just caught me by surprise, that's all. It's fine."

"Yeah." Natsu's face remained serious. "But I  _did_ mean the second part."

Stiffening, He eyed the dragon slayer guardedly. He had been hoping that they'd just drop all of this now.

"It's true," Lucy said when He only hummed noncommittally. "Fairy Tail really is a family."

"And we want you to rejoin the guild," Erza added, her eyes lingering on his missing guild mark.

"This again?" He huffed and sat back, some of his discomfort replaced by exasperation. "I already said no. Many times."

"Yes, but now it's  _really_  time to come back. Everyone else is ready to accept you back now, so there's no reason to say no anymore."

He frowned at Erza and the rest of the team in bewilderment, but then relaxed and chuckled, amused by their bluff. "Of course," He said indulgently, a half-smile playing at the corners of his lips. "Try again."

Erza scowled. "It's  _true_."

"It is," Happy agreed. "We convinced them that it was time to stop being stubborn idiots and invite you back."

They seemed so serious, but…He couldn't really take them seriously. They really expected him to believe that the half of the guild that could barely even stand to look at him had suddenly decided they wanted him to rejoin? It was ludicrous.

"Right," He said skeptically.

"They're right, actually," Charle said. Twisting around, He realized that maybe He wasn't just being paranoid after all—everyone was definitely watching him now. "Except for the 'idiots' part."

Gajeel and a few of the other dissidents nodded, with varying degrees of enthusiasm. After blinking at them uncomprehendingly, He looked back to give the team a reproachful look.

"It's not nice to force your own guildmates into doing something they're so dead set against," He said, his words heavy with disapproval.

"We're not  _forcing_ them to do anything," Natsu snapped, indignant.

"They aren't," Gajeel said with a sigh. "We spent several hours discussing this yesterday after you left."

"Although," Elfman muttered, giving Mira and Lisanna a sidelong look, "there might've been some vaguely violent pressure applied."

His sisters scowled, but Elfman seemed more amused than genuinely annoyed. Then again, he wasn't one of the people who had been the most fiercely opposed to the proposition. Although he might have raised some concerns based off his own experiences with Lisanna's 'death', he had been more on the fence than anything.

But there  _were_ people who had been very strongly against this, and He was skeptical that they had somehow been convinced, even taking into consideration that they'd begun warming back up to him a little over the past weeks. Something of his doubt must have shown on his face, because several mages shuffled uncomfortably or exchanged looks.

"Well, the Council already let you go," Gajeel pointed out. "And we're supposed to be watching you, anyway."

"And you're always hanging around," Charle grumbled, although she looked less hostile than she often did. "Why not just make it official again?"

"As long as you stay away from Asuka…" Bisca shrugged, her lips tightening as she looked away. "It's not like you've done anything to her or to anyone else. I doubt you'll start now."

"There  _was_ a very long discussion yesterday," Makarov confirmed. The Master let his gaze travel around the guild hall before his eyes came to rest on the demon again. "We didn't leave until everyone was on the same page. This was a unanimous decision."

Looking around, He searched everyone's faces. Some people looked more uneasy about the decision than others, but no one looked legitimately coerced. They actually seemed on board. For the first time, it occurred to him that maybe this was the real deal.

"So you'll come back, right?" Lucy asked hopefully.

He stared back at her, torn. Something fluttered in his chest like the delicate beating of a songbird's wings, maybe a small sliver of hope that He'd been carefully tamping down this whole time. For a moment, He let himself dream. He missed his guild mark and what it represented, He craved the approval and acceptance of the guild even if He didn't like to admit it, and He'd be lying if He said that He didn't sometimes fantasize about the old days when He had truly been a part of this group. Could He have that again?

He opened his mouth and…

"No."

Incomprehension twisted Lucy's features, and there was a long beat of silence before she asked, "What…? What do you mean?"

"I mean no," He said flatly, crossing his arms and locking all his silly daydreams back up where they belonged.

"But… Why not?"

"The Council–"

"Pardoned you," Erza interrupted. "And told us to keep you in line. I think they'd be more surprised to realize that you  _aren't_ an official guild member right now."

"The other guilds–"

"Can go screw themselves," Cana said, rolling her eyes. "Happy or not, they've mostly accepted that you're here to stay. And anyway, this is Fairy Tail's business. They have no business sticking their noses in it."

"Let's be honest, even Fairy Tail–"

"Will you  _stop_ that already?" Natsu's features twisted into a ferocious scowl. "Everyone has been slowly coming around for weeks now." His anger slowly fading away, he dropped his gaze. "I meant it," he said more softly. "Fairy Tail is a family. And okay, we had a major quarrel over this, but family always finds a way to work things out in the end because we still love each other. Official guild member or not, you've still been family this whole time, and we want you to acknowledge that again. You still belong with us."

He stared at Natsu, a heavy weight settling in his stomach. "No," He said quietly, "that is not true."

And maybe that was the real reason He couldn't make himself accept their offer. He knew that his friends wanted this,  _He_ wanted this, but…

Natsu looked up, and He was surprised to see the naked pain and sadness that lurked in the dragon slayer's eyes. It made the demon's own heart twist uncomfortably. Why did this have to be such a big deal? It wasn't like He was leaving them—He was still here. Mark or not, He was here.

"Of course it is," Cana scoffed, her bluster totally at odds with the heavy atmosphere hanging over the rest of the guild. "You're like that annoying big brother I never asked for."

He looked over with a puzzled frown. "…What?"

"Well, you nag at me like one." She rolled her eyes, and her voice took on a mocking tone. "Cana, are you drunk  _again_? You need to stop overdoing it already. Cana, I'm cutting you off and taking you home so that you don't wind up in a ditch somewhere." Sarcasm fading, she dropped her gaze to the tankard in her hand and her voice softened. "Cana, if you're scared of me, if you don't trust me, then at least let me find someone else to take you home, because I need to know that you'll be safe."

He started in surprise. "You were definitely too drunk to remember that."

"Yeah, well." She sighed and swirled her booze around in the cup. "I heard about it later. And I really should have said that I was sorry."

"It's…fine…" He said slowly. She had more than made up for that incident later, and it wasn't something He'd hold against her even if she hadn't.

"Oh, he does it to me too!" Lucy said loudly with an edge of mock annoyance, cutting through the awkwardness. "Lucy, let me walk you home; it's dark. Lucy, if you don't want me reading your novel, then maybe you should learn how to lock your windows. Lucy, why don't you let me take care of this guy?" Apparently falling into the same trap as Cana, she lowered her voice and looked away. "No, Lucy, it's not because I don't think you're strong enough. I  _know_ that you're very strong, but I'd rather not risk you getting hurt and you worry me sometimes."

He swallowed and darted a glance back over his shoulder, wondering if there was any possible way to extricate himself from this whole messy situation and make a run for the doors.

"Love rival!" Juvia gasped, affronted. "Gray-sama is even better to Juvia. Juvia, don't cry. Juvia's rain is not gloomy, it is beautiful." She paused, some of her indignation draining away. "Juvia, don't do anything stupid. Gray-sama will find another way out, because he can't accept Juvia dying." She was silent for about half a second before her face brightened again and she gave Lucy a smug look. "Except that Gray-sama is not a  _brother_ to Juvia, but a lov–"

" _Mo_ ving on," Mira interrupted loudly, shooting Juvia a look. He sighed in relief that Juvia's romantic fantasies were cut short, but grimaced when Mira turned on him with a sad smile. "Mira, it's okay to be sad, but don't hide out here alone. Go to Elfman; he needs you. Or come to me. Mira, there's nothing wrong with you or your magic, no matter what anyone told you. Your magic is part of you, so surely it must be as beautiful as you are."

He shifted uncomfortably, wishing that his friends weren't dragging up snippets of conversation from over a decade of friendship. This… _intervention_  that they were pulling on him might be meant to convince him of his place here, but it only reminded him of how much had changed and what He had lost.

"You were always a good friend even before I got sucked into Edolas," Lisanna said with a sigh. "And you–"

"Whoa, whoa," Cana interrupted, elbowing the other girl, "you have to use the right format."

Lisanna stared. "Excuse me?"

"You know, you gotta do it like he's nagging at you. He's a bit of a nagger sometimes."

"I don't  _nag_ ," He protested sulkily. "And she doesn't need to say anything. Honestly, I don't–"

"Just ignore him," Cana said to Lisanna, waving a dismissive hand in the demon's direction. "He's sulking."

"I don't  _sulk_."

Cana ignored him. "I'm pretty proud of coming up with the whole format, and everyone else has used it too. You might as well."

"Seriously?" Lisanna sighed and rolled her eyes, but complied. "Lisanna, it's okay to miss the people you left behind. It's okay to love both worlds." Her lips quirked into a sad smile. "It's okay to have more than one family, and you'll always belong to both."

Mira sniffled loudly and pulled her sister into a hug. Then her eye caught on Elfman, and she nudged him none too gently. "Don't  _you_ have anything you could say?"

"Gray is a man," Elfman said with a nod, and then frowned at the floor. "I know I was a little concerned about what might happen if you came back, but… Elfman, I'm not going to tell you it isn't your fault, because you don't want to hear that. But she loved you and you love her, and that has to count for something. Everyone has an ugly piece, a dark side, somewhere inside them, but that doesn't make them monsters, not even if they make mistakes and lose control." The takeover mage sighed. "I guess you'd know."

He refrained from pointing out that He had been talking about humans and hadn't actually been including himself in that.

"Right," He said, clearing his throat and giving the doors another longing look. "Is the intervention over yet?"

People started exchanging looks again, realizing that they weren't getting through to him. To be fair, it wasn't that He wasn't having an emotional reaction to this. It was just that it was  _horribly_ uncomfortable on top of that, and He was tamping everything down because He didn't want to give in to their pleas.

"But I didn't get to go yet!" Happy protested.

"You really don't have to say anything…" He shook his head wearily. "Look, I'm not going anywhere. This isn't the big deal that you guys are making it out to be."

"I think it is," Happy mumbled. "I think you deserve to feel like you belong here and that you're still part of our family."

"Happy…"

"I want to say mine too."

He sighed and closed his eyes. "Go ahead," He said tiredly.

The little cat took a deep breath. "Happy, of course I like getting fish for my birthday. They're from you, so they're special. You're a good friend, and that's the best gift you've ever given me, yeah? What do you mean? Of course you're important to the team, Happy. We all count on you, and Natsu couldn't find his way out of a paper bag without your help." Happy's already soulful eyes turned downright mournful as he said, "Don't cry, Happy. I'll bring Natsu back. I promise."

Wincing at the waver in the Exceed's voice, He leaned over to run a soothing hand through Happy's fur. Happy pressed himself into the touch, then crept over to settle by the demon's side.

"Come back," he said.

"I haven't gone anywhere," He said, subdued, stroking the feline's fur absently.

"You have," Erza disagreed. "You have, and we miss you."

"Erza–"

"Erza, sometimes you need to take off that armor and let us in. Erza, it's okay to love and miss someone who changed and hurt you. Mixed feelings are normal. But if he hurts you again, I'll rip his arms off." She met his eyes steadily as she said, "Erza, if you like to be alone so much, then why are you crying?"

He shifted uncomfortably under her sharp gaze. He knew that she was trying to make a point. That they all were. He was getting the message, but it only made his heart hurt more.

"Look, I–"

"Hey, fire-breathing idiot," Natsu interrupted, giving him a hard look, "stop moping around already. It doesn't suit you. Natsu, I'm sorry, I really am. Igneel loved you as much as you loved him and I'm sorry that he's gone, but the guild is still here for you." The dragon slayer swallowed hard. "Natsu, you will not Awaken again, not while you are under my protection." Taking a breath, he steeled himself and met the demon's eyes. "Come on, flame brain, you look real silly playing dress-up as a demon."

Gray stared at his friend but then dropped his gaze, his shoulders hunching. "I can't," He whispered. "It's not a game to me. This isn't like playing dress-up."

"And that's okay," Natsu said quietly. "You are who you are. Just don't forget that the person we're all talking about… That's you, too. It always has been."

"You love so much," Erza said, her voice sad. "Let us love you too."

His nails dug into his palms as He stared down sightlessly at the table, his heart aching. "I…I can't…"

Trailing off, He shook his head. He didn't know what He was supposed to do with this. He wanted it, but He didn't feel like He could accept it.

"I already told you that you were welcome here," Makarov said. "You still have a place here, if you'd just take it."

He stayed silent, forlorn and at a loss as to how to solve this mess. Mavis cleared her throat, and He looked over at her reluctantly as she stepped toward him.

"Like I said, you've always been a part of this guild, mark or not," she told him. "And I did warn you that there were a lot of people who were going to want you to change your mind. The truth is that the only one unwilling to accept your status as a guild member is you. The mark itself is merely a formality, but an important one, I think. As the founder of this guild and its first master, I ask you to allow me to replace your mark."

She held out a hand invitingly and He stared at it, torn with indecision. She let the silence drag on for a few seconds before sighing heavily.

"Mavis," she said, "you know what would happen if I allowed the guild to fight for me. This is your guild, you know. Don't encourage it to self-destruct. No, Mavis, I'm not going to change my mind. It's better for them this way. Mavis, take care of them now that I can't." She smiled sadly. "If I could love, then I would love you."

He started in surprise. She hadn't even been there when He'd said that to the others… Apparently his team had been spreading it around.

"If you didn't love them, you wouldn't still be here," Mavis said. "Let them love you back. The thing about family is that the love goes both ways."

He stared at her and then let his gaze wander around the room, searching the faces of everyone present. And things weren't perfect, He could still see some of the wariness and uncertainty there, but there was also so much love. He didn't honestly know if He deserved that love, but He wanted to.

…But if they  _did_ love him, then didn't that mean they thought He deserved it? Then again, they'd probably still be stupid enough to love him no matter what He did.

Which, He realized with a start, was what family meant.

He took a deep breath and stood up. Fixing his gaze on Mavis's hand, He wavered indecisively and then slowly reached out, his fingers hovering in the air uncertainly for a moment before He placed them feather-light in her palm. Mavis smiled. Grasping his hand firmly, she reached out with her other hand and pressed her palm against his chest. When it fell away, a familiar navy blue mark remained.

"Welcome back," Mavis said gently. "Not that you could have ever left entirely when you gave us your heart to keep."

He couldn't look away from his guild mark, and had to bite down hard enough on the inside of his cheek that He tasted blood. He was  _not_ going to cry, but…there was that stupid guild mark smiling back up at him, and his stupid friends and all their stupid words and love, and…

And He loved them so stupidly much that it hurt.

"Welcome home, Gray," Mavis said, squeezing his hand and then releasing it.

He was still having a hard time believing this was happening and it would take a while to really sink in, but his heart was doing silly little flips in a stupidly hopeful way even though it still ached.

And He was  _not, not, not_ going to cry, but He could feel the tears gathering in the corners of his eyes anyway, and–

A loud whoop suddenly broke through the stillness, and something hot and heavy slammed into the demon from behind, sending him crashing to the ground.

"You're back!" Natsu shouted.

He wriggled around, his face twisting into a ferocious scowl as He summoned up his ice and sent the dragon slayer flying. "Get off me, you fire-breathing idiot!"

Natsu laughed and jumped back to his feet, fire swirling about him. No way was He going to take that lying down, so He jumped up as well, ice ready and waiting.

"Oh well," Makarov said with a sigh as Natsu charged. "The guild hall had outlived its expiration date anyway, since they haven't been fighting and tearing it up. At least things are getting back to normal."

"Did you just hit me?" Lucy screeched.

Suddenly, it seemed like the entire guild was awhirl with shouts and punches and magic.

And, oddly enough, He felt right at home.

* * *

_**End Segment 1** _


	20. Moment of Silence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The second segment deals mainly with issues of the past, including Lyon.
> 
> As for the speculation on whether the original Gray is still somehow alive... You're welcome to interpret things in whatever way you'd like, but I'm afraid that's not technically the case. That would open up a whole new can of worms, and I want this story to be about this Gray and his redemption/recovery arc. He doesn't have to be a good person because the other Gray is still alive; he's a good person because he's become a genuinely good person. On the other hand, he still has the other Gray's memories and everything and they've definitely affected him, so in that way a piece of the original Gray is still alive in him. But he is our canon Gray, a little more and a little less. Idk if that makes sense.

* * *

_**Start Segment 2** _

* * *

**Moment of Silence**

* * *

He had intended to stay wrapped up in the blankets and sleep the day away until tomorrow was safely upon him, but that plan was shattered much too early by Natsu's loud and obnoxiously cheerful voice.

"Time to get up! Come on, Gray! Let's go!"

"Go away," He mumbled, burying his face in the pillow in a halfhearted attempt to suffocate himself.

Natsu tugged at the cocoon of blankets surrounding the demon, and He woke just enough to grab them and hold them tightly. Curling into himself as much as the narrow couch would allow, He silently willed Natsu to go the hell away.

"Aw, come on," Natsu said with a chuckle. "It's not even that early anymore. We let you sleep in."

"And I'd like to sleep in some more, so go away."

"No can do. We need to go to the guild!"

With a victorious whoop, Natsu finally managed to wrest the blankets away from the demon, yanking them off and letting them fall unceremoniously to the floor. He tensed as chilly air hit his skin. Rolling over, He grimaced at all the lumps in the uncomfortable couch and then fixed Natsu and Happy with a hard look.

"I'm not going to the guild."

Natsu stared at him. "What do you mean, you're not going to the guild?"

"Exactly what I said. I don't want to go to the guild today."

Natsu and Happy exchanged puzzled frowns.

"But you  _have_ to go today," Happy said. "I mean, it's exciting!"

"Someone sure woke up on the wrong side of the couch this morning," Natsu muttered. The dragon slayer liked to think that he was terribly clever.

Sighing, He flopped back and pulled the pillow down over his face. "Whatever."

"Are you alright?" Happy asked, and the worry in his voice was enough to make the demon feel like He needed to be more alright than He was.

"Yeah, sure," He mumbled. "Just tired. Didn't sleep well."

"Nightmares?" Natsu asked, suddenly sounding more serious.

He just hummed noncommittally and shrugged as He forced himself to sit up and fight his way out of the half-collapsed couch. This thing was uncomfortable as hell, but it had little to do with his sleeping problems. Nightmares were a bigger issue, but although He could still catch glimpses of dark, accusing eyes in the corners of his mind from the night before, those hadn't been the problem either.

No, He had just been moping, really. It was hard to sleep when He had too much on his mind.

Struggling free of the sofa with some difficulty, He eyed it wearily. It suddenly looked like the most comfortable thing in the world, and all He wanted to do was sleep and not wake up for a long time.

As if sensing his intentions, Natsu grabbed his arm and tugged him away. "Uh-uh, time to get up."

"I'm sorry you didn't sleep well," Happy added, "but you can sleep later. Breakfast is already ready, and then we'll go to the guild."

He was pretty sure He'd already made it clear that He didn't want to go to the guild, but one look at Happy's face pretty much killed that notion. The Exceed was giving him those stupid kitty-cat eyes again, and He was  _so_ bad at ignoring guilt trips.

"Fine," He grumbled, averting his gaze. It was only one day. How bad could it be? He could handle it. "Just let me get dressed."

"Okay!" Happy said brightly. The little cat sounded much too pleased with himself, knowing that his patented kitty-cat eyes technique had scored another win. "Come eat breakfast when you're done."

He tugged his arm out of Natsu's grasp to fetch some clothes and disappear into the bathroom. He caught a glimpse of dark, haunted eyes and a child's face in the mirror, and quickly pulled the shadows out of the corner of the room to sweep across the glass. Not today.

It didn't take long to pull his clothes on no matter how sluggish and tired He was, but He stayed in the bathroom for much longer. Propping his elbows on the counter, He splashed cold water on his face and then buried it in his hands, taking deep, fortifying breaths.

Unfortunately, He could only stay in his sanctuary for so long. Not wanting to get Natsu and Happy on his case, He eventually abandoned the bathroom with some reluctance.

The nauseating aroma of frying bacon immediately assaulted his nostrils, and He felt his stomach turn. Honestly, did Natsu even know how to cook anything besides bacon? He didn't much care for it after weeks of eating it nearly every day, but the reason it seemed particularly unappealing today was probably just because stress and lack of sleep were making him feel unwell.

Natsu and Happy's cheerful babbling didn't help matters any. He picked at his food and pretended to listen, but their loud voices were making a dull throbbing start up behind his eyes. Maybe He was coming down with something.

"Not hungry?" Happy asked.

It took a second for him to realize that He was being addressed. "Not really."

"Just as well." Natsu grinned and tossed dishes haphazardly into the sink, the clinking of ceramic grating at the demon's ears. "Probably better to save room."

He didn't bother asking what that meant. By now, He'd gotten used to Natsu saying weird shit.

He obediently followed his friends to the guild, although He glanced backward longingly more than once. Maybe they'd be satisfied if He just stayed for an hour or two? He could use the excuse of not feeling well, which was true enough.

"Ready?" Natsu asked cheerfully as he paused outside the doors to the guild, his hand on the knob.

He stared back blankly. "For what?"

Natsu rolled his eyes and flung the doors open. There was a momentary delay as every head in the guild swiveled toward them, but then there was a loud chorus of, "Happy birthday!"

He took an automatic half-step back, his eyes darting from face to face and around the room. The hall had been decorated with streamers and balloons, a large cake was balanced on a nearby table, and it looked like the entire guild had turned out for the occasion.

He had the sudden urge to turn around and walk away. It wasn't his birthday. It was  _Gray's_ birthday, and Gray was dead. He had put up with the tradition of celebrating one more year of life for a dead child each time Gray's birthday rolled around, but…He had been hoping that they wouldn't need to bother with this charade anymore now that the truth had come out.

He knew He should have just stayed in bed and waited it out.

Anger and resentment bubbled up inside him as He eyed all the smiling faces. They had some nerve to be doing this. Didn't they know that–?

He let out a breath. Of course they didn't know. They  _should_ , but they had never even considered the implications.

He could clear this up quickly and escape, except…

Damn it, He couldn't do it.

Underneath all those smiles, He could sense the nervousness and tension. His relationships with certain guild members were still somewhat strained or nonexistent, and those were the people who looked the most uneasy. But they were trying. They'd thrown together a party for him despite their troubled relations over the past weeks.

Possibly it was supposed to be another way to make him feel more welcome at the guild again. He had the feeling that they suspected that although He had finally agreed to rejoin the guild, He still didn't feel entirely comfortable here. If so, they weren't wrong. There were still relationships that hadn't been completely mended, and all those many weeks of suspicion and hostility were hard to just ignore.

It was a nice, if misguided, gesture.

Forcing a smile, He said, "It's…nice. Thanks."

The relief on everyone's faces was almost instantaneous.

It was only for one day. He could play happy for one day. They were trying for him, and He knew that He'd been difficult lately. The least He could do was try for them too.

"Oh good, that's better," Natsu said, clapping the demon on the back and giving him a wide grin. "I was starting to think that you forgot it was your own birthday."

…Yeah.

He summoned up as much good cheer as He could muster, and threw himself into the festivities. He laughed and chatted and participated in games and blew out the candles. He even managed to choke down a few bites of cake, even though his appetite hadn't improved—just enough to get Happy off his case about not eating.

But it was so, so draining when He was already running on empty. He kept one eye on the door, always looking for an excuse to leave but unable to feel good about doing so. His headache stayed as a dull throbbing behind his eyes that wore him down, his faint nausea reasserted itself if He got too close to any of the food, and his limbs felt like lead. His smile grew more plastic and his laughs more hollow as the day wore on. By the end of it, He was functioning on autopilot.

He wanted out. He wanted out of the birthday congratulations and teasing and laughter. He wanted out of the celebrations and gifts and cake. He wanted out of the hordes of well-meaning people who were slowly driving him crazy.

He'd rather just sleep to escape…everything. He was done. But it was just one day, and with how difficult He'd made things on everyone else lately, He could give them this much. They, at least, seemed to be having a good time. Fairy Tail always liked celebrations. They wanted to see him having a good time too, and seemed to be looking at this as some sort of gesture of reconciliation. He would give them what they wanted, because He was sure that they'd be stuck dealing with his fickle temperament again before long.

He was almost proud of himself for managing to stick it out till the end, only escaping the confines of the guild along with Natsu and Happy when they finally said goodnight and headed for home. He was too exhausted and emotionally hollow to respond positively to any more attempts at conversation, and his forced good cheer evaporated the second they left the guild.

"Are you alright?" Happy asked, eyeing him anxiously. "You were in such good spirits, and now you're…"

He shrugged and stared at the ground. "Just tired."

"Oh, that's right. You said you didn't sleep well."

"Mm."

That was the last thing He said until they reached the house, when He mumbled something about going to bed. Ignoring Natsu and Happy's looks and shaking his head in response to the question of dinner, He collapsed onto that damnably lumpy sofa and burrowed into the blankets without bothering to undress. For once, not even the springs poking into his back or his own dark thoughts could keep him awake.

He fell asleep almost instantly, already washing the day away in his mind.

* * *

"Okay, what the hell is wrong with Gray?" Natsu burst out finally.

He narrowed his eyes at the ice mage, who was silently submitting himself to Juvia's over-the-top attentions on the other side of the room. Gray would occasionally nod, shake his head, shrug, or do some odd combination of any or all of the above, but although he watched Juvia with solemn eyes, he said nothing. Which was nothing new, considering he hadn't said anything all day.

"I don't know." Lucy abandoned her argument with Happy to frown over at Gray as well. "He's been rather… _quiet_  today."

Natsu snorted. " _There's_ an understatement."

"He didn't say a word all morning," Happy agreed.

"I'm not sure I've actually heard him say anything since he walked into the guild," Erza remarked thoughtfully.

"But he was in such good spirits yesterday," Lucy said with a sigh. "I'd think that at least some of that might have carried over to today."

"Birthdays are exciting," Erza agreed with a gleam in her eyes.

Natsu frowned. It was true that Gray had been in a good mood for the party, but now that he thought about it…

"He was actually super grumpy in the morning. He didn't want to come to the guild at all."

Happy nodded. "He said he was tired. More nightmares, I guess. He didn't say much after the party either, and went to sleep as soon as we got home. He seemed pretty exhausted."

"Okay, but he went to bed early, so shouldn't he be more rested now?"

"More nightmares? He didn't want to come to the guild today either."

"He told you that?" Lucy asked, tapping her fingers thoughtfully on the tabletop.

"Of course not," Natsu said with a derisive snort. "He hasn't said a word. But trust me, he made his wishes known. It took some pestering to get him here at all."

Gray might not be talking, but he hadn't shut down so much that he'd stopped communicating entirely. This morning had been a mess, with Natsu and Happy trying to figure out why Gray wasn't talking and Gray only answering inquiries with small gestures or frowns or narrowed eyes. Natsu had never realized exactly how much someone could say with their eyes until Gray had resorted to using them as his primary method of communication.

Actually, he somehow reminded Natsu of a cat. The pursed lips were akin to flattened ears, the narrowed eyes and furrowed brow reminiscent of a dangerously lashing tail. Gray had actually even bared fangs at them once, which had been a pretty obvious sign of his displeasure. But not once had he looked like he even  _wanted_ to speak.

Happy had been all for leaving Gray alone, but Natsu was tired of his friend being so much trouble. He understood that Gray was having a hard time, he tolerated his mood swings, but this was getting ridiculous and Gray would never get better if he just kept hiding away.

"He's been moving pretty slowly, though," Erza observed, watching Gray's movements as he propped an elbow on the table and rested his cheek in his hand, staring back at Juvia with half-lidded eyes. "He doesn't seem to have any energy."

"Yeah, but being  _tired_  wouldn't make him stop talking," Natsu said.

"Maybe he's getting sick?" Happy suggested. "He's been pretty out of sorts."

"Yeah, but being  _sick_  wouldn't make him stop talking."

"I mean, he might have a sore throat?"

Natsu gave the Exceed a disbelieving look and Happy flattened his ears, conceding the point. Being sick wasn't a good enough explanation.

"He's probably upset over something," Erza said with a sigh.

"Over  _what_?" Natsu asked, throwing his hands in the air. Frustration curled in his chest. "He seems to get upset over  _everything_ now."

"Natsu…"

"He sometimes gets quiet and withdrawn when he's unhappy or trying to distance himself, but to stop talking entirely? That's weird."

"He stopped talking while he was in jail, remember? Both times, apparently."

Natsu threw Erza the most offended look he could muster. "Are you saying that my house is a  _jail_?"

"Of course not," she said, rubbing at her face tiredly. "I'm just saying that there's a precedent for this."

"Okay, but he's not in jail anymore," Happy protested. "Why would he stop talking again?"

"I don't think it's a jail-specific thing," Erza said. "I talked to him afterward, and he just said that he didn't always feel like talking. And that was right after the trial, so he was pretty shaken up. His experiences in jail weren't good. The first time, he had just lost everything. The second time, he thought he'd lose it again and was tortured by someone whose family he killed. I think that it has more to do with him reaching a breaking point."

"A breaking point," Natsu repeated dubiously.

"Well, you know. He's stretched thin, emotionally. He doesn't have the energy to deal with the world anymore, and he's caught up enough in his own head that he has little desire to interact with anyone else. He feels alone, and he's making it worse by isolating himself. I'm telling you, he's upset over something."

Natsu pursed his lips and returned to staring at Gray. The ice mage didn't have that 'dead to the world' look he sometimes got—he was watching Juvia and the others at the table with dark, wary eyes, his gaze following the conversation. He was reserved and guarded, but paying attention. And although his movements were indeed a bit lethargic, he still made them in response to conversational cues. It was like he'd just woken up this morning and decided to go voluntarily mute. He didn't even look like he was ever bursting with the urge to speak, like Natsu would be after about ten seconds of silence. He was just entirely disinterested in the prospect of speaking.

It all seemed fairly normal aside from the no-talking and guarded air, but Natsu imagined he could see Gray's patience stretching thin in his eyes, something brittle and pained lurking underneath.

"But what would he be upset over?" Lucy asked, gnawing on her lower lip.

"Anything," Natsu growled. "Everything. Who knows with him? But I'll go find out."

Lucy's eyes widened as he stood up. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

Natsu didn't particularly care whether it was or not. "Well, we might as well find out why he's being so annoying."

"Just leave him be," Erza commanded, grabbing Natsu's arm in a viselike grip and dragging him back down.

"But–" Natsu paused as Mira swept over to Gray.

"Gray, would you mind helping me out for a second?" she asked sweetly. Gray looked up and nodded, rising obediently from the table. Mira's smile faded as her gaze roamed over his face. "Are you sure you're alright?"

Gray half nodded, half shrugged, the movement so slight as to be nearly imperceptible, and motioned her on with his hands. After giving him one last look, Mira sighed and led him off toward the back, babbling about something or other she needed help with.

Natsu shook Erza off impatiently and glowered at the tabletop. Well, he wasn't going to interrupt that. He'd talk to Gray later.

Until then, he contented himself with listening to Erza ramble about cake and the new bakery that had opened up in competition to her favorite. He wondered how anyone could get that excited about  _cake_. Or fish, for that matter, but Happy wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed, anyway.

Something moved in the corner of his eye, and he looked over just in time to see Gray slipping out the door.

"Seriously?" he said, interrupting Erza's story. "Now he's leaving."

The rest of the team followed his gaze. Erza shrugged and frowned, Lucy sighed, and Happy flattened his ears. And Natsu, he stood up. He was getting tired of Gray moping around and running off.

"Natsu, let him go," Erza said sharply.

"No. This is getting ridiculous."

"I know it's been kind of hard on all of us–" Lucy started delicately.

"Yeah, and you don't even have to live with him."

"It's not that bad," Happy said hastily, giving Natsu a wide-eyed look. "He's a lot more cooperative now. He tries."

"Yeah, well, this has gone far enough. I'm tired of him doing stupid shit and us letting him get away with it."

Lucy winced. "You're really that unhappy with having him live with you? Are you going to…?"

Natsu stared at her blankly, but then his eyes widened. "Shit, no. Not like that. I don't want him gone or anything. I just want him to be more…himself."

He slumped back down onto the bench, blindsided by the idea. It wasn't like he wanted to kick Gray out or anything. He'd meant it when he'd said that this could be Gray's home too. But… Okay, yes, he was getting fed up.

Gray was doing better with going less demon-y and staying at the guild longer and being cooperative, but then there would always be days like this where everything seemed to go to hell. There always had to be those little setbacks to remind everyone that things were still messed up. And while Natsu could totally sympathize with Gray, he was losing patience with his friend's ways of responding to stress. It stressed everyone else out too, and made things awkward and difficult. Everyone had been trying so hard to make Gray feel welcome again, and Natsu thought that the least he could do in return was to try harder. Gray got so caught up in his own problems that he forgot how much they—and he himself—affected the others.

"It'll get better," Erza said. "Give it a few months and I think he will have improved a lot. Everything is still pretty fresh right now. But still, he  _has_ been getting better lately. You know that he isn't as standoffish as before."

"Yeah, but then he pulls shit like this," Natsu grumbled. "Has it occurred to you that maybe we're…uh…what's the word? En-en-enable? That we're enabling him?"

Happy's utterly blank look made it clear that he had no idea what Natsu was talking about, but the girls winced.

"I, um… I've actually wondered that myself," Lucy mumbled, dropping her gaze and playing with her hands nervously.

"I don't get it," Happy said.

Natsu crossed his arms and glowered at the others. "It means that by continuing to let him just go off and do whatever he wants when he's upset, we're rewarding him for those behaviors. By leaving him alone instead of getting him to do something better, we're encouraging him to keep running off on his own. I say it's time to put our foot down and get him to deal with his problems better."

Everyone's reactions were a little lackluster. Happy seemed more uneasy than enthused, Lucy looked like she wanted to agree but was nervous about it, and Erza was staring down at the table with a frown.

"I get what you're saying," Erza said finally. She sighed and rubbed at her eyes, suddenly looking exhausted. "I think you're right. But at the same time… We've been very careful around him because we don't want to push him away while he's still so on the fence, and that's something we have to consider too. He's been doing better and is starting to settle back in at the guild, so maybe it's time that we start insisting on doing and addressing some things that we've been tiptoeing around.

"But not today, alright? This is a bit more extreme than what he normally resorts to these days, which probably means that he's more upset. It would be better to start pressing him on more minor issues first and then work our way up. This is not the best thing to start with."

Natsu wasn't sure he agreed with that. Gray needed to hear some hard truths about how his behavior was affecting his friends, and Natsu was frustrated enough that he was ready to deliver them.

"What do you expect me to do, then?" he demanded. "Just ignore it and pretend like everything's okay? Because it's  _not_ , and I'm tired of it."

Erza sighed again. "Just…do it on his own terms. If he's not ready to talk, don't try to force it. Cooperate for now, alright? He's liable to shut down completely if you just try to do things your way without respecting his wishes."

"…Fine."

Natsu had every intention of doing things  _exactly_ how he wanted to do them, Erza's advice be damned, but there was no need to antagonize the others. So he sat back and bided his time, silently stewing over Gray's difficult attitude and the team's uncooperativeness. The others didn't get it. He would confront Gray about being such a jerk, hopefully it would result in Gray being  _less_ of a jerk, and then everyone would see that Natsu knew what he was talking about.

Of course, he'd have to  _find_ Gray first. His friend could be anywhere now, but he'd probably show back up at the house in the evening. His course of action decided, Natsu pushed aside most of his resentment and spent the rest of the day talking—because talking was great and he couldn't fathom why anyone would voluntarily stop—and teasing his friends. His friends that were present at the guild, anyway.

He left the guild a little earlier than usual, impatient to get the show on the road. When he and Happy got home, the house was empty.

"Figures," Natsu grumbled, sniffing the air and confirming that Gray wasn't here. "He's not even here."

Happy gave him a sidelong look. "He'll come back when he's ready."

"Hm. Well, why don't we get started on dinner?"

"Fish?"

"Uh… How about spaghetti?"

"With fish?"

"Ew. Not every meal has to include fish, you know."

"Every  _good_ meal does."

Bickering back and forth, the dragon slayer and his Exceed set to banging around in the kitchen. Natsu began throwing things onto the stove, ignoring Happy's snarky, "It's nice to have clean dishes to cook with, isn't it?"

Natsu wasn't much of a cook, truth be told. Still, he could make food. Whether that food was  _good_  was another matter, but it was either this or cave to Happy's whims and eat fish every day. He wasn't quite that desperate yet. The good thing about cooking stuff in water was that it was harder to char. Natsu didn't mind the flavor of  _burnt_ so much, but he always got disgusted looks from Gray and Happy if he dared serve up anything blackened.

It only rubbed salt in the wound that he'd demanded Gray do a better job if he was going to turn his nose up at Natsu's efforts, and the ice mage had actually made something that tasted pretty decent. The bitterness was real. Not that Natsu cared so much about being outdone in  _cooking_ , which he didn't even like, but the fact was that he lost to Gray and he  _hated_ losing to Gray.

So, Natsu was going to make spaghetti and Gray  _would like it_. And then they'd have a talk about the ice mage's temper tantrums. It was shaping up to be a ghastly night.

"I'll go find Gray for dinner," Natsu said once the pasta was in the pot and the sauce was simmering. "I smelled him pretty strongly by the back door, so he's probably out there somewhere. Don't put fish in anything while I'm gone."

Oh yes, he was on to Happy's underhanded tricks.

Happy looked immediately apprehensive, and this time it wasn't just from being left alone to chaperone cooking food. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Well, he should eat, right?"

"Yeah, but–"

"He lives here now," Natsu said coolly. "He can eat dinner with us."

"But–"

"Don't think I don't know that you're starting to get frustrated with him too."

Happy flattened his ears and dropped his gaze. "…Yeah. But he's trying, you know. He's been doing better lately, after coming back to the guild and everything."

"Not good enough. I'm getting tired of living with someone who doesn't even act human half the time."

Happy gave him a horrified look, and even Natsu winced. That definitely didn't sound right, and he felt bad about saying it that way.

"Nat–"

"I didn't mean it like that," he said hurriedly. "But I mean…if we're living together, then everyone needs to get along and do their part, you know?"

Happy regarded him silently, but then sighed. "I know. But you know, I think the reason he was so reluctant to move in with us was because he knew he'd make it difficult on us."

"…He didn't want to move in with us because he's proud and doesn't want to accept anything that looks like charity. And probably because he wasn't sure that he wanted to deal with me or I wanted to deal with him."

"That too, but…" Happy shook his head. "He used to be more obvious about it in the beginning, that he felt like he was a burden and causing us more trouble than he was worth. That was why he was unhappy when you saved him after everything with Zeref, right? And why he didn't want to go on team jobs? And why he was avoiding the guild? I mean, there are other reasons too, but… I think part of the reason he was so wary of moving in with us was because he knew we were already put off by his mood swings and knew that dealing with him would be difficult sometimes."

Natsu stared at him. That was…

He shook his head. It made sense, but it still didn't excuse Gray's behavior. And anyway, Happy wasn't the brightest lightbulb. It probably wasn't a good idea to take his reasoning at face value.

"Look, he's gotta be hungry," Natsu said, shoving aside his unease as he turned away and headed for the back door. "I'll at least ask if he wants food."

Happy groaned and muttered something uncomplimentary under his breath, but Natsu was already pushing his way out of the house. Sniffing around, he quickly caught Gray's scent and–

He drew up short, blinking uncomprehendingly. Gray was sitting with his back against the stone wall of the house several feet away from the door, his knees hugged tightly to his chest and his chin resting on them as he stared out with dark, empty eyes.

Well, at least he hadn't gone far. Natsu opened his mouth, preparing to deliver the damning words that had been clamoring in his brain all day, but hesitated. Gray must have heard the door shut, must know that Natsu was there, but didn't look over or acknowledge the dragon slayer in any way. He just kept staring straight ahead with those blank eyes set in an expressionless face.

Natsu's mouth slowly closed.  _"Just…do it on his own terms. If he's not ready to talk, don't try to force it."_

He walked over, his footsteps crunching softly in the grass, and sat down next to Gray, who still didn't acknowledge him. It somehow seemed wrong to say anything into the silence, and Natsu doubted Gray would welcome the intrusion. And if Gray really was upset… Well, maybe the best Natsu could do was to just be here and not pry. The other stuff could wait until later.

Which was easier said than done. Gray sat as still as a statue, barely even blinking, but Natsu had never been good at staying still or quiet. He couldn't help fidgeting, stealing sidelong glances at his friend, having to fight back all the words trying to escape his jaws. How could Gray even do it? It was  _hell_.

"Natsu? Dinner is–?"

He almost wanted to cry in relief at the interruption because it felt like he'd been stuck here  _forever_ rather than maybe ten minutes, but Happy immediately took stock of the situation and abandoned his query. The Exceed crept over cautiously, throwing Natsu a questioning look. Natsu just shrugged, and Happy squeezed into the space between him and Gray, a fluffy ball of heat pressing into the mages' sides.

They sat like that for a long time—or what  _felt_ like a long time, anyway—before Gray finally stirred. Natsu immediately looked over at the movement, searching his friend's face. Gray's expression remained neutral, perhaps a little weary, as he stood up and stretched out his limbs stiffly.

"I'm fine," he said in a slightly gravelly voice, staring unblinkingly at the ground rather than at his friends.

Natsu's heart jumped in hope as he scrambled to his feet. This was the first thing Gray had said all day. It  _had_ to be a good sign. Natsu was considering what to say, wondering how far he could press before Gray shut down, but Happy got in the first word.

"We made spaghetti for dinner," the Exceed said. He wrung his little paws together and eyed Gray anxiously. "Would you like to come eat with us?"

Of course he would ask about food right when they'd finally made a breakthrough with Gray…

"…Okay," Gray said after a brief pause.

He followed Happy back into the house, and Natsu's footsteps faltered. Wait, had Happy actually done the  _right_ thing by not pressing the issue? Actually…maybe Gray was being more cooperative now because they'd followed Erza's advice. They were respecting his wish to remain silent and not discuss things, and in exchange he was making more of an effort and engaging in at least minimal communication. Huh. Who would've thought it?

As Natsu dished out the food—okay, the spaghetti was basically mush since it had been done a long time ago and the sauce had a weird aftertaste, but it was edible, which was what counted—he decided to try keeping that balance. If he could hold a normal conversation that had the possibility of engaging both his companions but didn't actually press Gray to participate, maybe that would make the ice mage feel included but still be able to keep to himself if he wasn't feeling up to it.

"Did you know that a new bakery opened up?" Natsu asked conversationally. He twirled his fork in his pasta and scowled as he somehow created a gigantic tangle of noodles and dripping sauce. He had no idea how other people could do this so neatly and end up with a manageable forkful. "Erza spent half the day ranting about how it was such terrible competition to her favorite, then broke down and confessed that she actually tried their strawberry cake and liked it more. She was practically crying at one point, saying that she betrayed her bakery and 'cheated' on it. How do you cheat on a bakery?"

Gray twirled his fork idly in his spaghetti, making Natsu scowl at how all the noodles somehow wrapped around the tines neatly when the ice mage wasn't even  _trying_. "So, should I tell Happy how you were petting that stray cat the other day?"

Happy gasped and turned on Natsu with such an affronted expression that it gave the dragon slayer pause. "You cheated on me with another cat?" he demanded.

"Uh…" Natsu looked back and forth between Gray and Happy helplessly. A ghost of a smile flickered over Gray's face for the briefest of half-seconds before vanishing, and Happy was quivering with righteous anger. "Do you know how often you complain when we call you a cat? You know, 'I'm an  _Exceed_ , not a cat.'"

If anything, Happy's glower only deepened. "That's not the  _point_!"

Natsu suffered through Happy's ensuing rant with all the good-natured grace of someone bewildered by the entire situation. Eventually he gave up following along entirely and turned back to attacking his food, tuning Happy out. Then he also gave up on trying to eat neatly, instead scooping up a huge forkful of noodles and shoveling it into his mouth. Gray gave him an odd look as he slurped his noodles loudly, but said nothing.

It was as Happy's rant was finally winding down that Gray stood and deposited his plate on the counter. At least he had actually eaten his food today.

"If it's all the same to you, I think I'll head to bed," he said quietly. "I'll wash the dishes tomorrow."

"Um… Goodnight," Natsu said.

"Goodnight," Happy chorused.

Gray nodded to them and headed back for the living room, where he collapsed onto the couch, curled up facing the back, and pulled the blankets over himself. Natsu and Happy watched him through the doorway as they finished their meal. Well, as Happy finished his meal and Natsu devoured thirds.

"Didn't you say that we should find him a spare mattress at some point?" Happy asked finally, keeping his voice low so as not to disturb Gray.

Natsu thought back. He could vaguely recall saying something like that way back when Gray had first moved in, but he hadn't really given it any thought since.

"I dunno. I guess. But he seems fine."

Happy gave him a skeptical look. "That couch is possibly the most uncomfortable thing in existence."

"You're exaggerating."

"Am not. There's a reason it was the first thing we piled junk on. We haven't even  _sat_ on it for years. Gray would probably be more comfortable sleeping on the floor…"

Natsu winced. Okay, it was a pretty horrible couch. It had been uncomfortably hard from the very beginning, then promptly busted a spring or two and started collapsing in on itself. A lumpier couch could not be found in all of Fiore.

"Yeah, yeah, fine. We probably should. Who do you think has a spare mattress we can borrow? Or steal?"

"Um… Maybe from the girls' dorm?"

"Do you think–?"

"Actually, why don't we just get Gray's?"

"Huh?"

"Gray's," Happy repeated, rolling his eyes. "His stuff is still supposed to be in his apartment, right? We could just get his mattress and bring it back here."

"Huh. That's actually a good idea." Natsu dumped his dishes in the sink and tiptoed out into the living room, cocking his head as he listened for Gray's breathing. "Geez, he's already asleep. I don't want to wake him up to ask for the key…"

"Does he still have the key? I mean, since he kind of got evicted?"

Natsu frowned, not even having considered that. Since when did Happy get smart? "I don't know…"

"But he said that his landlady was keeping his place for him, right? She probably lives nearby and we could ask her to let us in."

It was as good a plan as any and there was still daylight left to burn—Natsu had no idea how Gray could possibly fall asleep this early—so they headed out into the street, leaving Gray to his slumber.

"Good job getting him to talk," Happy said as they headed for Gray's old place.

"I didn't do anything."

"Hm…" Happy gave him a pointed, sidelong look that he ignored, but dropped the subject.

When they reached Gray's apartment, it turned out that they didn't need a key after all. The door was hanging off one hinge, deep scratches scoring its surface.

"Wow," Happy whispered, staring at it with wide eyes. "What happened here?"

That was when Natsu remembered. "Didn't his landlady say that it was vandalized? That's how we found out about…this."

The event had been cemented in everyone's minds as the incident where Gray's homeless wandering had been outed, and in Natsu's as the point where Gray had moved in. But yeah, come to think of it, there had been mentions of vandalism.

Natsu grunted as he grasped the splintered door and hefted it up enough that its corner was no longer digging into the floor. He pulled it open about halfway, wincing when he started losing his grip and the bottom scraped painfully along the wooden floor. His sensitive ears wailed in agony.

But then they were in, sneaking into the darkened room like burglars. Natsu flipped on the light and stared, mouth half open.

" _Wow_ ," Happy said again.

The entire flat had been trashed—furniture broken and overturned, belongings strewn about, and everything thrown into what might as well be trash heaps. And on the far wall of the living room, ugly words were scrawled in heavy black paint and a jagged, messy hand:

_Go back to hell, demon._

_Watch your back._

_Leave us alone._

_Monster._

_Die._

Natsu was transfixed, his eyes slowly tracing over the angry slashes of paint. The entire wall was covered in hate, and it made a sick feeling settle in the pit of his stomach. Whatever lingering resentment he still held toward Gray vanished, swallowed by the sight.

"I, um…" Happy flew over the piles of wrecked furniture to take a look at the broken bedframe, and Natsu half watched him out of the corner of his eye, still focused on the wall. "His mattress seems okay, actually, although the frame isn't. We can grab it and the sheets and…"

The Exceed trailed off, looking over the sea of wreckage forlornly. Natsu finally stirred, shaking himself to life and spinning on his heel.

"Come on," he said as he stalked back out of the apartment.

"Huh? But aren't we supposed to–?"

"We'll get it when we come back."

"Where…? Where are we going?"

"To the store. We're going to get some paint."

"…Yeah. Good idea."

They went to the store in silence, each caught up in their own thoughts. It was the words that were the most horrifying, the venom seeping down the walls like liquid hate. It made Natsu sick that anyone could think about his friend like that. And also angry, because  _how dare they_?

But even the rest of it was bad. Natsu was used to seeing Gray's place freakishly neat, and turning it into a trash dump erased his friend's presence from what had once been his home. It was like the graveyard for Gray's old life. Also, who the hell had the nerve to wreck someone's stuff like that? That would be such a pain to clean up, when Gray finally moved back. Assholes.

Natsu's veins still ran half with white-hot anger and half with heartbroken regret by the time he and Happy made it back to the apartment with brushes and several cans of white paint in hand. They worked in silence, pushing broken furniture out of the way and slowly covering over all that vitriol with paint. It was satisfying to wash it away, but the slate was hardly clean. Even once they'd layered an entire coat over the wall, grayish lettering could still be seen. Natsu was glad that they'd thought to buy extra paint—they'd need a few more coats to cover this entirely.

Even once they'd grabbed the mattress and bedding and started back down the now-darkened streets, the somber mood still hung over them. The words could be painted over and the furniture replaced, but it was like the hatred had seared through the paint, burrowed into the walls, nested in all the dark corners. The scars ran deep.

"Let's not tell Gray," Happy said as Natsu awkwardly tried to maneuver the mattress and get the key into the lock.

"Of course not."

Natsu was as quiet as possible as he dragged the mattress inside and leaned it up against the wall. Gray could use it starting tomorrow, since he was already asleep. Natsu paused, his keen eyes studying the shadowy mass of blankets huddled on the couch, but then followed Happy back into the bedroom. He closed the door softly behind him, and the two readied for bed in silence once more.

It took him a while to fall asleep, and the battle wasn't won even then. He woke up sometime later, a bit disoriented. Happy was snuggled into a nest of blankets beside him, snoring softly. It was still dark, night. Damn it, Natsu should still be asleep.

But, realizing that his throat was as dry as cotton, he slipped out of bed and snuck out of the room. Maybe he just needed to stretch his legs for a minute and get a drink of water, and then he could settle back down.

He glanced at the couch out of habit as he passed, and froze. Gray was gone, only a tangle of blankets showing that he had ever been there at all. Natsu's heart sank. Had Gray left? Run off on his own again while everyone else was sleeping?

A floorboard creaked softly and Natsu whipped around, a startled cry catching in his throat as he came face to face with a pair of eyes gleaming faintly in the moonlight.

" _Geez_ ," he hissed finally, when his throat had opened up again. "You scared the shit out of me."

He silently willed his heart to stop beating so frantically against his chest. It was just Gray. Gray slid back a step, watching Natsu with half-lidded eyes. Right, he wasn't talking anymore.

"Why are you up?" Natsu asked anyway. "Nightmares?"

Gray half nodded, half shrugged. It was undeniable that he still had nightmares sometimes, but Natsu had thought they hadn't been quite as bad lately. Gray hadn't woken up his housemates screaming, anyway.

"Well… I'm going to get some water. Do you want some?"

Gray considered that silently and then nodded. "Sure."

Natsu blinked in surprise, then tried—and failed—to hide his grin. Even that one word was music to his ears. Gray looked away, but Natsu was not to be deterred.

The dragon slayer made for the kitchen, Gray's quiet footsteps following behind him. He considered turning on the light, but left it alone. Gray seemed to prefer the dark, and Natsu saw no need to ruin his night vision and make his eyes readjust.

He poured two glasses of water—making sure that Gray's had extra ice, just like he liked it—and sat down at the table, sliding one across to Gray. He sucked in a breath and prepared to try initiating conversation, but changed his mind. Like earlier, maybe he should stay quiet.

So the two friends sat and sipped at their water silently, each lost in their own thoughts. Surprisingly, it was Gray who spoke first.

He cleared his throat, immediately catching Natsu's attention. "You do realize that I was created, not born?"

Natsu frowned, at a total loss. "Yes?"

He knew that, of course. Gray had made a point of making sure they all understood that distinction. But he didn't see why Gray was bringing it up now.

"I don't have a birthday," Gray said. He gave Natsu a meaningful look, and a nebulous thought began slowly forming in the back of the dragon slayer's mind. "Only Gray does. And celebrating his birthday means that you're celebrating another year of life for someone who died a long time ago."

Natsu's eyes widened. "Oh."

"Now that the truth came out…I had been hoping we could end the charade."

"I never even thought about… Shit, why didn't you just  _say_ that?"

No wonder Gray had been so out of sorts—he was mourning. What had been a day of celebration for everyone else had actually been a day of grieving for Gray, because it was a yearly reminder of the child he had killed.

Gray looked away, dark eyes glittering faintly as he stared off to the side blankly. "You all were having a good time. The guild seems to have turned it into an olive branch, an apology, a reconciliation. How could I reject that? I tried, I really did. It's just so  _draining_  and leaves me…empty."

Natsu suddenly felt bad for earlier, when he'd said that Gray wasn't trying hard enough. Gray's behavior and attitude still weren't ideal, but it wasn't fair to say that he didn't try. All that good cheer on his—the original Gray's—birthday had been an act, had been trying. It wasn't that he had just given up and stopped talking because he didn't care about making everyone else uncomfortable—he had tried to make things work for an entire day before backsliding.

"I'm sorry," Natsu mumbled. "I didn't realize…"

"I know," Gray said with a sigh. "No one meant anything by it. You just didn't consider the implications, and I shouldn't have assumed that you would."

"I'll…tell the others so that we don't do this again next year." Seeing Gray's reluctant look, Natsu added, "They should know so that it doesn't happen again. I'll take care of it. But you should, you know, come up with another day. So that we can celebrate on a day when you aren't upset."

"…You really think I know when I was created? I have some hazy idea of the general time period, but I don't even know the year, much less the day. Nor do I particularly care."

"Well, yeah, but you can pick your own day, can't you? Just so that we have a time to celebrate and stuff."

Gray's lips quirked downward. "That's honestly not something I want to celebrate."

Natsu bit back his instinctive response that the guild was very much interested in celebrating his existence. No point pressing the issue when Gray was already in a melancholy mood. And Natsu had been getting the best results by going along with his friend instead of pushing his own agenda, so he'd continue with that, at least for tonight.

"Just think about it."

"…Fine."

Natsu chewed on his lip, trying to figure out where to go from here. He felt like he should say something, should apologize or offer condolences or find the words to make his friend feel better, but he was coming up blank. He nursed his water and tried to come up with those magical words that would fix this. But maybe there was no such thing.

Finally, Gray stood and ghosted across the kitchen like a shadow, depositing his glass on the counter with a soft  _clink_. "I'm sorry," he said, standing rigid by the counter, his back to Natsu. "I thought I could handle it. I know that my ways of coping aren't very…palatable to you and the others. I know I've been making it hard on you guys and you've been getting frustrated with me. I'll…do better tomorrow."

Natsu's first reaction was panic that Gray had overheard some of his angry complaining earlier. But no, it was probably just that Gray could read moods, and Natsu, especially, hadn't exactly been hiding his frustration. It wouldn't have been difficult to pick up on.

Somehow, it wasn't satisfying to hear Gray apologize for the very thing Natsu had been so frustrated over. Those things were still issues, but… Natsu's mind flashed back to the wall of hate.

"That's true," he mumbled, staring down into the last few swallows of water at the bottom of his glass. "But we also… We're willing to put up with it, for you. We want things to get better, but we understand that it takes time. We're not going to give up on you if it takes longer than expected. We'll still be here anyway."

Gray said nothing, and Natsu drained his glass. The dragon slayer padded over to set his empty cup on the counter, and paused by his friend's side.

"He had his own issues, but he was a good kid." Gray hunched his shoulders and stared down blankly, his voice barely more than a breath. "He deserved a chance to live."

Natsu's breath caught in his throat, his heart plummeting with an uncomfortable swooping sensation. To be honest, he didn't think very much about the original Gray, even though he knew it was something always in the back—or forefront—of Gray's mind. He objectively knew there was a tragedy there, but he had never known that child or given him much thought, and this was the first time that it really hit home.

Gray's heartbroken whisper held all the pain that Natsu and the others often overlooked, a brief glimpse into that guilt- and grief-stricken part of his mind that he rarely let them see.

"You're right," Natsu said past the lump in his throat. "He did. But maybe you did too."

Gray's fingertips, gleaming white in the faint moonlight, slid across the counter's surface and bunched together. His breath shuddered in the silence, the slightest of wavers.

"I'm going to try getting more sleep," he said, his voice subdued but steady. "You should too. And tomorrow…will be better."

Natsu hesitated but then nodded, accepting that Gray was finished talking and instead offering an understood promise. He couldn't shake the melancholy that seeped out of his friend and soaked into his skin as well, but he didn't feel qualified enough to press the subject.

"Okay. Happy and I dropped by your apartment and got your mattress for you. That couch is really uncomfortable."

"Hm, I noticed it while I was wandering around. How bad was it, then?"

It took a second for Natsu to realize Gray was asking after the state of his apartment. "It's…bad," he said, fighting back a grimace. "When you move back in, we'll help you fix it."

Gray stared at him silently and then nodded. "Thanks."

"Yeah."

They headed back into the living room, and Natsu helped Gray maneuver the mattress to the floor before drifting back to his room. He paused by the door and watched Gray settling in.

"Goodnight."

"'Night."

"Thanks for…telling me."

Gray turned his face away. "Thanks for…listening. And realizing when the silence doesn't need to be filled."

Huh, maybe Natsu should listen to Erza's advice more often. He hesitated a moment longer, before deciding this was one of those silences that wanted to be left alone. With one last backward glance, he slipped into the bedroom and shut the door quietly behind him. He snuggled back into his bed and curled around Happy, ready to get some sleep.

And the next day, after they broke the news to the rest of the guild and set them fussing over a highly uncomfortable Gray, Natsu and Happy snuck away to layer another coat of paint over that collection of slowly-healing scars.

**Author's Note:**

> He's just that annoying person who won't shut up when all you want to do is sleep XD I was originally going to tack on the next part to this, but I decided to leave it on this nice note and turn it into a two-shot, hence the parenthetical number. It happens sometimes lol


End file.
